The punchline is Kratos doesn’t flip out
October 18, 2013
1:27 pm
I know the government is open again but bear with me it didn’t happen until I’d already drawn this.
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Updated Mondays or whenever I feel like it
I’d hate to see what would happen if they could only have the mini size and thirty stories only.
I think in one of the movies there was a larger version. I think it was like a space station or a satellite or something akin to that. Not sure what the point of it was, but it did exist.
Yep, Hellraiser: Bloodline. I’m not sure if it falls into Barker’s canon, but it exists. It was basically a giant space station that turns itself into the puzzle box and destroys the Cenobites.
It wasn’t a -horrible- movie, but it wasn’t very good either. Apparently the director and the studio had a bunch of fights and the movie wasn’t really finished properly because of that.
There was also an office building earlier in the movie that was also a plus sized puzzle box. But it wasn’t nearly as cool as the space station.
Bloodlines might not have been the best movie, but at least it was a decent ending for the series. That’s more respect than Halloween or any of the others got.
The space station was actually built as the LARGE version of the puzzle box (known as the Lamons Configuration). Instead of summoning Cenobytes, it was designed to permanently close the gate that the original puzzle box opened.
Strangely enough, the original Lamons Configuration wasn’t made to open a portal, it was just a toy. But then, there was a specific type of Satanic ritual performed to dedicate the portal-power to the box.
Not to bust your balls or anything, but it is the “Lament configuration”.
Don’t we all just love the “Not to [do or say this unpleasant thing], but [does or says this unpleasant thing, with very little show for remorse]” formula?
He’s just being informative. “I realize that when I correct you, I sound like a dick (because people are too sensitive), but that piece of information is incorrect, and you look like the kind of person who would like to know the correct information instead. Again, I’m not trying to bust your balls. I just want to help.”
But you’re right. Let’s just be sarcastic and criticize instead.
Says the guy being sarcastic and criticizing.
Thank you. I really wish there was away to correct a small piece of information without coming off as a/being taken as a dick. Part of it is people looking for a reason to bitch, but part of it is there is no real way to differentiate between sarcasm and sincerity in text.
Could have just said “Actually, you will find it is the “Lament Configuration”.”
In all honesty, I never actually read the script or any kind of “book version” of the story, so I wrote it the way I heard it pronounced. It had been several months since I last saw the movie, so there’s also the chance of inaccuracy of memory, too.
Actually, saying “Actually,…” gets people worked up too.
Personally I like the “(correction), but yeah, I totally (reaction to actual content of post)” format. Engaging with what they actually said so my whole post isn’t just me correcting how they said it is the easiest way to demonstrate I’m not trying to be a jerk, and keeps the coversation from getting derailed.
You don’t like to be sarcastic and criticize? This is the interwebs! The place where sarcasm and being overly-critical is 2nd only to dramasplosions from people that aren’t happy until they’ve found something to be mad at! :o
but yus… Kratos is not impressed with demonic rubixs
Dramasplosions from people who are miserable until they’re angry? Sounds vaguely familiar…perhaps we should introduce Kratos to the ENCOM laser from Tron?
I really should see this movie; I’ve kind of avoided it because I’ve thought it was a lot of gory blood/guts stuff…
Oh it is. Lots of gory blood / guts stuff, but a surprisingly good story to go along with it.
I can watch all of the gory bits in all of the Hellraiser movies, but The Human Centipede really got under my skin. It’s not much when it comes to blood & gore, but it creeps me out so bad that I still can’t even bring myself to watch the second movie.
That’s because The Human Centipede is real
Not to mention ~~~~MEDICALLY ACCURATE~~~~
It was being “medically accurate” is the biggest part of my creep-out with it. However, I also realized something about it that the “good doctor” never addressed…The fact that, the more stages in the centipede there are, each subsequent “stage” in the centipede will suffer from increasing stages of malnutrition.
As the food passes through each person’s digestive system, vital nutrition is being leeched off & every later stage will be getting less nutrition value from the food.
This is not even touching on the disgusting fact that everyone except the “front end” literally has to eat…Well, you know…
Waitwaitwait! Cenobites aren’t real?
DONT EVER WATCH THE SECOND ONE!. So me and some mates have this brilliant idea to choose a bunch of mind f%^& movies and have a night of freaking ourselves out… pretty much got what we paid for. The first one freaked and grossed me out. Its just messed up. Weeell the second one makes it look like the Disney rip off version so. JUST. DONT. scarred me for life.
OMG he’s wearing that outfit around his children. That’s hilarious and a little bit creepy.
Amazingly embarrassing dad?? ^^;; LOLs
Wait, Chatterer *talks*? How does one enunciate “p”‘s without lips?
The same way that ventriloquists do.
You just made my morning! XDDDDDDDDDDDDD
My phonetics professor loves this video.
http://www.kengroves.com/what.php
“So you’re telling everybody here that I can’t say P, M, or B?”
It would be funnier if he only chattered and Kratos just understood what he was saying.
I remember hearing that the original script had lines for all four cenobites. But since the fat dude with sunglasses and the chatterbox guy had costumes that rendered speech impossible, the lines were divvied up between the other two. That’s partially why the Pinhead guy was considered a leader cenobite.
he’s very, very talented.
You’d think Commander B would try to find a job for Kratos doing things like that. Maybe a construction company that works on national monuments and stuff. Imagine how much money they’d save with Kratos around to push and lift super heavy things instead of expensive construction vehicles. And imagine how happy Kratos would be if you could con him into thinking he was solving puzzles and his reward is paychecks!
This is a good idea until Kratos flips out and demolishes the building and/or national monument. Somehow I think he’s at Commander B’s place because this happened the -first- time someone gave him work.
Trying to trick Kratos into doing things by lying to him has never worked out well for anyone.
Yah. The trick is to be completely honest. Don’t tell him the construction work IS a puzzle, tell him to think of it LIKE a puzzle.
Tell him it’s like a puzzle but it’s more involved with killing people, he’ll be right into that. It’s also not lying.
So wait, Kratos does these extremely massive puzzles that activate complex mechanisms, but refuses to do a small, handheld puzzle?
Nice one, but Kratos himself is pretty scary.
The only thing scarier than him would be Kratos putting on a tutu, and doing ballet dancing.
Kratos putting on a tutu and doing balle….
Well geeze! Thanks for the nightmares jerk.
Ah, yes, the truly horrifying prospect of seeing a man in a dress. Much more terrifying than any of the legendary monsters, Titans, or gods he faces.
The best part is he’s basically wearing a skirt with one of those high slits up the side and a garter belt under normal circumstances.
OH… oh my god… I’m laughing now. I’m laughing.
And nevermind that you already put Kratos in a dress in an earlier comic and man was he working it.
Ah yes, the horror movie reference. I forget the name, but iconic scene.
Also, come to think of it, he is also elegant in his combat style. One might think he secretly wanted to BE a Ballet dancer as a kid, but couldn’t because of Spartan culture.
You have given me new headcanon.
“Carrie” is the movie reference in question.
Oh yes, that’s the one. Thanks bro.
I’m happy to know I wasn’t the only one seeing the truth behind his tattered garments.
The high sandals really finish it off quite nicely.
I gotta say, your handling of Kratos is the only thing I’ve encountered that actually makes me want to play the God of War games.
REAL men wears Pink. SHOCKING Pink.
The idea is to disorient your enemies to ensure you always make the first strike.
Glorious. ♥
Nice to see the Commander with his kids. Makes me wonder how they reacted to his new outfit
I get the impression they’ve seen more outlandish outits in their time…
No surprise whatsoever, because this is Commander Badass and they’ve seen stranger things around daddy.
They seemed upset when he went all “bishy”. At least I think that is the term for it.
Kratos doesn’t flip out and murder all the Cenobites? Truly this IS a time of uncertainty and chaos.
It’s been a really long time since I saw any Hellraisers. I like this version better.
Now that is one job interview I wouldn’t mind bombing out of.
Is this about how Kratos only solves puzzles if they involve manlily throwing around thousand-pound weights, yelling and/or tearing down stone temples? Or is it about how twenty stories of lament is the only configuration lamentous enough for his pain?
PS. The kids seem a little wary of Kratos. I suspect an embarrassing story involving the Commander helping with Kratos’ trauma of losing his family by some tactile emergency therapy.
Also did June get a little taller?
I laughed way to much at Kratos’s expression in the final panel. Your drawings of Kratos are amazing. Please can we have more of him?
I don’t even understand a lot of the references this comic makes; but its still highly enjoyable just ’cause of the artwork and expressions ^^
You’d think I’d have something better to do, but no.
Spend your time making sure you have played every single video game, watched every movie and show, and reading every book that Squid has. We are waiting with bated breath for the list, Squid!
all of my lol)
are you going to do moar hellraiser?
and sorry for insulting you last time,I was drunk
Holy crap. Somebody who was rude on the internet actually apologized for it, like an adult, without passive aggressive bullshit! My worldview lies in shambles. . . (and that’s not sarcasm either.)
Looking up references I don’t get here is the only valid use of Wikipedia that I can think of… but I sure appreciate WP for this purpose!
I’m gonna be completely honest with you. I was banking on the government being shut down for long enough to see how the Commander’s reign over Bartertown plays out.
Two words: Alternate timeline.
Let’s make it happen.
He’s come far from his jellybean drinking days.
Duke nukem is a cenobyte now?
Anyone here think Duke can actually crack the puzzle box? And i mean decipher it, not shot it or crush it with a bulldozer.
That’s certainly the implication, well, at least until he finds out what the female cenobites are going to do when they get hold of him.
… then I suspect Duke’s going to run like a deeply insecure parody of masculinity, in fear of getting his arse slapped to ribbons by many, many, leather clad women who all have blades instead of hands.
Will Duke learn anything from this experience?
No.
I’m I the only one who’s honestly curious to see what his kids are going to end up like? Both physically and mentally? Seeing the genes they get from their dad (made from American Soil and Steak) and their mom (more curves than a scenic railroad), not to mention how they’re growing up when with dad (independent yet responsible, not to mention the fact that they’re surrounded by muscle-bound bruisers on a near daily basis…)
For some reason I’m picturing them as having personalities like Steve and Terri Irwin.
Nah, more like Bindi and Jack (that’s the name of his son, isn’t it?)
Didn’t we already see them grown up in that comic about him making them make that movie?(Can’t find it, sorry)
“The Punchline is Kratos doesn’t flip out.”
Coela, that’s the greatest punchline ever. EVER.
I’ll bet it’s because of him having won Spartan Chicken.
Yay! More Cratos! Love it!
I’ve also never played the game with Kratos (God of War?) in it, but I’m on a Mac so I’m not sure it’s compatible.
Pretty sure it’s just for the PlayStation systems (PSP/2/3)
Not with the magic of EMULATORS! … But yeah, They have most of the collection on PS3. Here’s link: God of War Saga
Weren’t they walking around and inside a giant puzzle box in the second movie? They weren’t solving puzzles, though. Well, not physical puzzles, more like psychological puzzles.
Isn’t chatterer really an unfortunate little boy? I wonder what Kratos would make of that…
I know the government is reopen, and you usually don’t take suggestions, but I honestly would like to know how the Commander’s family would react when the kids see their dad dressed up like an 80’s bad guy.
This is currently my favourite thing on the internet…
Hellraiser expanded universe lore: Lament Configurations can be any size, shape, form or method of solution.
This message brought to you by “The Things That Ruin Jokes In Twenty Seconds Flat Foundation.”
Nope! The joke isn’t ruined – it’s still working perfectly fine!
Good effort, though!
Have an awesome day, chum!
Yeah, wasnt one a space station or something like that?
Such love for Mad Max Rockatansky, so its great to see Commander still sportin’ the doom-leathers.
Give Jared a boomerang = Feral Kid
Canada Guy = Gyro Captain
Mr. Fish = the V8 Interceptor!!
That was… a surprisingly calm and adult reaction of Kratos.
And correct me if I’m wrong, but the “Lament Configuration” is the spacial distribution, not the device. I think of it the Puzzlebox is like a Rubik cube, where different distributions have different names. I kinda remember that there is a “Heaven Configuration” also…
I kind of love the idea of Kratos slowly getting a grip on his anger issues…. but his therapist would have to be impossible to kill or hurt.
He uses Wolverine. That would be how he got his blades of chaos stuck in wolverine so long ago. He was at a therapy session, and lost control.
“He uses Wolverine.”
So… many, many hot images that provokes. I imagine that would, indeed, be… therapeutic.
Go big or go home.
So first of all Cube, Cube 2: Hypercube, and Cube: Zero all feature what superficially resembles a giant puzzle box but what I really wish to say is this joke tickles me very nicely in the humour centers. This is my favorite appearance of Kratos yet.
The Chatterer cenobite cant talk!
Yes he can, didn’t you see him in that panel just then?
No challenge is worth conquering unless it’s at least twenty stories high.
So wait, does this mean the Commander DOES have a 20 storey puzzle box he’s working on ‘out back’, or has Kratos decided that since neither of them have giant puzzle boxes he may as well stick with the faction he’s been with for a while? …And the one which has a picnic.
Because both seem equally plausible to me.
Wait….. So Commander’s kids have no problem at all with him going all Mad Max, but they cry their eyes out when he got bishified? Hot damn, Commander B thought them right