Don’t you hate it when you get your blades of chaos tangled in an adamantium ribcage?
December 3, 2012
12:00 am
Sometimes I write jokes and then I stare at them until I’m not sure if they’re actually jokes anymore or not. Just watch this turn into a really abstract setup for a gag about bubble tea.
What are you doing Commander don’t give him a car. Don’t you know there’s only one motor vehicle in Kanto and no one knows how to move it?
Discussion (178) ¬
Oho man.
Really digging the inking style.
First off, the scenario with Kratos and Logan is hilarious. I love Logan’s expressions in this.
Also, hell yeah, Jared’s getting more responsibility. He’s becoming a MAN.
It’s nice seeing his character go from being a deadbeat who got kicked out of the Pokemon leagues to being a deadbeat who got kicked out of the Pokemon leagues AND earned enough of the Commander’s trust to ferry his children around.
Eh…. The thing about the Commander, is that he can travel through time. He just doesn’t like to abuse it. Jared fucks this up, it will never have happened. I’m just saying that trust for the Commander is different than trust for anyone else. He’s got lots of second chances.
Yeah but Commander is very stupid about his time travel. Also his time travels are stable time loops. It seems he can’t make paradoxes. So he couldn’t actually go back in time and change anything.
Even if you argue “he could, but hasn’t yet” It doesn’t make sense if he could, because otherwise instead of making badass superhero soldiers to win wars with machismo, the higher ups would just go back in time and re-write history in their favor.
He created a world where the Rambo movies didn’t exist. Then he went back and stopped that from happening. Not quite stable time loop.
This man has a point. If he had sabotaged himself in a STABLE time loop, how would he have even known about the Rambo movies not being created? They wouldn’t have existed therefore he’d have no knowledge of them. Unless, as a man outside the normal time stream, he alone remembered the movies, maybe even a copy of them on him somewhere, showed them to his superiours, and they decreed that he go back to ensure the awesomeness eternal.
… … … … …
… … … … …
… … … … …
… Nobody but ME, apparently. Honestly guys, just–
[RECEPTION LOST]
Wolverine just looks more irked than anything else.
Having someone’s horrible sandal on your chest would be annoying, I’d imagine.
What? It’s not like he has to worry about getting an infection from the dirt on the bottom of a sandal, right?
I love how he doesn’t even say anything, he just looks grumpy.
Isn’t grumpy just the natural state of both Wolverine and Kratos?
Wolverine, yes. Kratos’s natural state is full-blown rage.
With an occasional dash of remorse that fuels his full-blown rage.
Wolvie’s actually pretty chipper a lot of the time. Give him a beer, a smoke, and a hockey game, and he’s happy.
Well at least he still has his Canadian Beer and Cuban Cigars.
Wonder what the outcome would be if the various lobies tried to stop that with their embargoes against all things not U.S.A. centric?
Wolverine and Canada man could be friends.
Erh… Wolverine IS canadian, why wouldn’t he he friends with Canada Guy?
I suppose that being essentially chained to another dude might be awkward.
I sense the ultimate game of gay chicken.
But if it was Danzig it wouldn’t be gay.
The game of gay chicken where it’s physically impossible to break away. Nobody loses. It’s per–
–wait… how is that a game if nobody loses?
You ever play Minecraft?
well played octogen
Yes. I play it in multiplayer. I play as a bandit so everyone but me loses.
Touche.
And in the reverse case (a game where nobody wins), Dwarf Fortress.
On the other hand, !!FUN!! still happens.
Isnt that wolverines default expression?
But man, you can MAKE more kids and that car’s a classic!
Never mind that he’s a time traveler and can probably just pop back to 1953 and buy a car, cash, park it in a garage and pop forward keys in hand. Forget the jetpacks, I want a time machine.
If we had time machines, we could go to the future and pick up a jet pack.
Time machines are win-win.
Except that when time travel gets invented every other form of technological development stops because people just try to go forward in time to when it’s already been invented.
Also Time Paradoxes… I’m a logical person, and trying to make sense of Time Travel makes my head hurt. I hate time travel…
Just because you bring something from the future into the past doesn’t automatically mean it never gets invented…unless you tried to sell it off as your own invention.
Even then, the only thing you’ve changed is when and by whom it was invented. If you think of it all as purely information, then as long as the information continues to exist after the change in the time-line, a paradox won’t occur in which the invention doesn’t exist.
…Or you could just pretend that we live in a multi-verse where all possible outcomes can and do happen in alternate realities.
That’s my belief and I’m sticking with it
I actually believe in a Quantum Random Walk interpretation of the timeline, wherein all routes are explored, but the first one to be successful retroactively becomes the only route taken.
Well, you are assuming time to be a straight line, while it’s essentially a big ball of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey… stuff
There’s an XKCD about that, isn’t there?
Yeah, XKCD did that. the engineers of the world invent cryogenics and freeze themselves for ten years so they can play with the advanced tech. But, without them involved in science for ten years, there is no advancement.
Of course Wolverine wouldn’t give a fuck about horrible injuries.
Gotta love the evolution of Jared.
I guess he is annoyed that the hooks tickle when he talks.
And that’s why Wolverine isn’t in Playstation All Stars.
“Ghat dammit” and I much-belatedly begin to wonder… what accent does the Commander have?
A FUTURE accent. Probably a mix of whatever places you can think of that already have badass/country accents?
We’ll call it space-future-Scottish for lack of anywhere more awesome.
Space-Future-Scotish-Russiuan-EnglishButtler.
Notice the lack of dash in the last section.
And the extra T.
And the extra ‘U’ in Russiuan.
We have been told Beetlejuice in the past. Also he mentions Tom Watts/ somebody else (possibly Beetlejuice again) at a drive through some point while he has pretty disease.
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/1141
Believe it or not, that was actually really easy to find. Kudos to Ms. Turnbull and her team for a pretty damn intuitive archive system.
Then again, that’s his VOICE mind you, not his accent.
My headcanon says a thick Southern drawl with a growly, gravelly bite to it.
I looked back for the other reference I made, turns out it is referred to as VOICE there too. Some toilet who didn’t supply their name asks ACCENT but the reply there uses VOICE.
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/289#comments
Best I can do, not that you are likely to come back and read this anytime soon.
In my mind he sounds like Brock Samson from Venture Bros.
Which has been stated to be incorrent repeatedly.
The Commander doesn’t have a particularly thick eye-dialect… I had the impression “Ghat” was either a minced oath, a future-religion/Bronsonian deistic term, or the protagonist from Zeno Clash (who is possibly from “Earth”‘s ultra-far-future, and so maybe not unknown to a time-traveller like the Commander).
Gonna be honest, I think my favourite part of this post, although I enjoy the rest IMMENSELY, is your motor vehicle comment.
^ This! XD
<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3
While the comic itself was funny, it was that little commentary that sent me into full-on laughter.
Quick, Jared! There may be a Mew under the Commander’s car!
…dude, what if there really WAS a Mew under the Commander’s car?
‘Twould explain a few things.
Like how he can time-jump without going 60 MPH first.
88 mph, dude. Get your pop culture references straight.
You can’t go 88 mph without going 60 mph first.
Thanks, guys. I knew I was a bit rusty, but… whew.
I giggled SO hard when I saw this. Poor Kratos…He should have known better than fighting with a mutant with high regenerative powers. I love how Jarrod places the welfare of a classic car as the greatest responsibility. Then when Commander mentions his kids, he’s all like…0.o….Riiiigggghhhhtttt…The kids.
Speaking of, isn’t Mr. Fish alright with these kids?
So why use a car irresponsibly when you can fly, responsibly or not?
Gyrados can’t fly.
He has flown in this comic. Mr. Fish is not your average Gyrados.
I thought he was just jumping hella high
Think Wolverine is more annoyed by the Kratos’s smelly sandal than anything else. Guess getting himself torn apart and even killed a few times the past hundred years gives you a ridiculous pain tolerance. xD
Well, to quote the first X-Men movie: “-Does it hurt when they come out? -Every goddamn time”
I hope Jared doesn’t try to fit Mr. Fish into the passenger seat. Assuming he can drive, anyways. Assuming not, I’d like to think he’d ride Mr. Fish to town to pick up them kiddies.
Kanto? I thought he was from Johto or other creepy place where wid golems appears on the nature.
I mean wild
“All my friends are playing on Kanto time”
Another great strip. Although I find myself wondering why Jared wouldn’t just pick them up on Mr. Fish! :-)
I’m was starting to wonder if I was the only one who thought of that! They’d certainly have a blast.
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/527
Is Mr. Fish street-legal?
“Sir, do you know why I stopped you?”
“Nom”
“MMM! MMM, MRRMM, MMMMM!”
CLASSIC MGDMT. Impossibly burly men fighting with deadly weapons and needing the Commander to whip out a huge knife to cut them apart? Just another day in the office… and another massive tip for the cleaning lady.
CLEANING MAN NO LADY. CLEANING MAN REQUIRE TIP FOR INSULT. CLEANING NOT JUST WOMAN’S JOB.
You, dear sir/ma’am, have no idea just how madly you made me laugh. Please accept my sincere thanks as your awesomeness truly made my day.
Logan is a classic bad ass. he’s the first one i remember outside of the huld we thinking about comic book tough guys. well marvel comic book tough guys with DC it’s Orion
You forgot Lobo (for DC)
actually, there are two motor vehicles.
that one truck in red/blue (and in the firered/leafgreen remake) and the moving van that brings you to your house in ruby/sapphire.
now i like to think that the red/blue truck and the ruby/sapphire are the one and the same, since it indicates that either it’s a truck that comes from kanto, bought and moved to jhoto then turned into a moving truck to drop off the family in hoenn, or it’s a jhoto moving truck and the red/blue main character just happens to bump into it on the mover’s coffee break or something.
i want to meet that guy.
the one guy in between three leagues that owns and drives “that one truck”.
the world of pokemon has boats, trains, submarines, cable cars, zepplins and i’m pretty sure various earthmovers like bulldozers and backhoes…
but one truck.
ONE. TRUCK.
also there are thousand of cars in unova, under tubeline bridge for example
Well, she did say ‘Kanto’ in her comment, so she was referring to the only truck/vehicle in Kanto.
I never understood why there weren’t more vehicles in the games before Black/White….
Because only ‘MURICANS drive cars.
I laughed so much from the comic comment and this post. I love you, ma’am.
She’s pretty much correct, though. There are way fewer cars in Japan than in the US, per area, per capita, and period. (well, “period” follows from the first two, since Japan is both smaller and less populated than the US, but you get my point)
I’m pretty sure that’s the reason they put cars in Unova/Isshu. It is supposed to be new york, whereas all the past regions have been parts of Japan.
I’ve got this image of Gary Oak, cruising around in a red convertible, with his cheerleading fanclub. Pretty sure that went through Jared’s head too.
Everything’s in walking distance/ They’re invisible/ All deliveries are done through random 10 year old / Black and White are in the future, when Cars are more mass produced, plus planes.
How could I not love a man who always has his priorities straight? Commander is such a wonderful character because of that.
OMG THE FIRST PANEL
Aaaaah, where to begin?! The excitement that would be a fight between Kratos and Wolverine, the facial expressions, the unexpected twist and hilarity behind it, Commander’s reaction….
The fanboy in me is pleased, yes yes!
Yes, the facial expression are great here. In fact, to me at least, this is the best looking strip in a long time. Not that the others have been bad–of course they’re not bad!!–but this one just is so extremely good-looking that I had to salute my screen with my coffee. Well done on all counts, Coelasquid!!!
Oh man, yeah. That’s a real pain in the ass.
I can’t help but wonder why Commander didn’t ask Jared to use Mr. Fish to pick up the kids. But maybe Mr. Fish usually isn’t a valid means of transportation.
Mr. Fish goes where Mr. Fish wants to go. This was the issue when they took on Gackt.
So much win xD Though I have to ask…. Who is the commander fighting while riding a bull that’s riding dolphins?
“Don’t you know there’s only one motor vehicle in Kanto and no one knows how to move it?” HAHAHA
Ah yes. Don’t you hate when in a good mannered discussion, then something stucks the free interchange of ideas?. And let’s not discuss the body odor , because is lore that Wolverine’s smell is like of a wet dog. And Kratos hasn’t changed his sandals in at least three games (actually two and a DLC). I bet Jean Gray didn’t have to address these shenanigans.
BTW, I can’ help imagining Kratos’lines in a whiny, kid like voice (but manly, of course).
Children?
You mean “fuck trophies”
http://overlymanlyman.com/fuck-trophies/
Just another day at the office of overly manly and violent men. Yep.
Does Jared even have a drivers license?
He has a giant laser fish. Licenses are invalid.
ohhhh boy, Jared. This is a big moment for you.
What they need to do is get on the other side and pull, since the hole is already bigger than the chain
Kratos’s blades are attached to his arms. Like welded to them by Greek god magic or something, I don’t remember the canon. But he can’t take them off.
Well shit. I need to read less comics and play more video games
On the other hand, pulling Kratos through Wolverine would be amusing.
The logical conclusion of the above-mentioned theoretical “no losing outcome” gay chicken game.
Another day at the office. The terrible, blood-stained office.
You do a pretty good Wolverine, but now I wonder what he looked like Nomurafied…
Like this: http://www.bamkapow.com/bk_images/2009/04/06/wolverine-manga.jpg
G*dd*mmit, that’s terrifying!
Ow. That broke my brain.
Part of me wishes hair worked like that so I could have his hair.
y’know… i remember coming home from a date night when in high school. my little sister was tucking a blanket around the snoozing babysitter. don’t worry about the car jared! the kiddie will help you drive it!
I am wondering why they were even fighting in the first place. Not only that, but shouldn’t Wolverine be bleeding to death, since there is still a fat wound where the blades are? And lastly, he would be screaming in pain right now, or at least when Commander starts knifing at him to get the blades out. XD
Clearly you know nothing of the manliness that is Wolverine.
I don’t think I’ve ever commented but i’ve been reading your comic for almost a year now. Fantastic job on kratos’s back muscles. Love logan’s face in the 4th panell.
Logan: “Hah! I can take anything you throw at me!”
*clink SHUNK!*
Kratos: “… What the Hell, let go!”
Logan: “I did say -take-, didn’t I?”
I like this a lot. Kudos to you and the mighty Coelasquid.
Considering what Jared is seeing right now, he won’t dare do anything stupid. Well, he also has Mister Fish to clear our traffic for him.
Does Jared actually know how to drive? Oh well, worst case, he gets Mr Fish to carry the car on his back, like a howdah.
New story arc time!
I don’t even know if Jared CAN drive, yet the Commander trusts him with his children?? -Now is the time to not screw up, Jared. I feel some crazy and comical events are about to take place :3
Have to say, I’m curious as to how those damn things actually cut through Wolverine’s ribs. I guess divine weapon > adamantium?
They’re not in his ribs, they’re in the meat around them. He’s a stubby, beefy guy.
Clearly they must have slid between the ribs. Except they look upright. Maybe they went through horizontally and then turned sideways in the wound? Do they have a suitable narrow bit at the base?
Yup, as far as I remember
Next strip: Jared finds a Mew in the car, Commander’s kids ask if they can keep it. Hilarity ensues!
Logan has infinite blood, like the shinigami and the saints, only he’s not Nomura’d.
Out of curiosity, were Logan and Kratos just sparring or having an actual fight? I can’t even begin to picture them fighting while seriously trying to kill one another.
Although that would be an interesting scenario…
Naw, Logan was taking up a hobby. You see he secretly wants to be a painter but he couldn’t find the right shade of red.
Kratos can help him find like 49 more.
Let’s see, Jarad, two kids, a laser fish, and a classic car… this has cross-country road chase written all over it, Smokey and The Bandit-style.
This strip is Rated M for MANLY!! XD Awesome!
If Jared couldn’t handle using the power washer hose attachment, what make the commander think he can handle driving a car? Also, as Jared is seems to use Mr Fish to get around, does he even have a driver’s license? One more thought, couldn’t Wolverine just cut them out himself?
Because there’s a huge difference between playing with a tool in a way you shouldn’t and deliberately endangering your friend/boss/surrogate father’s young children?
If he can’t handle something small, why would you risk handing him something big?
Because, as timemonkey said, he obviously has not shown any indication of actively endangering anyone in his vicinity, aside from mr. fish’s hyper beam. Don’t be such a fucking moron. Anyone can dick around with a hose and know how to not fucking crash a car.
A mere car and a couple of anklebiters are nothing beside the utility and fun and glory of a high pressure hose. It’s a completely different level of responsibility.
I like that the situation is so grisly, and yet the mentality is akin to children playing. “Teacher, teacher! We was playing, and, uh, my chains with spikes on the end? Uh…”
For what it’s worth, *I* liked this page. Just that “Oh yeah, the children, that would be even more critical…”
Also, I laughed a little at that line about there being only one car in Kanto.
Also, Kratos must be very upset that his blades are stuck. I’ll bet that he’s got like, a really big scowl on his face.
… :D
It’s kinda heartwarming that the Commander apparently has that much trust in Jared to trust him with the safety of his children.
Let’s think of in how many ways he can let the Commander down.
I’m guessing the punchline here will be that Jared is so afraid of doing anything to hurt Commander’s car and his kids that he drives like an old man.
Hrm… Jared probably can’t drive a car, so…
He’ll leave the car parked and use Mr. Fish to pick the kids up?
This is awesome. I hope you do a follow up to it. Like the after effects of Logan getting the things cut out of him. The Commander better be freakin fast cause that healing factor works quick. Though I suspect that Wolvies there just to see Canadian guy or something. Cause it’s not like he actually NEEDS the services of the agency. Wolverine’s comics are still going strong. :3
But as to Jared driving the Commanders car…yeah….bad idea. I hope he does take Mr. Fish instead. 1. the kids’ll love it. and 2. it’ll get more respect from the commander if he does the SMART thing and not risk driving when he probably doesnt even have his licence in the first place.
I know he can heal and all, but that looks really painful!
I know this was probably already mentioned, but couldn’t Kratos just, you know, let go of the chains? It’s not like the hilt end of the blades is larger than the blades themselves or anything.
It was already mentioned. And answered. They’re bound to him, they don’t come off.
Yeah, the wiki on the Blades of Chaos says they’re bound because Ares wanted a commitment of faith or something. Poor Kratos was given a chastity belt so he wouldn’t swing around with any of the other gods’ toys :<. Then he kills them all.
Anyways, another question. if Kratos ripped into Wolverine so easily, why is he having such a hard time slashing out? Or rather, why is the Commander having such an easy time slashing in with his little combat knife? I thought there was going to be a Dragon Age blood splatter joke in the last frame.
i’m assuming it wasn’t THAT easy to rip into wolverine and from the position of the blades it looks like it did’nt go trought the ribcages but next to it and it stuck in the shoulder joint. commander is just taking out the flesh and muscles( after all WOlverine’s got an infinite supply of blood, muscle tissue and skin ^_^) around it so he can dislodge the blades.
god why do people always look too deep into things! :p
IMPROMPTU SURGERY*!
*read: mutilation
I love the subtext of “This is gonna be YOUR blood if anything happens to them”. Now that’s a real father. =P
I just don’t get why Kratos doesn’t just use all his strength to pull them out. However messy that would be, he doesn’t have to worry about KILLING Wolverine, after all….
Most knives, in my experiences of course, do not have sharp edges where you hold them, thus no matter how much Kratos pulls, he’s pulling on a dull handle, which usually will not go through flesh*.
*excepting tornado class winds, which will make anything a deadly object.
i’m also assuming he tried that ^_^
Wolverine has only 2 facial expressions, poop face and angry poop face. Here he is displaying poop face.
My dad used to say “Ghat dammit.” He was Texan.
In other news, my heart skipped a beat when I saw that one of my favorite artists ever had drawn Wolverine, my most favorite superhero ever.
Poor Commander Badass, having to babysit the manliest men in the world.
I think that it’s close enough to the end of the year for me to proclaim “He healed around them and now they’re stuck” my favorite sentence of 2012.
So I guess Commander really does not like to use time travel to solve everything(like the bishie virus incident). But I bet if Jared crashes his car, he WILL. ^^;
How did he get through the adamantium shoulderblades??
why are wolverine’s claws out if there’s no immediate danger?
A) He’s pissed
B) So the artist can show us who she’s drawing.
I like how they built the fairy dock around that truck, good reference by the way.
What if he just crashes the car before he gets the kids?
I don’t often say this, but Commander, this is a severe tactical error.
So this did, in fact, turn into a joke about bubble tea. Heh.
Y’know I’m really surprised that Sabertooth hasn’t shown up at all in these comics. I mean it’s not like he NEEDS the work, but I could see him drop in every now and again to grab coffee with the commander and ask if he’s got anything on the side during the down times. Life as a merc can get kinda boring at times I’m sure and mixing it up a bit makes things interesting.
You know, my question is, if the chains aren’t connected, why don’t they just push them the rest of the way through and pull them through like a fishing hook?
Every time I read a new comic (or an old one I haven’t seen in a while ;P ) I go through all the comments and have to scroll up or follow links or whatever to see what everyone is talking about. It’s AWESOME!! Plus, did anyone else just glance at the first panel and think that Kratos’ toes were Wolverine’s teeth? Yes…rather odd…
Always wondered why this doesn’t happen to Wolverine more. I love how these two were apparently fighting to the (near) death just moments before, but that’s not worthy of anybody in the office even taking note.
Plus, he’s proven himself capable of giving them a lift on Mr Fish.
By the way, if there’s a store somewhere and I just haven’t found it yet, I would love to buy a ‘Mr Fish just doesn’t give a Fuck’ poster montage.