Imagine him doing the “action man” and “Jonesey” voices
July 3, 2017
2:55 am
I imagine his “action guy” impression sounds like Diedrich Bader
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Updated Mondays or whenever I feel like it
I imagine his “action guy” impression sounds like Diedrich Bader
How many times has the Commander fought off various Ninjas/Robots/Bugs/Aliens/Super soldiers/Space Nazis/Demons to save a girl? I know he is Commander Badass but all we’ve seen of him is in the army with his unit. What wacky space adventures have we yet to see?
Two words that instill horror to this day: Centipede. Planet.
Are we talking about a planet full of centipedes or a centipede the size of a planet? Important information, you know. It determines the size of boot one needs.
Why not both?
Planet sized mama centipede with all her offspring in various sizes crawling around on her…
…. Suddenly, I’m feeling a little ill O__O omg, that mental image.
OK, now stop. That’s giving me the willies!
Just one puts this “trap the spider and release it into the wild” guy to reflex-stop the bugger. I can’t help it.
I mean “reflex-stomp” of course.
And the only thing you can do as it winds its way towards you is hide behind mushrooms in the hopes of getting a clear shot at it.
*Soft, 8-bit applause*
Someone needs to DeviantArt captin, waste high in centipedes, with a big moma one kissing him on the cheek. You can picture his expression haha
Wasn’t that basically the scenario of Starship Troopers 3?
Yes. Also yes. and the biggest one. ask Víðarr if you can borrow his, it’s about the right size
Millipede Planet would be worse. More legs (only based on milli- being a greater number than centi-) means more nausea from Rock.
It usually depends on species which has more legs, but generally the difference between a centipede and a millipede is the number of legs per body segment. Centipedes have one leg per body segment (per side) millipedes have two. So a centipede with the same number of body segments as a millipede will have half as many legs, but a centipede with 2n+1 body segments (where n is the number of body segments on the millipede) will have 2 more legs than the millipede.
Here’s the thing though. Millipedes are herbivores, whereas centipedes are venomous carnivores.
Mosquito Planet would be worse, but second only to Spider Planet.
Yeah but Spider Planet _eats_ Mosquito Planet.
Scorpion planet would like a word.
I mean you do remember Millipede Planet was a thing that actually happened in this comic, right?
Millipedes don’t bother me. Sure, they’ve got more legs, but they’re almost cute and cuddly compared to centipedes.
Centipedes? On MY planet?
It’s more likely than you think.
*MILLIPEDE Planet. And it IS a giant millipede. He did two tours of duty there during millipede season.
It’s always millipede season on Millipede Planet. ALWAYS.
Actually, a common misconception! It’s only half the year that it’s millipede season on millipede planet. However, millipede season is similar to the Earth’s rainy season, in that millipedes fall from the sky.
Human-centipede planet. A human centipede, the size of a planet, infested with milipedes of all sizes…
Woah, calm down there, Satan.
Substitute “serpent” for “centipede”, and here ya go:
http://www.ancienttexts.org/library/mesopotamian/gilgamesh/
Oldest known written epic.
I can top that by adding a single word.
Human. Centipede. Planet.
Oops, beaten by Andreas by several days.
*Curls up in a corner crying. Stahp plz. No more talking about them. My revulsion and fear quota is already maxed for the century.
Commander does it cause it needs to be done. Commander never does it to save a girl. He has both a divorce and a learning curve and girls that set that kinda shit up just to see who will save them are way too much work and stress in the long term.
Y’know, as nice as the color work looks in this webcomic as a whole, it still works really well in the uncolored black and white stage as well.
I mean I don’t think anyone has ever mentioned it, and this comment will probably look really weird when the color version replaces the black and white one, but still.
While I first saw this particular strip in color, I’ll second the comment based on the other ones I’ve seen in black and white. I love the color (this strip is especially gorgeous, btw) but it’s pretty cool seeing the uncolored ones, too, since it’s the characters and jokes I really come for. (And burning out artist with hurry equals all kinds of bad.)
You know, I think I’ve noticed an improvement in the “readability” of Coela’s linework since she started posting just the lineart, before coloring it and posting that.
Maybe it’s just because it has to stand alone for awhile, and therefore I’ve simply gotten more used to seeing it, but in any case I think it reads easier now!
If he meets someone with a cute little house with a white picket fence and yard but they’re all in juuuuust a bit of state of disrepair that he could be handy manning up on for fun projects, he’ll probably sign the marriage licenses right there.
The husband-senses will overtake him.
Don’t forget the detail of the house coming with a detached garage or shed just big enough to fit all tools/workbenches he’d need while still providing ample space for his project cars.
Aaaaand it suddenly occurs to me you’ve never put B.J. Blazkowicz in your comic…
Oh boy, he’d be SO triggered by the remergence of Nazis nowadays. This is not what he fought for!
I can imagine him standing there with a hatchet, all covered in blood over some modern Nazi group with Commander patiently and gently explaining that he can’t kill Nazis.
“What do you mean I can’t kill Nazis! That’s what they are for! That’s all they deserve!”
To be fair, Nazi’s are dicks and have it coming.
I can imagine the Commander turning a blind eye on this though.
The victims of the manly guys in Commander’s agency are usually civilians while they are trying to adjust to normal life. With B.J. the only victims would be Nazis so that’s already better than with most manly guys XD
Heck, even in the games he’s portrayed as a level headed, down to earth person who had an average life growing up, but who keeps having bad shit happen to him. He’s not this super bad ass soldier. He’s just THIS NORMAL GUY.
If BJ was ever featured in this comic, he’d be a counselor.
Oh yeah once he’d be done with his games he will just want to kick back and have a normal life again. With his wife and children and all that. I bet he could bond with Commander over that.
BJ: Well what is you problem Kratos?
Kratos: I’m just so angry all the time
BJ: Well my suggestion to you is to go out and punch Nazis in the face
Kratos: I’ll try it
-A Day Later-
Commander: BJ did you tell Kratos to punch nazis?
BJ: Yes
Commander: Dammit BJ
There’s a Texts from Superheroes I really like about that.
Captain America: “What is wrong with the world today?”
Iron Man “A lot of things. Be more specific.”
Cap: “Why is everyone telling me its not okay to punch nazis?”
Iron: “Well, its complicated. What if the Nazi is just using free speech?”
Cap: “Punch him. Punch every Nazi, all day, every day”
Iron: “Its more complicated than that.”
Cap: “WHAT WENT WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!? Was it Facebook?”
I’d love to see a B.J. and Cap team up… though I think it might look a bit like Spiderman/Punisher teamup with Cap being the more reasonable and much less homicidal one XD
I feel like B.J. is what Steve Rogers would have been if he started out as a buff dude.
It’s not so much as a reemergence than media hype trying to fill in time in the 24 hour cycle and certain organizations that thrive on the existence of racism so they can keep being funded to fight it desperate to retain their relevance and thus money. If we gather up all the hate groups in America and put them in a typical NFL stadium, the game would be blacked out because of all the empty seats. The FBI estimates there are 940 hate groups with an average membership of around a whopping 25 people. And the profile of the typical member? Sub-100 IQ, high school dropout and living off welfare.
The reason it is not acceptable to punch a Nazi these days is because it’s usually frowned upon when you punch impoverished special needs people.
HEY how dare you insult special needs people it’s not there fault they don’t have good drops
I don’t give a crap how dumb or poor these Nazis are. If you go around saying shit like, “We must preserve white America against the thug brown people” or “gays don’t exist” or “trans people are diseased” or if you look at the people saying it and go, ‘they’re right, you know” you deserve to get fucking punched in the face.
Honestly, the only reason it’s frowned on to punch nazis is because we’ve been fed this bullshit “don’t fight violence with violence! It only creates MORE violence! Violence is never the answer!” blanket statement message while growing up.
Actually it’s more like ‘don’t fight words with violence’. Nobody is going to complain if you fight someone who’s actually beating up a Jewish/brown/gay guy, but if you punch someone who’s just saying that he doesn’t like Jewish/brown/gay people, you’re the violent thug, not him.
It’s a good thing Jonesy doesn’t have any ninja enemies, then
Given the nature of reality in this comic, full expect some to show up shortly.
Actually, I’m pretty sure she does.
We hadn’t seen them after all, and remaining unseen is what ninjas do best.
Please. She fights off hordes of ninjas between comic panels. The fights are just THAT quick.
Would you really want to mess with a Butcher woman? She probably spends most of her days figuring out how to hack a piece of meat into delicious chunks. And possibly breaking through bones in the process.
Now, would YOU want to go after someone who does that for a living?
She probably has a set of butcher knives she can materialize from hammer space anywhere at any time. I’m imagining those movie moments where the professional torturer rolls out a satchel full of specialized “tools” except she pulls out a knife and recites the EXACT amount of force said knife needs to pass through bone.
To be fair I doubt Commander needs an excuse to fight a group of ninjas that are threatening someone.
gotta be less subtle on the marriage proposal, commander
It’s the Alpha Male thing – You gotta protect your women, even if they don’t want or need it.
But remember – he’d be saying that, in this instance, to those “hot, single dads.”
Still valid. Alpha Male thing – Gotta protect your person, even if they don’t want or need it XD Protective instincts are a force to be reckoned with.
I live amongst herds of kangaroos. I have seen when dogs attack the herd that the dominant male will turn and face the dogs, while the rest of the mob hops away. It is an instinct all men have hidden deep down, we need to protect the family.
Men aren’t dogs, Greg. Maybe stop looking at other species for clues on human behavior, and just look at humans themselves.
He was comparing us to the kangaroos. And comparing us to animals is useful because humans are also animals, we have instincts as well.
Humans are animals mate. Our brain is built on top of a caveman brain which is built on top of an animal brain which is built on top of a lizard brain which is built on top of an autonomous system brain.
The instincts we have at the primal level are animalistic. Ever watch a group of cons in prison? You see more animalistic behavior than human behavior. Ever been to war? Again, you see more animalistic behavior than human behavior. Whenever you talk about instincts and no thought reflexes you are dealing with animalistic impulses. You can train yourself to have a new reflex instead of an older one but it still uses animal nature to trigger.
Humans are not above animals, we ARE animals. We simply developed our intelligence rather than our natural weaponry or natural camoflauge.
Take some college courses in criminal justice psychology sometime, whenever a manhunt happens you often have to retrain your mind how to think because we think logically rather than on instinct. Yet someone on the run and feeling pressured is nearly always incapable of thinking logically. Thus they use instinctual data learned from watching prey run from predators. Remember fight or flight is animal nature not human, in scientific circles only that which requires the higher functions of the brain is considered 100% human nature.
People often think they could do it. Sure…you aren’t risking anything right now and will make such a statement easily. When you have adrenaline in your system and the fight or flight instinct is all that is charging in your mind, your ability to make decisions in incredibly limited.
More of a nesting commitment thing.
You don’t need to pull “the need to protect” into it, especially when he’s talking about his drive to settle down with the first viable mate he meets.
We’re talking about hot single dads here. I don’t think the mate even needs to be viable, for purposes of mating at least.
Women do it all the time too. So it’s really more ‘humans like to protect the humans they’re attached to’.
MGDMG never fails to deliver.
I have yet to turn someone on to your strip who didn’t love it, FYI.
MGDMG? Manly Guys Doing Manly Guys? I feel like that was a typo, but it seems appropriate.
Well, that’s certainly a unique way to declare your love to someone.
Unique? It’s a cliche, is what hes saying. He’s the “I fell in love with someone at first sight now I do anything for them” cliche. XD
Doing the cliché is the cliché. Pointing the cliché out and saying “I’m that” is… at the very least far less common than just the cliché.
He isn’t declaring his love, per se. The reason he’s with Jones is because she’s unable to commit to anything, which means she won’t end up expecting marriage.
Rock DOESN’T want to settle down, because a settled life is difficult (as we’ve seen from his previous marriage) when you’re constantly being time-warped off to the future without warning to go punch a couple robots in the crankshafts for publicity purposes.
Did the spacefuture navy build him to be this particular action hero archetype, or is that just how he turned out?
If I remember correctly they definitely did build him to be A particular action hero type, but not necessarily this one. He was supposed to be (and once again I’m paraphrasing something Kelly wrote sometime and don’t know if I’m remembering quite right) sort of like the comic relief muscle of his team, intimidating and effective in combat but also there to make the “cooler” members of his squad like Ace look even cooler in contrast to the big dumb chubby guy.
He obviously didn’t turn out how they wanted, being much more intelligent, compassionate, and even tempered then they were expecting. I don’t know if falling in love so easily was something they designed or just a natural part of his personality, but based on how terribly they managed to control the rest of his persona, I’m guessing the latter.
IIRC they also tried to make him Batman by telling him his family was dead. Didn’t work out like that.
^This. It would actually make sense if they gave him a tendency to quickly develop deep attachment to people, if only because that would make it easier to mold him into a “PTSD-ridden lost-his-loved-ones” antihero type. Lots more loved ones to lose that way.
Omg I love this so much.
Maybe it’s because I’m dense or because I haven’t watched an action movie in god only knows how long, but I really don’t get what he’s talking about.
Can someone help explain this simply to a poor misbegotten soul? Many thanks.
I can! :D
Usually, in action movies there’s a Hot Lady(tm) who’s just there to get saved by/fall in love with the Action Hero. And usually the dude’s like “well you’re the new stand-in for Dead Wife now. Let’s not talk about any emotions or anything of importance but I’ll save you from all these bad guys and we’ll totally bang for no apparent reason and then ride into the sunset when the credits roll.”*
*Actual chemistry between Action Hero and Hot Lady not required.
I am the same… I think it is because the “GREAT” action movies (Preadator, Die Hard, etc) are actually deconstructions of the genre. In “Speed” the female character actually points out any relationship they have is just because they are two attractive people who have gone through a tramatic experience together and bonded, but they have nothing in common.
.
I think the answer is you would have to watch a lot more BAD action movies (like MST3K bad) to see the kind of emotional dysfunction The Commander is talking about. It doesn’t really happen at the top end of the market any more.
That’s something I remember them pointing out in one of the die hard movies as well. Romantic subplots frequently feel shoehorned in, even in movies where they’re meant to be the actual main plot. Hollywood is just that bad at romance.
I wonder who would voice Commander in the MGDMT movie?
I vote Jamieson Price. That guy does the best deep manly voices. Plus I don’t think I’ve ever heard him do a southern accent, so that would be neat to hear.
this or ron pearlman. His voice acting for anime and cartoons is always on point.
I always imagine the commander’s voice being like Patrick Warburton.
Dammit! I need a Commander in my life!
Do you think Rock will ever feel ready for marriage again? I know he had such a terrible experience with his ex wife, but it just seems kinda sad that a guy who likes the idea of boring domestic family life so much would decide to never try that again because of it. Is this more of a “I need some time by myself after all that mess” or a “NOPE NEVER MARRYING AGAIN EVER, ONLY CASUAL OPEN RELATIONSHIPS FOR ME FROM NOW ON” thing?
I think he’s trying to learn how to slow down enough to be able to break it off if it’s obviously no good for him, instead of holding on until the situation becomes unlivable.
“That’s what I like about you, your complete aversion to commitment”
…this line suddenly makes a *lot* of sense
That’s very sensible! I’m glad he’s happy and working on himself.
Sensible. No point in keeping a relationship that’s damaging to all parties, including any children, in the long run.
I wouldn’t mind having him protecting me.
Is just me or some seem to think he’s proposing to her now?
I see it as a continuation of the last one, he’s explaining why she has to protect him from the domestic singles.
Else, he’ll end up doing just that, falling in love at first sight and all XD
Every time I read one of these pages, I cannot imagine his voice to be anyone else’ but Ron Pearlman’s. I don’t know why!
Patrick Warburton for me.
Ron Perlman’s great, and so is Patrick Warburton, but I always pictured him with more of a John Goodman kind of voice. Perlman’s too gravely, Warburton’s too smooth. Goodman’s got it just right.
Thank you for that voice canon.
If you’re wondering how they sound in my head when I write them;
-Commander is Brendon Small’s Nathan Explosion with Beetlejuice’s speech pattern
-Jared is my brother’s friend who basically sounds like Cr1tikal
-Jones has a very slight Spanish accent
I love this so much
As in kind of that “Hoss Delgado” voice he does? Also, what does Jonesey sound like, then?
#manlyprobs
Or that he is talking his time to mend the issues that lead to his divorce. And I might be worng but he además the guy that has to repair everyone. Even if everyone do not want to be repaired.
Además =also. Multilanguage autocorrect sauerkrsut.
Who is saying “Who the hell is this guy?” because it was funnier when I thought Jones was saying it.