Hot Spicy 30 year old jokes
September 7, 2016
5:23 am
Literally all I could think of this week was a Monster Party joke.
Before people give me crap about a jack-o-lantern making pumpkin spice lattes I’m gonna say
a) Pumpkin spice doesn’t necessarily mean “pumpkin flavoured” sometimes it just means “the spices people associate with pumpkin pie
b> The pumpkins you use for pie aren’t really the pumpkins you use for Jack-o-lanterns anyway.
The pumpkin spice fad is absurd. I saw pumpkin spice cheerios the other day.
Were they also gluten free?
Hey, Gluten-Free is a necessity for some people. There’s no allergy in the world where you HAVE to have Pumpkin Spice.
True. But putting “gluten free” on a basket of Royal Gala apples is a little ridiculous. I’d swear I’ve seen it on bottled (maybe seltzer) water too.
A lot of things have always been gluten free and it helps people to know that something that they like fits into their diet without being altered. It also helps sales, my cousin owns a kettle corn stall at an amusement park.
Except it’s being used to jack up the price on the exact same product without the gluten-free label. People with Celiac disease know well enough what is and isn’t good, it’s the people that outnumber them 10,000-1 who have more money than sense who look for the label.
Okay, I could go into detail about this but the reason I shop for stuff with “gluten free” on the label is that there are FDA regulations in place that go along with the label. If it’s not on the label, it’s likelier to be cross contaminated or hiding gluten-containing ingredients and I usually have to contact the company to check before I buy something. As someone with actual gluten issues this is a huge pain in the ass (and I’ve gotten sick enough times from stuff that “should” be gluten free to always check). Paying the premium is totally worth not spending a week on the toilet.
On that note, Cheerios are supposedly gluten free but a lot of people have gotten sick from them. They had a huge recall and everything. It has to do with how they source their oats. Fuck Cheerios.
Okay but bottled water and apples?
Try IHOP eggs and omelettes. My wife found out the hard way that they use wheat flour to thicken their all of their breakfast egg meals. Something as simple as eggs over easy or an omelette should not have flour in it.
I believe they’ve fixed that problem now, haven’t they?
The Honey Nut Cheerios haven’t contained almonds since 06 or 07. They use either the entire pit or the seed inside the pit of stone fruits (peaches and plums usually) to flavor them now. Almonds are a drupe the same way peaches and plums are, and I guess since the almond is the seed inside the fruit the other ones taste close enough to almonds to be used as a cheaper substitute. Good for those allergic to almonds who aren’t also allergic to peaches.
Really? I’m pretty sure that’s unsafe, considering most fruit pits contain cyanide. On account of, y’know, the plant NOT wanting you to eat its babies.
I can’t say whether or not they use stone fruit pits, but the amount of cyanide in said pits is very low. You’d have to eat only pits for a while to get poisoned.
Anyways, there’s no saying that they don’t extract it anyway. I mean, just because they still use coca leaves when they make Coca Cola doesn’t mean there’s cocaine in it. They take it out before they sell it.
https://consumerist.com/2014/06/09/heres-why-honey-nut-cheerios-dont-contain-nuts/
No, they have not “fixed” the problem. They mechanically separate their oats from wheat contaminants and that is not *safe enough* for people with Celiacs Disease. Also, many people who have Celiacs Disease cannot have oats due to oats having a similar protein structure nearly as damaging as gluten. The same goes for all items labelled as “Gluten friendly” or “Gluten free” that have buckwheat in them. eff them.
So yes, the official GF label is *very* important for people who have Celiacs Disease.
But buckwheat is not wheat and not even related to it?
Or do you mean the similiar protein structur that few people who are allergic to gluten react to?
It’s more often just used to boost sales to dietary doofuses (and incidentally people with celiac) without changing the price.
I 90% agree with you because I’ve worked in grocery stores and I know how marketing works, but I also have a mother who has Celiac disease to the point where she can’t even have food made in a place that has gluten products being made. Sure was annoying for every product that didn’t say specifically (gluten free in a gluten free facility) she had to call them and find out their operating structure. Anything that may have come into contact with gluten had to go. Products that say gluten free are supposed to meet the standards of not only containing no gluten but having not come into contact with gluten products. ‘Course, if you look on the back many companies will list “Gluten free but made in a factory that processes gluten” so for people like my mother it isn’t actually “gluten free”. I think my mother is on the extreme scale of gluten allergy though, so take this with a grain of salt.
I went through that back in the 90s. Cross-contamination was so common in chocolate or tree nut products that I still avoid all three out of habit even though business practices have greatly improved in that respect.
My mom’s Celiac is so bad she can’t even handle the BAG of anything that contains gluten. We had burgers and brats on Labor Day, and I had to handle not only the hamburger buns, but even the toaster we used to TOAST the buns. It’s not even a matter of cross-contamination, just contacting the gluten would mess her up.
Yes, gluten-free is an absolute necessity for some people. But actually not a large number of people.
Going gluten-free as a dietary choice is very dumb and deprives you of some necessary nutrients. I will admit the gluten-free fad has made it easier for those who need gluten-free to have a wider choice, but it still makes me grimace the thought of people making a dietary choice that still ends up dumb for them.
With your logic you are saying that people who have to go gluten free are also deprived of neessary nutrients, which is false.
Wheat and other gluten containing grains do not contain any magical nutrients that are not found elsewhere.
Wheat was not even a staple grain until some few hundred years ago.
It was a grain for the rich, for royality.
Most of the world did not even have wheat or knew gluten containing grains.
Please do not fearmonger, eating gluten free while not having a need for it might be unnecessary, but it is in no way dangerous.
And spreading those misinformation only makes it harder for those who have to avoid gluten and already get berated for being special snowflakes and depriving ourselves of all the magical nutrients in wheat.
Doubtful. Cheerios cereal afterall.
But isn’t cheerios all gluten free now? At least regular ones are, and the frosted ones too iirc.
Oats don’t contain gluten, and Cheerios recently redesigned their grain filters to ensure that their cereal is 100% gluten free.
Oats actually do contain gluten. Not as much as most wheats, barley or rye, but it’s still there. This is brought to you by somebody who had to watch a classmate struggle with her Celiac problem. Which included people telling her “gluten free” while omitting “because oats” which meant “hives + acid reflux + gastric hell = lies”. :/
Spelt, oats, barley… they all contain it at some level: hence, some varieties get slapped with “low gluten”. It’s amaranth, buckwheat, cassava, potatoes, millet, maize, quinoa, rice and sorghum that don’t… so “gluten free”. Although, with a few of those… be careful when processing because toxic. :P
No, oats do not contain gluten. However they are normally processed in the places as gluten-rich cereals and suffer from contamination. To eat oats safely they have to be prepped in isolation from gluten-rich cereals. Celiacs have to look up flavouring, even on things like sodas to work out if “Caramel” is gluten derived. Coming from somebody who has to buy and cook for Celiacs.
So… Yes and no.
No, pure oats do not contain actual gluten, so for people who react only to that particular protein, as long as there is no cross-contamination they should be fine.
The problem is that oats do have a similar protein, that causes a cross-reaction with a non-trivial percentage of people who are sensitive to Gluten.
If your doctor says that gluten is what’s making you sick, and you notice that oats make you sick, and you don’t actually know what proteins are in what grains, what’s your most likely conclusion going to be? Oats have gluten. Does it really matter? technically any grain can cause the reaction if your particular immune system goes bananas in the presence of it.
Oats contain a protein chain that is similar enough to gluten that some people with Celiacs disease cannot handle them. The oats can even be handled in a completely gluten free facility and it can still be a problem.
Bob’s Red Mill processes its gluten free oats in a gluten free facility. There is *no* gluten contamination and yet it still cannot be handled by some people with Celiacs disease.
They actually had a major recall after rolling out the “gluten free” Cheerios after a ton of people with celiac got sick. Supposedly they’re working on it, but…I don’t trust them at all.
Always a problem: you get one idiot in the company who -knows- that a particular safeguard doesn’t matter, and it’s OK to skip it. Or “oh $hit, we’ll get in trouble, just scoop it up and put it back, quick!”
I bought some of those. Haven’t tried em yet. Also pumpkin spice frosted mini wheats.
My mom bought a box of those Cheerios, they’re actually pretty good.
It has real pumpkin, cinnamon, and nutmeg in it (I looked at the ingredients list, they were right at the top), so unlike a lot of that other pumpkin spice stuff… it actually tastes like pumpkin spice. My only real complain is that they might have ODed on the spice a bit, it’d be better if it had a bit more pumpkin flavor and it was a bit sweeter. Still, it’s way better than most of the other stuff out there.
We got those as a joke, but they’re actually delicious.
As far as I’m concerned, they call it “pumpkin Spice” for a reason & that reason being that it only works well with PUMPKINS…Anything else you put it in tastes like kissing someone who is on an exclusive raw meat, garlic & limburger cheese diet but hasn’t brushed their teeth for the past 10 years.
There is no pumpkin in Starbucks pumpkin spice latte.
Of course not. Pumpkin spice is a mixture of nutmeg, cinnamon, a few other things I can’t think of off the top of my head. In spite of its name, there is no pumpkin in pumpkin spice.
Cloves, cloves is a really important one in that mixture. It gives it the body of its flavor and its smell.
It’s not really even “in spite of” the name. It’s called pumpkin spice because it’s the spice mix you use on pumpkin (pie), not because it’s supposed to contain pumpkin.
It’s not “of course.” If you see something that’s apple cinnamon-flavored, you assume it’s flavored with cinnamon and apples (or artificial facsimiles thereof), not just “cinnamon otherwise used in apple pie.”
Yes, but “pumpkin spice” is the name of the spice blend. It’s not called “pumpkin and cloves” or something like that. “Pumpkin” is being used to modify “spice,” because it’s the spice typically used in pumpkin pie and other pumpkin-based fall treats.
Wait. Wait. Is THIS why something apple cinnamon flavored never tastes like apples?
My scout troop’s Girl Scout Cookies, however, contain at least 20% Girl Scout.
Only 20%? Terrible. It should be at least 40% sacrificed from the girls that could only ever get one merit patch
Hey, unless it’s baby oil made from real babies I’m not impressed.
And shows I’ve played Planescape: Torment.
Nice comic as usual.
As of last year, Starbucks pumpkin spice actually is made with pumpkin.
People complained so they changed the recipe. It now includes pumpkin puree.
Yes, I remember because I found it very upsetting.
I don’t even like PSLs, I just enjoyed being smug about the lack of real pumpkin, and now I can’t even have that.
1. Did you happen to read Coelasquid’s note, directly under the comic?
2. Don’t be that guy.
I work in a grocery store. I don’t know if we’re still carrying all these products, but one year we had pumpkin spice pancake mix. You could pair that with some pumpkin spice maple syrup, to match your pumpkin spice coffee with pumpkin spice creamer. Might as well throw some pumpkin spice in your eggs and bacon to complete the breakfast *gags*
Jesus. I despise pumpkin. Just thinking of this making me cringe
Thank god there’s no pumpkin in any of those. Just cinnamon, nutmeg, ginger, and cloves.
All of which honestly sound like they’d be delightful in a pancake.
Kinda like how I drink a glass of kvass every christmas. I don’t like it but it’s my tradition.
We eat wheat that’s been cooked in honey. It’s gross, no-one likes it, but it’s a tradition.
That sounds tasty to me! What’s not to like? Is the wheat poorly cooked? Toasted wheat in honey sounds delightful.
Yeah! We want to know! Of course, i have trouble to imagine something i wouldn’t eat with honey. Mmmm, why don’t they make honey-flavored condoms?
Bees.
LMFAO
I’d soak the wheat for a good while to soften it. I’ve seen someone break a tooth on an unexpected, still-hard, whole wheat grain. Kind of took the festive out of the event…
I’m pumpkin-spice agnostic as I’ve never had any, but I still like this. Mr. Sad Pumpkin Face sold it.
That’s what he’s there for, isn’t it? :D
We don’t have Pumpkin spice in my country, probably because it’s apparently the same thing as mixed spice? Which is more commonly associated with things like apple pie, porridge, biscuits (cookies), and puddings here. It’s practically a staple.
It’s just really bizarre to me that Americans seem to only use this spice for a month or two every year.
It’s a pretty similar flavour profile to chai, which is available year-round.
Its a heavy case of “Limited time only” makes things sell.
Sometime in the past someone in America realized that they move more mixed spice during the fall and people buy it more readily if it is associated with pumpkin pie. Then someone at a coffee shop got the idea to use it to season drinks instead of more common seasonings.
It’s not /quite/ the same thing… very close though. Pumpkin pie spice has a markedly higher ratio of clove in the flavor profiles, which matches beautifully with a lot of fall/winter squashes, hence the uptick in use during this time of year and the apparent “exclusivity” of the flavor.
All of the spices needed are available off the shelf year-round, it’s just around this time of year pre-mixed seasonings and rediculously flavored things pop up because “’tis the (marketing) season.”
Yeah, from my experience “pumpkin spice” usually just means “nutmeg flavored” rather than an indication of pumpkin being an ingredient.
I always thought clove was the note with the most punch. Made myself some loaded apple pie and raisin muffins with “pumpkin spice” which is usually just cloves, cinnamon, and nutmeg. And from it I noticed that nutmeg doesn’t really smell or stand out as a taste, clove does! Like wow it gave the mix most of its trademark pumpkin pie smell. Honestly I can only eat as much pumpkin spice as you’re supposed to be eating pumpkin pie but they should have put a warning label on those muffins. Caution you may eat all of these in 2 sittings they’re deliciously addictive.
So, it’s actually the name of the spice mix itself– cinnamon, nutmeg, and one or both of ginger and cloves. It’s only called “pumpkin spice” because it’s the spice mix you use in pumpkin pie. Pure naming-by-association.
As someone who loves pumpkin and pumpkin spice accessories, I must say you are indeed right on Starbucks lattes imitating the flavor of the spices, not the pumpkin. Hell, the spices aren’t even in it; they’re all chemical esters.
Protip: Pumpkin Spice Lattes are infinitely better if you ask for half syrup instead of full syrup. Stuff’s too strong and thick for normal number of pumps.
You ever try pumpkin pie but instead of pumpkin you use sweet potatoes? Because that shit is to die for. Or is that like the charcoal of orange fall produce for you?
Yeah, its called sweet potato pie
HunterofDay is correct, pumpkin spice is actually just cinnamon and nutmeg. There’s no pumpkin flavoring in it at all.
except when there is DUN DUN DUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!
I don’t drink coffee, so I’m not familiar with its pumpkin-themed variety, but I have had Pumpkin Pie Blizzards from Dairy Queen, and I think those are pretty dang good.
Probably not really the same thing, though.
And I’m reminded once again that Obama strangentonmany people because I love pumpkin spice flavored things.
Auto-correct?
Holy shit spell check?!? That’s supposed to read “that I am considered strange by many people because. ..” Curse you auto-correct combined with thumbs too large to properly use a keyboard on a phone!
That’s one hell of an autocorrect filter you’ve got, there, Mr. President.
I blame my new Samsung.
Love how the commander is so supportive. :)
The pumpkin spice fad has ruined my morning after game. I used to put a dash of it in the pancake batter to give ’em a little extra flavor and a whole lotta mystery. Now it’s so common that most people recognize it right away.
Your “morning after” game? Do you mean after “sleeping” with someone?
WHY DOES IT HAVE TO END?! I’m sorry, I just burned through the whole series and now I feel sad…
It doesn’t have to end :) Just keep on coming back every week.
Is that ickybod clay from clayfighter selling coffees? <3
I remember Monster Party. It took so long when I was young to beat it
I don’t know which was worse: the maze in round 6 or the Grim Reaper forcing you to lose even if you beat him. Still, I consider it one of the better NES games I played.
I do the exact same thing to be honest. I love pumpkin spice things, but I don’t like lattes.
Same here, I just go to my local not-starbucks coffee shop and get their pumpkin chai.
That sounds really good!
I usually make pumpkin spice hot chocolate from scratch but one of my coworkers at my baker/deli will make it for me if I ask nicely and sometimes that’s easier than owning a spice rack
Me too. Every year I think maybe I’ll like it (hey, tastes change – and also recipes when they added pumpkin puree) so I get one at the start of the season. There was another store one year that had a more actual-pumpkin-y flavour that I liked better but I don’t remember which one… maybe Coffee Bean?
On the bright side, Sbux apparently has a chile mocha now, maybe I’ll skip the pumpkin spice and try/be disgusted by that this year.
As a fan of chili-flavored chocolate, I was disappointed, until I asked them if they could double the “chili” part – turned out they could, and I consider the result quite tasty.
you learn some strange things here…. I’m glad I’m a nerd. I really enjoy this. although some of the cinematic based jokes fly over my head I totally get the gaming references. which is really nice. if I had to ask for anything, I kinda wanna see more mr. fish shenanigans and see jared being… jared. because jared. like back during the survival island arc. “I got some leviathan fishbeast training from a professional back home.” lol jared. and he knitted it the sweater and hat. FOR A MEGALODON. lol. “oh my god. you are her 300 pound hairy jared.” I loved that one. OH, and the one where they were messing with their English accented brother by being on fire while he was flirting. lol one of my favorites along with laser mr. fish and time paradox caused by questioning time travel and facebook resulting in giant winged mindflayer of the helix fossil faith. good times.
well… that was the commander, but it was BECAUSE of jared. I should clarify.
and Then there’s the Muffins.
http://fruityoaty.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/01/pumpkin-spice_tea_donut_muffin_tim-hortons.jpg
I can’t help but wonder what Coelasquid thinks of Blade.
That is, the Trinity Snipes version, not the botched fourth version. Probably bleh, I’m willing to bet.
So I am writing this story about a time traveler and he is in the present day and is excited to try Pumpkin Spice donuts because the government declared Pumpkin Spice a drug in 2045 and it has been banned ever since.
I love that third panel! The artwork speaks to me.
i personally love all the pumpkin flavored stuff and wish it was year round.
…..but yeah, doesn’t really taste like pumpkin.
Is like Apple Jacks, no?
Does anything in Apple Jacks have to do with apples? The color and the packaging are vaguely apple related. That’s it. I’d love to eat an actual apple cereal.
We made our old jack-o-lanterns into pie… but the point being there is no pumpkin in those drinks anyways =)
“The pumpkins you use for pie aren’t really the pumpkins you use for Jack-o-lanterns anyway.”
Maybe if you can afford two pumpkins >_>
Right? In my family we always just used the otherwise-discarded pumpkin flesh from making our Jack O’ Lanterns for the pie.
My mom cooks her jack-o-lanterns after Halloween, unless squirrels get at them (really I think they like the seeds but they’re smart enough to chew into a pumpkin to get at them). Then it turns into pie and muffins.
“Pumpkin” spices + coffee beans = nah.
“Pumpkin” spices + tea leaves = oh yeah!
And thank you for 80s gaming references.
Every year, it comes around, every year people complain, and every year I’m just glad I don’t go to the ‘buck. Frickin’ expensive, always crowded, no one working there seems to really take pride in their work, and there’s always that one person that has to make a scene.
Maybe if I tried this when I started drinking coffee I would like it. Now I’m so jaded that I can’t drink a regular latte without thinking “where’s the coffee?” ^^” I need the infusion of the bitter to feel like it’s worth drinking, so in the end I usually get pump coffee and add a little soy milk. At least that makes my coffee shop experiences less expensive.
Ahh tradition. Why stop doing something stupid?
I am the whitest of white girls and love pumpkin spice everything so much. Fall is the best time of year.
I actually make my own pumpkin Pie out of jackolantern pumpkins (Which arent actually the usual type of pumpkin used for pumpkin pie, but still make an amazing pie regardless) AND mix my own Spice for said Pumpkin Pie (Cinnamon, Nutmeg, Ginger, Clove, and cardimom. I also tend to add a bit of dark cocoa powder to the blend to add a touch of chocolate)
However, I’m a sucker for the gourds and will frequently just skin and cut them up and then pop them, unsweetened, into soups, or make my own pumpkin pie mix and freeze it so I can get pie out of season.
So my big “AAAH YAS” pumpkin spice anything is the Pumpkin Pie icecream publix makes… Cause its literally little bits of pumpkin pie in vanilla icecream. I then put Spicy cinnamon honey on it.
If I want “Pumpkin Spice Latte” I get the superior flavor of Chai tea. Got the spices, doesn’t taste like candle wax like most mass produced “pumpkin spices” taste like.
I make “pumpkin stuff” (pumpkin custard, or pie (filling) without the crust) with a very similar recipe. Other types of squash work well too; Kuri is particularly nice.
Maybe mirror the second panel? Her hand that picks up the cup got reversed.
I tell ya, cause I love ya, and I have no dog in the pumkin spice business.
Crossing the 180 line is a much more egregious disgusting sequential art sin than saying she shifted the cup to her other hand between panels.
It’s said that you have to address people’s “well ACTUALLY” isms before they can put in the comments. Actually, it’s more sad that people don’t know not to do that thing in the first place.
Wait to go, Jonesy. Like Pumpkin-Headed Pete wasn’t suicidal enough.
Oh, I get it. You didn’t want people commenting “The jack-o-lantern ‘spiced up’ the latte with some secret ingredients.” That’s considerate of you, but I don’t think anyone was actually thinking about that. So rest assured mate. 8-]
Is it bragging to say that as kids, my brother and I working in tandem beat Monster Party in all it’s glorious rediculousness?
“Did you milk yourself into my coffee”
I’ve read this a dozen and a half times and only JUST NOW do I have jontron flashbacks and realize this is a monster party joke.