I wrote a few lines, imitating the Commander’s drawl.
I think dropping vocalised vowels that are at the end of a word, the ‘g’ in any ‘ing’ and replacing ‘ou’ with ‘er’ seems to work.
For example;
I freakin’ love th’ faces Jared makes. Cracks me up. Yer a comedy genius, Coelasquid.
Accents in dialogue are tricky. Better to let the reader fill in most of it themselves rather than make the words incomprehensible, IMO. Remember reading Harry Potter and wanting to hang yourself whenever Hagrid said anything? Because I sure did.
I remember entire passages devoted to describing feasts consisting of nuts, flowers and grass. I also remember thinking ‘Oh for god’s sake, not another bloody song!’
As am I, my friend. As am I. The moles were the coolest characters, though. Hares were partly understandable. As were pirates. But the moles? That was fun.
Always read Redwall. I always recommend people read Redwall, then Matthias, then Mossflower and the rest in order. Simply because it allows them two stories with roughly the same characters before the timeframe jumping begins.
I grew up watching X-men the animated series. I still remember the way Wolverine talked on the show. When I read the comics that voice was the voice I used for Wolverine in my head all these years later.
At any rate if you have trouble with the dialect watch X-Men The Animated Series. That will help. Comic books, or in this case web comics can’t talk to you but the cartoon did a very good job. (None of that evolution crap or that God awful straight to DVD movies.Oh, and Hugh Jackoff can kiss my ass.)
Oh wow, I’ve just realised I do the exact same thing. I haven’t seen that show since the nineties, but that voice is still what I use in my head whenever I read Wolverine’s lines.
Scotch Carb- Don’t know if you’re American or British but Hagrid is from the West Country. That is immediately obvious to every Brit I’ve ever talked to. Odd ey?
If you question the manliness of Marlon Brando you seriously need to educate yourself. He like… single-handedly ushered in the entire tough-guy rebel archtype. James Dean, Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, Jack Nicholson all acknowledged that without Brando they’d never be the actors they became. People have gone so far to say that he revolutionized acting and every talented actor since he broke out will be measure to him
Brando stands apart from other macho tough-guy actors because his shtick wasn’t just being a tough hardass all the time, he could make his vulnerability macho as well. It’s one thing to squint and shoot people and look pretty badass, it’s another thing entirely to be able to make feelings manly. And his charisma was so off the charts he’s been able to make sympathetic characters out of everything from wifebeating rapists to Nazis.
It’s probably because younger people think of the flabby Godfather/Jor-El Brando rather than the younger one in the same way people think of Orson Welles as the super fat “Mrs. Fields Fish Sticks – They’re Even Better When You’re Dead.” version rather than the War of the Worlds/Citizen Kane version.
I can’t tell when people are being serious or not about Frank West anymore, People have asked me to draw him so many times I don’t think I’ll even be able to enjoy playing the game when I have free time again.
Well he is pretty cool. Dead Rising’s my favorite game, I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with it. But that’s too bad that everyone’s always asking you to draw characters for them. I dunno… I’d probably be happy to have that if I wasn’t busy.
Perhaos he was Kamina’s role model.
OR…by some quantum mechanics, maybe it’s quite the opposite. If the commander is from the future, maybe Brando is too?
Apparently the folks who created Fist of North Star, Riki-Oh, Dragon Ball Z, Ultimate Muscle, And just about every Fighting anime and video game out there missed that memo.
Dragonball is a bad example. That was intended to be terrible by the time Z came around because the artist wanted the series to die but couldn’t get out from under his existing commitments. (The problem was later ‘solved’ by giving the series to someone else for GT and Kai.)
Interestingly, Vin Diesel was the original butt of those jokes; I’m not sure when or where Chuck got switched in, but we’ve been worse for it ever since.
Diesel has been quoted as saying “I’m not gonna put it out there on a magazine cover like some other actors. I come from the Harrison Ford, Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino code of silence.” That’s on his privacy in dating and stuff. And, I have to say, Vin Diesel is like a younger, balder Marlon Brando. I mean, he makes feelings cool, because of his soft fatherly side for his daughter… I dunno. It just seems that way to me.
I have the BIGGEST anachronistic crush on Toshiro Mifune. DAMN that man and his gorgeous legs!
Gah, and then there’s all his amazing skills, like that great shot of him riding a horse at full gallop, standing up in its stirrups with a sword in hand in the middle of ‘Hidden Fortress.’
While I already made my CN Tower joke (Canadian National/Chuck Norris, geddit?), there are a few other golden ones. But typing them out would lower their humour quality (inb4youguys)/fall on deaf ears…or maybe blind eyes?
There are no Chuck Norris posters on the walls, because it is physically impossible to stick them on without the concrete shattering from the sheer amount of AWESOME.
(Can’t believe I’m the first to dare…)
Personally I like the evil-flavor of the Dick Cheney versions. Homeless people, yum…
It’s not an accent so much as a drawl; for all his disgust of “lazy Canada-speak,” he has his own “lazy America-speak.” All badasses drawl, and can stop at any time when they really need to roid-rage.
THANK YOU for this. I am so sick of Chuck Norris jokes. They were never funny and the man has never been butch. If he couldn’t throw a decent kick, that wimpy voice of his would get him beat down regularly.
Actually, Mr Fish looks almost *pissed* in this comic. I mean he’s actually focusing on something with his eyes rather than just doing that lazy eye thing.
Hey! Looks like I *do* have a religion! The next time some Mormons come a-knockin’ I’ll ask them if they’d like to hear The Good News about Marlon Brando!
Kinda makes you wonder what the religious scape-goat of that particular belief system is, huh? Well, if Chuck Norris only qualifies as a false idol, that is.
Heh, every time I hear about Marlon Brando, all I can think about is the movie “Last Tango in Paris” and how I’ve never looked at butter the same way since. ;)
Chuck Norris jokes were funny when Vin Diesel were used instead of Chuck Norris. How many buff men do you see playing D&D? Can’t you just imagine him playing as a level 12 Elf wizard? For me, Vin Diesel and Mr. T will be my all time favorite macho men.
We all know the reason Chuck Norris is considered manly is because we allow him to think he is. That and Jean Claude Van-Damn does too many splits to be manly.
bruce lee? i dunno… he does kick some major ass( including chuck norris ^_^ ) and he is pretty cool with martial arts and stuff but to consider him manly? i just don`t know…..
And the rather softer character of Dad in Fallout 3… But he did kamikaze himself with lethal doses of radiation in the end, takes MANLINESS to do that!
He was a douche in the most respectable way. Like the “I don’t care what you think and it really isn’t any of your business anyway” sense of the word. The same kind of douchiness that makes Bruce Campbell panels at conventions awesome.
For those wondering “Why are the jokes about Chuck Norris?”, the answer’s kinda simple. Look up his professional fighting track record. From what I hear, it’s freaking amazing.
Speakman’s record is almost gauranteed 50% more insane. Also he’s a LOT faster.
But he never made it big because his actual voice is very high and squeaky and totally makes his name oxymoronic. He barely speaks in his movies and when he does it’s pitch-shifted. Which is a shame. It seems like it would be fun to be able to tell someone “YOU JUST GOT YOUR ASS KICKED BY SOMEONE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BITCH, HOW BOUT THAT”
I would say Toki or King Diamond are around the same tone. Boy just needs to learn to work that screech.
The Commander looks a little odd in the second a panel, with almost all his eye hidden by his nose.
and THANK YOU for the lack of chuck norris jokes. I don’t I could have stood it (one of my friends used to ALWAYS say chuck norris jokes, and I HATED it) They’re okay, but not really funny.
but now I kinda want to see chuck norris show up at the agency’s door, just to see what the commander would do.
God I love Commader’s enlightened face in panel four. It’s like he’s seen…Well, Marlon Brando.
I’ve never had trouble understanding what the Commander is saying. ‘Course, I’m from the Baltimore region, eehOO hay ‘der Hon.
I can’t tell if Mr. Fish is unsatisfied with cookie girl or pissed off at the fish tank. HOW DARE YOU FORCE HIS BRETHREN IN TO MERE 10 GALLON QUARTERS…
The commander with a look of enlightened awe… never thought I’d see it.
If they had picked someone worth the hype I’d like them. But he’s a fat ginger guy covered from head to toe in denim.
The jokes are funny. Chuck Norris is not. And he definately is not manly.
“Worth the hype”? He served in the Air Force doing border duty in South Korea, picked up a black belt in Tang Soo Do while he was there, picked up several more black belts in a number of other martial arts, AND he has his own martial art. Not to mention that he’s represented an exercise program for about the last ten years, so he’s probably not fat. He may not actually be able to piss his name in concrete, but he could probably break you in half. The Brando couldn’t do that.
Of course, he wouldn’t need to, since he could probably shame you into doing it yourself out of a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness inspired by his overwhelming charisma and manliness.
But I will now remove myself and my golden calf bullshit from this house of Brando before I am brought up for Discipline.
Marlon Brando is cool and all, but Isaiah Mustafa (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2248149/), Aka the guy in the old spice commercials, is the manliest man ever.
I know Marlon Brando, but I have never heard anything about that Mustafa. Eh well, must be because I’m European though. Figure he might have been more popular in U.S.
Up here where I live, I think all my parents generation know Brando, but seriously, even if there’s a long page for him in my native language, there isn’t even one row for that other guy in it.
So yeah, uh, a bit of a pointless point, but yeah I’m going to have to go with Marlon Brando.
Also, Chuck Norris? It stopped being funny the 3rd time I heard it. Then it just got sad.
The writing really affirms that this comic is being made by either a woman or a hardcore agenda-havin’ bromosexual. Of course I’m okay with it either way, I loved 300.
It’s been mentioned time and time again that I am indeed a “she”, but I don’t see how this has an agenda beyond “Stop talking about Chuck Norris he was never funny and he never will be.”
I don’t understand this sentiment. Hardly any words have been changed and even the ones that are are so common in Americana literature and to the majority of the continental United States in spoken language (and therefore the majority of internet users, those are just facts) that I find it baffling that someone has to complain EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Hell, if you really are that illiterate, just try to say the sentence. You’ll realize how ridiculous you’ve been.
Yeah, but I’m in the same boat as the guy I was replying to, I don’t think it’s that hard to read because it’s mostly just the last letter being dropped from certain words and squishing out vowels every now and then. I’m just saying that I understand it could be hard to reason out if you’re still getting used to English.
I think this last week declared the Old Spice Man the manliest man in existence right now. He could blow Chuck Norris right outta the water. This webcomic is now diamonds? :D
I just read-up on “Apocalypse Now,” while last week I read Brando’s bio on IMDB.
Sadly, I now judge Brando to be in the rest of the Hollywood crowd of unmanly cowardice and hallucinogens– how else to explain their most-widely-known activities (gossip magazines, etc.) and the bullshit undercurrents in war movies?
(Did I mention that I debunked “Air America” and the drug-trafficking schpik with only 45 minutes of Google searches?)
Also, fuck Rambo, and all the related Vietnam stuff, with the noted exception of “Forrest Gump.” You want manly? Interview some veterans.
If you’re judging him by the characters he’s played in movies, you’ve fallen into the trap of believing he’s the imaginary people he pretends to be onscreen.
He believed that people shouldn’t get in a frenzy about celebrities, he believed it was all you could do to be as good at your job as possible, he thought people who made a big deal out of him because he was an actor were full of shit, and Is frequently quoted saying he hopes people get as excited about plumbers who do their job right as they do about actors who do their job right. He didn’t believe that people should squander their lives in regret for the past, because it was behind you and all you could do was move foreward. He conceded that he wasn’t a particularly tough person, but said that if you dwell on your sensitivity you can never move past it. He acknowledged that a lot of people didn’t particulary care for him, and accepted it because he didn’t really cared about being liked by people he wasn’t fond of. He believed in racial and religious equality at a time and place where thinking along those lines wasn’t taken favourably, and he was secure enough with himself that he had no problems owning up to his bisexual tendencies.
I chose him as sort of a mascot for this comic because to me, aside from the obvious standards of masculinity he set in his youth, he represents being good at what you do, floating above the naysayers to live your life the way you want, and overcoming negative circumstance.
While I respect your opinion, I must disagree when it comes to your viewpoint of Rambo. I am related to three veterans of the Vietnam war, all of whom saw heavy combat and were lucky enough to come home intact. They found the depictions of Vietnam in such films as Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket deplorable, large in part due to the sensationalization of Francis Ford Coppola. However, the first Rambo film was painfully accurate. Veterans were treated like dirt upon returning home. Hated because journalist brought home more sensationalist stories about baby killing and drug-crazed murderous sprees. Many veterans couldn’t cope, and indeed felt like they’d never left the war behind, and responded to attack in kind. In that respect, the first Rambo film does what so few Vietnam films manage: giving a glimpse of the personal Hell American soldiers went through.
It’s not that the Jokes were ment to be funny, but to sort of “praise” the toughest guy of our generation.
It’s like when we praise the Lord by saying stuff like… well, “praise the Lord”. But instead we say stuff like “Chuck Norris once shot down a German Fighter by pointing his finger at it and saying ‘bang’.”
When I was little, I hated my name (this is a latin country, and the names that you see more around here is José and João, not Marlon[mine]) because there was some idiots in my school that made fun of me because of it. But when I grew up, and discovered how awesome Marlon Brando was, I started to think my name was the best of the world (yes, even more awesome than McLovin’ douches).
Chuck Norris didn’t run his mouth about him being tough. Now, the Internet regards him as the toughest man to ever walk the planet. So, he accomplished Cmdr. Badass’s “Nirvmana” in the exact manner he talked about. Secondly, DO NOT BESMIRCH THE NAME OF CHUCK NORRIS!!!
A. Chuck Norris is a Christian conservative. He firmly believes in the “old-fashioned” values this country was founded upon. Obama doesn’t in any way, and while 1,000 years may be a bit of an exaggeration, I have significant reason to believe that his re-election will be bad for America as a whole.
B. You’re besmirching aren’t you? WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?!?!?!
Modern day conservatives arent about the “original values” of the US anymore than the Democrats are. They are corrupt, religiously fundamentalist assholes in the pockets of big business, which I can guarantee you the Founding Fathers werent. Corrupt and religiously fundamentalist, they were still pretty big assholes.
I used to kinda like Chuck Norris jokes. Until I found out what a douche he is :/ Anything political that comes out of his mouth is such horrid ‘rejoin church and state’ nonsense.
Wouldn’t normally comment on older pages, but I only just found the comic so I’m eagerly cruising through the entire comic :3
So, I’m genuinely curious, Coelasquid. If an individual were to apply the concepts of the Bran’dao to femininity, would they still use Marlon as their religious figure, or someone else as an equivalent? How would that work?
Discussion (214) ¬
Second
lolharlow
The damn jokes sucked so did the meme, but Walker Texas Ranger had some good episodes.
…What a very Jared thing to say…
Also, it took me a couple tries to get his drawl in the third panel, and now my brain hurts.
Yeah, I’m still finding the balance :P I wrote these last few like a month or two ago.
I wrote a few lines, imitating the Commander’s drawl.
I think dropping vocalised vowels that are at the end of a word, the ‘g’ in any ‘ing’ and replacing ‘ou’ with ‘er’ seems to work.
For example;
I freakin’ love th’ faces Jared makes. Cracks me up. Yer a comedy genius, Coelasquid.
Accents in dialogue are tricky. Better to let the reader fill in most of it themselves rather than make the words incomprehensible, IMO. Remember reading Harry Potter and wanting to hang yourself whenever Hagrid said anything? Because I sure did.
If this is giving people trouble I recommend not reading any Redwall books. Ever.
oh god, the moles
I am totally fluent in molespeak.
…at least my 10year old self was anyway
Does anyone else remember ‘eckertoimerin’?
I remember entire passages devoted to describing feasts consisting of nuts, flowers and grass. I also remember thinking ‘Oh for god’s sake, not another bloody song!’
As am I, my friend. As am I. The moles were the coolest characters, though. Hares were partly understandable. As were pirates. But the moles? That was fun.
Burr, aye.
Oh god it was like 10 year old me off his meds
Always read Redwall. I always recommend people read Redwall, then Matthias, then Mossflower and the rest in order. Simply because it allows them two stories with roughly the same characters before the timeframe jumping begins.
I grew up watching X-men the animated series. I still remember the way Wolverine talked on the show. When I read the comics that voice was the voice I used for Wolverine in my head all these years later.
At any rate if you have trouble with the dialect watch X-Men The Animated Series. That will help. Comic books, or in this case web comics can’t talk to you but the cartoon did a very good job. (None of that evolution crap or that God awful straight to DVD movies.Oh, and Hugh Jackoff can kiss my ass.)
Oh wow, I’ve just realised I do the exact same thing. I haven’t seen that show since the nineties, but that voice is still what I use in my head whenever I read Wolverine’s lines.
I don’t care if you think the movies are bad, I agree. But hugh jackman is a great actor, I mean just look at Le Mis.
Scotch Carb- Don’t know if you’re American or British but Hagrid is from the West Country. That is immediately obvious to every Brit I’ve ever talked to. Odd ey?
i actually had no problem with understanding him
Now because of Jared, I wonder how The Commander would react if Chuck Norris ever came into the office to become one of his clients…
Jared’s asking for it… But I gotta say that this guy is no Frank West.
Also that second to last panel Jared looks A LOT younger, minus the stubble.
If you question the manliness of Marlon Brando you seriously need to educate yourself. He like… single-handedly ushered in the entire tough-guy rebel archtype. James Dean, Paul Newman, Steve McQueen, Jack Nicholson all acknowledged that without Brando they’d never be the actors they became. People have gone so far to say that he revolutionized acting and every talented actor since he broke out will be measure to him
Brando stands apart from other macho tough-guy actors because his shtick wasn’t just being a tough hardass all the time, he could make his vulnerability macho as well. It’s one thing to squint and shoot people and look pretty badass, it’s another thing entirely to be able to make feelings manly. And his charisma was so off the charts he’s been able to make sympathetic characters out of everything from wifebeating rapists to Nazis.
It’s probably because younger people think of the flabby Godfather/Jor-El Brando rather than the younger one in the same way people think of Orson Welles as the super fat “Mrs. Fields Fish Sticks – They’re Even Better When You’re Dead.” version rather than the War of the Worlds/Citizen Kane version.
This man speaks wisdom.
I know. It was a joke.
I can’t tell when people are being serious or not about Frank West anymore, People have asked me to draw him so many times I don’t think I’ll even be able to enjoy playing the game when I have free time again.
Well he is pretty cool. Dead Rising’s my favorite game, I don’t think I’ll ever get bored with it. But that’s too bad that everyone’s always asking you to draw characters for them. I dunno… I’d probably be happy to have that if I wasn’t busy.
Maybe but I got stuck with PS3 so I preferred Chuck Greene, even if he did ride a tricycle and wear a onesie.
Hmmm…making feelings manly. Kind of sounds like Kamina to me. :P
I can pretty much guarantee Brando did it first.
Perhaos he was Kamina’s role model.
OR…by some quantum mechanics, maybe it’s quite the opposite. If the commander is from the future, maybe Brando is too?
The Japanese have very different ideas of manliness.
Being a wall of meat doesn’t mean you’re manly in Japan. It means you’re gay.
Apparently the folks who created Fist of North Star, Riki-Oh, Dragon Ball Z, Ultimate Muscle, And just about every Fighting anime and video game out there missed that memo.
Dragonball is a bad example. That was intended to be terrible by the time Z came around because the artist wanted the series to die but couldn’t get out from under his existing commitments. (The problem was later ‘solved’ by giving the series to someone else for GT and Kai.)
Also, unrepentantly bisexual. Which, at the time, required almost planet-sized huevos.
Source: http://www.nndb.com/people/721/000022655/
Chuck Norris. LOL
He’s going to break Jared’s jaw O.O
There is a time and place for everything, Jared.
Used sparingly, Chuck Norris jokes can be quite witty, especially when the CN Tower in Toronto looms over us all…
Chuck Norris jokes are much funnier when you swap him out for Vin Diesel.
Interestingly, Vin Diesel was the original butt of those jokes; I’m not sure when or where Chuck got switched in, but we’ve been worse for it ever since.
Vin Diesel is awesome. Any burly bouncer who gets that passionate about D&D is the hero we all wish we could be.
Diesel has been quoted as saying “I’m not gonna put it out there on a magazine cover like some other actors. I come from the Harrison Ford, Marlon Brando, Robert De Niro, Al Pacino code of silence.” That’s on his privacy in dating and stuff. And, I have to say, Vin Diesel is like a younger, balder Marlon Brando. I mean, he makes feelings cool, because of his soft fatherly side for his daughter… I dunno. It just seems that way to me.
Patrick Swayze. You wanna talk about manly. Guy put on a dress in one movie, Danced in another. And is still manly enough to own up in Road House.
Can’t argue with that kind of logic.
Or Toshiro Mifune.
I have the BIGGEST anachronistic crush on Toshiro Mifune. DAMN that man and his gorgeous legs!
Gah, and then there’s all his amazing skills, like that great shot of him riding a horse at full gallop, standing up in its stirrups with a sword in hand in the middle of ‘Hidden Fortress.’
YES. I would be all, “You had me at (silent scowl)!” <3
No. They can’t. Ever.
I disconcur.
While I already made my CN Tower joke (Canadian National/Chuck Norris, geddit?), there are a few other golden ones. But typing them out would lower their humour quality (inb4youguys)/fall on deaf ears…or maybe blind eyes?
I can think of a good Chuck Norris Joke… this one
(http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/2010/07/12/07122010/#comments)
I just love that last panel. Art, dialogue and everything. XD
There are no Chuck Norris posters on the walls, because it is physically impossible to stick them on without the concrete shattering from the sheer amount of AWESOME.
(Can’t believe I’m the first to dare…)
Personally I like the evil-flavor of the Dick Cheney versions. Homeless people, yum…
@ Scott: I swear I will discipline you.
That is now my favorite line ever, I need to go find another victim. :D :D
Pretty big words for someone who won’t stop with the Norris jokes elsewhere <.<
Hey, I have not said a chuck norris joke in months tyvm
Man, she’s been nursing that coffee for a while now XD
On topic though THANK YOU SO MUCH DEAR JESUS I AM SO SICK OF CHUCK NORRIS.
By the all-powerful force known as plot device, the coffee mysteriously refills itself every time she finishes it.
It’s only been four panels.. unless she refilled when he was dealing with Kain and Brick.. and most of that was just heading to his office.
It’s really manly coffee; she has to drink it slow to prevent chest hair growth.
Love that The Captain’s accent just disappeared at the last panel due to RAGE.
Thought I was the only one who noticed, hahaha
It’s not an accent so much as a drawl; for all his disgust of “lazy Canada-speak,” he has his own “lazy America-speak.” All badasses drawl, and can stop at any time when they really need to roid-rage.
for all his disgust of “lazy Canada-speak,” he has his own “lazy America-speak.”
thatsthejoke.jpg
to that i say….
rofl.
THANK YOU for this. I am so sick of Chuck Norris jokes. They were never funny and the man has never been butch. If he couldn’t throw a decent kick, that wimpy voice of his would get him beat down regularly.
i thought the whole point of chuck norris jokes was the fact that he utterly fails to be badass in any conceivable fashion?
Chuck Norris jokes were never funny. Maybe if it were another person. Maybe…
I love the comics, keep up the good work!
Chuck-Norris, Marlon Brando, either way Mr. Fish is unimpressed.
Actually, Mr Fish looks almost *pissed* in this comic. I mean he’s actually focusing on something with his eyes rather than just doing that lazy eye thing.
Hey! Looks like I *do* have a religion! The next time some Mormons come a-knockin’ I’ll ask them if they’d like to hear The Good News about Marlon Brando!
I think you just became my hero.
In order to protect his loved ones from his one-man war on crime, Dick Cheney has assumed the secret identity of the mild-mannered Wolverine.
…Now the image of Wolverine done in MFDMT’s art style and color scheme is stuck in my head.
It was about time that an expert spoke out on this malarkey. Be thanked and praised!
Kinda makes you wonder what the religious scape-goat of that particular belief system is, huh? Well, if Chuck Norris only qualifies as a false idol, that is.
Brando’s great, but he’s no Bogart.
Heh, every time I hear about Marlon Brando, all I can think about is the movie “Last Tango in Paris” and how I’ve never looked at butter the same way since. ;)
@dudecrashedmycar: Aggh, the butter scene. Still love that movie though.
Bran-Dao just made my day.
Hell, I’m going to be smiling at that all week.
Am I the only one here that really wants to see commander badass/jarad now?
I’m a bad person, I know ._.
Never just you.
OTP!!!!!!!
What… is wrong with you?
Welcome to the internet.
You must be new.
You think they’re scary now, just wait til rule 34 comes in to effect.
Commander would kill him in the moment of passion.
…I feel sick just thinking about it…
Okay, just for that.
Rule 34 on Rosie O’Donnell.
That was uncalled for! Augh it burnses us!
Oh man. Oh man oh man. This is the best one yet!
Love the Commander’s response to Jared’s Chuck Norris remark. Also love the fact that Jared has a different t shirt every time… Adds realisticness
Why do I love webcomics? They can get all religious about Macho and Chuck Norris :D
Chuck Norris jokes were funny when Vin Diesel were used instead of Chuck Norris. How many buff men do you see playing D&D? Can’t you just imagine him playing as a level 12 Elf wizard? For me, Vin Diesel and Mr. T will be my all time favorite macho men.
Almost every single time d&d is played in Ireland. :P
We all know the reason Chuck Norris is considered manly is because we allow him to think he is. That and Jean Claude Van-Damn does too many splits to be manly.
SO MANY APOSTROPHES.
GOOOOOOOOOOD.
Bah! Chuck Norris.
I’m a Clint Eastwood man, myself.
What’s this? Everyone’s worshiping Marlon Brando here?
This makes me sad : <
I see what you did there.
Reaves lost manly status with Bill and Ted
he also only has one face….
you gotta remember, in bill and ted he had several.. but he lost them in the matrix.. stupid digitalness
You would lose the will to smile as well if you had been being life drained by a machine your entire life D:<
… Huh… Think he’s a victim of typecasting then?
I feel so much better after having read your comic today ^_^
Stupid being ill >.>
The Commander looks oh so very reverent in panel 4.
So how does Jamie Hyneman rate on the manliness scale?
(Yes, I am a total Mythbusters fangirl…)
Much as I love Mythbusters I am of the opinion that Jamie is just a vehicle for his awesome ‘stache which is truly in control of things.
Jamie is simply allowed to exist as a mode of transportation.
Think of the mustache as a face mounted head crab.
But what about Gregory Peck?
I love when Mr. Fish is just in the background looking fishy.
I agree, Chuck Norris jokes were never funny. VIN DIESEL jokes on the other hand… ^_^
HOW CAN WE TELL????
http://comixed.com/2010/04/07/4-koma-comic-strip-neo/
Whoops, this one seems to fit better:
http://comixed.com/2009/08/29/method-acting/
I belive we can all agree that Bruce Campbell is the manliest of men
Mr.Fish seams to think that passerby girl needs a different shampoo
Oh and Commander’s accent reminds me of that guy from futurama. You know Sal; the blue-collar slob of many jobs.
you mean scruffy?
the janitor?
*licks finger, turns page on magazine, eats chip, chews slowly, cue switch to bender*
Chuck Norris ain’t shit.
Now, Bruce Lee…
You bring that golden calf bullshit in this house of brando one more time, And I swear I will Discipline you.
bruce lee? i dunno… he does kick some major ass( including chuck norris ^_^ ) and he is pretty cool with martial arts and stuff but to consider him manly? i just don`t know…..
Y’know… I was going to ask about that poster. XD
Personally, I’m a Liam Neeson man myself. I dare anyone to watch Taken and not be in awe of the fatherly manliness.
Its true, But he is no Brando.
He is also A LION
And the rather softer character of Dad in Fallout 3… But he did kamikaze himself with lethal doses of radiation in the end, takes MANLINESS to do that!
not to mention his fondness for charging radscorpions with nothing but a kitchen knife
Not to mention Qui-Gon Jinn, Sir Gawain, AND Zeus.
You forgot Darkman and Schindler’s List! I’m all for Liam.
Gah, can’t help but love Marlon Brando, even while I simultaneously think he/his characters were douches.
He was a douche in the most respectable way. Like the “I don’t care what you think and it really isn’t any of your business anyway” sense of the word. The same kind of douchiness that makes Bruce Campbell panels at conventions awesome.
I want to meet Bruce SO BADLY.
HE IS MY HERO
Me too. Vorked. This can only mean one thing….
ROAD TRIP!
Prepare for wacky misadventures and hilarity! HOORAH!
I love the first panel.
Mr. Fish see Cookie Girl and he does not approve. Not at all.
For those wondering “Why are the jokes about Chuck Norris?”, the answer’s kinda simple. Look up his professional fighting track record. From what I hear, it’s freaking amazing.
Speakman’s record is almost gauranteed 50% more insane. Also he’s a LOT faster.
But he never made it big because his actual voice is very high and squeaky and totally makes his name oxymoronic. He barely speaks in his movies and when he does it’s pitch-shifted. Which is a shame. It seems like it would be fun to be able to tell someone “YOU JUST GOT YOUR ASS KICKED BY SOMEONE THAT SOUNDS LIKE A BITCH, HOW BOUT THAT”
I would say Toki or King Diamond are around the same tone. Boy just needs to learn to work that screech.
The Commander looks a little odd in the second a panel, with almost all his eye hidden by his nose.
and THANK YOU for the lack of chuck norris jokes. I don’t I could have stood it (one of my friends used to ALWAYS say chuck norris jokes, and I HATED it) They’re okay, but not really funny.
but now I kinda want to see chuck norris show up at the agency’s door, just to see what the commander would do.
Chuck Norris created the universe via’ time travel.
I’ve never been much for the Chuck jokes, but I do love Jean-Claude.
And…I think Mr. Fish may be my favorite character in this comic. I mean, they are all amazing, but his face just steals every shot.
Fucking epic. I’m so glad you posted this comic up. Chuck Norris has been a pain in my ass for YEARS!
I felt that if you did not know about this, that you should be told.
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/
And, much manly love to all of your comics. They are brilliant.
BRANDO’S RIGHT LEG MOVED.
I say that’s proof of th’ Bran-dao!
Dammit, now it’s all I can look at.
o.O It cannot be unseen!
Chuck Norris is not even that awesome. Sean Connery surpasses him in every way.
You bring that golden calf bullshit in this house of Brando one more time, And I swear I will Discipline you. >>
on a scale of sheer and utter awesomeness, James Earl Jones, as Darth Vader.
Win
BRANDOOOOO!
God I love Commader’s enlightened face in panel four. It’s like he’s seen…Well, Marlon Brando.
I’ve never had trouble understanding what the Commander is saying. ‘Course, I’m from the Baltimore region, eehOO hay ‘der Hon.
I can’t tell if Mr. Fish is unsatisfied with cookie girl or pissed off at the fish tank. HOW DARE YOU FORCE HIS BRETHREN IN TO MERE 10 GALLON QUARTERS…
The commander with a look of enlightened awe… never thought I’d see it.
Chuck Norris jokes have never been funny.
If they had picked someone worth the hype I’d like them. But he’s a fat ginger guy covered from head to toe in denim.
The jokes are funny. Chuck Norris is not. And he definately is not manly.
“Worth the hype”? He served in the Air Force doing border duty in South Korea, picked up a black belt in Tang Soo Do while he was there, picked up several more black belts in a number of other martial arts, AND he has his own martial art. Not to mention that he’s represented an exercise program for about the last ten years, so he’s probably not fat. He may not actually be able to piss his name in concrete, but he could probably break you in half. The Brando couldn’t do that.
Of course, he wouldn’t need to, since he could probably shame you into doing it yourself out of a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness inspired by his overwhelming charisma and manliness.
But I will now remove myself and my golden calf bullshit from this house of Brando before I am brought up for Discipline.
Well, you beat me to it D: I cannot discipline you for you have done it yourself.
But yeah, what he said about the chuckster is the truth. He also has the KDOA program. He teaches free martial arts to kids.
anyone who dare mention chucks name in dishonor shall get his punishment in due time……..
Marlon Brando is cool and all, but Isaiah Mustafa (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm2248149/), Aka the guy in the old spice commercials, is the manliest man ever.
No respect, I tell you what. Comparing the guy who redefined masculinity in the media to an actor in a deodorant commercial.
To be fair, he’s a REALLY good actor in a deodorant commercial
Excuse me, who?
I know Marlon Brando, but I have never heard anything about that Mustafa. Eh well, must be because I’m European though. Figure he might have been more popular in U.S.
Up here where I live, I think all my parents generation know Brando, but seriously, even if there’s a long page for him in my native language, there isn’t even one row for that other guy in it.
So yeah, uh, a bit of a pointless point, but yeah I’m going to have to go with Marlon Brando.
Also, Chuck Norris? It stopped being funny the 3rd time I heard it. Then it just got sad.
The writing really affirms that this comic is being made by either a woman or a hardcore agenda-havin’ bromosexual. Of course I’m okay with it either way, I loved 300.
It’s been mentioned time and time again that I am indeed a “she”, but I don’t see how this has an agenda beyond “Stop talking about Chuck Norris he was never funny and he never will be.”
Really, lay off the squid D:<
I love your comics but the Commander’s accent is getting very difficult for me to read. :(
I don’t understand this sentiment. Hardly any words have been changed and even the ones that are are so common in Americana literature and to the majority of the continental United States in spoken language (and therefore the majority of internet users, those are just facts) that I find it baffling that someone has to complain EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Hell, if you really are that illiterate, just try to say the sentence. You’ll realize how ridiculous you’ve been.
Could be English isn’t a first language?
There IS a difference between reading and spoken words.
Yeah, but I’m in the same boat as the guy I was replying to, I don’t think it’s that hard to read because it’s mostly just the last letter being dropped from certain words and squishing out vowels every now and then. I’m just saying that I understand it could be hard to reason out if you’re still getting used to English.
I just get thrown off by all the apostrophes.
My dad is from Texas…I swear i can read this better then I can proper English o.o
Amen, Brother.
All hail The Brando.
Ughhh i feel bad now for those lame chuck norris jokes i did on devianart
i’m sorry Q-Q
I half expected some Brawndo the Thirst Mutilator jokes.
Going to watch Waterfront now. . .
Heh, I do love some of the minor details. Like the little fish in the tank behind Jared. lol
All this talk of manly actors and no one mentions Sean Connery?
…….
Crud, didn’t realize it was mentioned before.
*DISCIPLINES*
Bringin’ that golden calf bullshit in here a second time.
He will get his turn eventually.
The first thing which came to mind in the last two panels was of a religious father saying “Don’t make me take off my belt boy”
That would just leave even more for the people up at the top saying they want Commander/Jared slash.
I think this last week declared the Old Spice Man the manliest man in existence right now. He could blow Chuck Norris right outta the water. This webcomic is now diamonds? :D
Wasn’t Marlon Brando bisexual, though? : /
And so secure with himself that it made him no less of a paragon of masculinity.
Well put. Also, I’m a new reader of this comic. Good stuff. Keep going if you have the strength.
Hm. Good point. I’ll use that comeback too! Sorry if I came off sounding like an ass; didn’t mean to : )
CN jokes are funny. It’s just you who don’t get them.
A toddler could get a Chuck Norris joke, and still wouldn’t laugh.
Chuck Norris Facts are way better then Chuck Norris jokes…(mostly because I never seen a Chuck Norris joke.)
Sorry guys,
Much respect to both Brando and Norris,but…
NO ONE can touch the Duke…
John Wayne!
Chuck Norris is a fundie anyway. Never liked him much.
I always imagine the last panel’s dialogue given very quickly and very angrily.
Chuck Norris is nothing…
Long-time lurker here. Just had to say that the last line of this comic will forever live on as one of my favorite pieces of writing of ALL TIME.
Keep up the good work =D
I just read-up on “Apocalypse Now,” while last week I read Brando’s bio on IMDB.
Sadly, I now judge Brando to be in the rest of the Hollywood crowd of unmanly cowardice and hallucinogens– how else to explain their most-widely-known activities (gossip magazines, etc.) and the bullshit undercurrents in war movies?
(Did I mention that I debunked “Air America” and the drug-trafficking schpik with only 45 minutes of Google searches?)
Also, fuck Rambo, and all the related Vietnam stuff, with the noted exception of “Forrest Gump.” You want manly? Interview some veterans.
If you’re judging him by the characters he’s played in movies, you’ve fallen into the trap of believing he’s the imaginary people he pretends to be onscreen.
He believed that people shouldn’t get in a frenzy about celebrities, he believed it was all you could do to be as good at your job as possible, he thought people who made a big deal out of him because he was an actor were full of shit, and Is frequently quoted saying he hopes people get as excited about plumbers who do their job right as they do about actors who do their job right. He didn’t believe that people should squander their lives in regret for the past, because it was behind you and all you could do was move foreward. He conceded that he wasn’t a particularly tough person, but said that if you dwell on your sensitivity you can never move past it. He acknowledged that a lot of people didn’t particulary care for him, and accepted it because he didn’t really cared about being liked by people he wasn’t fond of. He believed in racial and religious equality at a time and place where thinking along those lines wasn’t taken favourably, and he was secure enough with himself that he had no problems owning up to his bisexual tendencies.
I chose him as sort of a mascot for this comic because to me, aside from the obvious standards of masculinity he set in his youth, he represents being good at what you do, floating above the naysayers to live your life the way you want, and overcoming negative circumstance.
While I respect your opinion, I must disagree when it comes to your viewpoint of Rambo. I am related to three veterans of the Vietnam war, all of whom saw heavy combat and were lucky enough to come home intact. They found the depictions of Vietnam in such films as Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket deplorable, large in part due to the sensationalization of Francis Ford Coppola. However, the first Rambo film was painfully accurate. Veterans were treated like dirt upon returning home. Hated because journalist brought home more sensationalist stories about baby killing and drug-crazed murderous sprees. Many veterans couldn’t cope, and indeed felt like they’d never left the war behind, and responded to attack in kind. In that respect, the first Rambo film does what so few Vietnam films manage: giving a glimpse of the personal Hell American soldiers went through.
Its true. Marlin Brando is far better of a guy that that ol’Norris has ever been.
And thus this comic makes me happy and is my counter to all Chuck Norris comments.
Totally digging how the drawl is completely gone in the last panel. That’s some serious shit right there.
Well would YOU want to be disciplined by the man who is in charge of every badass character ever created?
Just thought you might wanna have a look at this : https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=105057899588752&set=pu.102407913187084&type=1
Ahahaha, yeah, I’ve seen that kickin’ around.
It’s not that the Jokes were ment to be funny, but to sort of “praise” the toughest guy of our generation.
It’s like when we praise the Lord by saying stuff like… well, “praise the Lord”. But instead we say stuff like “Chuck Norris once shot down a German Fighter by pointing his finger at it and saying ‘bang’.”
When I was little, I hated my name (this is a latin country, and the names that you see more around here is José and João, not Marlon[mine]) because there was some idiots in my school that made fun of me because of it. But when I grew up, and discovered how awesome Marlon Brando was, I started to think my name was the best of the world (yes, even more awesome than McLovin’ douches).
Norris ftw jokes aside.
Chuck Norris didn’t run his mouth about him being tough. Now, the Internet regards him as the toughest man to ever walk the planet. So, he accomplished Cmdr. Badass’s “Nirvmana” in the exact manner he talked about. Secondly, DO NOT BESMIRCH THE NAME OF CHUCK NORRIS!!!
Dude made an ad about how electing Obama would plunge America into a thousand years of darkness he’s uh…. got some issues.
A. Chuck Norris is a Christian conservative. He firmly believes in the “old-fashioned” values this country was founded upon. Obama doesn’t in any way, and while 1,000 years may be a bit of an exaggeration, I have significant reason to believe that his re-election will be bad for America as a whole.
B. You’re besmirching aren’t you? WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?!?!?!
Modern day conservatives arent about the “original values” of the US anymore than the Democrats are. They are corrupt, religiously fundamentalist assholes in the pockets of big business, which I can guarantee you the Founding Fathers werent. Corrupt and religiously fundamentalist, they were still pretty big assholes.
I’m a believer in Stone Cold Steve Austin. Austin 3:16 is the way I live my life. So, come. The House of Austin accepts all, provided they bring beer.
Does he? Because everytime he offers someone a beer, he kicks their ass afterwards. He really doesnt seem like the friendly sort
Marlon Brando was a pretty cool guy… but he was no Bruce Lee.
(Plus Bruce Lee beat up Chuck Norris.)
I myself an adherent to the Tao of Robert Mitchum.
I used to kinda like Chuck Norris jokes. Until I found out what a douche he is :/ Anything political that comes out of his mouth is such horrid ‘rejoin church and state’ nonsense.
Wouldn’t normally comment on older pages, but I only just found the comic so I’m eagerly cruising through the entire comic :3
So, I’m genuinely curious, Coelasquid. If an individual were to apply the concepts of the Bran’dao to femininity, would they still use Marlon as their religious figure, or someone else as an equivalent? How would that work?