Don’t Hit Me! I’ll Hit Me!
June 27, 2016
7:47 am
Can’t wait to do a “weird Ganon out until he gives up and leaves” run in Breath of the Wild
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Updated Mondays or whenever I feel like it
Can’t wait to do a “weird Ganon out until he gives up and leaves” run in Breath of the Wild
The “Link is insane” headcanon is the best headcanon
It also explains why he never talks – he can’t! He just makes noises!!
He has talked.
Though most of it was offensive slurs against the Gerudo people.
I just headcanoned that Link had his voice box/vocal-cords damaged early in life preventing him from speaking.
My headcanon was more that Link has a brilliant Shakespearian mental-voice, but whenever he opens his mouth, he butchers what he wanted to say so badly that it comes out as “HYAAAAT!” or something similar, then immediately switches back to his inner monologue, thinking “And yet again my damnable tongue tramples my words underfoot, treading them into a slurry to be ejected suddenly into an unsuspecting conversation, an affront not only to my own intelligence but to language as a whole.” Or something similar.
I can’t help but feel it is a bit gauche to link a page from another comic, but this feels somewhat appropriate.
http://www.vgcats.com/comics/images/140729.jpg
I love VGCats. I love many comics XD
This doth be-ith true, for I can’t say words out to the glorious world, but rather, on thy’s screen.
Dude! Could you imagine a Link version of “Freeman’s Mind”???
You mean Link is Krieg?
I think he’s got brain damage in the vein of Portal’s Chel. When he’s exited, his “talk” button turns into his “attack” button. But he’s really just trying to talk the whole time! So like, he’s trying to make cooing noises to calm all those slimes around him down, he loves slimes! Maybe one will be his pet… ah shit he just did a spin attack. Now half of them are dead and the rest are not calm. Not calm at all.
The most brutal parts of his past Gannon fights were link trying to scream “There is no need for this!!! Oh god curse my stupid brain!”
I’m reminded of my niece with apraxia. Can totally understand us but is so far limited to some rather prmative sounds herself. She has no “quiet” volume either. Well, not quite right. She did respond to “inside” voice by eeping the barest of whispers. But it’s either that or soul shatteringly loud. She has, unfortunately, inherited her fathers volume, which can rattle moons…
If we go with the idea, that it’s the same link every time, then it is only logical that he would eventually go insane from reliving what is essentially the same decade or so of his life eternally.
Just. Made. My. Day. X-D
It would be interesting to beat Ganon with a burning stick. It does have 2 attack, right? (The Master Sword probably has 30-50 attack once you restore it.)
Ocarina of Time speedruns beat him with a non-burning stick as Child Link.
Yeah, but Ocarina of Time sticks are exactly as powerful as the Master Sword, somehow.
It’s mostly due to the extended reach granting greater momentum to the swing.
Translation: “THIS IS FOR THE DOOMED TIMELINE FLASHBACKS! ” and then more screaming.
Most of which is more screaming, but some is Link literally yelling “MORE SCREAMING”.
Turns out what Ganon doesn’t know is that the curse making Link mute is something only he can undo. Link has been trying to tell him so for YEARS.
Well given that link is finally going to be fully voiced in Breath of the Wind…
Actually, they have said that every character BUT Link will be voiced.
Darn this ruins my headcanon that the Hylian language actually is phonetically the text scroll sound effect.
Well, seeing as the Twili language appears to be sorta Midna gibberish that’s not too far off…
I guess the voice acting is technically just the dub over…
“Boop. Boomp. Oop. Wheep. Doot.”
Would you like me to repeat that?
[_] Yes
[_] No
Aw no I’m smashing A and it keeps happening!
Nope. Other characters will, though.
Probably not Link, though. Other characters, maybe, but not Link.
Maybe Link was fully voiced all along and those “HYAAA!” are actually part of the Hylian language…
Manly Guys Link isn’t mute though. He can speak well enough to be racist toward Ganon.
And question the postal worker uniform.
Finally, an episode where someone has to rescue link.
Someone has to want to rescue Link, first.
Zelda might want to.
Cia would be all for it.
Probably Lana.
Ruto, too.
Add Nabooru into the mix.
Midna, Malon, Marin… Saria… Fi… Navi, Tatl, Proxi, Peatrice…
And that’s just the ladies I can remember who have shown a bit of interest in him.
Literally every woman in Twilight Princess wants to sleep with Link, too.
Legend of Zelda : Ladies’ Night Out
I would play that game. I would buy the system it’s on just to play that game, and I gave up console-chasing a generation or two ago.
especially Telma, which for some reason i find less disgusting than I should. Also, those three fangirls, and the asian Yeti girl whose name i forget, the great fairy, and if you’re one of those crack shippers, Ulie and Yeta, who are married.
So, the war for Hyrule is really beginning to get weird.
Ganondorf: I’m going to convince a sorceress to fall in love with you so she’ll invade Hyrule.
Link: Well, I’m going to run around in my underwear, screaming and waving a burning stick at you.
I feel like the old man who shakes his fist and says “In my day, we didn’t have all these new-fangled plotlines. Ganon would kidnap the princess then Link would save her….AND WE LIKED IT THAT WAY!!!”
It’s like the reincarnation version of a multi-generation rural feud. At some point one of them does something inane like tossing some garbage over a fence or a prank gone wrong gone sexual and kicks it all off again.
If this goes far enough along it will just be Ganondorf and Link posting flame videos at each other on youtube.
Meanwhile, Zelda and Peach are trading text messages over who have the more jacked up dating scene…
Pyre i take it you are not aware that Nintendo stated that hyrule warriors is non-cannon to the timeline so its kinda in its own bubble of weirdness…
I’d gladly trade Skyward Sword out of the timeline to make Hyrule Warriors canon.
Skyward Sword is the Cars 2 of Nintendo.
I think most fans would but Nintendo is extremely stubborn. I can’t even recall the last time they did a whole game retcon that made sense. Hell the last retcon I can think of was them tossing out the Prime series for the giant mountain turd called Other M.
They said it was stream lining the timeline.. as if that was a problem with Nintendo games. Looking at you Mario and Zelda.. looking at you.
The Prime thing wasn’t Nintendo. It was the one who originally created metroid getting butthurt over the popularity of an american made metroid series being soo popular/good.
then he ruined it for everybody.
I know Prime was Retro studios but Nintendo still had a hand in it. They sent Miyamoto over and he is the reason the story got so weird in Metroid Prime 3.
Ya.. Stinking Sakamoto that sexist dog killed it for everyone. He likes to take credit for the character but Gunpei put together the original teams. He was involved until after Super Metroid which was really when Sakamoto came in but he was still using the character and team Gunpei put together.
Now the man is obsessed with things like Samus’s birthmark and making the game big in Japan. When it never did well in Japan it was an international money making title.
And he began chopping off the bits that made it do well everywhere else wholesale.
And yet, given how the timelines work, it fits quite easily into the timeline well after Twilight Princess. Just say that the wish on the Triforce at the end fixed the timeline so the big battles didn’t happen and the games went on as normal.
Actually I enjoyed skyward sword. It was the first legend of Zelda game I ever played and it set me out to play the other ones. I wouldn’t say it’s the best of the bunch but I liked it more then Wind Waker. Can’t hold a candle to Twilight Princess though.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I enjoyed Wind Waker at first, but I just couldn’t finish it. Too much time endlessly sailing from place to place.
Whoa, starting with the shocking revelation that completely changes the scope of the rest of the series? Would this fundamentally change how all of the other Zeldas are experienced or how they’d be put into context lore-wise? Does Ganon/Ganondorf taking on more human-like personality traits and qualities seem at odds with his origins as opposed to the other way around? I suddenly want to study this effect.
I liked both Skyward Sword and grumpy world weary Wind Waker Ganondorf. I think it’s possible for aspects of both to exist in the same character. Ganondorf is a mortal, so that in of itself changes things, and I also like to think of Demise as more of a possession thing as much as it is reincarnations.
Time for Ganondorf to send Link to the Snowpeak Province in his swim trunks – that’ll help him chill out, right?
Just unlocked Big G in Hyrule Warriors 3DS, and he’s as awesome as I remember. Possibly a bit more so with the Wind Waker Robes and the increased difficulty of Legend Mode, though. Next stop: Power Vs. Wisdom + Courage.
I dunno. You might come back to him wearing a skinned Goron and making obscene snow sculptures.
…do you mean “wearing the skin of a Goron?” Because now I’m imagining Link “wearing” a skinless Goron corpse. o.O;
And now I am picturing Link as Buffalo Bill of Hyrule.
I swear I saw something on facebook that was almost exactly this joke.
Having said, not complaining, this is still gold.
This reminds me of Quest for Fire for some reason…
All I’ve ever wanted for Link was for him to settle down with that nice Malon. Just raise horses and three or four kids working on Lon Lon ranch.
Well, it can still happen in a headcannon. Other than Hyrule Warriors (which is not cannon), it has never been explicitly stated that Link and Zelda end up in a romantic relationship every time (or any time at all, iirc), and in Skyward Sword you can even start one with the item storage girl (the wording in that game during the final scenes seems to have been specifically chosen so that all we know about Link, Zelda and Groose is that they started working together on building Hyrule on the surface)
Zelda 2: Links Adventure hints that Link and Zelda wind up together. The closing scene has her going in for a kiss. So I believe in that one they wind up together. The other ones…like you said, none of them explicitly state anything between the two.
It’s implied that happens to OOT Link. The clues are there (his descendant’s a rancher, for example).
TP Link was kind of adopted into Ordon village though, and OOT Link is seen as a depressed stalfos knight who wants to pass on his best fighting moves. OOT Link also seems to have run off to a bunch of different foreign nations and slowly seems to have cracked under the strain of saving the world all the time. It’s still pretty ambiguous just who he ended up with, if anyone – OOT Link doesn’t seem to have stayed around Hyrule, so he might have had some family that survived that he didn’t know about. TP Link might be a descendant and a reincarnation, but maybe not a direct descendant.
I love that Commander calls him “your little pal”. Like, this is a cosmic feud between opposing forces of creation across time and space, and then it finally boils down to a guy trying to read his newspaper and some weirdo trying to mildly inconvenience him. “Little pal” is the crystalization of that.
Maybe that Ganon’s the old man theory is true and he’ll actually be trolling Link the entire game!
That would be amazing.
I do plan on doing a Pyro-Caveman run of Breath of the Wild. It will be much like this. After me getting a full inventory of clubs.
I assume that this stick-waving underwear display is referencing something about which I do not know…can anybody kindly clue me in?
It’s a reference to the upcoming Zelda game previewed at E3: The Legend of Zelda, Breath of the Wild. Link wakes up in his underwear, and proceeds to explore an open world where he can pick up sticks and start brushfires. This comic takes it to the logical conclusion.
Video Here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvDGDbFoiQ0
Thank you!
A buff guy in his underwear waving a burning branch and screaming… yeah, I’d be OK with it.
Poor bloke. Dave’s Syndrome…
Sir/Madam; I love you.
Dave’s not here.
He needs a thermometer in his inventory so he can warn people.
Just found your Web comic about two days ago, and I’ve literally consumed all of them by today. Love it! Can’t wait for the next one. Now to find something to fill the media void that is my life….
I think it’s pretty evident in this comic that Link has been on a heavy survivalist kick recently and wants to show Ganon his mastery over fire via the ole ‘rubbing sticks’ method. That, or those blatantly red colored Hylian mushroom were not as safe to eat as Link thought they were.
He went to Koholint Island again and Talon shared his mushroom collection.
I feel that Link should get a bit more credit. He came across as pretty badass in the trailer.
The comic’s a reference to something Aonuma said during the E3 presentation. You can beat the game by grabbing a stick and running straight to the final dungeon, wearing nothing but the underwear you woke up in if you want to. I have a feeling the first person to beat the game will be withing an hour of the game being released.
That’s my usual PvP tactic.
I think this is one of the few times I will type “LOL” and actually mean I gave out a hearty laugh out loud.
To be fair this comic usually makes me chuckle under my breath, but no one’s supposed to hear that.
Well… now I see link dripping in purple paint wearing rainbow underwear waving an olive branch on fire. GG.
Hmmm… who would win in an archery contest, Link or Hanzo?
Hard to say, Link can Z-target but Hanzo could miss by several feet and his arrow’s hitbox would still hit the bullseye.
The postman did promise that the uniform was liberating… I just never thought it would go so far. Also, he’s forgotten his shirt!
(Yes I saw the breath of the wild and I know it’s not the same short shorts but hey, randomly tripped over that old one on the random button and it’s funny to me.)
Cant wait to go Arnold in predator on his ass.
You truly seem to hate Link with passion, huh? XD
I like how you make Gannon out to be rather apathetic about Link.
*Ganon
That Hey Arnold reference in the title. Good job.
I dig the Hey Arnold reference in the title
Hey now, maybe he’s just getting a start in a hobby of fire-dancing.
Uh, on the sidewalk. With a tree branch.
Ever since Hyrule Warriors I’ve been wondering what a Zelda-style game would be like done from the side of the Tri-Force of Wisdom. All the Link stories are all about the Courage, to stand up and fight for something/someone you believe in.
Thanks to Coelasquid’s reoccurring head-canon Ganon, I now also want to see a game done from the stand of the Tri-Force of Power. What does Good Power look like, what are the results of Evil Courage or Wisdom?
Although IMO, MGDMT Ganon got the Tri-Force of Wisdom and Zelda ended up with the Tri-Force of Power, she just convinced everyone she was “Wisdom”. Link… still has the Tri-Force of Courage, but obviously Power Zelda’s had him wrapped around her finger since they were kids. Courageous idiots are the best, *evil laughter* .
Evil Wisdom is Machiavelli, a brutal ruler who has the whole realm so beaten down that they’ll kill off any rebellion for her. Good Power in that instance is someone who can’t be tortured or killed, someone who can just keep coming until the Queen is dead. Gameplay-wise, Hack&Slash game about combos and timing, where there is literally nothing in the world that isn’t trying to kill you.
Evil Courage…holy war, dragging the population off to slaughter their hated foes and get slaughtered in return. Good wisdom is a political games player who undercuts support, blackmails, and assassinates her way to peace.
This is kinda how I would spin a game starring Zelda. Have Ganondorf find the child of destiny(link) when young and raise him with corrupted values. Leading Zelda to need to save both him.and Hyrule
Combat wise a magic melee hybrid. SGE has been seen using swords abd bows. Unlike link no shields or items instead she gains new spell from dungeons that she mixes in.
A dodge heavy combat style as well would fit rather well I feel. Dodge strike fast mix in magic.
Puzzle wise she coukd say close gaps with ice spells fire to deal with Ice(so say make a puzzle with ice blocks that need to be made and melted) wind coukd allow jumping and so on.
She would ideally fight link several times and in the last battle knock some sense into him and he comes with her as backup to stop Ganon.
The final battle coukd involve Zelda fighting Ganon with her magic as link uses the master Sword(given to him by Zelda upon his going good maybe even the cause) give Zelda a weapon of her own maybe call is the blade of Hylia or some such to show her souls origins.
To me it is the best way to do the Zelda game plus it woukd be an interesting spin on courage
I’d play it.
Considering MGDMT’s Link has been on the brink for awhile know, this makes perfect sense.
Link just gets weirder and weirder, and I love it.
As he should when Ganondorf is well-adjusted.
Most of Link’s experiences in all the LoZ games sum up to pretty darn traumatic, so this probably isn’t too surprising that at some point his mind might break completely.
At first I thought Link was laughing, then I looked at the speech again and realized he was hollerin’ like a maniac.
Wouldn’t it be funny if Hyrule was the only land in the Zelda world still locked in medieval times, and all the other lands were super high tech and stuff? Like, every time Hyrule tries to progress, they get hit with another cataclysm that knocks them back into the dark ages.
I think this has been confirmed a few times. There’s lots of indications of ridiculous ancient technology in some of the temples, like the Temple of Time and Oocca in Twilight Princess, and even some around the main living island-in-the-sky in Skyward Sword.
Oooh skyward sword does it most see the robots and time travel stones.
But yeah every Zelda game has indications it is kind of a post apocalyptic world.
ASH FROM EVIL DEAD WILL BE AWESOME
This is probably the first page with Suit Ganondorf where I’m not drooling over him.
***
OK, drooling over him LESS.
I didn’t know link was mute, so I googled: He isn’t.
http://zeldawiki.org/Link
Well, Excuuuussse me!
For a hot second there my mind went to “OHH SHIT! Ganon owns a coffee shop!”… I really wanna know what that man would serve.
Link is clearly offering Ganon a burning stick as a peace offering. Either that or he’s really surprised that it’s on fire.
Coelasquid, I don’t know if you’ve played Hyrule Legends Warriors but I would love to see your Ganon’s take on Linkle.
I can imagine that she just shows up at the agency for some reason, has a few cucoos around her that Jared is squeeing/fearful-respectful of. Commander goes to talk to Ganon about it (For some reason my headcanon has Ganon be Cmdr’s administrator assistant cause he does know how to run things somewhat well). We get his opinion on her, then cuts to her looking in dissapointment/anger as all but Jared (lightly petting/playing with his cucoo) are just buried under cucoos.
Special ending has Ganon being impressed by her and saying that he’ll arrange something eventually to have her be the one to fight him to save Hyrule.
Hyrule Warriors: Legends.
Coelasquid has definitely played Legends. Playing as Ganon with the Trident anywhere she pleases is just too alluring a prospect to pass up.
“I expected Hyrule to send an army to stop my invasion. Instead they sent this guy. What they were thinking, I don’t know, but it’s working…”
OOC, is there a reason the comic Archive currently ends at May 16? Is it updated manually!? Or just not updating?
Oh, there’s some box I need to click on the comics for them to archive I must have forgot.
…okay, I thinks past time we all just acknowledge that Link is severely autistic, and that Zelda has been guilty of abuse for the last…good god, has it been 30 year?
Gets along better with animals check
Obsessive tendencies check
Hyper focus check
Interest in only a few subjects of interest check
Possible speech problems check
Din, Farore, and Nayru it’s true.
By the time I’m done setting all of the grasslands on fire in Breath of the Wind, Ganondorf is gonna have to come down to save Hyrule from *me*.
I’m pretty sure Link is the real threat to Hyrule in ALL the games, and Ganondorf’s invasions are all staged to focus Link’s destructive energy into something non-world-ending.
I just wanted to chime in and say that I’ve loved all the Ganon comics over the last few weeks. Your portrayal of him is great and makes me really appreciate the Zelda universe more, so thank you. :)
Darn… I can’t believe I have to wait until march. Lame. Well I guess I learned that link and I wear the same underwear and have the same approach to cooking, i.e. throw random ingrediants in a pot and hope it comes out as food.
THE BEST PART IS I CAN ACTUALLY DO THIS IN BREATH OF THE WILD!!! XD
IF ALL ELSE FAILS USE FIRE.
I just wanna say I think it’s so cool that you made a Ganondorf subplot because he might be my favorite character in this comic.
I just watched the trailer for BotW, hoping it would shed light on this joke. Nope. I don’t get it :(
The new Zelda game lets you run at Ganon in the underwear with a flaming stick as soon as you boot the game up if you want, apparently
That’s insane! I love it!!
Soooooo, did anyone end up doing a Screaming Madman run?