Based on a true story
December 17, 2012
12:00 am
See, I said this was all leading up to bubble tea.
Had to get this one up before the world ends and all. Hopefully not via Kratos-related incidents.
(I am aware bubble tea has tapioca and not jellybeans in it, don’t bother trying to “correct” that. I told you this was a true story)
Discussion (187) ¬
What confuses me is that Logan still has his claws out. I would have expected him to just be chillin’ while he’s having open chest cavity surgery and whatnot. No claws unnecessary ya know?
Maybe he’s playing a real life game of Fruit Ninja while he’s waiting to get his heal on.
He has his claws out so we can know he is Logan.
I think he has his claws out because it’s a bit painful. I mean, he’s having his ribcage pulled apart and has to be constantly re-cut open as his wounds try to fix everything.
A knee-jerk type of reaction to the pain of having his ribs pushed apart so the blades can be pulled out? He has a mutant healing, and is pretty manly but involuntary responses are called that for a reason.
Logan figures that he has enough metal in his body at the moment, what with the blades in his chest an’ all. Plus he is likely in a great deal of pain, if I were in pain, and had claws, they would damn sure be out.
You’d wait till you were in pain? I’d never put them back in, myself. Smoking? Claws. Driving? Claws. In line at the DMV? Claws, and I would draw attention to them to make the line move faster. The best part is, you’ve got the perfect excuse ready to go. “I can’t remove them, and I don’t have a hidden weapons permit”.
To the loo? Claws. Oh wait, maybe not.
Fingering a hooker? Claws…woops…Need to dig a hole under a bridge? Claws.
That reminds me of that one time in the X-Men movies. A soldier tells Logan to put his weapons down… And he can’t.
it was a cop
I just figured he was the one keeping the hole cut open so that the other pointy bits can be removed.
Chances are u only know He’s Logan becouse his claws are out. otherwise u’s proly be asking who the heck the guy with a chain blade being pulled out of his sternum w/o a deathbed is. The artist was thinking so u would’nt have to.
So… THAT’s Kratos’ “berserk button”… XDDDDDDDDDD
Awesome gore pic on the first column, Squid XD & turns out Jared CAN drive!
He’s got stuff that isn’t a berserk button?
Pretty much entirely agree with Jeroic here.
Is there anything that IS safe for Kratos to be around?
“THIS PACIFIER IS THE WRONG COLOR!!!!!!” *fire and death*
I think he may have a sex button, but that only just a variant of the berserk button.
(NSFW)
Well, microwave burritos, apparently.
Apparently, microwave burritos, hamsters, and ranch dressing.
http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/comics/critical-miss/10070-Erin-and-Hobbes
That is all.
I wanna see how he reacted to the Lolcats
Much the same, I would assume.
I wanna know what happened with the roomba
“HOW DOES IT CLEAN WITHOUT SOMEONE PUSHING IT!!!! RAAAH!!!”
WHY THIS CREATURES ARE LABELED WITH THE ACRONYM LOL?!!! THEY ARE NOT AMUSING!!! RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!! *fire, gore and death*
I know that feel, Kratos, I know that feel.
I love bubble tea, though I stick to caramel or fruit flavors.
Kratos is okay with hamsters because even he won’t cross Minsc?
It’s not Minsc you gotta worry about…he’s just the muscle. Boo is the mastermind.
Stand and deliver! So that my hamster may get a better look at you.
yeah boo is the real evil here, he’s likes to play nasteehhhh
” GO FOR THE EYE BOO! GO FOR THE EYE!!! RRAAASSSSSSHHKK!!! ”
Miniature Giant Space Hamster
To me this implies that Kratos is secretly a Hamtaro fan. I hope to see something alluding to this in a future comic.
What is he using to pry open Wolverine?
Looks like a sickle on a chain in one hand, and one of those things you use to scrape frost from your car windows in the other.
I think he’s using a chest retractor http://goo.gl/cG0Ds to keep the wound open. And the chained object is the stuck Blades of Chaos/Athena/Exile
It’s some tool I don’t know the name of that fabricators and sculptors use to take measurements being used as a makeshift chest retractor.
Spirit level. Assuming you’re talking about the thing used to make certain surfaces are level.
Actualy, I think it’s Gimli’s axe…
I mean, it has the same shape if you take a good look at the blade inside Logan’s chest.
http://www.google.nl/imgres?num=10&hl=nl&safe=off&client=firefox-a&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:nl:official&biw=1016&bih=654&tbm=isch&tbnid=ChpMCdvanagBYM:&imgrefurl=http://www.a2armory.com/walk-gimli.html&docid=PBR7j3Htz5j47M&imgurl=http://www.a2armory.com/images/lotr-pics/gimwalkaxe.jpg&w=247&h=500&ei=conTUMqbOqe50QWXkIDgDQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=444&vpy=72&dur=3273&hovh=320&hovw=158&tx=97&ty=156&sig=117051279228815404139&page=1&tbnh=155&tbnw=76&start=0&ndsp=24&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:0,i:97
See?
I DREW the blade inside Logan’s chest. It’s not shaped like that. You’re seeing the prongs on the thing prying the ribs apart and a blade of Chaos behind it.
A vernier caliper, perhaps? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caliper#Vernier_caliper
That’s it.
Lol
Bubble tea is amazing, if done right.
Just putting it out there.
And then Kratos fought an epic and bloody battle with the big-wigs of the Bubble Tea brand!
Dollar for the epicjar please.
Nah, that’s correct usage of the word epic. It’s not being used as a generic positive, it’s a descriptor of scale.
I don’t think I’ve ever tried Bubble tea.
I’m hesitant… I might rage :/
No, it’s pretty awesome. The point that Kratos is missing here is that now he doesn’t just have a drink, he has a snack!
Hmm shouldn’t Wolverine’s ribcage basically consist of pure metal?
you know, I was going to make it metal coloured but for some reason my 4AM brain convinced me that was wrong. I’ll have to fix it when I get home.
unless they re-re-re-retconned it…he had the metal pulled out and is now just regular bone. (but still has claws…which never made sense because they were artificial…so where the hell did the bone ones come from?)
They went back in Origins and made the metal claws into bones that were the indicator he hit puberty and was a mutant.
I thought he got his metal back a long time ago, like Apocalypse made him fight sabertooth for adamantium gilding and he won. But that was like, in the 90’s or something.
I don’t really keep up with Marvel 616, I’m only there for Punisher Max.
He has metal bones and claws now. Dunno when they did that again, cause I’ve only been reading for a little while. Definitely all adamantium-ed again though. There was an arc in Wolverine and the X-men where he got his unbreakable legs broken and twisted by magic or something, and they had to go get the thing that broke them in the first place so they could re-break them and put them back right.
Not retconned, exactly. Marvel and DC like to reboot their universes frequently. In fact, they both just started a new reboot last year or the year before, if I’m not mistaken.
It’s because they keep writing these long story arcs that span several comics franchises, then realize the only way to understand what the hell is going on is to read everything. That’s the ploy to get people reading other comics they might not normally read, but it can backfire, because it becomes too confusing for anyone new trying to jump in. Plus they start running out of new ideas or they’ve written themselves into a corner with some heroes and villains. So they decide to reboot to refresh all of the histories and story arcs, bring back some of the dead characters that they want to revive, and start over again.
I’m absolutely serious about this. It’s not even a new thing, really. That’s why there have been so many different people behind different heroes and villains. Completely starting over was just the next step up. Originally they tried doing it within the actual stories, hence how Crisis on Infinite Earths came about. It was really just DC trying to clean up house.
Now a days, both Marvel and DC just go “Guys, we’re starting over.”
I’m not actually against the idea of all this, since it really does get confusing after awhile when they keep interconnecting everything, but it can be frustrating to keep track of, even when they’re re-introducing things. The upside is that it can be good for breathing new life and simplicity into a series.
You are mistaken. Marvel has never done a reboot like DC has. They just have a lot of continuity they prefer not to talk about most of the time.
Dove, that is all DC. Marvel has NEVER done a company wide reboot. They have the same continuity today as they did back in the 40’s when the first Namor the Sub-Mariner and Captain America comics came out.
A lot of people seem to think Marvel NOW is a reboot along the same lines as DC’s Crisis or New 52, but nope. It’s just a tag-line to promote the new status quo changes, both in the comics after the Avengers vs. X-Men event in universe (X-Men and Avengers working together in Uncanny Avengers! There are new mutants again! Cyclops is a fugitive revolutionary working with Magneto! Somebody else is going to be Spider-Man!), as well as the reshuffling of creative staff on most of their titles. (Almost all Marvel books have gotten new number 1s, new writers and new artists since the end of October.)
Also there is a Marvel wiki http://marvel.wikia.com/Main_Page, if anybody wants to find out what’s currently going on with Marvel characters without reading a ton of back issues.
I like to believe that the live action movies now are a reboot. The have blown off a lot of canon, so it only makes sense to at least pretend it’s a full reboot.
Actually Marvel does not do this. Almost anything that has ever happened has still happened, unless a specific magic or science changed a specific event.
While this is true, Marvel has sooooo many universes now that it’s not strange if they just have the entirely storyline focus shift to a new universe that hasn’t been featured in any comics yet and has everything be very slightly different from any other universe featured in the comics.
Still, it’s arguably better than DC and their Crisis system.
Like Hikaru said, they do it in a round-about way. It’s the same difference. :P
I don’t know that it’s necessarily better, but that’s how it is.
Marvel stories occasionally visit alternate universes, or take place in them in the case of the Ultimate series, but the universe the majority of Marvel comics take place in is the same old 616 they’ve been using the whole time. There hasn’t been a switch over to a new universe, a reboot or anything like that.
Now I want to know what happened with the Roomba.
Forget the Roomba, what about the frozen yogurt?!
Wait, actually…. yeah, the Roomba gets priority.
Naw, man. The cornflakes.
Lolcats… you can’t tell me you’re not dying to know…
A Roomba knocked over a pot of frozen yoghurt, causing Kratos to slip and fall face first into a bowl of cornflakes. Bam.
I don’t see microwave burritos lasting long on that list.
“It is hot on the outside but cold inside!” *rampage*
Boba Tea?
Yeah, I think Bubble Tea is also known as Boba Tea.
Love all your comics, but this is definitely in the top ten.
Aren’t the jelly things in bubble tea made of tapioca?
Read the comic post.
kratos doesn’t know that
From what I learned, some bubble tea places offer jellies in place of tapioca. And the one I drank my first (and last, to date) had some eyeball-like droplets filled with flavored fluid that bursts out when you bite them.
usually you have the option of tapioca, flavoured coconut jelly, red beans, or poppers (those fluid balls)
Half coconut half taro ice crush with red beans tastes exactly like frozen cake.
That sounds amazing and delicious and I apparently need to try that now.
That is my next flavor combination.
This is why Kratos can’t have nice things.
This is why nobody NEAR Kratos can have nice things. Also, I’m wondering what happened to get corn flakes off of the list… I can picture the roomba running into him and the rfozen yogurt giving him brain freeze, but darned if I can figure out how corn flakes set him off… :D
Two options: either he likes cereal with milk, or without it.
“It’s gone soggy! Raaaggh!”
“It cut my gums! Nothing cuts me and lives! Raaaggh!”
“I ran out of cereal before I ran out of milk! Now I’m out of milk, but not cereal! WHAT?! There isn’t any milk left in the fridge?! Raagee!”
“From now on, we only offer Kratos hot cereal, okay?”
“This cereal has burned my mouth! Raagggh!”
“From now on, we don’t let Kratos have cereal, okay?”
Now I’m curious….
What happened that Roombas and Frozen Yogurt were off the list?
Roomba vacuumed up his copy of Bows and Ammo, while the froyo gave him an ice-cream headache.
Roomba probably bumped into him, and it would apologize so Kratos went berserk on it, I’d assume.
Not sure about the Frozen Yogurt though. Maybe brain freeze once?
And lolcats? Probably saw that one that looked like him & called it an imposter.
Kratos hates Roombas because being from a land and time of no electronics even the simplest forms of AI can literally confuse and enrage him.
As for frozen yogurt, I imagine he, like me, suffered a minor breakdown when someone tried to explain to him the difference between frozen yogurt and ice cream.
I like your explanations the best.
How many people here have the tab with MGDMT open all the time and refresh it several times a day? :D
Why would you do that? It updates pretty reliably on Mondays or at least by Wednesday.
Just use the RSS feed? You still have to check the tab multiple times a day, but then you can check for ALL your webcomics and news sites at once!
How Kratos have two blades of Chaos with him, if one is in Wolverine’s ribcage?
flashback
Story of my life right here in a few panels
And his chains poofed. Neat trick to get something that was welded to him off though. Corn flakes? They must have went soggy flakes on him.
That list gets shorter and shorter by the day…
Well. Nice knowing you all. I’m gonna go pick a bull. See you in Valhalla.
Roombas? I’d love to see a comic explaining that.
I can’t do bubble tea. it’s like sucking eyeballs/fish eggs up through a giant straw. The tea part is pretty good though.
Eyeballs. Fish eggs are actually tasty, while whatever “jellybeans” I got were flavorless and got stuck in my teeth.
Im afraid to ask why lolcats is crossed off the list O.o
They had the nerve to demand that he give them his cheeseburgers.
I should like to know the tale of why Kratos and Roombas don’t work out.
would be interesting to say the least
This one was really funny, though it toke a while to realize it was a flashback. Perhaps if you could put some sort of effect that would better indicate it was a blast from the past?
Like the effect of having his blades stuck in Logan so in order to go on this rampage we’d have seen Logan being dragged behind him?
Just the mental image of that made me laugh so hard, especially when I pictured Logan with the look he had on his face in the comic before last.
Dude, man, I can tell you, without a doubt, this is my favorite strip, by far.
I’m glad that ‘Ranch dressing’ is still on that list. For now, at least…
Why is it called Ranch? Does it come from ranches? WHY CAN NO ONE GIVE ME A SATISFACTORY ANSWER!??! *ramapage*
The Commander’s face in panel 3 tells me that the next panels are happening in his mind. Not a flashback, really – It’s more a ‘what-if thinkie’, as in “How bad could it be if Jared brought back bubble tea? I like it, Logan’s cool, Kratos… Kratos…. ooh… yeah, maybe not.”
I suspect a great deal of the Commander’s job is to think about things like that.
Damn, this one is just making me laugh way more than it probably should. This whole concept of Kratos raging about such mundane things…I love it. Might we see what else is on that list, or would that spoil possible future comics?
It’s kind of like seeing what a crossover between GoW and XCOM would be like.
I could have told the Commander that roombas were a bad idea around Kratos. I shudder to think of his reaction.
Perhaps the world will end tomorrow after he is introduced to a hamster.
Not only is this one funny as a whole, we get several months’ supply of Noodle Incidents in just one panel. :D
Don’t worry, Kratos. I hate jelly bean drinks too. XP
Discovered Bubble Tea when I went to Germany this year. Really nice, I quite like having all the bubbles left…though I suppose I don’t have Kratos’s anger issues. :/
Couldn’t we just say, this is the Hugh Jackman Wolverine, and he has metal all over the place, hang the comics… ?? it would save us (although only slightly) from the swamp that is ret-cons.
You know what really gets me about this? Commander B just happens to have a list prepared already. He did not add to it. He already has several items listed for purposes of elimination. He had clearly thought this out beforehand. Though why he had added bubble tea in the first place begs the question of why he had not pictured this scenario as he was making that list and didn’t just omit it then. Maybe I’m thinking about this too hard. But Kratos’ little fit is why I always ask for, like, half the boba. …Of course, they only follow my request half the time…
So what happened with Kratos and frozen yogurt?
Oh wait. Never mind. I now see Commander B with the pencil was a flashback and the rampage was not speculation. (I also see you didn’t have time to shade this, Coelasquid, but maybe you could have had the wall behind him partially destroyed?)
The really sad thing is that its place in the list implies that Commander thought it was safe at one point.
@ Android 21 3/7: Hey, the world’s gonna end, give ‘er a break.
@Axel: The really sad thing is that the Commander thought anything was safe around Kratos…
I wonder if this is the sort of thing that all up an’ started the incident. Logan was probably just in the way -or he said one little thing that Kratos went all berserk about.
Also, gotta say: Jared does well with kids. I was quite surprised.
I didn’t think there was actually something called “Bubble Tea”. It almost sounds like a bubble-gum flavored drink, especially with the Jellybeans as an ingredient. XD
The “bubble” is the type of tapioca that sits in the bottom of the glass. There are no jelly beans.
I reeeeaaallllyyyy want to see the rest of that list.
So did Kratos walk back into the building after flipping the car over just so that he could leave through the window?
Oh no way, man. That’d be crazy. A person that flips into a massive rampage over a beverage is clearly not the kind of person to do something crazy.
This is wonderful. The need for an entire list of this sort of thing just adds more to the humor of it all. And a great way for a mindscrew for trying to think of how he’d hate the other things on the list…
In the fifth panel, I thought that the potted plant was some sort of weedy codpiece. I was very confused.
Guess I am out of it, never heard of bubble tea. Then again I don’t much drink tea, or coffee, or hot drinks in general really. Is bubble tea hot? Or is like a sweet or iced tea kind of thing? Either way, I can relate to Kratos and his rage when you are eating something with a binary element to it, and you run out of one of the components.
It’s basically milky iced tea with a crapload of (usually) black tapioca pearls in it. Delicious, although some people find it disturbing. (My BF thinks that it looks like I’m sucking down alien eggs when I drink it.)
It’s usually cold, and can have different flavors. You suck the tapioca balls up through a large straw, so it’s kind of like a drink and a snack at the same time. It’s really quite tasty, even if you finish one of the components before the other. Though that’s just my opinion…
It’s a sweet, usually cold (sometimes ice-blended), fruit flavoured drink that most people get with tapioca, jelly, red beans, or poppers at the bottom.
You all make is sound good. Will have to try some. Wondering if you could get it make with a shot of vodka in it. Or maybe brandy to go with the sweet fruity flavor of the tea.
That’s because it is good! What metro area are you closest to? We can help you find a good bubble tea place!
Fun fact: Kratos can kill you 329 different ways with frozen yogurt.
#233 sickens even the Commander.
You, sir/madam, are a wit, and a sharp one at that!
Any chance we’ll get to hear the anonymous version of the real story? Sounds like fun.
Am I the only one who caught this strip as a reference to The Room? Tommy Wiseau’s tantrum? C’mon, anybody else?
I’ve never seen all of the Room, I thought it was a horror movie (because anything named “the Something” has to be a horror movie), but by the time I got about halfway through I realized I had made a terrible mistake and turned it off.
I tried watching the trailer because I thought the same and was wondering, “How bad can it be?”
I didn’t make it through the entire trailer.
Oh, I haven’t felt enough of a craving for suffering to watch the whole thing, either. This clip has just endeared itself to my heart, though, and it’s really funny to think of Kratos making these noises. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LzDqIvkexbM
Seriously? He’s still okay with microwave burritos?
He must not have actually tried eating one yet.
Methinks the Commander dropped his phone in the third panel.
that’s what happens when you’re drawing comics at 4AM.
Admittedly, the face wouldn’t have been as pensive if he’d had his head tilted to the side.
how about nice maple bacon flavoured crispy cremes?? that might mellow him out a bit….
IT TASTES LIKE BACON BUT LACKS A SATISFYING CRUNCH! RAAAAAAGH!
To say nothing of his reaction when he finds out what krispy kreme does to his arteries.
and he’s just misunderstood. give him some slack, it being the end of days and all!
at least kratos hasn’t taken away microwavable burritos, hamsters, and ranch dressing
So instead of flipping tables, Kratos flips…well…everything when frustrated.
Well, excellent way of expressing your fury.
Feed him some bacon! :O
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O8cTdFqwdwc
Kratos is used so much.
I don’t get it, why’d Kratos go on a rampage? Is this something from the video games?
Have you considered having Asura from Asura’s Wrath show up? I”d think he’d be an interesting fit, being both a Father and someone prone to getting violent when something remotely threatens his daughter.
So did Commander make a list of things and tested them out of Kratos to see which will drive him nuts?
I find it funny just curious on the list.
Presumably these things were okay to have around him at some point or the list wouldn’t be of things that can be around Kratos safely.
Incidentally, I wonder if getting Kratos insurance around that area is like trying to get flood insurance when you live in a flood plain. “Sorry, your property was destroyed by a literal act of a god”
Why is this one especially funny?
My birthday was eight days ago, so my family friends tried to make up for how lackluster it was. The result is the fact this is that this is freaking hilarious.
It was hilarious when I first saw it, but damned if I can’t stop laughing right now from looking at it.
People are getting annoyed at me constantly stating that I am, in fact drunk, but hell, I drunk, and the fact that I am drunk and writing more clearly than most of these idiots is hilarious to me.
I LOVE BUBBLETEA!!!
snort I belive Kratos needs one of these ……or maybe tons of them. or it will make him even more angry when there will be no more left >_>
You called for bubble tea, and you delivered. Good work!
The way Kratos stomps off in panel eight just kills me every time!
just spent all day tearing through the archives, and I would like to buy captain bad-ass a round of beer. The bishonin story line was my favorite, i tend to question the sexuality of a woman who prefers her men as effeminate as possible.
Why are there plants on the vending machine? That’s the strangest thing I’ve ever seen.
While I’m sure it was a key point of the “based on true story” thing, but for some reason Kratos calling them jellybeans is comedy gold!
Otherwise, I feel his pain. I love the tapioca balls and everything, but you always have either far too many, or nowhere near enough. XD
Can you please make your next ten strips about the commander filling out the rest of that list?
lolcatz? please direct me as to where that page is sounds like comic gold!
That, right there, is a gorgeous comic.
Noooo, not the houseplants! D: Why, Kratos, whyyyy?
haha, this is a great one!
I love how it’s a list of things you can have around Kratos, and not things you can’t have, it’s pragmatic, because this one is shorter.
I imagine Microwave Burritos will not be on that list for much longer.
“Its still cold in the middle but fiery hot around the edges! AUUUGNGHHA”
Make way evil! I’m armed to the teeth and packing a hamster!
Perhaps in the future we shall see Minsc and Kratos shopping for head paint.
Maybe the Commander should just stockpile tranquilizers for events such as this.
And now I’m just really curious about how Roombas got crossed out on that list…
Are those all black jellybeans? Because if so I badly want that drink Kratos is crushing.
They’re tapioca.
So basically, Kratos is why Commander and Co. can’t have nice things. xD
I love that Kratos just can’t handle Lolcats. XD
Just so you know, this particular strip is one of those things I keep bookmarked to refresh me during frustrating, terrible days. Thanks for that! :)
Wonder what happened with Kratos and roombas. Gotta be a good story there.
this is easily one of my favorite bits of banter. I’m’a use “knitting while trash-talking from a safe distance” in my DnD campaign now.
This Kratos is really endearing. Actually scratch that, all the characters that put in an appearance are XD
Yanno in hindsight it’s surprising that Microwave “Ice in the Middle, Lava at the Ends” Burritos have lasted that long