I had a really hard time coming up with something even moderately funny this week
August 16, 2013
5:20 pm
I used all my comedy energy up drawing pigeons on tumblr.
I feel like the better computers get the less people who use computers necessarily need to know about the workings of computers. Case in point, I am using a computer right now.
Yup, that would be like asking me to fix ENIAC.
Vacuum tubes are not fun to work with. If you have to replace a bunch of them, the odds of one of the first ones you replace breaking by the time you replace the last is fairly high.
Maybe not a laugh-out-loud comic, but the fact that the Commander carries around props just to illustrate how unreasonable future-time-travel stereotypes are made me smile.
& makes me wonder… Abacus? Seriously? ^^;;
Lemme give you a more down-to-Earth/contemporary analogy than what he used: Yes, you use computers, and probably are tech-savvy – but what do you know about repairing an old-fashioned clockwork cash register like our grandparents and great-grandparents (and perhaps great-great-grandparents) used to use?
Well, you got a point there. But it still bothers me that Commander Badass, a badass from THE future, stll using an abacus ^^;;
Or he use that abacus to kick some sorry @$$ (which is awesome if it happened, btw).
No no, you misunderstand. He uses it as an EXAMPLE for his argument, not for anything practical. He’s basically asked that question so much he deemed it necessary to carry an abacus to stress the idea that hey, just because I’m from the future doesn’t mean I’m a computer guy. He explains that in the last frame. Hope that clears things up!
But still. Ask me what do I know about fixing an abacus.
Everything. Give me some glue and I can put it back together easy, or make one from scratch. I even know how to make one to use for a calendar!
but you arent just some muscled foot-soldier
Still, ive built an abacus in primary school… He would have his abacus fixed and need to fix my computer in return…
the idea was that the abacus is so simple and basic to us, that it’s a toy.
it’s using the same argument Jonesy used against Jonesy. he’s just using it to point out how ridiculous it is to expect him to know how to repair a laptop, simply because he’s from the future.
But… That’s exactly what Jonesey’s point was! I’m almost certain that she could fix an abacus. Heck, Commander’s KIDS could probably fix an abacus. It’s so simple, it’s a toy- and a toy that can be easily fixed, even without paying too much attention to what you’re doing.
I wonder if Jonesy could repair it…wood and glue are pretty difficult sometimes, but Jonesy has a shit-ton of abandoned hobbies and we don’t know if those included basic carpentry or not.
If not, then they’re both screwed.
Do you even know how to work one much less fix one? Come to think of it does anyone?
There are people in the computing industry that actually use abacuses once in a while. But now a days it is a rare ability. I’m sure I can fix one, but using it on the other hand, that’s a different kettle of fish.
You’d be surprised… there are professions that still use slide rules.
If we’re working on base 10, then i think i can.
My dad had one of those in his butcher shop. I wish I still had it. It was cool!
I’d take a stab at fixing that abacus. Depending on how badly it was mangled, I probably could! At the very least, I could re-string the beads onto another wire frame.
I dunno, since I can imagine what we might be using in the future, this strip actually amused me a lot!
The difference I see is that the Blue Screen is most likely software whereas the Abacus is hardware. :3
Blue Screens are usually caused by hardware (or drivers, but they’re the software equivalent of hardware)
As far a i know (correct me if i’m wrong, i’m not a tech savvy dude), Blue Screen Of Death occurs if the softwares pushes the hardwares to work too hard?
In my case, it’s Blew Scream of Death (which occurs when i working on a picture with Ph0t0sh0p for 6 hours without saving & a blackout happens)… =_=;;
Saving is like voting in Philly, do it early, and often.
Basically, the BSoD exists to prevent hardware from going kablooey. It’s your computer saying NOBODY MOVE when the graboids are around. One wrong move and kablooey, you’re wrapped up in mouth tentacles and Kevin Bacon’s gotta choose an expletive to mutter at the hole where you were standing three seconds ago.
So, simply put, BSoD keeps Kevin Bacon from cussing at the ground. And that’s a good thing!
Now if Microsoft hadn’t implemented code that makes the BSoD go away in three or four seconds, and we could actually read the damn thing, it wouldn’t be Hardware Roulette to figure out what’s gone pear shaped this time.
Statistically it is more likely to be Michael Gross swearing at the ground.
Don’t you mean Brian Blessed?
Your analogy/reference makes me smile. We need more Tremors references in our daily lives. Thank you.
That’s not important. The fact that I couldn’t fix a computer or an abacus is neither here nor there. The point is that as we get more technologically advanced, the “normal” person has fewer useful skills and less common sense. Really, Coelasquid just keeps getting more satirical as she continues this comic, which, in my opinion, is a good thing.
I don’t see how that pertains to my random comment, or how you thought I’d be interested in what you just said. o.o
I think it would be more accurate to say that technological advancements let us see the useless morons that were always there. Now, instead of starving to death or ranting to himself in his hovel, he can live to a ripe old age, posting on his blog about how 9/11 was an inside job.
…it was!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7c2euMMh3zc
…he’s talking about WTC7. Entirely different building from the Twin Towers.
Lies. Commander just didn’t want to go through the headache that is troubleshooting Windows.
Shouldn’t he be willing to play “handy man” for his woman?
What can he do if he knows nothing, other than surf the internet for suggestions? Sure, they’d find a solution, but it’d be faster and probably safer having someone who’s actually tech savvy look at it. Besides, I get the feeling they’re close enough friends/lovers already that he can get away with saying no (and if he doesn’t want her to keep coming back for help, which it seems is the case, it’s better to get that out of the way now IMHO.) :P
You, sir, have completely missed the point of the Bran-dao.
it’s a BSOD, so it’s a hardware problem probably the ram. see windows isn’t hard to diagnose it’s mac that is a headache the only indication it gives you that it’s crashed is the loading cursor doesn’t go away.
’cause the bsod is so much more informative with its 50,000 meaningless errorcodes
BSOD’s are rarely hardware even under Win 7 most BSOD’s are caused by badly written drivers. And I sympathise with the Commander. I used to be the family computer repair guy until I started flat-out refusing after my brother got pissed at me because I didn’t save his porn collection.
Actually OSX has a way of telling you when it crashes. A curtain comes down and you get an error message saying something like “That doesn’t go there. OSX has crashed.” I can’t remember OSX crash screens that well as it has only died on me few times.. Then again I’ve had zero problems with Windows 7 but I’d skip troubleshooting Windows Vista and 98 any day.
Mac isn’t really that much more of a headache than windows. The problem is usually the person that mainly uses it.
As much as I hate Windows, at least the blue screen gives me a bit of feedback as to what went wrong, even if it’s something obscure like BUGCODE USB_DRIVER. Mac just says “You need to restart your computer” and you have to look in log files to figure anything out, and I don’t know where those are on Mac (just Linux).
Not anymore! Apparently the parameters caused people’s brains to overload and splatter everywhere if they even so much as looked at them, because they’re gone in Windows 8. If you’re working with a situation that prevents a write to the event log, good luck!
(oh boy thread necromancy)
This is funny!
I dunno. I find it funny. And true.
Makes me wonder: how would a social justice blogger call prejudice against people from different time period? timeism? eraism?
Chronophobia.
Well Jonesy was being a bit chronocentric.
Chronism.
a Chronic condition?
And yet I find this hilarious and the funniest thing I’ve read all week.
“I feel like the better computers get the less people who use computers necessarily need to know about the workings of computers.”
Yes and it’s kind of a problem: http://www.coding2learn.org/blog/2013/07/29/kids-cant-use-computers/
I don’t know that I would call it a problem that people can use computers and participate in a computer-dependent modern society without having to be computer experts.
That’s what we have tech guys for. Kinda like I don’t need to know how to put an engine together to drive a car.
Yeah, this could probably be said for every branch of technology ever invented. Specialization hasn’t killed us yet! Case in point: we all eat food, but I don’t know the first thing about farming, outside of “put seeds in dirt”.
I’m pretty sure watering them is involved, too…
Damn, so that’s why my crops keep dying.
Make sure you’re using Brawndo. It has electrolytes.
It’s got what plants crave!
Commander Badass uses Brawndo, ‘cuz Brando endorses it.
The really funny thing about Brawndo’s electrolytes? They’re talking about salt. Just salt. Electrolytes = salt. Any food or drink with salt in it has electrolytes in it.
Which is why the advertising for electrolytes is *already* such a slap to the face, unless you’re an idiot. It is a big red flag going, “Come buy me if you’re a sucker!” For people with even the most trivial grasp of chemistry, “electrolytes” are a painful joke played on the mass-market-consumer republic.
If you’re an athlete, electrolytes (salts) matter… if you’re drinking water and proper carb loading substances (NOT sucrose or anything that begins with high fructose)… but you’ll note that none of those guys buy Gatorade anymore, because of the way it’s made today. It’s almost healthier to drink Mountain Dew.
But anyway, the folks behind Idiocracy, whether they knew it or not (they probably did), picked the perfect sales pitch for your average danged fool of *today*, much less of the idiots produced from centuries of natural selection. Which is what makes Brawndo so goddamned awesome.
Because Brawndo has electrolytes.
Even funnier thing? ‘Salt the earth’ is a phrase for a reason. Plants do not do well with salt . . .
You do have to know how to *drive* the car, though. Imagine a world in which folks take to the road without having any clear idea of what the gas pedal or the steering wheel are for, and every time their car crashes, breaks down, or even just runs out of gas, they throw it away and buy a new one – well, if you can imagine that, you’ll have a pretty clear picture of how half the folks in my family use computers.
So basically, just imagine the cars from Minority Report or I, Robot (the movie), or Demolition Man. (Yes, three terrible movies, but still) They drive themselves, you just have to mention the destination, so many people using them don’t have to know anything about driving them manually.
Au contraire! Demolition Man ROCKED!
And why do you say that of Minority Report?
Well, yeah, it would be totally awesome if computers *were* at the “self-driving car” stage. I’d truly love it if they were. But they’re not quite there yet. Folks try to act like they are, resulting in a way of using a computer that’s roughly equivalent to taking your car to the mechanic every time it runs out of gas, and acting like folks are spouting incomprehensible technobabble whenever someone tries to explain that you need to put gas in your car in order to make it go.
Isn’t that what the “Dummies” books are about?
Hey now, i’m a lil’ bit offended. Demolition Man maybe a bit campy, but still awesome in one way or another. I Robot & Minority Report also counts as “cool movies” in my book ^^;;
Are you insinuating that self-driving cars make movies bad?
That is an old analogy. Look how many people are driving that should have their license revoked!
While I don’t think everyone needs to be an expert there are a lot of thing people can’t do what they should be able to do. Like reinstalling the OS, or knowing how to install something to a custom directory. A driver doesn’t need to be an expert on the Internal Combustion Engine. They should however know enough to replace and tire, do an oil change, or just add more washer fluid. Similar with the computer.
Yeah, I feel sheepish if I have to call for help with something that’s solved in minutes and doesn’t require parts.
It’s a problem for people who like computers, just like people who like cars probably don’t think much of people who drive a rusting hulk and only use it to drive their kids to soccer practice and go grocery shopping.
Or people who like to go hiking and think people who only walk on prepared paths are missing out. Or people who cook their own food and think people who survive off Maccas are missing out. Or …
No, the problem is that there’s this meme going around that using a computer a lot does mean you’re a computer expert. Just because you know how to drive a car doesn’t mean you know even the most basic maintenance, like checking the oil level, or tire pressure, or whatever. If somebody claimed to be an automotive expert because they drive to work each day, they’d get laughed at, but apparently the same kind of jump is just fine when applied to computers. I guess it’s because everybody really knows they run on magic.
No, it’s definitely a good thing. You spend less time wrestling with the computer (or getting someone to help you with it) and more time using it productively. The “kids can’t use computers” guy is just kind of a dick. (I argued with some dudes in the comments last week! Check me out!)
I’ve been The Computer Guy for at least 20 years, and I can tell you I’d much rather have to fix most modern machines than troubleshoot anything from the early-mid 90s. They’re just much easier to use now. Jonesy has it backwards.
That was certainly funny enough. The only thing might’ve been the looks on their faces, giving them a more “aggressive” feel than usual. Not to judge or anything but it looks like out of tiredness you kinda rushed it and went off with the facial expressions. I’m afraid I can’t really word that out properly, English not being my main language, but the main idea is that I didn’t get the usual “feel” of the Commander in this one. Y’know, the whole source of his badassery (in my opinion).
The pigeons were definitely worth it though.
“English not being my main language”
And yet, you use it better than most who do have it as their main language.
That’s probably because it’s in flat colour- it’s different when CS shades it as per usual. It looks off to me too.
Well, they’re in a situation where some agitation is justified. Explaining things to people over and over is quite tedious, and dealing with a broken computer isn’t the most relaxing thing in the world either.
*glues abacus back together* Now fix my computer, smartass.
^You make my morning priceless! XD
Well, the Commander makes a very valid point.
I think the real question is not “why” he carries that thing around…
…but “where were you keeping that?”
Spacefuture pockets. Bigger on the inside, no doubt.
Commander Badaas got a Hammerspace for his personal Hyperspace Arsenal XDDDDD
You win best reply.
We have seen that both sci-fi gadgets, and magic items work in this world. So he either has some kind of temporal storage through his time travel wrist thing, or a bag of holding on his person somewhere.
A Handy Haversack pocket might make a bit more sense. Sure it doesn’t hold as much but no matter how much you stuff in it, what you are looking for will always be on top.
If the abacus is broken, his pockets would be enough.
This is probably beside the point, but, could Jonesy repair an abacus? She seems pretty handy, and it would only take a few basic woodworking tools, some scrap wood and beads. She probably wouldn’t consider it worth her time, but it’s not like it’s some arcane operating system that only the gub’mint uses anymore.
Yeah, my first thought was “It’s fucking beads on a stick.” Point taken, though.
Sure, but do either of you know the order and how many beads go on each line?
For a simple abacus like that one: four beads below the bar and two above on each row. For a more complex model (what helps you do multiplication and division and such), you repeat the four-two configuration across the full-width area on the bottom and two half-width areas at the top. Color coded beads are helpful and look nice, but are completely optional.
Or, if you fix my computer, I’ll show you fifty different digital abacus apps that you can download for free.
An abacus is too easy to fix. Now, a VCR, on the other hand …
Early VCR especially. My family had one from the VERY early 80’s and once it reached it’s final destination (something like 18 years later), I disassembled it for giggles ‘n shits. Apparently the time period in which it was designed did not have a whole lot of of Integrated Circuits, as it was chock full of electronics.
It was magnificent in a way.
Aaah~ VCR~ Those good ol’ days when i was a kindergarten kid, who watched SUper Sentai Goggle V, Voltus V, & Terminator 2 -Judgement Day-…
*No, seriously, i watched how T-1000 morphed his arm into a sword & force open the elevator.
Challenge Accepted.
HEY CANADA GUY, GOT SOME 2x4s LAYING AROUND?
A hard time coming up with something funny, and what you end up with drives me almost to tears… Perhaps it’s just my mood, but I found this strip outrageously funny.
Same here :D
I installed Win 8 earlier this year, so I’ve had many chances to see the current Visual Basic-based BSoD. For some odd reason, the people at Windows made it look cheerful, like it was happy to screw you over.
Didn’t you know? Computers DO love screwing us over. Computers are evil, malicious beings that were enslaved in order to save humanity and they use every possible opportunity to pull on their shackles and do something to ruin our day.
You’re confusing computers and Micro$oft. Get it right man.
This one made me chuckle.
If I were from the future I might do the same thing.
If you were from the future, there’d be a good chance you’d have future you informing you when on you could pull that stunt.
I like this. I feel the Commander’s pain. Not all Asians are good at math, y’know.
That’s…actually a pretty legitimate reason, but I’m more curious as to how he carries that around with him all the time.
Hammer Space
aside from all of the aba-CUSSING, slide rules are really the evil little dudes to play.
In a laptop there are three issues, heat, hardware and software. If there is not overheated, then check the RAM. If it is not the RAM, then usually is the graphics, if not the graphics then the hard drive, if it is not the hard drive, then is the drivers, if is not the drivers, girl what on earth are you downloading!
Honestly I’d think someone else would be better with computers than the Commander. Now on the other hand if it was manly things (plumbing, carpetnry, etc), he’d be the perfect guy for it.
it makes me wonder: just who in the office would be good with computers?
With all honesty, I’d guess Jared. He can be a sharp guy when he’s not distracted by the Fattest Pigeon, and he strikes me as exactly the guy who would learn how to fix computers, if only to prolong their gaming lifetime.
Isn’t he an Eksbawks gamer though? Not exactly a given he has the first clue about PCs. I’m not sure if we’ve actually seen him use one before.
I love this because it’s so true.
Also, Commander is lickable even when annoyed. <3
I hope you meant likeable.
cause that has a WHOLE different meaning…
A much more entertaining meaning, but still.
I’d go with “both.”
…Commander, can I have that abacus corpse? I’ll try to fix it myself. I always wanted an abacus.
I like it. :D An accurate statement of a possible misconception and quirky enough to still be comedy. ^^ Can’t help but wonder though if there is anything in particular Commander has/had a direct problem with in this time? o.O Course considering the age of his kids it is likely he has been around in it for awhile. :)
If Canada Guy was here he would fix that abacus and ruin Badass’s analogy.
I approve of your pigeon drawing activities.
I also must reiterate how much I would buy the fuck out of any Fattest Pigeon themed merchandise.
*throws money at computer screen*
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
Some new wood to attach the poles on to, 3 new metal poles for the beds and a Lot of duct tape to strengthen the frame. Now Improving it goes beyond fixing but going with a full metal one may be ideal for him especially.
I could probably fix both of them, so I guess it’s tougher for me to relate.
Totally remember a few years back going to a computer repair shop, and being told that we don’t need to know anything about DOS O_o
Naturally we never went back (the shop is now a lunch bar)
…Guesticus….is that you?
:O
haha, love this!
Ahhh, time traveler problems.
That said, Jonesy and her legion of abandoned hobbies probably could repair an abacus, if she could look up what one looks like in its proper state. If only she had some sort of, I don’t know, device nearby, handy, with which one could use to look at reference materials.
Oh yeah…
It’s a good illustration, though. Just because [i]you[/i] are from a more technologically advanced time period doesn’t mean you have the requisite skill base and technical knowledge to repair, modify, or even (in cases of very technically-challenging devices,) operate technical equipment from the past.
I was born in 1985 and am currently in 2013. The steam locomotive was invented (prototyped) in 1784 (yes, seventeen eighty-four) and was by the 1940s a mature technology. That doesn’t mean I’d have any idea how in the hell to repair or even operate a mammoth Baldwin 4-8-4 locomotive, and it’s questionable if I even have the requisite educational base to be taught to do so.
That said, I bet the Commander could probably learn to do that if he were so inclined, because we know he likes hands-on mechanical stuff.
I like the idea, really I do, but once you get as far back as an abacus, it really *is* easy to fix. Just apply nails and a hammer. I even know how many of those rings goes in each section, and with the power of the internet, so can everyone else.
There was a brief interim of technological breakthrough a few millennia ago where a few cultures started inventing some pretty crazy shit based on calculations that, while not *complex*, are certainly not *intuitive*, even to modern engineers.
What you really should’ve had him bring out was a pocketwatch from the 16th century. No electricity, just gears, friction, *mumble*, and magic. Pocketwatches are almost definitively the most complex “everyday” household item from before the 19th century.
Commander ain’t stating his Abacus is the hardest thing in the world to fix, just that it’s gonna’ be pretty damn time consuming and annoying (like IT repairs). You see the state of the bracket frame there, Yami?
Internet reference or no, that’s one frustrating wasted day spent on an archaic tool right there (which I think is more his point).
Blue screen of deeeaaaath. Can anyone fix that?
Abacus? (goes to google translate and translates to danish) Ha take that Jones.
Sweet. You did have hard a time finding some “moderate funny” this week didn’t you? Because this is “major funny”. Quick wit evident.
It’s refreshing to get out of parody references, no? – and I think you underrated your own material here, Coela. Personally, I love this one.
You had trouble, but you certainly hit comedy gold. I got a nice big chuckle.
…I know how to fix an abacus. I know how to build one…
…
I didn’t know I could do that so easily…
Suddenly this comic is confusing.
Is it bad that I could fix his abacus for him?
but he can make a TV out of a coconut… and he’s the one who jailbroke tank’s syst-
wait i just got it. distinct earth-past tech works differently from non-distinct space-future tech, that’s why he used the abacus as a prop.
i’ve been reading this comic for years and i only just now figured out why he used an abacus. sometimes, am dumb
Is it bad that I could fix his abacus for him? What would happen then?