It’s all fun and games until someone gets ‘Nam flashbacks
July 31, 2017
2:45 am
Now that I’ve actually played the game, Robert and Commander would probably get along really well and enjoy bullshitting each other with unreliable narrator stories.
He probably killed more men than you have whiskers in that beard of yours. That thousand yard stare on Commander is really freaking me out… his experiences must be like Rambo except magnified by a hundred…
And sprinkled with monstrous alien centipedes.
Or it’s just ALL centipede-flashbacks… with one millipede.
The monster centipedes and millipedes were the happy memories. Times were simpler then.
*Millipedes
No, not even millipedes cause The Commander to zone out like that.
Even on the Millipede Planet & his daughter June’s pet millipede couldn’t make him lock up or shut down…He still *reacted* with hatred & revulsion.
It’s a whole ‘nother level when you see someone *else’s* life flash before your eyes…
Hell, he’s probably had to kill alternate versions of himself. That’s gotta be a trip.
Wait, i thought Commander only Time Travels, not Dimension Travels.
Time is only a dimension :0 also, remember the alternate timeline in which Jared started a cult? :P
… Technically, thanks to time-travel-overthinking, that cult-timeline turned out being *this* timeline. :P
Also that time that he time traveled to kick his own ass in the coffee shop.
That’s a stable time loop not an alternate timeline.
Giving the future he came from I wouldn’t be surprised if he had to kill his own evil clone at some point.
“C’mon, Rock, your evil clone has taken over TiALS Command! You gotta go in there and kill ‘im!”
“I dunno, seems like he’s got a pretty good handle on th’ organizational side’a things. What makes ya so sure he’s evil and not, yanno, a boss who’s drivin’ ya fer yer full potential?”
Headcanon accepted
That would be a fantastic story arc. They go back in time, clone Commander in the tank, fudge some variables, set him up to take over TiALS command.
“He can’t be worse than the Admiral. Not a chance in hell they could tweak my formula enough to come out that twisted.”
“But Commander, didn’t you see the Judge Dredd movie?”
“Come on, kid, y’expect me to believe that Sly Stallone and Armand Assante’re twins?”
It would be remarkably easy to write dialogue for that imaginary story arc, yes? Although I’d want some coffee before I attempted to write out the sub-plot where Canada Guy gets his *own* evil clone and has to ask the Commander and *his* evil clone for help because CG’s clone… CAN’T EAT POUTINE because single-bit errors in the cloning process made CG’s clone lactose intolerant.
I always wondered if Spacefuture China had their own badly made bootlegs of Commander and co, I watch Ashens show on youtube and I cannot stop imagining this every time I see him rip open a new dollar store figure.
Rock’s “evil clone” turning out differently than the high command wanted him to. Defiance of shitty authority is written in BIG LETTERS in his DNA XD Love this idea
The Spacefuture Navy would make an evil clone of him themselves, just to keep his merchandise selling. But then it would turn out he’s just as laid back and considerate as the original, and he’d meet up with CB to set up rules of engagement and reasonable limits on his villainy before he launches his nefarious scheme.
*Hands evil clone a beer* “Okay, rule one: my ex and my kids are off limits. No kidnappin’ ’em, no tryin’ t’ convince ’em yer me, none a’ that.”
“Fair enough. What about that lady-friend of yours…Sarah Jones, is it?”
“I dunno. Lemme ask her…*ring*…Hey Jones. Listen, my evil clone is here and he wants t’ know if it’s okay t’ kidnap you on occasion…uh huh…yeah, of course…heh, yeah…okay, I’ll let ‘im know. See you tonight.” *beep* “She says it’s fine, s’long as she doesn’t actually get hurt and she doesn’t miss work.”
“I’m surprised she was so understanding.”
“Well, she figures I’d be the only one who could rescue her, so that makes it kinda romantic or somethin’.”
I would really love to see this one in the comic
What if his Kidnappings are just what he calls it?
“Hey Rock, gonna kidnap the wife and kids for the weekend. You still got that beard?”
“Yeah, but i’m thinking about shaving it. ”
“That’d be great, my review is coming up and I refuse to do a goatee. It feels dirty when they aprove it.”
“Yeah, I can see that. So where you kidnapping them to? ”
“Going to Seaworld I think, swiming is good exersize.”
“Thats nice, they miss their uncle, and always get a kick out of your monologues.”
“Yeah, See you next week for the seasonal doomsday plan. It’s your turn to bring the beer for the post-explosion BBQ. Bring the crew, I bought way too much Brisket and wanna clean out my freezer for some fishing later this month..”
Maybe he’d have a Megamind-like scheme going where she has a Kidnapped Damsel card, he stamps it, she gets some bonuses like free beer during kidnappings and it also works as free vacation time at work where he vouches for her.
“So yeah I’ll be kidnapping her from Monday to Wednsdey and yeah I’ll send an impostor robot replacement.”
All of these ideas are beautiful.
Oh, I just had a really evil idea. What if Evil-Clone Commander did try to kidnap Commander’s wife and kids, and then it turned out he and the Ex-Missus just hit it off really well?
Then their whole dynamic becomes a really awkward “Father and Stepfather have this rivalry going on, but keep it subdued for the sake of the kids” thing.
Stop overthinking it, it runs on bullshit.
Don’t forget, he’s tried to kill Canada Guy, and he’s basically a store-brand version of Commander.
“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.
Explosions rippling in an airless void.
Neon rays glistening across anachronistic skylines.
All of these moments lost, like Blockbusters in strip malls.”
That was beautiful.
That was Blade Runner :D
… more or less.
I LOVE THIS I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH I LOVE IT.
Poor Commander. On another note, maybe I need to buy Dream Daddy.
I like that other note. Listen to that note.
Quite possibly the best executed Dating Simulator yet, minus a few user interface issues.
even better than that one with the pigeons?
Leagues beyond it.
Hatoful Boyfriend by example is a primitive early product using the old formula of generic backgrounds and clip-art “sprites”.
Dream Daddy uses entirely original assets, though sometimes arranged in a familiar fashion (the introduction to Brian for example is fantastic. Probably the best or second best minigame to ever appear in a dating simulator, minus a small interface oversight). The dialogue is brilliant, the plots are interesting, and the characters are quite diverse.
I’d give Hatoful a one-up on the writing. DDADDS left a lot of loose ends without explanation, so best case scenario you’re going to need to buy DLC to see “the end of the story” so to speak. Hatoful staged it so like, you were collecting those loose ends along the way, then the secret route that opened after you dated all the birds brought them together.
‘Nam flashbacks, millipede planet memories, time-travel BS meaning months in a POW camp seem like minutes to everyone back home, military trying to “batman” him, AND dealing with crazy appearance changing diseases…yeah, he’s more than earned that stare (not that anyone would want to go through the experiences needed for a proper 1000 yard stare)
You forgot kidnapped by Vikings, the time when Angel had to pilot their ship while leaning over a pile of the Commander’s guts, the spacefuture government robocopping his girlfriend, and not being able to find a good all-you-can-eat brunch place without inadvertently running it out of business.
I did forget the Vikings (though he seemed pretty okay at the time) and despite his guts hanging out, he was pretty happy with the outcome of that other mess (brought everyone home safe: that’s a win)
Spider kinda elected to get herself robocoped, so that’s less a big trauma (especially since she didn’t have to get Murphy’d first, that alone would be more than enough if it happened THAT way) and the brunch situation is delicate, but seems to be manageable (so long as Jones keeps quiet about the current place while visiting the office)
Sorry Robert, but nothing kills the mood quite like s#!t getting real.
I only get Namco flashbacks. I still have nightmares about the Galaga wars.
He won the Vietnam war, but at what cost?
Someone give Rock a goddamn hug, stat.
Would Mr. Fish trying to eat him count as a hug?
I’m going to call that a soft “maybe.”
Soft and squishy.
Yeah, even if Commander were not some super futuristic almost-cyborg thing, he’s still militar that was in several bloody wars…
He’s a time traveler. Commander has killed the same man again and again and again in the past. But also in the future!
… He’s probably been sent back to kill so many iterations of Hitler at this point that some of them were just simple, mediocre painters living in a flat in Vienna… :/
“…and so, there I was in 1917, picking my way through the German trenches… I needed to make sure that mustached corporal died there; forgotten in the mud; just one more body among tens of thousands….”
Goddamn. Excellent work. Managing to be both funny and dark as hell at the same time is no mean feat.
man I giggled at this. I kinda feel like my “bad person” is showing.
There’s a reason military men stood volunteered to stand by Ghandi.
That expression is perfect. Should become the next meme.
Which ‘Nam war(s) are we talking about? ‘Nam War 2: Back to ‘Nam or ‘Nam War 3: ‘Nam Harder which bombed at the box office. Not to mention ‘Nam War 4 through 7 which were straight to VR but are considered cult hits regardless by B-War connoisseurs. Not to mention the reboot ‘Nam: The Beginning which made big bucks but critics considered to be uninspired with too much copying of other wars, especially World War XIII which is considered to be best war ever.
I just want to say I laughed painfully hard at this comment. Thanks for this awful proposition.
“We were in ‘Nam together.”
“What? You’d have been, like, twelve.”
“Yeah, well I didn’t say it was during the war.”
New army recruitment poster.
At a glance (uncoloured version), I thought that glass was a carton of milk, and was briefly convinced that we had fast-forwarded to a breakfast scene post-marriage.
Given that’s Robert’s left hand in panel 1, shouldn’t there be some bandages?
I mean, unless Commander Badass keeps a dermal regenerator in his glove compartment.
Then again, he would.
They clearly visited the hospital right after the last time they had a not-date in a bar. It’s fixed enough.
Hahahah holy shit.
comander just remebered something not pretty.
I looked that character up and definitely looks like The Commander if he hadn’t been designed initially as a gag/parody character. Like ridiculously macho, without going past the funny point.
Listen, Rock. I’ve asked nicely. And I’ve already warned you to kindly stay away from my man. Robert is MINE, Rock. Don’t make me break out the millipedes.
XOXO
I dunno, he’s probably better at singing Tom Waits songs.
What era Waits do you figure he sounds most like, anyways? Or has his voice basically gone through the same changes?
Starting off with angstily singing along to Closing Time in his more insecure-about-relationships phase, going over to the slightly more gruff Nighthawks stuff when he’s full of bravado and taking “walking away from explosion” pics…
On that note, what do you figure his favorite songs are? I could see him blaring out “Waltzing Mathilda” when he’s had a few too many, and Going Out West being his ringtone or car tune, but I wonder what he’d think of the more crazy experimental stuff.
The Tom Waits song that I specifically think of when I say Commander would sound like him is this live recording of Rain Dogs
God’s Away on Business and Innocent When You Dream are other high contenders.
Coelasquid, I just want to thank you for introducing me to Tom Waits. I know I’ve heard his name before, but somehow, I’ve never listened to his music before. I finally listened to him and WOW I have been missing so much!
Love the comic, thanks so much for all the good times!
Oh wow, from the bark age! I was expecting gruff but that right there’s the gruff that would make scruff look like fluff.
P.S. I swear I’m not a “check out my band” account, but like, five minutes ago found a Waits cover band (that I am in no way related with) who basically drained the sweat from my pores. They seem both hella unknown and hella professional; the lead singing lady makes a fantastic Beetlejuice sort of act out of it.
Felt like sharing; check it out if you wanna.
Crap I forgot the name, I was gushing.
Rust ‘n’ Diamonds they’re called.
Rock can have the superior Tom Waits Singing rank, but my expertise in obscure cinema and cryptid horse-puckey will not be questioned. If I have to arrange for the Dover Ghost to supply Robert with a horde of Mystic Millipedes, I can and I will.
;)
I mean, Rock has Mari Lwyd ghosts personally come to his Christmas parties to sing for the guests, that’s hard to top.
Yeah, but Robert cares about fake cryptid stories vastly more than he cares about the real deal. The Christmas ghosts and the Gyrados-on-site and the time-travel-vacation-fatraptors/megaladons are nice, and all, don’t get me wrong, but the real value for Robert is in being up for ongoing bull-excrementing about entirely-fake conspiracies, and getting along well with one’s everyday-family, and not two-timing someone else.
I get along with my sibling-sometimes-coworker WAAAAY better than Rock gets along with Canada Guy, so I think I’ve got a real shot.
And since Robert is likely to view Rock avoiding Jones to escalate other dates about as poorly as he now views Joseph avoiding Mary to escalate other dates, I think I can clinch this. (Doesn’t matter if Jones says she doesn’t care, any more than it matters if Mary says she doesn’t care. ROBERT cares.)
[And this has probably been entirely too much analysis of somehow being in a Dad-off with Rock in the DDaDDS universe. Thanks for the indulgence :-D ]
Comparing Rock and Jones to Joseph and Mary is some mighty insulting projection, Robert would probably get a sour opinion of you trying to slander your neighbours like that to get in his pants.
1) As you should know, it’s the polar opposite of “trying to get into Robert’s pants” if someone is explicitly interested in Robert’s best interest: NOT casually sleeping with him when he’s drunk and self-exploiting, NOT talking too much or going too fast for him, NOT having other physical relationships on the side, and NOT having any promise of anything physical with Robert for months or years to come (spoiler warning).
Joking about voices sounding Tom Waits-y aside, I honestly think I’d be vastly better for Robert than Rock would be (assuming all of these characters actually interacted in an overlapping reality), and I’d be dead serious in getting Robert some pet millipede “cryptics” if that was the key to keeping a less-than-healthy alternate relationship at a polite arms-length.
2) It’s not “projection” that Rock is two-timing Jones if he pursues any Dream Daddy date route into Stage Three. It’s arithmetic.
3) Now, unlike Joseph, Rock actually has the open blessing of his significant other to go ahead and do precisely that on this one night. Good on him. But as I (accurately) pointed out above, it’s not how Mary feels about it that matters, nor how Jones feels about it that matters, but rather how ROBERT feels about it that matters. “How Robert feels about it” is vividly and repeatedly clear in multiple routes of the actual game.
If Rock wants to patiently wait through the many months for Robert to begin to slowly turn his life around, not pursuing any other intimate relationships at all in the meanwhile, that would be one thing, sure, but that is several hundreds of times more than Jones’ kindness to “cut him free for the night”, and time-travel shenanigans aren’t really going to avoid the reality of needing to Pick One And Only One in the current timeline. (overuse of time-travel shenanigans to dodge the issue would also reek of Joseph-esque relationship manipulation.) Again: you should know this, because the game is explicit that, with these daddies, one only gets to take a single relationship all the way through to permanent commitment.
4) As for histrionics about “slander”, yes, Robert might have a sour opinion if anyone was rude and boorish enough to say the bloody obvious about Jones out loud. Just like Robert might have a sour opinion if anyone was rude and boorish enough to say the bloody obvious about what a relentless jerk Rock is to Canada Guy out loud. Again: anyone who’s talked with Robert more than once knows he deeply hates that, and it’s not exactly a hard preference to accommodate.
Here’s the thing, though: there’s absolutely no need to ever say one word of it out loud.
Mary will almost certainly find it all out and say it all in roughly seven nanoseconds the moment she notes Robert is close to anyone. If there were nightmare issues with Amanda in game, we can rest assured that Mary would inform Robert of them within a night. And if somehow she doesn’t notice, Robert is more than fully perceptive enough to put it all together himself the moment he sees it. Brooding men see more than most people think they do.
5) Given all of the above, the only things required to be a better match for Robert, in Robert’s estimation, is to A) not be pursuing multiple physical relationships simultaneously, treating some of them as “side pieces”, and B) to have proven day-in-day-out good relationships with direct relations, doing nice things for each other and abiding well with one another rather than deepening a broken chasm of abusiveness.
None of it needs to be said. It merely needs to be lived.
As I said above … I think my odds are pretty dang good. I’m not juggling more than one physical relationship, and my coworker-sibling and I get along roughly a million times as well as Canada Guy does with Rock. Robert’s going to notice, and react accordingly.
Best of the week to you
I honestly stopped reading after “two-timing Jones” because you clearly don’t understand the nature of their relationship.
But this has passed the point of being funny and moved pretty solidly into “uncomfortable and kind of creepy” territory so uh…
To my eye, it moved well past funny banter to weirdly-Brian-route-Dadsona-constantly-one-upping-for-no-reason by your second response, made all the weirder and bizarrely personal by the inexplicable hangup about refusing to acknowledge that Robert is obviously the last person on the planet who’ll be happy to date (rather than serially One Night Stand) someone in an Open Relationship where the third party is said to be “cool with it, no really, not a serious thing”.
If you find my response to that string of solidly “uncomfortable and kinda creepy behavior” to be uncomfortable and kinda creepy in return, fair enough. Such is the internet. My apologies.
If you wish to redo our thread over again, without weirdly chaining one-ups, the original joke is still up there at the top, and I stand by it 100%: Mine, Rock! MINE! ;)
Please stop.
As you wish. Best of the week to you
Best of the week to you
Not cool, bro.
Not cool.
Or that moment when you pause, hoping they aren’t a relative tipping their hand at their subtly planned vengeance….that’s in progress…
*HUGS COMMANDER TILL ALL THE BROKEN PIECES STICK BACK TOGETHER* :_(
That’s the blank stare of something which cannot be unseen. -_-
I really want for there to be a Damien appearance. He’s my favorite Dad and one of the biggest cuddlemuffins in the game.
That’s the kinda convos or things I try to avoid mentioning or bringing up with my boyfriend. Severe PTSD from active combat. Given knowing his experiences, if Rock was real (and so was all the weird shit he fought), I’m surprised he handles it so well.
Somebody force reset CB.
Is it possible to get panel 2 without the bubble?
Nw that the game is out, we can know.
So, squid? which kind of dream dad would be Rock’s type?
Honestly I know I said I didn’t think Robert was gonna be, but he’s probably exactly the kind of broken person who tugs on Rock’s heart strings. Plus they have similar senses of humour, unreliable narrator stories, and tastes in music. But in the same vein they might not be great for each other because neither one would reign the other one in.
I also realized he’s also probably considerably younger than all these dads with their teen+ kids. Commander’s like 32-ish, that’s only something like six or seven years older than Robert’s daughter.
Hey now nothing wrong with a good May-December romance…..I got my last three divorces that way!
He broke the Commander.
I can see all the PTSD-therapy-money flying out the window.
Awww my apparent last comment didn’t make it through, wau wau.
Anyway, good representation though. Be kind to people who’ve gone through stuff like war. Physical stuff can heal usually, but mental scarring is a lot harder to deal with and it doesn’t go away.
To Paraphrase a great abridged series, I imagine what the Commander has running through his mind now is: “The most horrific, awful wartime things you can imagine….and multiply that by cancer.”
Well, I could go about 80 consecutive panels of Commander in ‘flashback mode’ while business goes on as usual behind him.
(guess that’s your comic sorted for 20 weeks)
And then they make a movie about it.
I wonder if Jared has gone to Hoppy Town
*Simon and Garfunkel intensifies*
You see someone that you know, and they ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you’re fine, when you’re not really fine, but you just can’t get into it because they would never understand.
Holy crap… That is one HELL of a 1000 yard stare on Rock’s face.
that awkward moment where it turns out the guy your bullshitting with actually has done commando raids.
Yikes. I guess being the killer is worse than just being around like me, but that’s enough internet for today.
Guess not dreaming has its advantages.
hey CoelaSquid, you ever read any of the Body Bags comic series by Jason Pearson, cause I have a feeling you’d like them, not to mention it’s two main characters, father daughter duo Mack “Clownface Delgado & Panda Delgado are the kind of characters that MGDMT is made for riffing on
DOES THIS MEAN WE GET MORE ROCK BACKSTORY? I mean, even if not this was a great comic. :D Love your work!
And the next we see them, they are married