All of these things are real things
Sorry these past few updates have been getting backed up but, eh, spending time with my family is honestly more important to me than militantly scheduled updates. Should be back to normal soon.
Anyway, flying home for the holidays means 1) I get cable and get to watch the constant stream of ads and infomercials I’m otherwise cut off from and 2) I get to see what all the comically rich, bored suburbanites are being told they should buy in SkyMall. It turns out the hot item this year is a magical stand that uses magnetic powers to realign the very PARTICLES of your beverage and create the effect of 10-20 years of aging. Untold powers of the cosmos, yours for only $59.99.
Someone called me a traitor for talking about Flex Seal when all proper Canadians are supposed to use Duct Tape, but anyone who has actually ever used Duct Tape would know the only thing it can’t fix is anything that could be exposed to liquid (like… y’know, leaky ducts) It’s great for making wallets and pants and replica Godzilla costumes, but I have to admit, I’d like to get a can of Flex Seal and see if it’s really as good at turning things into boats as the ads claim.
OH! And I would like, if I could, to divert you to the webcomic my boyfriend has been planning to launch for some time now and finally got off the ground. Written by him, with art from some fine folks including CriminallyIncompetent, Mayeko, and BlindKnight.
Oh my god, Jared! Sometimes I think his imagination is a gift and a curse.
Poor Jared.
The Mythbusters built a sailboat out of duct tape.
And a bridge…and turns out if you seal it BEFORE it gets water in it, you can patch a hole in a boat with it…then they built the boat out of it…so no, duct tape CAN get wet…on the non sticky side.
AND a freaking plane!
I was afraid he was going to attempt facial hair.
OMG! I thought the exact same thing!
Then again, if he learns how to time it, he could get nice chicken BBQs (or nuggets) out of eggs.
Love Skane in the background, like… stealthing :D
Who’s Skane? I see Duke, Sten, Kratos, Ganondorf, and Snake.
Pretty sure ‘skane’ was a mistype of Snake. Unless you already knew that and was just being sarcastic.
Sadly he is missing his box.
Wonder if it would work on pokemon too?
Then Mr. Fish’s face would be somehow stuffed into that little magnetic thingamabobber.
Then Mr. Fish’s face would be somehow stuffed into that little magnetic thingamabobber.
Why did you post the same comment twice?
Even Sten smiles when Bearded!Commander is happy.
Little known fact: you actually need to take a blowtorch to duct tape before it forms a perfect seal.
Is that why my duct tape never actually sticks to the ducts?
…It is VERY weird not to see Kratos’s face locked in anger, very weird.
I dont think ive ever seen him smile before
I honestly can’t believe this stuff actually exists. I just read it on the page and my brain denies acknowledgement. Then I read “10 seconds ages drink 10 years. 3 minutes ages drink 20 years”. I’d say that math is wonky somehow but I don’t pretend to fake understanding the powers of the cosmos. Nobody can tell how magnets work anyways.
Also, there’s something about Snake’s and Krato’s clothes that cracks me up.
It isn’t entirely a hoax, actually. Several studies have shown that running electric currents through wines mellows out the flavors. It isn’t true aging, but it makes cheap wines pretty palatable.
The problem there is, I can’t see this thing inducing much current. Its just some magnets (at least, I can’t find anything about batteries or a power cord, that would indicate an ability to create magnetic flux). There will be a very tiny charge when you put the bottle into the holder, and another very tiny charge when you take it out, unless the amount of electricity needed is so tiny that i couldn’t measure it with my multimeter this this is still bogus.
Though, I think there is Science! to be done this New Years. Apologies in advance if this causes a zombie apocalypse.
Didn’t realize this one didn’t use an electric current. Well then. That just makes it even sillier.
Apparently the magnets just help align certain molecules differently or something. It doesn’t really “age” the wine, but it does make bad wine more palatable. My mom and step-dad got it as a gag gift a few years ago, and it really does help some bottles by mellowing the flavors. They’ve saved a fortune on wine, but the timing I’m unsure of. When they decide they want to have wine with dinner, they just stick a bottle in and take it out when they’re ready. *shrug*
TROLL DETECTED
and if not troll, definitely not someone who cares about science. or reason.
I hear dark matter also makes wine taste better; good thing it is like 85%+ of the universe
More like Spambot.
He’s said the exact same thing in two threads now, word for word.
The truth of the matter? People are gullible and are terrible at telling good wine from bad wine.
I’ve seen tests wherein people were given one of two identical wines to drink, and either told the wine was a $10 wine or a $100 wine. They were then asked to give their opinions on the wines. Overwhelmingly, when told the wine was only worth $10 people rated it poorly, found all sorts of flaws with it. And likewise overwhelmingly, when told the wine was worth $100 people applauded it for it’s excellence, said it was some of the best they’d ever had.
The simple fact of the matter is that when dealing with subjects beyond their scope of knowledge, people will look to others for information. They will trust the very first thing that a knowledgeable seeming person tells them, and they will often even “learn” it and repeat it to others. This is why commericals for prescription drugs feature actors in labcoats, why book jackets are absolutely slathered with three to ten word quotes from various well known media outlets, and why subjects like Islam and nuclear energy whip fearful, misinformed masses of otherwise ordinary people into jibbering madhouses.
~D.
I can only see part of it, but Ganondorf looks really snazzy in that suit coat.
I thought he would be taller though.
I miss BILLY MAYS HERE
We all do. We all do . . .
He is dining in Hell now, rejoice for him :)
Correction, he’s dining in Valhalla, the best afterlife ever. Or Sessruminir/The Golden Hall, depending on the way you look at it.
Happy Kratos is creepy Kratos. Really creepy.
Not nearly as creepy as Happy!Sten D:
Seriously, in the first pannel he looks like he’s about to pull off a Me GUSTA!
May the FSM bless you, C. Squiddy.
Bearded Commander is the best Christmas present ever!
Aw, damn, I missed this one ’cause I was sick. Well, I guess I didn’t really miss it. I’m just seeing it late. In hindsight, I’m not sure why that is a problem.
Anyway, this kind of makes me sadder than I had anticipated. Only Duke’s adorably snowman tanktop can cheer me up a lil.
Poor chicken…
On another note, what´s up with the Commander´s nose? It´s a bit more bumpy than usual. By design or accident?
He probably had another time-brawl with himself.
He is slowly turning himself into a rhinoceros through genetic modification. This is the first sign.
Duct tape is also bad for anything that could be exposed to heat – like, say, ducts. The adhesive melts at an obscenely low temperature.
It’s a shame people keep calling it duct tape instead of duck tape … then we could use duct tape for the aluminium stuff which actually works on ducts.
Wait… Kratos and Sten… smiling?!
Hmm, I need to go check the scriptures. This might be a sign of the apocalypse.
Well it is almost 2012, not that I believe in that…
This will be one of those comics that I’ll read when I’m feeling down. Seeing Jared stare at that egg intently cracked (pun intended) me up! Keep ’em coming!
Oh Jared! I’m just going to say ditto to the top comment. XD
Wow. Imagine the possibilities!
Also, the Commander is rockin’ that beard.
Thirdly, get what you mean on the updates. In my brain, holidays are “Inviolate Family Time” where literally everything else gets put on hold no matter how important or high up in the priorities it would have been.
Duke in the holiday muscle shirt is pretty hilarious…
Several things:
Ganondorf looks really snappy in a suit.
I hope that Sten is wearing a fur coat or something, because otherwise it looks like he’s wearing a fur boa… and he still would rock it, honestly.
Chicken skeletons look cool.
I saw Kratos smile and almost cried.
Not happy tears, either.
The time the updates actually come is inconsequential just so long as you continue to provide hilarious comics such as this one. I laughed out loud at it. Literally.
The beards, the beards *drool*
Commander needs to stop shaving.
Nooo! He looks more awesome without it. With beard he just looks… normal. Of course, my opinion is affected by the fact that i’ve never seen my father shaved.
Good god. Ganondorf in a suit again :D
I also saw this ad while at home with my parents. I almost bought some and just started spraying stuff.
Ganondorf still looks awesome in a tuxedo.
And you gain more respect from me for spending time with your family. Family time is a big deal in my family.
AWWYISS FLEX SEAL. It’s like rubber dip but with a fancier commercial…
ha! i’m a dude and even i think the commander looks awesome with a full on beard. alas jarred … as a pokemon trainer that must have broke his poor little heart .. plus the chicken never got to level up.
This might just be me, but I don’t think you need to defend yourself or apologize for spending the holidays with your family. I’m pretty sure the majority of your readerbase knows and respects the fact that your schedule affects your updates, and despite all that we still get a near constant stream. If they don’t understand that, then they can take a hike, amirite?
Anyway, that Flex Steel stuff, you must tell me if it really works. I’ve seen the infomercial and have my doubts.
Smiling Ganondorf creeps me out for some reason
Ganondorf’s smile is creepin’ me out.
Wooooowww that wine thing is bullshit. I feel sorry for people who will actually believe that. :c Once alcohol is bottled, it doesn’t age anymore. At all. *sigh*
It doesn’t really “age” the wine, but it does make bad wine more palatable. My mom and step-dad got it as a gag gift a few years ago, and it really does help some bottles by mellowing the flavors. Apparently the magnets just help align certain molecules differently or something. They’ve saved a fortune on wine, but the timing I’m unsure of. When they decide they want to have wine with dinner, they just stick a bottle in and take it out when they’re ready. *shrug*
Wine continues to age – it’s whiskey and hard liquors that don’t. We make home made wine and half the aging is done in a barrel, then it is bottled and has to continue to age another 6-8 weeks or so before it is drinkable.
*half the aging is done in a bucket. Whoops. We totally can’t afford a barrel, lol.
if i wasn’t allergic, i’d drink it. no worries.
I really love the Commander’s winter beard. And I love the fact that it’s a winter beard, not an all-year beard.
Winter beards prove that if there’s a god, he likes men better than women.
I’d say that having a chilly face is more than compensated by how good it feels to kiss a guy who has a beard.
So r-ant, you think God is a queer then?
And it has absolutely nothing to do with testosterone, then.
Funny thing about duct tape and water. With enough layers, you can make a sailboat out of nothing but duct tape. MythBusters did it. It looked pretty awesome. Okay, enough redneck coming out to defend duct tape.
I too wonder about the power of flex seal. Seems like it would work for a few days, but would age badly. This assumes it is real rubber, having never seen a can in person I can’t confirm that.
Kratos….is wearing….a…shirt!
*brain broke*
How does such a skinny nerd like Jared manage to get respect from a bunch of big muscle men(especially Duke?)?
This is such a mystery,
I hope you remember your blessings every night, Jared.
Because a titanic sea monster which can level cities obeys him and loves him. A scrawny dude commands that kind of respect from a sea monster, big dudes reckon he’s probably some kind of badass.
That and the fact he’s managed to survive as long as he has whilst surrounded by them, and seems to know no fear (as evidenced by the way he cheerfully and willingly took a journey into the Aperture Science Enrichment Center with only a pair of longfall boots) must earn him some points.
Do they actually respect him (despite his bravery and powerful pokemon that ShadowDragon8685 mentioned), or is he more like the annoying little brother that they love despite themselves?
He also might be refreshing to be around. Considering who they are, people are probably afraid to say boo around them for fear of getting the crap beat out of them. He just says whatever he pleases, does whatever he pleases. That freedom can be nice to be around.
This reminds me of the first episode of Cromartie High School. If you see a rabbit hanging out in a lion’s den, surrounded by lions, you think “That must be some badass rabbit!”
Am I the only one who thought this was a reference to the “City of Death” Doctor Who serial?
You know, from the classic series when Tom Baker was still the Doctor?
Too obscure? Oh well.
No, I was thinking of that one too. That episode was hilarious.
Hahaha. Wow, three people thinking the same thing (me too!)? Yeah, that’s bizarre and we’re too nerdy for the present day Doctor Who fans.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one to think that.
yep. i saw that too.
…I laughed, then I realized if they really did something like that I’d do the same, then I laughed harder. Oh Jared, never change.
Two punchlines in one episode.
Badass Navidad.
it is true that duct tape does not really live up to its expectations. If you want a tape that is water proof you need to get automotive (sometimes called aluminum) tape. That flex seal stuff does work, but what the adds fail to mention is that the product is very old. There is nothing new about it. My guess is that they hiked the price because its not a well known thing. (PS about the screen door boat, that would take a whole lot of cans to do)
I watched the commercial for Flex Seal and was shocked at the guy’s voice. I had to rewatch it with my eyes closed to be sure, but the guy sounds like Daffy Duck. PFFFFlecks Pttthhhheal
I envy Commander for his beard. As a blonde male there’s are only 3 outcomes to the blonde beard.
1. Guys with a flesh colored beard.
2. You looks homeless
3. Why yes, I am a Norse God.
You forgot Lumberjack, Forrest Fire Watcher and other Mountain Man careers.
Commander’s most like number 3! :3
also, where did Jared get a *fertilized* chicken egg? .___.
And, I agree– Kratos’s face *not* a rictus of angerivization? yipes. The power of holiday joy… I guess. Meth?
Well. When a rooster loves a hen very much…
I’m just surprised it’s a chicken. He happens to be from a region where everything hatches out of an egg, right down to the sheep and cows.
Or despite your blond hair you have a red beard and you look like a highlander when it’s grown out like my dad did.
But… but… chickens can live more than 10 years… =(
three minutes ages things 20 years.
Those must have been three very long minutes for Jared. Long, traumatic minutes.
Those are the best kind of minutes.
I want one of those. The aging thingy, not the can of flex seal.
It’d make brewing my own alcohol a lot easier <_<
If Jared used an unfertilized egg, he could corner the market on century eggs.
Plus, will there be a future episode with Canadian Guy losing his beard? Maybe he got into a fight with a genetically enhanced otter or a tiny wendigo.
The Flex Seal is a rip-off. Do a Google search for product reviews and read the drama. THE DRAMA!
It’s also pretty bad if you accidentally spray it on anything you DON’T WANT SPRAYED. Like skin. Or in the eyes. Or in the mouth.
He missed the perfect window to eat that chicken by a few panels.
Jared has science now?
NOBODY IS SAFE
Sten? Smiling?
That just doesn’t look natural…
Now that there’s just impossible.
Even if you did have a machine which could hyperaccelerate time within a field, any living creatures within the field would *leave* the field under its own power.
Even assuming some form of force field or stasis field or even just a huge wall which forces the creature to stay within the confines of the aging field, unless you’re tossing in food and water in a constant stream, the creature within would die of starvation and/or dehydration in the blink of an eye from our perspective, not grow.
Further, this is disregarding the fact that given that *every* object in the universe is moving, and even air and what have you is also moving, creating a field where time moves different would cause a good deal of problems. What happens if an object moving 1,000m/s suddenly reduces its speed to 100m/s due to the difference in time that takes place within and without the field? What happens if you toss an object INTO the time field if it keeps its momentum? It’ll suddenly INCREASE in speed from our perspective and fly out of the time field at an accelerated speed. Or even if a small gust of wind blows into it a typhoon could come out the other side.
..
My God. You wanna know the worst part of this post?
I actually though up most of this in my spare time *before I even saw this comic*. Just sitting around thinking about the effects of the ability to alter how time flows in specific areas would cause unforseen aftereffects.
I am nerd. Hear me roar.
Wait no, nevermind I’m stupid.
The idea of an object gaining velocity from going through an accelerated time field doesn’t work out. Ignore that part.
I still stand on the fact that you would be flung off the earth, though. And the death before growing thing.
you need to watch primer.
Actually, if the object that generates the field doesn’t have to necessarily be upright, you could hold it sideways and let an object fall through it. It would come out at terminal speed.
That chicken was gorgeous, I must say.
It’s Commander with a beard! My favorite kind! :D
Switching between the first page and this one, the Commander looks a lot less intimidating.
From a fellow artist’s perspective, the art style has changed a bit too over the years.
Shock and amazement I don’t draw the same as I did two years ago. Shock and amazement a character I designed has changed since the second time I drew him. Shock and amazement the art looks different when I draw on a tablet after using a cintiq for a year.
that might be a tad rude and uncalled for…
Well, the initial comment was rather obscure. Even I can’t tell if it’s a compliment or a criticism.
However, on the Internet, if you can’t tell, the rule is to treat it like an insult. If someone can’t communicate their original intentions, then you gotta CYA.
“Rude and uncalled for”, you mean like having an online handle of RocketFetus? A fine example of the pot calling the kettle a repository of carbonized matter. SupahMutant uses bad grammar in the second sentence that makes it unclear what the intention of the post is. Pointing out the painfully obvious is rarely required so when it is done it SHOULD be met with sarcasm.
The commander looks less intimidating because he should look less intimidating. We know him and are comfortable with him now.
Dude, chill out. No need to get aggressive.
If Kratos is happy, you know it’s been the best fucking Christmas EVER.
Militantly updates are outdated. I prefer quality over quantity any day, and I constantly tell my friends who do webcomics that spending time with family, friends and on your health is more important than updating a comic.
Your comic rocks, so I salute you for acting like a human instead of a comic-making robot.
I never doubt human ingenuity when I read SkyMall. Still, I’m not glamorous enough to HAVE a use for anything sold in SkyMall hahaha…oh well!
Usually I hate winter, except for the fact that it brings us Commander’s sexy, sexy winter beard, and getting to see everyone in winter clothes. I can’t see Kratos in that sweater without giggling, and Ganondorf is just muggghhhh with that coat.
Actually, Ganny gets huge respect from me for being the only one besides the Commander that consistently wears more than just his canon outfits. That says to me that he’s actually the most well-adjusted of the Manly Guys. (even if the actual reason turns out to be something practical like “most game/cartoon characters aren’t recognizable without their canon outfits”, I’m happy to rationalize it in his favor)
I don’t think the Commander can ever use an outfit that isn’t canon in this comic, since this comic itself is what dictates his canon :P
Anyone else realize that Flex Seal is just a rubberized undercoating for cars, bottled up in a spray can and sold extremely overpriced per quantity?
aw yiissss more suit!ganondorf
sad sad day… maybe his mom didn’t tell him the mantra. plant, pet, person.
First he looks awesome in heels, now he looks adorable in a sweater. Is there anything Kratos doesn’t look good in?
I so want to get my hands on a can of that stuff too. If it really is that good, I already know all kinds of ways I could use it around my apartment.
GANONDORF!! Yay!!
I’ve missed that bugger way more than I should.
if you add water to the chicken dust do you get insta-chick or chicken soup?
Jared is up for some ridiculous things but…I hope that isn’t in future comics. D:
Snake smiling
Snake smiling
Snake frowning
Snake leering
Kratos is clearly smiling to lure the Commander into a false sense of security.
No shot of Commander looking upon Jared’s antics with mild disapproval?
I think it’s better if we just see Jared doing this in private, like at the same time the guys are giving the Commander his present.
This way, Jared learns a valuable lesson in his own time.
He could either cut the stems down so thatmaybe it only ages a chicken five years or use a bird that lives a long time and there fore wouldn’t turn to dust. Like a Parot or some kinda Poke-bird.
I bet I know what snake is thinking in the backgroud, it really is not hard to figure out.
In proper order: “Commander!? Flex seal!? Boats!!? Jared!?! Accelerator!? SkyMall!?! Drink?! Mind!?!”
And finally: “Metal Gear!?!”
Sten’s smiling. That just made my week :B
Hope y’all had a happy Christmas, and here’s to a manly 2012!
Same to you, friend. Same to you.
Now wait a second. The mythbusters made a SAILBOAT out of solid duct tape.
I think it can handle water just fine.
Whenever I read Sky Mall, I end up giving the side-eye to my fellow passengers on the plane and wondering which of them is secretly the type who would buy a 6-foot tall Bigfoot lawn statue, a Harry-potter replica wand or the board game thingy that lets you move a ping-pong ball like a Jedi.
I found this one really heartwarming. It’s just nice to see the lads doing something appreciative for the Commander, given what a stand-up guy he’s been towards all of them.
Bearded Commander totally looks like Tim Allen in “The Santa Clause”. On a side-note, your work is fantastic and I can’t just say enough good things about the expressions! If I picture could say a thousand words, a comic with just expressions and poses can say millions. I can’t wait to see more Manly Guys Doing Manly Things!
GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. GANONDORF IN A SUIT. HOLY CRAP.
Consider that comic read and followed!
Adding it to my ever expanding list of webcomics I read.
I just realized I’ve been following this comic for a year now
When I read this comic (before I read the commentary) I was completely sure this was a reference to Dr. Who’s City of Death episode…
Kratos in a sweater is made of WIN, and Ganondorf looks awesome in a suit and tie.
XD That is awesome! Good way to learn about death and responsibility.
awesome as always! happy new year! :)
Oh Jared. You are all of us at heart.
I bought the wine thing, not because I needed “magical aging technology” but because those are actually really nice neodymium magnets. If you compare the item to comparable magnets on Amazon you’ll see that the wine stand is much cheaper.
Omfg, aw’ing at Ganondorf
Reading through the comments I have come to the conclusion that MGDMT is in need of moar Ganondorf.
You always were brilliant at drawing him. Remember “there is a man in black from the sandy desert wearing hooker boots”? That was freaking awesome. (Also that Calvin Klein model poster thingy with three of the characters of Yu-Gi-Oh. You make everything look cool. GOD DAMN I AM SO FREAKING JEALOUS)
Oh damn, you have been on my tail since the days of Fanart Central, congrats man, it’s been a long time.
Wait it’s a girl doing these comics? OMG I read all of them without knowing this and… oh well doesn’t change anything
Y’know, the first part of the first line in the About page is “My name is Kelly Turnbull”
Even though Kelly translates to something along the lines of “warrior maiden” it’s still largely regarded as a unisex name.
No lie, I have met Duke Nukem.
Well, I have met Jon St. John, who voices Duke.
By the way, he thinks all you fans who waited patiently for the latest Duke Nukem game are awesome.
Santa Commander FTW!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!! I LOVE IT!!!
Mythbusters made a sailboat with a metal frame and duct tape, I would say that trumps the screen-door-boat thing in the Flex Seal commercials…
I assume that everyone lauding the mythbusters boat has never actually put duct tape on a leaky duct in their life. If you can double-side it, it’s just rubber and that’s waterproof, but if the sticky side touches the water it’ll start leaking in minutes.
So that’s why they don’t work on ducts. It makes sense, I just never really cared enough to think about it.
How much do I love, out of everything, that after receiving a present the Commander immediately makes sure that the guys got something for Jared too? A whole helluva lot, let me tell you. That’s just so freakin’ adorable it makes my back teeth ache. Lovely work!
I always wonder what would happen if they met the Dovohkiin?
Yes. Making screen doors into boats is the only use for Flex Seal. Yes.
Poor Jared. Poor chicken.
I’ve heard it’s against regulations or something to use duct tape for air ducts in the US nowadays. Still used for it in Finland, but I’m not certain it’s actually the exact same type of tape. We’ve got rubber bits in the duct pieces so they should be sealed anyway, the tape is there to just keep them together, which might be the reason why I haven’t heard people complain about it around here.
Or they’re just being Finnish and keeping quiet. And since I have never really worked with ducts it could be that we’re meant to use something else for it. Don’t own a house and I can read up about it when it becomes relevant.
I think JDCollie hit it right out of the park. Dr. Who, “City of Death” Starring Tom Baker (4th Doctor) and Lalla Ward :)