It’s Complicated
October 25, 2015
6:22 pm
I’ve got Bull on the brain 24/7 because I’m using every scrap of free time I have to work on this Iron Bull costume for Comickaze (and eventually SDCC) so here’s a real life conversation some friends and I had a couple weeks ago because it was quick to draw in between the million of fires I’ve had to put out. Hopefully I’ll have photos of the whole thing together next week.
Let’s be honest, there isn’t much that Bull WOULDN’T stick it in.
How about inside the commander? >:O
Commander is officially bi. So why not?
Ah! I have a doppleganger!
Gah! my clones are escaping
I’ll get you gadget!
Play that funky music while you’re doing it, Whitie.
Eh. Close enough. He got most of the steps right, after all. Considering the…mechanisms involved I’d give him bonus points for making it out alive. A solid 3.5 out of 5 overall.
Whoops. Wrong chain. This was for the one below about dragons.
No matter what anyone says wanting to fuck a flying lizard that wants to devour you is super weird. But I totally now want to fuck a dragon.
just now? you goddamn normie, get off my internet.
Silly mortal, no one fucks with Dragons!
Indeed. One must make sweet, sweet love with Dragons!
no one fucks with dragons not even other dragons, that’s why there are now no more dragons…
One should not meddle in the affairs of dragons.
For one is crunchy. And tastes good with ketchup.
I know this post is old… buuuuut…
http://images-cdn.9gag.com/photo/146194_700b_v1.jpg
Eh. Close enough. He got most of the steps right, after all. Considering the…mechanisms involved I’d give him bonus points for making it out alive. A solid 3.5 out of 5 overall.
There’s always Daenerys Targaryen from A song of Ice and Fire, that’s one very fuckable dragon.
I know shes the Mother of Dragons, but I don’t think she’s ACTUALLY a dragon. More like an Honorary dragon, I think?
Totally bangable Dragon in my book
If it’s got no scales, a dragon? You fail.
So Seath is not a dragon now?
Targaryens got in trouble over that. Some of them actually thought they were Dragons. (see The Hedge Knight short story)
And he ended up drinking magical napalm. That went about as well as can be expected.
Or Tiki, Nowi, and Nah from the Fire Emblem games
Those are mostly small children, so… no. Tiki in Awakening is bangin’, though. I’d hit that.
Also in DnD, most adult Metallic Dragons can polymorph to a human shape, which is pretty awesome and would totally count if you hooked up with one. Not sure how so many chromatic dragons hook up with humans to create humans with that hella powerful Evil dragon ancestry.
red dragon ancestry is a fairly common sorc bloodline… so probably quite a few. Most likely because they wanted a side order of rape with all that pillaging.
Black dragons are also known for experimenting. Both in a magical torture way, and the *other* ways.
Green dragons like to assume direct control of forest villages, and if they consider someone worthy then half-green dragons are pretty common. 3.5 had a whole Elven subrace with Green ancestry.
As a general rule, it seems like chromatics’ vanity holds them above rape. They’re evil, but they’re also proud and picky as hell. Not that that forestalls it completely, but I much prefer the interpretation that most dragon/mortal trysts are consensual. It’s less uncomfortable and it paves the way for jokes about adventurous bards.
What do you think those fairy tales about tying up the princesses for the dragons was all about?
Apparently, not ALL dragons were thinking about “lunch” when they saw the sacrifice left for them…
O.o
Bondage :D
So that’s why Bull wants to make it with a dragon. They are into bondage as much as him. It all makes sense.
Fucking a dragon would be pretty metal, though
And now I have my head full of Bull and Jake Long training martial arts in a romantic fashion some years after Jake finished puberty and high school of course.
It sorta makes one wonder about how the saddles were designed in Dragonriders of Pern, doesn’t it?
:P
“Just stop digging this hole”
Um, it’s CALLED a CLOACA.
Also, http://bad-dragon.com/
And that link is going remain unclicked.
I clicked it. There is a “you must be 18 years or older” disclaimer page. I did not click beyond that, because I really don’t need that early on a Monday morning.
Or ever, really.
Spoiler alert: it’s a website that sells sex toys based on fantasy stuff.
I already ordered 30.
I CLICKED OH GOD WHY THERE IS NOT ENOUGH MENTAL BLEACH FOR THIS
It’s just dildos man, chill out.
… … Bad Dragon is still in business? Seriously?
I’m pretty sure their business is booming. They make high-quality stuff.
… I mean, the incredibly high quality stuff they make is dragon dildos, but there’s lots of people who are into that. Hell, even people who aren’t furries might be interested just as a ridiculously giant conversation piece.
Then you would just have it as compensation for your social skills. I mean really, if you need a dragon dick on your coffee table to think of something to talk about…
You see, the idea is to put the 18 inch dragon dick on the table when you want guest’s visit to end really quickly.
The downside of this is the minute chance they might take it as a reason to stick around.
Ah, yes, the cloaca. Truly, it deserves the title Swiss Army Anus.
Cloaca is less of a mouthful.
But not as fun to say.
Aaaaand now I have this wonderful mental image of a dude flexing his buttocks and different tools popping out.
It’s like the porn parody of Inspector Gadget. Yeesh.
You are very welcome, monsieur. Here at “That Guy’s Disturbing Mental Image Emporium”, we are dedicated to bringing our customers the most disturbing mental images money can buy.
Obligatory Oglaf. (Word to the wise, NSFW)
http://oglaf.com/lonelymountain/
That is still one of the single greatest comics Oglaf ever put out. Also, “Flaming Dragon Dick” puts a whole new spin on ‘Exotic Weapon’.
So Bull’s trying to justify digging that hole [teehee] by…saying they’re related.
THIS IS NOT AN IMPROVEMENT
Incest!
Well, not entirely true. By that logic, you’d be committing incest with anything you put your duck in, since we’re all descended from the cyanobacteria of the primordial Earth.
And yes, the typo was intended.
I love sticking my duck inside things that are distantly related to me :D
Turduckins!!!!!!!!!
I have the distinct idea that Qunari are mixed with dragon blood and bred to manifest dragon secondary characteristics. Besides, Bull is pansexual, so it could be said that “anything goes” . The usual disclaimers, YMMV, IMHO, IMBW, yadda, yadda.
Yeah, I can see that. The part of him that’s biologically dragon is aroused by whatever turns on drakes (because high dragons are all nesting mothers, and so are presumably sending off all kinds of fertility signals), but the part of him that’s an adherent of the Qun is all “order out of chaos, kill the giant dangerous thing…in all it’s glory *_*”
Ohkaaaay… um, let’s just say that DB is… DB. Right?
This stuff is hilarious. Fukken weird and I don’t understand or know much about dragon age (or at least that’s what I think this particular page is about), BUT I FUCKING LOVE IT!
So wait, I kinda remember those drunken conversations with him about dragons and stuff… and I do remember the parts about how he respects them AND wants to murder them (which, let’s face it, is how we all feel about them, that’s the great thing with dragons) – but does he actually want to fuck a dragon, or say anything hinting at that ? ’cause if he does, I missed it, but I wouldn’t be THAT surprised, I mean I’ve seen and heard him make advances towards pretty much anything that moves besides giant spiders.
Did you fail to ask him what “Taarsidath-an halsaam” means?
(“I will bring myself sexual pleasure later while thinking about this with great respect.”)
And if you take the reaver specialization (Which in the game involves drinking dragon blood) he freaks out about how unusually sexy you smell.
Probably the only thing he wouldn’t want to bone would be a Desire Demon… because Demon.
Well, just so long as Iron Bull has a two-hander sword when he’s fighting the dragons.
Just so long as they make sure it’s an actual sword he’s got in his hands.
I can’t help but imagine your Inquistor to the middle guy between Sten’s stoticism, and Iron Bull being himself. Not to say he doesn’t have his own quirks though (like the material thing in freezing cold)
Iron Bull is the Horndog whose dick will pierce the Heavens.
*Facepalm* “Godammit, Bull. No, you CAN’T fuck the Breach.”
We all know he likely tried at least once before we met him. Probably had the Chargers load him into a catapult and launch him at it pantsless.
I want to see that as a cutscene, just for the pure hilarity of it.
Someone needs to Gary’s mod that.
That makes me think of the Hildibrand side quests in FFXIV.
K, someone Rule 34 Bull making tender love to a dragon.
There is some fanart of Dorian learning to shapeshift into a dragon for Bull, but it fades to black, as it were.
“You will need armor.” -Sten
Damn you Coelasquid! You keep trying to make me buy DAI game of the year edition and my budget may not survive it.
I will never get tired of the adventures of Qunari Stan.
The trick isn’t having sex with a dragon.
The trick is getting the dragon pregnant! (where that applies)
Oh, and not dying in the process.
Considering dracos breathe fire, anything coming outta’ any dragon orifice ain’t gonna’ do wonders for your junk.
Fire, ice, OR lightning, actually!
It’s a Russian Roulette of elemental dick destruction!
That’s a Russian Roulette I wouldn’t want to play,not that I would want to play Russian Roulette normally.
Isnt there a grass dragon pokemon? I wonder what that would do, LEAVES IN YOUR DICK OH NO
That’s Pokémon, not Dragon Age, but try thorns, bubbula.
… Or poison ivy, God forbid.
I’m surprised how no one has mentioned other people from other games who ARE dragons and you can still basically fuck them.
That, and the ubiquitous half-dragons in the typical D&D setting… Bards seem to be the most popular explanation, at least for humanoid half-dragons.
in the D&D settings Dragons have easy access to shapeshifting and a lot of time on their hands.
In complete contrast, in Shadowrun you’ve got shapeshifting dragons, but they’re all coldly calculating and ineffable, and treat humanity like cattle or insects, so human-dragon goinking just doesn’t seem to happen that I’m aware of.
Oh hey, I know you from DOA.
Bards are the reason for -all- half breeds and demi races.
Well, I guess there’s evidence to support that claim…
We all know Iron Bull would totally fuck a dragon if given the chance… Hell, I bet he would even fuck all types of Broodmothers if he was given a chance.
Oh gods why did you put that mental image in my head
Dragons are fine but now I feel the urge to vomit
Even the Broodmothers need some lovin. I bet that one from Awakening would have been just fine if she could have had some time with Iron Bull.
It took months to get the visage of that broodmother out of my head. Now I have this new nightmare that will haunt my mind.
I swear, I have a friend with this exact same attitude. But, the thing is, I can’t say I’m not also a little like this.
C’mon, who wouldn’t fuck a dragon?
Those weird sexual non-deviants you see walking around everywhere. Fuckin’ weird-ass normies, bein’ all normal an’ shit.
why must you kinkshame the iron bull in his own tavern
This is probably as good a place as any to admit to the internet that I’ve always found dragons absolutely mesmerizing.
I mean, they’re just so *powerful*, y’know? Enormous, strong, wise… lifespans often measured in centuries (I have a bit of a thing for older men).
So yeah, I totally see where Iron Bull is coming from here.
*AHEM* It’s worth mention that I’m from a line of dragons. I’m probably older than you. We’re pretty strong. Moderately wise. I can’t speak for the others, of course, but I’m . . . fairly enormous . . . sooooo . . .
Oh my! Not literal fires I hope!
Is it just me, or does anyone else see Ron Perlman as the guy with the curly horns? o_O
Oh good, I’m not the only one.
No, no, the qunari just mixed in dragon genes a long time ago. They’re not descended from dragons, they just drink their blood.
THIS MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER
Dragon fetishism? Damn, now I will have to play that game, and I haven’t even finished Skyrim yet…
Now I want to search for a Skyrim mod that gives us the option to seduce a dragon instead of fight it.
Maybe a dragon-shout that opens up a dialogue window or something. I think the Dragonborn DLC might have the tools needed for that. Dang it — now I’m going to have to teach myself how to write scripting for Creation Kit.
I will leave this here…
http://www.herpy.net/gallery/data/media/41/cad-20121205-123ff.png
And then slowly back away. *Dives out the window*
Has coelasquid ever used “fuck” in a comic until now? The thought had never crossed my mind.
yeah…
Hey, mind explaining this one to me? http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/please-donate-to-stens-skull-cancer-fund
I could never understand what was happening
in the original Dragon Age the Qunari didn’t have horns but they retconned that in order to make them a more distinct fantasy species or some bull…
that page is the universe adjusting itself to the retcon and giving Sten horns. no one in the universe is aware of the change except Rock who is aware that something has been changed but not exactly what, this is likely due to his experience with time travel paradoxes.
Heh heh, “bull”.
Aye, thanks
They were always supposed to have horns but adjusting the entire equipment system to accommodate one character was too much work so they had to leave them off (there’s a reason Bull doesn’t wear hats in the game, each one would require a unique model). They kept them on the ogres and later in 2 redesigned them so they could be more like how they wanted them.
Ah, interesting.
Ogres had horns; I vaguely recall that Sten and his squad of emmissaries were retroactively said to be unusual for their lack of horns and selected accordingly for an expedition to human lands – giants with swords are easier to accept than horned giants with swords.
Multiple times….
As other people have noted… yes.
The first use was by Jared. (Well, okay, technically he said “fukken sweet”, but still.)
This isn’t entirely fair, is it? I’m descended from humans. I love and respect some humans. I want to kill a few of them. Some I’d probably like to fuck. Everything’s working out fine where I’m sitting.
I’m descended from a common chimp ancestor. I love and respect some chimps. I want to kill a few of them. Some I’d probably…. nope, nope, nope. I can’t complete this set of statements. Not fine at all from where I’m sitting, not at all.
Psst… I think you mean Australopithecus, not chimp. Chimp is shorthand for chimpanzee, and those are our evolutionary cousins.
On that note, you WOULDN’T bang Lucy? And you call yourself a primate. Tsk tsk.
See, all you have to do is armor him up in drakeskin, and then do the appropriate mating dance so she knows you’re a male trying to become part of her harem and not food.
She may eat him anyway.
Bull just wants those claws on his dick.
Love that second to last panel. That is the face of a man (Quinari) who’s had his boyfriend/lover/fuckbuddy/??? suggest one too many dragon-related bedroom scenarios.
Another comic! Hooray! First good thing to happen today, though I did sleep in.
You know, dragons have got to be like thousands of years old, usually, so they’d probably be pretty experienced when it comes to people fucking them. Who says learning can’t be fun?
All the expressions are great, but I especially love the one in panel 4
Will you be selling prints at Comikaze?
Naw, I’ll just be walking around dressed like Iron Bull with a Cole and a Varric.
This IronBull cosplay is fantastic. I’m in awe.
The rogue in a D&D campaign I’m in’s main goal in life is to fuck a dragon. She barely failed the seduce roll last time.
I’ve always been torn between playing a character whose life goal was to sex one of everything, and one whose life goal was to eat one of everything.
And no, no “Why not both?”
are you the DM? and if so why do you give them the option it only leads to awkward conversations of describing the pornographic acts they perform
I can’t help but chuckle at the sad “Awww” expression Bull has in the last panel. Stop destroying the man’s dreams dude!
a mgdmt comic about a dragon age character with links to both oglaf and bad dragon in the comments – that’s four of my favourite things on the internet on one page.
i greatly approve.
0.0
yay, binge reading an entire comic series in a single night!
Fun fact! Down here there are a couple of old legends about bears interbreeding with humans.
This comment thread. Tears in my eyes. You people are the best.
Wasn’t the statement less that he wanted to fuck a dragon, and more that the feeling of respect he had towards dragons was one he articulated with a Qunari turn of phrase that translated into something like ‘I will pleasure myself later while thinking about this with great respect’ or something to that effect.
So, less him literally masturbating to the thought of killing dragons, more Qunari language being super weird in its turns of phrase, and Iron Bull suffering from an unfortunate choice of phrasing. He’s mostly just respectful of their power and takes joy in killing them because he likes to think of himself as a killing machine and killing them is a great challenge.
I’m surprised that no one’s suggested Skyrim’s Dragon Born as a possible way for Iron Bull to fulfill his dream of fucking a dragon. Dovahkiin WOULD count, technically, since they can shout fire/ice and they have the blood of a dragon…
Why fuck Dovahkiin when you could fuck a real dragon?
Well, I would fuck a dragon.