Small Victories
November 12, 2012
12:00 am
I bet most Pokemon Trainers grow up to be douchebags. They say battling Pokemon teaches you all sorts of stuff about love and friendship, but mostly it teaches you that if you’re the strongest you get to beat up other people and take their money.
Oh man, I am loving Jared’s expressions for this update. They are all kinds of amazing.
Yes, these expressions are all perfect. Absolute, total perfection.
Omg that last panel is totally just straight-up Awesomeface isn’t it.
He reminds me of a loony tune in the 2nd panel.
are my eyes lying to me? is that a “nerds” shirt jared is wearing?
… … … … …
… … … … …
… … … … …
… I had a bad day, all right?
So true… Becoming the very best doesn’t work without beating everyone else. ^^ haha
lol sucess.
I wonder how do people check the pokémon’s level in a world without the RPG’s interface.
DBZ scanners probably.
Pikachu’s level is over 9000…….volts!
^LOLs XDDDDDD
Lol good one!
i LIKE IT, it’s gotta ring to it! you should name it shockolate!
^ Literally the name of my Flaafy right now.
I always figured the Pokédex had some function that could tell you that sort of thing, along with what moves and abilities it has.
The Diamond-Pearl show section has [the rival] checking moves with it at one point near the start.
I think they actually address this in the manga series (which is surprisingly more violent and has nothing to do with Ash, which in my book makes it better.)
Speaking of Ash…….. Isn’t that him in the third panel?
Though the game acually does teach abit more about friendship than you’re giving it credit for. I mean, just look at the bond between Jared and Mr. Lazer Fish……..
Yessssssss, that little human disease called friendship……..
(8 “s”es count ’em)
88888888D
yeah, gary had a thing at some point that checked pokemon’s stats, levels, and attacks oAo
The original series has ash doing it as well, and I think that there must be something in the pokedex, or something because of the pokemon academy episode…maybe?
Not to mention in the old manga they showed how TM’s worked and it was pretty cool!
In the manga the pokedex is what allowed them to view pokemon “Hp” and effective combat “Level” and even stop evolutions. The idea never really transffered to the anime however.
Also I’m pretty sure Mr. Fish could like eat a 71 charizard alive.
Dead or alive works pretty equally, imo. Then again, Mr. Fish can eat a lot of Pokemon. He’s a very big fish.
(I got the type joke/thought the same thing I just had to poke it. x’3)
Mr. Fish has lasers. You can’t beat LaserFish. YOU CAN’T.
Who said they didn’t have the interface?
Is the other trainer based on anyone specific? I’m just curious.
Though, Pokemon training appears quite lucrative if you’re good at it at least.
There’s always beating up the Elite 4 people over and over again, too
Without the color yet, it kinda makes me think of “If Red was a Douchebro”.
My thoughts exactly.
Same here. ><
I was thinking more along the lines of Ash, due to the hat, but then I realized Ash never grows up…
+1 vote for Ash *got zapped by a Pikachu*
aren’t Ash and Red the same person?
Not really. Ash is the main character of the Anime. He is based off of Red, the main character of the original manga series as well as the main character in Red, Blue, and Yellow. However, they aren’t actually the same guy.
Look, Pokémon was originally a bunch of games. Both Ash and Red are based on the original main character of those games, usually called Red.
The default name in the games was “red” as was his name for his reappearance in future games, as the secret bonus trainer boss thing.
Addtionally, the second name in the default list is “ash”
didn’t red have a level 71 charizard in gold and silver if you found him at the end of the last dungeon?
Come to think about it, he kind of looks like he’s inside a cave surrounded by his “supplies”… na, he couldn’t be playing xbox online inside a cave at top of a mountain, could he?
Jared is playing Xbox inside a cave.
I always subscribed to the theory that red had died on mt Silver and you were fighting his ghost…
I mean no one’s heard from him in years, their are no “supplies” anywhere on the mountain and once you beat him he just vanishes never to be seen again.
Well Red could have a secret base he ducks in and at the end of that battle. The Mountain must be the closest point to his base thus explains where he goes to.
Pokemon trainers get kick out of their parents homes and into Caves where they need to play capture the flag with each other if they want a room upgrade. they also go around digging into the tunnel walls for gems and stuff… in other words Pkmn trainers are Dwarven animal trainers that are part time animal trainers.
The PWT would like to talk to you. You can fight against Red in one of the tournamet.
He looks a lot like Terry Bogard from Fatal Fury & King of Fighters, at least to me personally.
Looks more like Gold (Ethan, Hibiki) to me.
Too bad that in real life those douches come investment bankers…
Atleast it is moral victory…
I know I probably mentioned it not once, but I just love Jared’s expressions.
Wait wait wait…. Charizard is a fire type, Mr. Fishy is a water type…. the rival always picks the pokemon that will kill yours in a fight… JARED IS THE RIVAL!!!!
Jared left home eight years too late to be a rival.
If it’s based off yellow, they could have the Pikachu, Blastoise, Venusaur, and Charizard. Depends on which game this potential “Red” came from.
If you’re challenging him in g/s, Red has a Charizard, Blastoise, Venusaur, Pikachu, Espeon, and Snorlax.
And he retains this team in his HeartGold/SoulSilver remake appearances, though he switched out the Espeon for a Lapras. This team is also the team he uses at the Pokemon World Tournament in Black2/White2, in the Champions Tournament.
‘Least, that’s what my last check of Bulbapedia brought up.
Holy tits, Red is in the PWT in B/W2? GOTTA GET ON THAT SHIT.
As well as Blue motherf*cking Oak, Steven Stone, Cynthia, Alder and every gym leader ever. Minus Koga. He sent his daughter there.
Really? I thought he had a Snorlax not an Espeon. Maybe he has one in the original g/s, but in heartgold and soulsilver he has a Snorlax.
Oh woops. *Smacks forehead* It was the Lapras. Gonna go soak my head now.
you know Gary has an espeon.
Not positive but if I believe in R/B, the rival acquires a gyarados unless you start with charmander.
…get rid of the “if”, it originally said “if I remember R/B correctly”
He’s also a flying type……..
Look it up! I’m not lying!
I never really got it, when I won they gave me some money, when they won they knocked me out!
Actually what level is Mr Fish? Hyper Beam is at least a 47 move so what level is he?
At least 52, he’s a gen 1 gyarados.
A gen 1 gyarados could almost completely wall a Gen 1 charizard’s best moveset. Unless of course the charizard user took advantage of the higher speed and gen 1 mechanics and never, ever missed with Fire Spin.
Still, that was some well played trash talk, Mr. Jared.
I may have forgotten my gen 1 game mechanics, but I know for the remakes, Charizard can have a fairly badass Seismic Toss and Fly.
Still, I agree. Jared burned him worse than any Charizard ever could.
I always ran with Slash, Earthquake, Flamethrower, and Swords Dance. In Gen 1 Slash has an insane crit ratio so you could get 140 base power out of it easy. Seismic Toss is great at max level but has no OHKO potential :-(
Charizard’s base speed is 19 points higher than Gyarados’s, which means that Gyarados would have to be at least a few levels higher than charizard to go first (in gen 1 mechanics, EVs didn’t matter because you could just give all pokemon max EVs in all stats). If gyarados could not OHKO Charizard–which, considering in gen 1, all water-type moves were special, and gyarados’s physical attack was still 25 points higher than now, seems hard unless gyarados hit with hydro pump, which this one doesn’t seem to know–then Red could just use an X Accuracy first turn (second turn, if jared used an x speed, red would also use an x speed, since we’re counting on no OHKOs), and then Fire Spin would hit every round, because in gen 1, accuracy stages were the same as all other stages, and so an X Accuracy would provide anything with base accuracy 67 or higher an accuracy of 100. (and fire spin had an accuracy of 70 back then)
… now, if Jared used Double Team first round, it might end differently. But only if jared has gyarados learn double team and a damn water attack.
Yeah but with the resistance Fire Spin would probably run out of PP before it knocked out Mr. Fish, so the gyarados could still win provided the charizard didn’t know Fly or Slash or Seismic Toss. And charizard is frail enough so that even a gyarados’ Surf could OHKO him.
Happens to me on Pokemon Stadium all the time, even against the rentals :-/
If I do say so myself this is some technical shit.
I admit that if they’re the same level, Gyarados would probably OHKO charizard as soon as charizard missed. But Gyarados hasn’t done much since he learned Hyper Beam, right? With 24 pp (c’mon, Red must’ve pp-up’d his pokemon to max), it’s not unreasonable to think charizard could finish off gyarados with 24*3.5(avg)*15(base)*((2*71 + 10)/250 +2)(attack formula by level)*1/2(resistance) damage, where the (2*71 + 10)/250 term can be further modified by charizard’s special divided by gyarados’s special. If we assume a level difference large enough to give equivalent Special stats, over 24 fire spins, charizard would do an average of over 1600 damage. That’s more than I expected, so even if they were the same level, it’s pretty clear that 15 fire spins would be enough if charizard never missed. Though again, I admit that at the same level, Gyarados would 1HKO charizard with a water attack as soon as fire spin missed.
But we’re losing sight of the really important things in life, here. For instance, Jared is better than Red at XBox.
I love everything about this comment.
Why does being first gen Pokemon automatically make you use Gen 1 mechanics? Last I checked, Charizard and Gyarados can still battle in Gen 5. If nothing else, use Gen 3’s revamped Kanto as a basis; don’t turn to the games that were nothing if not outright broken in many regards of their mechanics.
Because if we used Gen 5 mechanics a Solar-Power Charizard would utterly destroy a Gyarados under Sunny Day, which every Charizard on WiFi knows. We’re using Gen 1 mechanics to make the fights fair.
Assuming Red’s Charizard HAS Solar Power, of course. Even if we are using Gen 5 mechanics, there’s still a rather low chance that Red’s Charizard has its dream world ability. Plus if it all came down to it, he could just teach Mr. Fish stone edge, and hope it hits during the turn, which it probably would
…… Gen 5? Really? THIS IS GEN 1! On a side not, what y’all arguin’ ’bout? I just grabbed a Charmander and forgot all my other pokemon existed and after awhile whupped every water type I came across.
WITH EMBER! (‘Cause I had no clue about type-advantage until gen 3 ^^”)
It’s not because the pokemon first showed up in gen 1, it’s that these individual pokemon are areound from gen 1
They don’t knock you out you just go back to the Pokemon Center. Having the game say ‘Player whited out’ is more dramatic than ‘Player did the walk of shame back to the Pokemon Center’.
No, they murder you and bury you in a shallow grave (or eat you, for Wild Pokemon). The cash penalty is the automatic fee for having your flash-clone decanted from the growth tank at the hospital/pokemon center.
You win the internet!
Whiting out always sounded like a seizure to me.
Here’s some interesting trivia for you all, though! (Apparently timemonkey was right?)
http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Black_out
So pokemon is on that borderlands planet?
So… (big oversized grin here) if Ash Catchem is a clone from previous lethal failures, then that means we can make as many Ash Catchem’s as we desire.
Thousands of thousands of Ash Catchem’s.
Now we throw a Pokeball at Ash Catchem, catch Ash Catchem, train Ash Catchem.
Now Ash Catchem is an official Pokemon (blinks – looks at the word “Pokemon”, misreads it as “Poke Mom” – just leaves that for you to ponder and Freud-Up you childhood memories).
Ah how the Diglett turns.
They actually DO give you a little “PLAYER did a walk of shame back to the Pokemon Center!” in the newer games.
how do you think you got your money?
Actually, they are perfectly OK after you defeat them.
Which actually explains that why do they keep talking about love of Pokémon even when your Pokémon have a ridiculously low happiness. You may treat your Pokémon like disposable tools, but when they all faint, you blackout out of traum. Everyone else proceeds to make bad jokes.
You do loose half of your money, so you can figure when you win what you get is only half of THEIR money. Why they don’t do a walk of shame to the Pokemon Center, who knows.
For some reason, I now keep seeing fathers in the poke world giving their daughters an escape rope as some sort of rape whistle…
AWESOME.
I don’t know, putting all that time and effort into training all those various critters just to have them fight one another seems more like an obsession with violence. But supposing that you’re the strongest and the most violent, then I guess you can have time for love and friendship. Unless you lose, then there’s naught but disappointment and resentment.
This may be the first time we have confirmation of Jared’s last name.
I can’t think where I’m afraid but we’ve definitely seen it before
Yupyup. I remember smiling at the ever-so-slight connection it gives him to Marlon Brando.
November 10, 2010, so almost exactly 2 years ago. (Yes I did just read the archives to find that out.)
I think the Natural Ice in the background does wonders for explaining Dudebro’s character.
That he’s a cheap bastard who sucks at training?
And has bad taste.
Everyone knows you get the best value for money from buying Fresh Water!
Jared is Polish?
I believe squid has mentioned this in the comments section before but not in the actual posts.
No, he’s Kantian.
He’s both(mentioned in the comments section on the election comic).
They still make Natural Ice??
Yeah I can’t help but be dubious about the moral message of a franchise centered around the concept of sending little kids alone in the woods so they capture rare animals, put them in tiny boxes, and only let them out to make them fight.
The problem here is that you regard them as animals. They are Pocket Monsters, emphasis on Monsters. Little kids go out into the woods and capture every mythological creature they can find, domesticate them, and then turn them into minions who do their own bidding. There is a very strong moral message here: “Fight your own battles.” XD
You have to remember the pokemon world is a death world for humans if they can’t reliably catch pokemon and make then into their ‘pets’.
Imagine a horde of rampaging Charizards, or a swarm of Pikachus, or the often mentioned Muk infestation?
Do you think baseline humans can do something on their own?
Plus there’s the cannon rampaging Gyrados/Tyranotar/others that literally level everything in the area whenever they get mad…and are described as ALWAYS being mad. Or the families of Victreebel in the jungle that nobody really knows about because anyone who find it end up eaten.
Shit like this happens every damn episode. Poke world citizens can’t go half an hour without being attacked.
Given that there are guys like Alder around that hurl Gigaliths, psykers like Sabrina that can trap people as dolls, poachers like hunter J who have gadget belts like batman and 10 year old kids can take hyperbeams to the chest I’d say they’re fine.
In HG/SS you can let your Pokemon out just to walk with you.
Ethan: Look at my awesome Arceus.
Joey: I bet your wussy Asseus can’t beat my top percetage Rattata!
Ethan: *facepalm* For what?
Joey: 120 Zennys!
Ethan: It’s on.
Having not played the games, I can say that the moral message would have to be pretty bad to top the Pokemon Christmas show.
Oh crud, is that Red? That has to be red. I mean look at the hat. Jared’s expressions in this comic are hilarious as well.
Was so happy when i saw the Commander’s beard had gotten longer! then i realized it was his son’s head. XP
The lower the bar, the better the jump!
All the prior comments for win! Especially them faces, mwahahaha. And I love Jared’s last name.
Also, I like how Jared has essentially been adopted by the Commander. I mean, he takes the guy shopping along with his kids. Of course, Jared could help out a bit more but… that’s how I’m positive he’s been adopted. He just standing there talking, instead of helping. XD
I like to think Jared was helping until he dropped something fragile when he was distracted by a shiny object. That kid has no attention span most of the time. Reminds me of myself actually, I can sit and play games for hours and I enjoy repetitive tasks that could resemble cutting and pasting paper ghosts onto a Gyarados.
Ooor maybe they just have an agreement to use Commander’s discount card. Or maybe commander likes to buy in bulk and needs the extra hands.
Japanese culture and its’ interest in Samurai practicing at crossroads!
…is where I am fairly sure the whole “battle people you meet” comes from.
I never run into people I went to school with. This is likely good, as I hated everyone one of the people I knew in school. Some of them I still wish cancer on to.
I like his Poke-belt and the Swimmer class trainer Pin-up. Also Red’s (speculatively) controller is huge!
A charizard? Does he realize he’s talking to guy who has trained Mr Fish?
Well it was probably a magikarp last time he saw it
What level is Mr. Fish, anyway?
gyarados learns hyper beam at 71 in at least one of the games. I honestly don’t know if mr. fish can be said to exist within the grounds of the traditional “level system.
yeah…doesn’t matter. While other pokemon take turns and exchange light blows…Mr. Fish just eats them.
Allow me to blow your mind.
What’s a common nickname for people called Jared?
Remove the Ja. Wonder how long he’d last at the peak of a mountain.
Holy… shit… o_o
Hah, holy shit, Red got pumped.
The hidden side joke is that Charizard is a terrible pokemon stat-wise.
Not really that bad after a dance boost him to just above gyarados which he can beat with air slash in a really lame battle.
Not to mention one good rockslide can one hit the bugger.
I mean I like charizard, but venusaur and blastoise derserve some love too. Everyones always on about charizard.
Screw em all a Ninetails is the grand high queen of pokemon
Only because it gets Drought
So is Gyarados.
Fantastic!
Is it just me or does that red-douche-bro guy have a poster of misty in her swim suit in the top left corner?
So, there is a trend for people to leave school and vocational training in favor of professional cockfighting and vagrancy at the age of ten grow up to be emotionally stunted jerks. How shocking.
The economy in Kanto has been in the shitter for a while. *shrug*
You can’t just pit a level 71 Charizard against a laser fish…
But will they breed?
Maybe not in the grand scope of things, but in the small, small, microscopically small scope, Jared’s a winner.
Like most of us.
I’m running a pokemon tabletop RPG, and the six trainers that are playing are either assholes or incompetent. And often both. They pretty much hate each other and are more or less being forced to journey together by an alcoholic Professor Oak.
It’s pretty great.
There’s a pokemon tabletop rpg? How do I play?
I second this motion requiring explanations about the machinations of the pokémon tabletop situation.
Thirded. This sounds like the best tabletop game EVER.
google pokemon tabletop adventures
I just love Jared’s face in the second panel. It’s like the perfect blend of trollface and awesomeface.
Also in the fourth and fifth.
Yay, the Commander’s kids are back. With the little boy having his fish. Cute.
And nice burn there, Jared. You told him. 8-)
Small children are the best hats.
am i the only person that realized that the guy in panel 3 is using a wii-u gamepad?
Those living in the Pokémon world can only get Nintendo products. Everything else has to be ordered and imported. Nintendo has a Monopoly in gaming.
Still wondering how Jared got his Xbox in Kanto.
Naw it’s just a vague looking controller design, Coelasquid either uses it because it’s easy. or to avoid those pesky cease and desist letters.
I don’t think it’s a WiiU gamepad, I think (since it seems to be agreed upon that the other trainer is Red) that since nobody in Pokemon seems to age (Ash being a prime example) that while he got huge, he’s still the same height/size (but not bulk) as a little 10-year old boy (in a cave with Natty-Ice…)
Plus, In the 4th panel, you see Jared holding the controller up, and it has the general look of a 360/PS3 controller (but, we only ever hear about Jared’s 360, so that’s the safest bet)
ANYWAY…
This was a fun page, and seeing it pre and post coloring was interesting, as I missed little things in the B&W one (that Dudebro in panel 3 was anyone other than “generic Dudebro” the Natural Ice & chip surplus, and that poster in the back, to name a few) Good times all around.
i’d completely forgotten that jared has a last name
Just kick your adolescent/preteen child out into the world with a pokemon, a back pack, and some cash. And pokemon training seems to be a primarily male occupation, based on the trainers I see in-game.
Jared Kowalskii doesn’t seem like a very Kanto-ese name. XD
I can’t believe I’m the first person to mention that The Commanders gwtting Frute Loops
Anyone notice the girl in the background of the opposing gamer? Could be Misty.
I see what you did there.
As petty a victory as that is, I’ll be damned if it’s not satisfying :)
Minor correction. Being the strongest pokemon trainer means you can go walk in front of idiots to convince them to pick fights with you so you can take their money!
BEST
FACE ANIMATIONS
EVER
So I was trying to figure out why DoucheRed had a nasally voice in my head, and then I realized – it’s because of the similarity between ‘Kowalski’ and ‘Wazowski’, so I was assigning him the voice of Roz from Monsters, Inc.
The thing I see here is that in the real world, wouldn’t it be even more concerning if your pet can only learn 4 tricks without suddenly forgetting one of the 4?
That is a perfectly good and satisfying victory, darn it.
On the other hand, Jared’s opponent seems to have lots and lots of Natural Ice, so he shouldn’t feel *too* down.
Okay, Jared is funny, but I honestly think my favorite part of this is the Commander with his kids. My God, that man is an adorable yet stone-cold-awesome dad.
This is weird, my name is also Tessa and I was going to make a comment about how the commander with his kids is my favorite part of this comic
. . . . . is this real life!?
No, it’s just fantasy.
Or is it just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide…
NO ESCAPE FROM REALITY
And Gyrados beats Charizard too. There’s that.
Mr. Fish > Charizard
I always love watching Commander Badass be a dad and do dad stuff. It presses a special button in my soul.
Future /v/ material right there.
I just love Jared’s shirt!
I like the badass sideways hat and sleeveless pokevest on that pokemaster.
That’s always how I figured Ash would grow up – beefy and frathousey.
Oh god, the Pikachu blanket!
I love that we can know the son is there just because of the hint of blonde mop, and the attached shark toy. That Shark toy is my favorite thing. That shark toy needs to be some merchandise.
this just blew my mind.
Aw, I love that Jared is sitting up against Mr. Fish while he plays!
Jared is such a huge nerd. Nice shirt!
totally just noticed…is little junebug getting older?
Did anyone notice the chick poster in the third panel? How the hell can she have pokéballs attached to her thong without any belt?! XD
I feel….conflicted about this comic.
I get the joke is that Jared thinks he is cooler than people he knew back when because he is good at video games….but then his life he came from IS technically a video game….
So would that mean being better at video games mean he is better than….video game…life….thing……um…..
…
Potatoes? @__@
I like Kowalski’s ‘Nerds’ t-shirt
Agreed. I would pay all of the dollars to own some of Jared’s shirts.
I think Jared must have sent in for one back when they advertised that stuff on the back of the nerds box. Looks like he thought ahead and got a shirt large enough to wear when he
grew upphysically matured.You can buy them off the shelf in stores in LA.
The Nerds shirt actually exists and I have seen its glory in person. I can’t find the exact same shirt via the powers of Google, but there are many variants like this: http://candyaddict.com/blog/uploads/nerdshirt.gif
I love how it’s obvious from the Dew and Doritos that they are playing Halo 4. I also love how the poster on Red’s wall is a bikini clad trainer, balls and all.
the controllers are XBOX HUEG.
(unfortunately, no one will get this. Except maybe Penny Arcade fans.)
I can’t help but notice the color scheme his daughter has on. Looks like a mix of Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash. Just sayin’
Hate to break it to you, dude, but I’m pretty sure little girls wore rainbow colors, pink, and purple before My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s why the ponies are those colors in the first place. It’s entirely possible that Commander Badass’ daughter is a MLP fan but my point stands. Is your reality so affected by a children’s cartoon show that the first thing you think of when you see rainbow colors or a pink and purple shirt is My Little Pony? Sheesh.
And the haters keep on hatin lol
Honestly her wardrobe is just supposed to look super 90’s because in the 90’s everything was all rainbows all the time, and kids’ fashion seemed more like it had been designed for five year old girls by five year old girls rather than adults with any sort of taste. It’s based on a lot of stuff I’m sure I wore in the days of Lisa Frank and fruit stripe gum.
In a way Jared is actually better. He raised Mr. Fish to a high level with Mr Fish as his first pokemon (Loved his battle method). He also has a decent job and can also beat Red in video games.
I want that Pikachu blanket.
wow. only lvl 71?
When I first saw this uncolored, I thought that it was Ash, and I thought, “Oh no, another Ash hater/”Red-is-greatest” fan. But now that I see it’s Red, I approve. Wholly. Thank you so much.
I’m not to sure, but being ripped, living alone in a man cave with a life time’s supply of junk food doesn’t sound like failure to me.
Then again, all I need are my rattatas.
Dude, Red. You literally live in a cave. Where are you hooking up video games to?
Pikachu.
I wonder how he gets internet though…
You’re forgetting that Jared literally lives in a cave as well. A hidden base, to be precise, but still.
That Pikachu blanket is ADORBS
I wonder if the Commander would still be saying that if he knew the context…