Jared has an honourary PhD in Pokemon Happiness
Lysandre’s design as fun to play around with because he’s supposed to be very suave and attractive and obsessed with beauty and all that, and the easiest route for the GameFreak guys on that probably would have just been to make some kind of Vega clone but instead they elected to design some kin of big hairy dude who looks like the scienceBaby of Will Powers, Damon Gant, and Ganondorf. I still feel like as far as beardy older guys go Lysandre should still be kind of a pretty dude, because beardy doesn’t necessarily have to mean rugged. So when I was figuring out how I wanted to interpret his Pokemon design into this style I tried to splice in a heavy dose of David Bowie, because I could totally see Lysandre being some kind of weird french Ganon-Jareth
Mega Mr. Fish?
I don’t think I have enough pants to handle that.
this sir, made me legitimately laugh out loud. well said!
That’s okay, neither does Chuck Norris. He could barely handle Mr. Fish normally, Mega Mr. Fish may just make his head explode.
Should i get you a brown pants? XD
perhaps stretchy pants
If you don’t mind purple pants, you might ask the Hulk…VERY nicely.
I have mixed feelings about that.
Does this mean Jared will get his own laboratory, assistants, and snotty preteens looking to get free starter Pokemon from him?
Maybe not… The guys barely knows how to handle a hose properly, and even then… ehhh…
Don’t need to know how to use the hose that is what the assistants are for.
No, he does not share a name with a kind of tree, therefore he is ineligible for Pokémon Professorship.
Simple: they just bio-engineer a new type of tree and name it after Jared
BRILLIANT!
Do we know Jared’s last name?
It’s Kowalski, it’s right in the comic
Middle name? We can still make this work!
Well, if you look at Pokemon Origins, Fuji turned out to be a Professor, so there’s the possi-*handed note*
…Fuji’s a type of apple, so the judges are saying it still counts.
MOTHER-*Experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by!*
Kowalski appears to mean ‘blacksmith’.
A short term for ‘blacksmith’ is just ‘smith’, they share a cultural root to the same basic jobset.
Maria Ann ‘Granny’ Smith was famous for her apples.
Take of this knowledge, and use it with wisdom.
From now on I’ll call Granny Smith apples Kowalski apples, and hope I won’t have to write it on a shopping list for anyone, lol
there is a variety of apples called Jared, you know. He’s totes eligible!
Please, make “Professor Kowalski” canon, thank you!
Then explain PROF. COZMO from Pokemon R/S/E. Then again, he was a minor character…
Cosmos are a type of flower, I think.
Then explain Bianca giving you your Pokémon in BW2–
Oh, wait, I’m not supposed to talk, am I?
… … … … …
Magikarps for everybody!
He’ll handle out Magikarp, Ralts and Luvdisc as starters.
hey, that would be actually a pretty interesting way to start an adventure
“here, take this and try not to die”
New challenge accepted! If people will do Nuzlock challenges than they shall do these… especially with how easy the new gamers have gotten. I mean seriously only 3 pokemon for the final gym leader?
It’s not like Giovanni was hard. The Gym Leader that gave me the hardest time ever was Winona from RSE and that was because her Altaria was a Dragon/Flying that used Dragon Dance, two STAB moves, and Earthquake to cover their resistances.
… dude, just throw a skarmory at it.
Now I’m imagining someone swinging around a Skarmory by the (steel and razor sharp) tail and chucking it straight into a cloud monster.
… R/S/E were fun games.
R/S/E were my favourites by far, but actual Pokémon throwing would definitely have improved them. Would Sharpedo get an ultra boost as it flew through the air?
Balanced out by the lacerations you’d get from gasping Sharpedo to throw it.
It can’t be worse then my Smeagle with nothing but Agility.
Smeagle… gollum! Gollum! …get it? :D
Luvdisk wouldn’t be too bad, though. It starts with Tackle and learns Watergun at Lv 7, and does have ok stats for the start of the game.
I suggest giving the player Sunkern as a starter. It’s sucky, but not bad enough to just abandon immediately, especially if you make grass-types rare. You’d keep it with you just in case you get a Sun stone so you can evolve it, but of course the only Sunstone you get is after beating Elite Four.
Nope, better hand over Hoppip (learns it’s first attacking move at 8), Magikarp and Togepi (first attack move not counting metronome at 33!)
Other memorable mentions include Wynaut, Ralts, Abra and Igglybuff :P
Might be the funniest MGDMT comic I’ve seen so far. White Ganondorf dude.
Kinda wish we could see his youtube account…
Oh we CAN. All we have to do is wait for Coelasquid make an animation of Commander Badass & the gang, at some point we WILL see Jared’s Youtube account.
Am i demanding too much? ^^;;
Oh Jared, if only you knew how long I wished to ask pokemon professors that question.
One should never question scientists! with out them, how would we have known that Pluto isn’t a planet?
Which I’m still pissed off about.
Well… it was really more the discovery of a whole bunch of large round objects beyond pluto that made them finally sit down and think about what a planet actually is. And well… pluto didn’t belong once they made the definition.
Did the dudes back in the Renaissance look at Saturn and say “Nah, it’s got ears. Can’t be a Planet.”? NO! They said “Cool! More Planets! Now our Solar System is LARGER!
If you discover more planets, name more planets!
They discovered more that 200 planet like objects, some were bigger than Pluto. I feel like grade school would have been 100x worse if I had to memorize 200 planets named after crazy greek and roman people.
I still think Pluto should have been grandfathers into the new solar system though.
Maybe not the Renaissance, but Ceres was demoted from planethood ages ago.
down with scientists, up with Pluto!
Aww gee, thanks guys!
Mickey gotta have some words with you…
Scientists have access to weapons of mass destruction. Do not irritate us further.
Down with Pluto, up with Eris!
His whole head is a beard.
No no no his David Bowie head is surrounded by a lions mane of glory!
I bet you saw his ‘Labyrinth’ movie, am i right?
Fabulous.
I’ve only just now seeing the resemblance Jared as if he were a brown headed Jason Meeks (Jay).
I have to give Jared credit. He has the minimum level of attitude for the captain’s organization
I think that’s actually developed over time, as he’s been IN the commander’s unit.
Captain? He is a Commander….
Yeah my bad on that. Still that commander must have seen potential in Jared to have given him a chance in the first place right?
He was given a chance because he made pokemon battles sound like something the commander would actually watch.
I didn’t know Jared was Polish. Interesting.
And they took away Jared’s trainer’s license, can you believe that?
Clearly, he’s the most qualified kid to raise a Pokémon to come out of all of Kanto.
Granted, he probably shouldn’t have let Mr. Fish eat the other trainer’s Pokémon, but in his defense, it was rather logical to do so, and nobody had actually told him that he couldn’t.
I hope he tells Fancy White Gannondorf Dude “Sorry, Bro, I have a job and I like it here.” And then Real Gannondorf comes in and is very unamused by Red’s shameless ganking of his style.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
please to be following up with this!!!!!!
See I always wondered about that though… What do the pokemon eat in the pokemon world if they’re not allowed to let pokemon eat pokemon? Obviously there are carnivorous pokemon out there – Mr. Fish is a prime example of that! One cannot expect something obviously so carnivorous to be able to sustain itself on acorns and fruits alone.
Or is it just that you can’t eat other pokemon trainer’s pokemon? Cause that would give a whole new meaning to “fainting” wild pokemon…
On a side note, I would also love to see White Ganondorf dude and Ganondorf talking about hair products. They have to put SOMETHING in that hair to get it to stay like that.
Yeah, after all, there are a lot of pokedex entries mentioning pokemon eating other pokemon (half of them feature magikarp as the meal of choice), how does that work once captured? Are the “puffs” from X&Y filled with meat?
I hope so; that’s what I’ve been putting in them.
They seem more filled with fruit and plant products, if they’re not outright artificial. Sweet, citrus, mint, mocha, spicy… those aren’t meat flavors. Except possibly sweet, if you’re some kind of meat-based cooking wizard.
Which makes me wonder how the blatantly carnivorous pokemon can stand to eat them. Maybe it’s because they love you, and they don’t want to disappoint you?
Well, dog food is mostly plant matter, and dogs don’t seem to mind. Hell, my Pinscher mix just tried to eat a tomato, right outta my hand!
Only the lower end dog foods are, actually. Higher end dogfoods are actually carnivorous diets ( my dog food has six ingredients, three of which are meaty proteins )
i cook for my English bulldog, i steam him up some rice mix it with egg then bake it together with some potatoes and onions. he eats better then i do sometimes, but my point is… sometimes carnivore means too stupid to eat non meat products.
I’ve had meat in all of those flavors (yes even Mocha).
Pokémon can eat other Pokémon, just not other trainer’s Pokémon. Pokémon battles have rules, it’s like super powered boxing rather than fights to the death.
Yep, Pokemon do eat other Pokemon. In the Adventures Manga (officially stated to be the closest representation of the creators idea) Pokemon will hunt other Pokemon. Pidgeotto will gladly munch on a nice Caterpie or Weedle.
In all honesty, Mr. Fish is actually the calmest Gyrados ever. When they get in a rage, they’re capable of leveling entire cities. Natural disaster levels of destruction.
When you think about it, Jared’s loving relationship with Mr. Fish is probably saving the city. A mistreated Gyrados would throw a tantrum that would cause so much damage Cap would have to go back in time to prevent it.
Mr Fish seems to be canonically brain damaged from being used as a club as a Magikarp, mind.
Why do people saying Cap or Captain? He is COMMANDER Badass. Calling him Captain Badass would sound even dumber, and pretty much the whole agency would never let him live down that cheesy superhero name.
Heh. Jared keeping Mr Fish from blowing up the town fits really well with the agency’s mission, when you think about it that way.
Just give me pokemon followers like in Yellow and HGSS to pet again, and we’ll call it legit.
Jared sounds so disbelieving in panel 3.
Heh, and good thing he didn’t put his Magikarp period on youtube. Although the way he clubbed Mr Fish’s brains in on the faces of those other pokemon was kind of affectionate in its way. . .
Actually, I bet he did.
And this guy considers it a good training technique. . .
Panel 6! For once Jared is legitimately more competent than someone in a particular area and I love his attitude.
I must say, I’m really diggin’ your Lysandre.
That’s it, that’s the comment. I love your dudes.
A french Gannon/Jareth…Golly that sounds like a crazy combination XD
Ooh. I smell a new story arc coming along! I hope…this sounds like the start of something, doesn’t it?
Did you draw Jared’s hair longer in this one?
Maybe it’s just me.
I’m pretty sure his hair has been getting longer through the panels. Might just be me, though.
I just figure that all that hair is sort of a throwback to eras where freaking huge mutton chops were the trend for gentlemen. Also, I totally love how he can be both hairy and pretty in your interpretation. Not a combination that people draw very often, it’s interesting to see.
Why said licence is a reward for correctly filling out the job application form. Automatic lead position if you can photocopy it.
Sadly, I know people who are actually unable to understand that some domesticated animals actually do enjoy affection, play and treats.
Let me guess: they’re in PETA?
Most likely
am I the only one noticing that Jared’s hair has *really* *really* grown? take a look at the first with him in it http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/04052010
actually now that I look at it, so has the commander’s hair fringe!
in any case, I love it!
Since getting kicked out of his parents’ house, he hasn’t gotten a single haircut.
To be fair, it was that short a few weeks ago
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/mgdmt-deleted-episode
So I guess he’s just been growing it since Halloween.
I think “Who gave you your science license?” may be my new go-to, for a while.
This page made me chuckle.
You had me at “Who gave you your science license?”. Now my keyboard needs a thorough cleaning from all the spilled softdrink. :P
I think Lysandre is suffering from a mild case of Numori syndrome…
^NOMURA syndrome.
He owns a Gyarados that has a taste for the flesh of small animals and sleeps inside its mouth.
So either the aforementioned PhD or a gigantic set of stones.
Why not both?
Ah, Pokemon Amie. It’s ridiculously easy to get Pokemon up to the max (In fact, there are only two pojemon in my party who are below 4 stars of affection.) Keep playing minigames and keep petting them and eventually you’ll get an absolute monster of a Pokemon that will gain boosted experience, survive otherwise lethal hits and shrug off effects at random. Keep in mind I am observing these effects before the SECOND GYM. Maybe I spend too much time on Pokemon Amie.
Feed pet and play: after 20-30 minutes, your pokemon becomes some kind of unstoppable super-determinator fueled by the power of love. Love really is one of the strongest forces in the universe, especially when channeled into a beam and fired at your foes.
Well… except for Shedinja, at least. He’s too dead to eat, so it takes nearly 3 times as long to max his amie.
Yeah I…. got to that point before I finished going through the first forest. XD;;;; Waayyyy too much time on Pokemon Amie. It seriously feels like the greatest game hack ever invented though because now they’re like hardcore about being friendly. Aw, my Furfrou was burned? She’ll blow it out so I don’t worry. Braixen poisoned? He’ll shrug that off like a honey badger. Oh snap, somebody just used Flamethrower on my Lucario? He’ll hang onto that one HP and pull through! Best. Bonus system. Ever.
You know, I had a hard time differentiating Lysander’s cravat from his beard in-game. For a while I thought he had dramatically manly chest hair.
Where does the beard end and the chest hair begins?
Maybe it should be described more as a full body beard õ_o
I think Lysandre’s looks were an attempt by Gamefreak to make a ‘Western’ beautiful guy, thus all the hair.
I can’t… I just can’t… This comic is just too awesome. Nothing’s happening and it’s just wonderful. I can’t… It’s a close to perfect as an online comic can be.
Lysandre is perfect, the fact that his mere presence makes him dominate nearly every scene. And his style. And the dialogue.
Ganondorf?! Where! Oh… nevermind.
Is this like that Buffy episode where one of the vampires (Spike) is pissed that Billy Idol stole his mojo?
Whaaat? I haven’t seen that one!
It seriously messed with my head when a certain villain’s sole motive was to learn if being nice to Pokemon made them stronger.
Apparently, none of those guys who call themselves “Pokemon Professors” bothered to figure that one out & publish the findings. (To be fair, Rowan claimed to focus on evolution exclusi-OH WAIT, PLENTY OF POKEMON EVOLVE DUE TO HAPPINESS NEVER MIND)
I love this!!!
Gotta say, I like your take on Lysandre. I keep coming back to look at it!
Welcome to my life, Jared. /professional dog trainer
I see Jareds face in the last panel, and all I can think of is that Minion, from Despicable Me, going, “Whaaaa?!?!”
It looks like Handsome Jack’s mask got stuck on a giant tribble.
if anyone from pokemon deserves to be in here it’s lysander, and maybe cyrus
The generic Hiker.
Holy shit, I kind of exploded when you mentioned David Bowie on your Lysandre’s interpretation XD…
So….when can we expect to see Professor Jared giving out Pokemon to random kids?
I don’t think he could handle the responsibility.
Who said he’d be handling it? XD The city would run amok with angsty teens and their super powered pets, and nobody but the Agency would be on hand for clean-up duty…That being said, Jared would probably do a hell of a lot better at teaching than the professors. I doubt he’d kick kids out into the world after what he’s gone through, and would probably make one heck of a day-care assistant if it didn’t work out…depending on whether or not he could stop Mr. Fish from eating all the eggs. And pokemon.
The whole science license part had me in stitches. Mind you it’s almost 3am where I live, and I’m feeling a peculiar form of sleep deprivation.
Still hilarious.
I must say that I am in love with this comic. A friend directed me to it a week ago and I read all of it in one sitting because it is THAT amazing. I’ve been stalking your page since, patiently awaiting a new page.
I also gotta say I’m glad I’m not the only one who saw a bit of Ganondorf in Lysandre. The first time I saw him I actually told my sister “Look! It’s the love-child of Ganondorf and Wolverine!”
Love that you crossed him with Bowie to make him look more elegantly manly.
I’m really hoping this Lysandre/Jared conversation thing ends with Mega Mr. Fish in some way.
Thank you, for now I once again will be stuck with a stupid grin on my face all day thanks to this comic.
Nintendo. Please make your bad guy less obvious next time.
Blasphemy. That would deny us the glory that is French David Bowie/Ganondorf.
OK fine…but at least switch it up a bit. Like maybe make it so the guy that looks and acts evil is actually the good guy in a pokemon game, and the most goody guy is actually the villain. I mean pokemon could do this!
Dude, gen 5 is the closest game freak will ever come to moral ambiguity. No, you cannot hope for more.
Ahh. Sorry I never played gen 5. The last one I played before gen 6 was gen 2.
Black/White is worth playing. I never really expected Pokemon to tell a story hinging on animal abuse and the right to bear arms, much less the stance they took given Japan’s weapon policy, but there it is.
I know i probably can’t hope for more, but. I’ll keep on hoping for somethig.
Really rugged, yet pretty? So he’s Jigoro?
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130214024318/katawashoujo/images/f/f1/Jigoro.png
Nice picture. I actually kind of look like this guy with my facial hair and and structure, but I don’t have the muscle tone for the rest of him:(. I just wish I COULD grow it long and wear it back in badass ponytail, or loose like it is here.
I was wondering if this was going to come up, but not quite how you wrote it. This was better than what I was expecting. Bravo.
Poke Scientists refuse to believe something exists until they have a statistically significant sample of it caught in pokeballs.
Things proven to exist :
– Magic
– God
– Rice Balls
Things pending investigation:
– Emotion
– Other people
– Sandwiches
Magic is utter nonsense, its all psychic powers and divine poke-miracles.
Kalosian science may be behind on animal behavior, but it’s right up there neck and neck with American science on spying on people using their popular media/communications devices.
In a world where it is just being found out mega evolution is linked to affection and companionship as well as leading pokemon to preform more critical hits as well as be the pre requisite for an eeveelotion it makes sense it makes sense that his work is ground breaking and could be considered a development for the pokemon amie system
No love for doctor who 5oyears of him why no love he developed pokeballs
So I guess I’m the only one who thinks that he looks like Fate/Zero’s Rider who got his hands on an awesome volume expanding shampoo?
No, because I can’t picture Rider actually getting out of the shower – he’d still be busy making funny shapes out of his hair.
Yeah, and then he’d probably try to do the same for Waver…
it’s an honour, jared. be gracious.
Maybe now his parents’ will love him. And he can throw it right back in their faces. Because the Commander is his new daddy.
“Moooooom, Jared’s being smart again. It scares me, make it stop!”
oh please give him a mega stone for mr fish!
I hope Mr Fish eats someone at the award ceremony.
Your take on Lysandre makes me think of Lex Luthor’s hair-clone.
Do a picture of Lysandre and Ganondorf admiring each other in a sophisticated manner.
Wait, DID JARED INVENT POKEMON AMIE!?