Robert isn’t really Commander’s type anyway
July 10, 2017
2:56 am
He strikes me as more of a Joseph guy if he’s the white-picket-fence-bbqs-for-the-block-baking-with-the-kids one.
Anyway I honestly have no idea where this is going because the game isn’t even out yet, but it will be in a few days! So maybe we’ll all play it and I’ll have some jokes for you and you’ll all get them and we’ll all have a lot of fun.
The most unrealistic thing about Rock’s childhood is that it did NOT drive him to commit that one man assault on military HQ so they could have the excuse blast him to within an inch of his life and rebuild his as a sick-ass cyborg without his consent.
I suspect that’s because the military didn’t expect the Brandao religion would make Rock about as much a pinnacle of stability as anyone could imagine. That and maybe he just came out of the labs in his natural state of quirky chill.
Although maybe the next thing the future space military tries is threatening his love interests, because it sounds like according to Rock that could actually work…
Maybe they don’t threaten his loved ones because of an incident with a mortally injured sole survivor warping in from the future-spacefuture to instruct the top brass to NOT do that.
Or maybe because they’ve encountered his ex-wife, who needs no cybernetic implants to scare the piss out of someone if need be.
Jones isn’t one to cross either. Just ask Simon Belmont.
On the topic of his adoration of Brando, why exactly does Rock feel the need to engage in this idiot knife game?
Wouldn’t his desire to emulate Brando compel him to refuse and say, “Naw, I don’t need to do something stupid and dangerous to prove my masculinity to anybody. I know who I am, and I’m confident and manly because of THAT, not because of some stupid contest which is almost guaranteed to severely harm someone for no reason”.
He’s not playing the knife game to prove his masculinity, he’s doing it because he has fun playing with knives.
As an Eagle Scout, I can attest that knives are indeed fun to play with.
… If you have the required hand-eye coordination for it, which sadly I do not.
There are still many rewarding and useful applications for knives that do not require particularly good hand eye coordination.
That said, Rock is probably a pro at all the parts of cooking that I am not, namely the parts that involve chopping up lots of ingredients in a quick and precise manner.
Oh yeah, I mean I can throw knives well enough (read: mediocre), and whittle as well, I just can’t get the gaps between my fingers and go fast at the same time.
Maybe I’m just a wet blanket, but I don’t really see the “fun” in a “game” where the entire goal is to get the other person to injure themselves, possibly even amputating a finger and causing irreparable damage.
Consequently, I have a rather hard time believing that anyone plays this “game” for reasons other than trying to establish some sort of pain and humiliation based heirarchical dominance over others. This falls somewhere between “Slaps” and “Russian Roulette” on the spectrum of “games” where the “fun” comes from seeing other people harmed.
It doesn’t even properly compare to sports like boxing or martial arts, where the violence is secondary to the competition, because there’s no real skill or technique involved, just muscle memory. The sole and utter point of this game is to get someone to hurt themselvs so you can extract schadenfreude from their misfortune.
idk.. I like it because i like knives and I dont play it against other people but against my own coordination..
Oh hey, it’s KNIFE to meet you!
Let’s remember that he just told us he started training at this game when he was 10. And he is a incredibly durable genetically-enhanced-super-soldier. I don’t think he would consider playing this game any more dangerous than thumb wrestling.
pretty sure the easter eggs proved he’s a real fan of watching people do stupid stuff.
I love this comic deeply, but if you want realistic psychology from a “supersoldier from birth” story of any kind, you won’t get it. The entire /premise/ is incompatible with a stable, well-socialized human. Not even the Janissaries—the closest humankind ever came to this, and who were supremely awful in their own right—went as far as Halo, or Soldier, or whatever.
Me, I just like Commander because he’s awesome, and he can’t be asset to take his world too seriously :D
They raised him to be a super soldier, but also a loose canon rebel, so he rebelled by working exceptionally hard to take care of his metal health and settling down with a desk job so he could raise his kids.
Playing the knife game against each other has to be one of the manliest courtship rituals ever.
Especially if he cut his ring finger, then Commander can go all romantic by putting a ring on it before giving it back so it can be re-attached. XD
Would make for a weirdly awesome story to tell people years later about how they got married.
Google snet me to this person:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Smalls
*sent. Darn typo.
Just refreshed my memory on this dude. There’s a pretty good movie in that guy’s Civil War exploits.
Five Finger Filet.
Pinfinger.
Stabscotch.
All those options and more and you went with “the knife game”?
I had never heard any of those terms before, and one would assume neither had the OP.
Most folks have just seen it on TV or in movies, unnamed. It’s not the sort of thing you’re likely to ever hear actually named if you’re not the sort of person who actually takes part in it.
I feel dumb because I don’t know who this Robert is. I usually know these characters.
The game isn’t out yet, but Coela linked it in the text under the comic. If you generally know where the characters in this comic are from, I’m entirely unsurprised that you didn’t know this one!
Oh shoot, I’m not sure how I missed the link in the text below. I’ve have become that which I despise. Hehe.
Bulk doesn’t slow you down. There’s nothing more attractive than a beer gut.
As much as I love Jonesy and Commander, I kinda want him to seduce all the single dads in his awesome way.
I would be totally down with a series of comics featuring the Commander trying super hard not to marry each one of the dads.
Oh, I have all my fingers
My knife goes chop chop chop
If I miss the spaces in between my fingers will come off
And if I hit my fingers
The blood will soon run out
Bu tall the same I play this game cause that’s what it’s all about
Oh, chop chop chop chop
Chop chop chop I’m picking up the speed
And if I hit my fingers then my hand will start to bleed!
Bishop did it better in Aliens, Robert. XDDDDD
Why simulate dating a Dad? Is this a thing? I want in. Someone date me. I’m a Dad. I’m single.
My level of attractiveness will vary to the players though.
My guess? Shitpost/parody/other-side-inclusive-marketing version of all the (usually Japanese) dating sims you find absolutely everywhere.
nah its a genuine dating game mad by some lgbt folk who wanted to make a good dating game.
Among the younger generations, apparently it is. I’m 28 and back in college, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard the 18-23 year olds talking about the “hot dads” or how they want to “dad someone”.
If you’re less than 46, i’m game.
Mostly unrelated: Because of you doing dating sims comix I went and accidentally found there is a tank dating simulator. It’s a parody they say, pretty good they say… I’m now trying not to buy it…
Thanks?
The tank dating sim looks pretty bad. I can however recommend the Pigeon dating sim “Hatoful Boyfriend”, it has actual substance and a great story behind its silly gimmick.
Tank dating simulator, it’s a parody they said. As someone who played the game it takes all the usual dating simulator tropes and fills them with pure caffeine than shoves it down your throat. Pretty good they said, if you want to laugh to the point you need to be on oxygen or be on wikipedia to understand all the jokes and references this is the game for you. I say all games are equal no matter who made them, no matter what the content is or how the characters are written. This is a game for those who want something different no one can be the judge until you experience it. Oh and be prepared to hear the Soviet National Anthem alot in Panzermadels.
Commander probably has an unfair advantage with his unnaturally perfect rhythm, being grown in a vat and all. Bet he plays a mean bass.
Bulk doesn’t make much of a difference, it’s all about technique and consistent timing.
I was going to be impressed that this bar even had a table for it, but then I thought about the fact that Commander’s agency is headquartered there and realized that every bar probably has a table littered with knife marks and blood stains.
I like where this is going, see you on wednesday.
Crap, I meant Thursday
We wish it was Thursday. Oh, how we wish it was Thursday-NO.
We wish it was ThursDAD.
Odin?
Remember kids: any small severed body parts should be preserved in milk, not whisky, if you hope to sew them back on!
Meaty bits that are severed should be rinsed off but not scrubbed (causes more damage), carefully wrapped in a sterile damp cloth, placed in a plastic bag, then the bag placed/immersed in cool water. You want it cool but not so cold that it deals even more damage, which is why direct contact with ice is a no-no.
Source:
https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/000006.htm
P.S.
You probably want to give first aid for shock too.
YOU HAD ONE JOB, JONES!
I’m digging the smokey bar lighting and palette of these last couple strips.
Glad that Robert is not Commader’s type. Means I still have a chance with Robert.
BACK AWAY FROM MY MAN, ROCK!
Would you be willing to work with the hot dad team to make a Commander DLC? (like the idea of it…)
Hahaha if they asked me I’d totally be down.
Manly Guys DLC should also contain at least Jared, Mr Fish and Canada Guy :P
Although you might not have the rights to Gyrados though, damn it Nintendo.
maybe they will be less.. squeamish?..
like how fucking hard are they avoiding the word gay?
or even bisexual? like those hot dads dating other dads which is pretty gay (i.e great) but the game makes this weird ance around avoiding gay and giving those dads living wives or dead ones and…letting some seriously weird comments slide that makes it feel to me (-and a lot of gay dudes i write with in forum who were super happy bout that game)as if the devs dont even think that gay gamers will be a big group who cold like the game and not just female yaoi fans..(+added risk of either fetishizing or casual homophobia..)
I just so much fucking hope its not the case..
(it also reminds me a bit of fo4-which i didnt buy because that fucking forced het marriage& that weird straight played (no pun intended) nostalgia for that 50s era while erasing the few mechanical perks that made queerness not only subtext but pure text…. just felts wrong somehow.
and so I hope this game wont feel as wrong for those as fo4 did for me :<
but hey, I feel coala is super nice and open and stuff about that whole topic so if those fuck it up you can soothe it with great comics
I kind of like that they don’t label the characters’ sexual orientation. I’m not someone who’s bothered by labels in general. They’re just nouns. But it is nice sometimes when people can just be who they are without having to call it out. I mean, you don’t have to point out every time a character is straight. They just are, and nobody cares, because it’s normal. I don’t think the Commander has ever actually been described as bi or pansexual in the comic. He’s just a guy who sometimes dates guys, and nobody cares (except that one guy at the barbecue in http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/five-years-of-mgdmt , which just sort of drove home the point that nobody *else* cared).
Did you actually play Fallout 4 at all? The “nostalgia” of the series has always been rather twisted, and while I was a little disappointed by not being able to change the sex of the spouse, I think they were just trying to be clever about how they presented the male and female character options. After about ten minutes you’re single again (spoilers, sorry), and your romance options include three women (including a synth) and four men (including a ghoul), or all of the above at once, and not one of them cares what sex your character is. Some are programmed to care if you flirt with others in front of them, and some aren’t, suggesting some of them are actually intended to be poly. I’m also glad the “Confirmed Bachelor” and “Cherchez la Femme” perks are gone, because you shouldn’t need a perk to be able to flirt with members of the same sex.
so why didnt they take away all perks? I mean I wouldnt care but they explicitly left in the hetero version. While taking away those others. Thats an explicit choice to put heterosexual interaction in multiple way in the game-as backstory, as mechanic etc.. they put in that same sex mixed race couple at the start that then gets obliterated ofc- so they imply on one hand that this is possible but cant give out charas the option to either roleplay an unhappy marriage or to choose the gender of our SO and whether we adopted the kid or not?
Those are all choices that have been made. Whether they were made out of laziness, out of priorities that define the straight part as more relevant or whether they made them because they were a bit squicked out because having those perks in would mean the would need to write s/s specific flirt interactions while leaving the het in and just disabling gender-locks on your followers doesn’t need any specific interactions.. I dont know. But tbh I dont care.
But the nostalgia in 4 feels more honest. all other parts were far critical and even when depicting nice things they always have shown that its imperfect, a wrong dream (see for example the name of the quest where you meet the president and are asked to do his bidding or how what he is is juxtaposed with this nostalgic image he tries to built off in his propaganda thats clearly shown. )
Westart in propaganda in 4. We start in happiness, in a hetero nuclear family thats loving and nice and the time that got lost and cant ever be found again- so our character is motivated by the usual fridging and loss but also by the loss of that “idyllic” short time they experienced before the bombs fell.
There isnt much critic, no look behind the curtain that shows that that world was false and constricting and cruel- I at least experienced that intro as something nice and good and it feels nostalgic in some weird wrong way.
Comapre that to tranquility lane which shows a similar situation but is explicit about the twistedness that can grow in suburbia, while this suburbia looks very loving and nice and weirdly progressive (well except for the pc)
and not using labels is a nice way to not make non-queers not uncomfortable and to hide explicit depictions of queerness behind some weird blanked of plausible deniability.
I am okay with people not using labels, but this isnt people, this is media that clearly is targeted at some groups-maybe not intentional, but it will be played by gay dudes who are pretty thirsty for rep and annoyed that again and again anything that could be shown as queer rep gets hidden behind this shit because that seems to matter more.
I am reminded how people tried to explain away ellies queerness after that dlc..or tracers lesbianism after that comic, searching frantically for some way to not having to call characters that are gay, bi or lesbian as such(and therefore showing people that we exist and thats okay to do so and not having to hide it so you can sell the media better. (This is NOT in regard to this comic btw)
Jonesey’s looking more and more like a certain K. Turnbull recently. Just look at that jawline.
I have a jaw like Megabyte in Reboot, my head is an isosceles triangle from the side and a square from the front.
So, if the whiskey thing works would reattaching the finger raise his blood alcohol level? Curious…
“So many Dad puns. Like, to the point where it made us all uncomfortable”
That was gold.
Honestly, Commander would totally fit into the game with his gruff handsomeness.
I like how chill Jones is with Commander’s open bisexuality. In general I like how you tackle various sexual orientations, other comics would have the characters make a huge deal of it, but in your comic, it’s just another part of what makes a person, not the defining characteristic of who they are. That is such a rare thing to see in pretty much all media.
^ This. That comic with the barbeque? It was a suckerpunch for me because when do you see queerfolk in media acting like your friend group in real life/treated as real people? I didn’t know how much I *needed* to see that ’til I did.
Many of us needed to see that, thank you so much.
GASP
3 COMICS IN A ROW
IS THIS A STORYLINE?!?!?
I’m just realizing Commander is your dadsona. you had a dadsona before the game was even thought of
This is NOT what is meant by “gimme two fingers of whiskey”.
…usually.
Hmmm… So Robert isn’t CB ‘s type, but mire like a Joseph type? Hmm.. So Soldier 76 would be the perfect storm for CB? Oh this is getting interesting.
Soldier 76 presumably has a very different personality than a youth minister who likes to bake cookies with his four kids.
Funny, though the finger un the whisky is a cocktail, but the ingredients is a mummy’s finger. Kudos yo you Madam Coela, for the mummy pun un a daddy pun.
Do you want us to petition the Game Grumps to put Commander in DDaDDS? Or maybe some other game? He’s overdue to pop up outside of comics.
Hahah I mean, if you guys want to. I feel bad requesting it, like I’m trying to internet army.
I think this is more of a “by popular request” thing.
Oh god, I’d date the hell out of the Commander. XD
YES YES YES YEEES, PLEASE DO IT. TTwTT I neeeed this in my life!!
If you need to bide your time until the game comes out/you get to play it with fancy raptors I’m fairly certain no one will mind. :3
Please DO NOT try to preserve digits or clean open wounds with liquor unless you reeeally dig giant scars that never go away.
So… I’m sitting here looking at the page on Steam and it says “not yet available” I’m wondering if by showing the game on the comic you’ve actually accidentally broke the servers for people wanting the game xD
So Jonesy’s his…what’s the opposite of Wingman? Grounding Wire Lady?
Then after dropping off Robert at the hospital, Commander goes back and hooks up with Brian, the hot ginger bear daddy.
(a guy can dream, right?)
One sociologist ladyfriend told me that one theory is that yokels and louts are more husbando’s material BC at some point in history those we’re traits of an alpha therefore more posibility of maintainance , survival and perpetuation. Now? Not so much. Mayhaps CB’s nesting instincts need a cup of tea and a friendly but stern intervention?
Yeah after playing the game Joseph certaintly isn’t commanders type. Especially with that secret ending.
“Have fun trying not to marry him” accurately represents how I felt throughout the entirety of Robert’s romance path.
The leather jacket dude’s comment reminds me of Human Weapon (the bigger guy was a bit slower than his regular opponents) ¿what happened to that show?
Oh, dear lord, he’s doing the pussy-ass version, where you go 1234565432123456…, instead of any of the more badass versions.(12131415161213141516…)(12131415161514131213141516…)(1213141516263646561213141516…)(121314151626364656463626161514131213141516…)
Alcohol would actually kill the tissue faster; he should put it in fresh milk.