Never Give Up, Never Surrender.
September 12, 2011
12:00 am
Consensus on the debut of this game was that Spartan Gay Chicken ends in a 30 year committed relationship complete with bickering over when to open a joint bank account and where to place the ottoman.
…*snort*
Somehow gay chicken doesn’t seem to reaffirm one’s heterosexuality or manliness that well…
They’re Greek. Ancient Greeks did not care.
They’re spartans…
Spartans ARE greek.
The average Spartan would kill you for that, because you’d be lumping them in with Athenians.
They were both parts of the Hellenic League in most of it’s iterations. I think it’s safe to say that although they didn’t care for Athenians that much, the Spartans still realized that they were all Greek.
I dunno. It might have been like Canada / America.
They may have had the same language, shared cultural roots, lived right next door to each other, and followed nearly identical lifestyles, but I get the sense that Sparta was to Athens as America is to Canada – id est, the more violent, less rational, internationally controversial, military powerhouse desperately trying to convince the rest of the world (and secretly itself) of its unquestionable supremacy and awesomeness.
And who would settle for a sagacious statesman like Pericles when you could have a machismo-dripping warlord like Leonidas, right?
*wink*
~D.
Sparta is to Athens as squids are to octopus.
More like as squids are to coelacanth, amirite?
Only if Athenians sleep all day and stand on their noses sometimes for no particular reason.
So Greece then would be the class Cephalopoda?
So . . .Sam Starfall is Greek?
You realize you just compared America to one of the most effective military forces in all history, right?Are we supposed to be offended by that?Even your insults are weak, that’s pretty pathetic.
Also inaccurate, considering USA’s oddly unflattering military track record…
Its kind of funny but most Spartans actually were for the most part gay.
how do you know that,you’ve been with one of them?
I actually posted this on the first gay chicken comic but I’ll put it here too ancient Greeks actually thought gay men were superior to hetero men because they thought of women as being imperfect and two men being together to them was the only way to have a perfect relation ship an example of this is how the God of the South wind and Dionysus the god of wine both fell in love with the same man in one of the Greek myths
They thought that they fought harder for their lover.
Well, if Canada was a world superpower… or a world power… in it’s own right the comparison would hold up better.
Athens may have specialized in it’s navy rather than elite infantry but it was a formidable force in it’s own right and a center of trade, which is why it isn’t overshadowed by it’s more aggressive neighbor, to continue the analogy.
A better analogy would be Sparta and one of the many other Greek City states no one remembers, which despite not being remembered were actually much more pleasant places to live because the Spartans were fairly psychotic on a number of issues.
both Spartans and Athenians considered themselves and other citizens of citystates proper Greeks, the only worthwhile people in the world.
But of course, citizens (i.e. property holding men) of your city were > any other greek.
All citystates had habits of ridiculing and making nasty allegations of the others while saying OF COURSE no one from THEIR city would do any of that nonsense.
er, so, yes, Spartans considered themselves Greek. Just, that was not as important as being Spartan.
Kind of like in species classification, Greek would be analogous to Mammalian, Spartan to err… Felinidas or something.
I dunno.
This comment was supposed to be helpful and then I got distracted. Sorry!
Athenians were really kind of more no-nonsense about war, though. Spartans were a petulant lot.
Well…
Spartans knew men so much, that when it was time to marry, spartan women would butch up as much as possible(shave their heads, etc) before the wedding.
And yes, spartan men couldn’t quite figure out where to stick it.
Just you wait, in 2000 years our cultures will be judged by a few finds of fetish porn…
Well you may at least rest easy for not being Japanese.
I wouldn’t be so sure. I’ve seen some pretty weird stuff from all corners of the internet…and regardless of who’s creating it, it’s the demand that makes the fetish.
It’s called bromance.
Fantastic call back. I’m expecting a third installment wherein one finally loses.
Love the Commander and Jared’s faces in the last two panels. Nice work as always.
Really? I’m expecting a third installment where they’re arguing over what to name those kids they adopted.
Actually, I take that back. They’d be arguing over whether to adopt kids in the first place, what with Kratos having a history of killing his wife and kid.
I kinda only see this ending one of two ways, assuming, it ever ends of course. One, a girl walks in on these little gay chicken matches and announces with disdain that they are both gay. The shame halts further gay chicken matches. Two, a guy, who does not know any better, walks in on a gay chicken match and announces they are both gay. Leonidas and Kratos put their gay chicken matches aside to kill the guy then soon discover that they can’t stop with him and have to in fact kill everyone who finds Greek/Spartan culture gay. Both were known for naked wrestling, preferring naked male statues in their court yard over naked women, and not letting women to their gymnasium where they pretty much did everything naked together. Commander would have a lot to deal with.
However, I’m not saying these are the only options. These are just the ones I see. What ever is planned I’m sure it will be great. If I’m right though I would like a cookie, please.
No. I see them years down the road, happily married, embroiled in their contest.
poor kratos
Oh god you brought up the gay chicken again. I don’t think I could be happier if I tried <3
Funny thing is, Spartans actually encouraged gay s*x to build a bond between soldiers. This goes for both male and female but I gotta ask… where is the cherry or strawberry ones -_- I feel cheated some how.
O well time to go else were while I do something stupid… but fun.
Nah, thanks to Frank Miller, Spartans consider boy-buggering to be a weak and womanly trait of the Athenians. It was a good try, though, history. You’ll get ’em next time.
(He kind of outright ignored the Helots, and the more general Spartan attitude toward freedom and democracy, too.)
Actually, I wonder about that. It seems too blatantly stupid to claim that Spartans did not like a bit of boy loving. Surely Miller could not be that silly?
On the other hand, Consider that what counted as a Man differed in Athenian and Spartan society. Athenian men didn’t actually count themselves as having sex with men because slaves and boys were not counted as men in Athens.
However, all sons of Spartan women are soldiers and men. So a Spartan shagging a Spartan boy is shagging a man, while an Athenian shagging an Athenian boy is shagging a boy.
Therefore, calling the Athenians ‘Boy Lovers’ is both saying that Athenian sons are not manly and that Athenian men are too week to shag real men.
“Surely Miller could not be that silly?” Remember, this is the man who thought the Goddamned Batman was a good idea.
YOU STOLE MY NAME!
Hey, it’s a cool name.
… Commander had it right the first time “Yeah, I decided I don’t actually wanna know how this ends up.”
So say we all.
It ends with scented oils, a candle-lit room, a soft bed, and good old fashioned Greek Style wrestling.
I have scarred you.
Embrace it.
brain bleach, please.
They don’t make a bleach strong enough. Lobotomy wouldn’t even help you.
They don’t make bleach strong enough to remove the stain in my sheets.
Or to remove the stain in their sheets.
Okay guys. Let’s just stop. What people do in their bedroom is their own business.
But what about what we do in each others’ bedrooms?
What about what they do in other peoples’ bedrooms?
What about what they do in IKEA showrooms?
THAT is the business of Ingar Kamprad (IKEA founder and general douché)
Seeing how his business is taking over the world however (well damn near) It’s only a matter of time before he’s in OUR bedrooms too. I shudder to think about it.
They shall fight in the shade xD
If you need brain bleach for something like this, you–
…wait.
*dons full Spartan war regalia*
YOU ARE A WORTHLESS, NON-SPARTAN WEAKLING.
*hangs up the duds*
…as a side note, togas are comfy and I’d prefer black cherry scented tea lights, myself.
IT ENDS IN TRIUMPH.
BLOOD AND THUNDER!
VICTORY AT SEA!
LOL Oglaf’s awesome.
IT ENDS IN FIRE!
Live camera feed, please.
All the while keeping that intense focused glare on each other somehow…
Speak for yourself, plz and ty.
Which Ikea do you shop at again? *notepad*
Only way to win is not to play.
A very, very accurate statement.
Yes. That’s the WarGames way.
The only winning move is not to play.
That’s also how you win The Game.
Now that was jsut unkind…
GODDAMMIT
How I hate you you bastard. (unless you are talking about the movie: The Game, in which case carry on.)
You, sir, are a coward and a ruffian! I fart in your general direction!
Seriously, fall off a cliff and break a leg. Literally.
Don’t click the link unless you HATE The Game. Completely SF Work, Playgrounds, and will not cause children to shoot up schools.
http://xkcd.com/391/
No, see, you win by keeping a Platinum Angel in your purse-equivalent.
I win by having the special Schadenfreude add on pack. Now, whenever someone loses the game anywhere in the world, I win. Every single time.
I keep a Platinum Angel in my purse-equivalent… my heart.
I won by going back in time (TARDIS, FTW) and brutally beating the bastard that invented “The Game” to death’s door with a lead pipe. I then sliced him up into lunchmeat, and served that lunch meet to the gathered Police Precincts of the Greater LA area. As a result, I created a parallel dimension where the Game was never invented, and thus I could never have lost the game.
Then I came back to this dimension because, fuck, all my stuff is here.
The Game was actualyl jsut suppoe to be a social experiment. saddly peopel took it way too far
How can you win OR lose that which does not exist?
There is no Rule 34 of the Game; therefore, there IS no game.
We broke The Game by playing both Abyssal Persecutor and Platinum Angel, and never finishing the match.
Platinum Angel only assures that you do not LOSE the game. It says nothing about a victory condition.
that’s mean
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Ok, my first comment ever…
I could not stop laughing when I read this comic! This is the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in a few months!
I love how Commander seems to have taken Jared as a son more and more. I was fully expecting him to tell Jared they weren’t going for ice cream after if he didn’t stop whining.
Don’t be silly, of COURSE they’re going for ice cream. Commander wouldn’t make a threat he couldn’t follow through on.
Don’t they sell ice cream at Ikea? Like in the cafe place after checkout?
I think so. I think they also sell Swedish meatballs.
And Pizza.
And hotdogs for one dollar each.
And lingonberry sauce.
Now I want to go to Ikea.
Well, Ikea definitely looks more interesting in Coelasquid’s world.
Don’t eat the hot dogs. I found plastic in one. (To be fair, I ate them four times a week every week for almost a year, what with working next door and all.)
My aunt’s boyfriend once found a band-aid in a bratwurst . . . Guess what WASN’T served at family gatherings for a good long while?
@Kiki
Gay men can be manly, much like straight men can be very non-manly.
Also, they should try lighting a blueberry candle and a pomegranate candle together. The scents work well with one another.
I-I think I love you. <3
I am trying so hard not to choke on AMP or laugh my butt off in a busy hallway.
I’m pretty sure I want to marry Jared, he is just so cu~ute!
Well they are gay, I guess now they are playing for top or bottom.
Either way around, everyone wins.
Nope, when they have sex, you could use it to power a turbine and provide power to a small city as they constantly spin in a quantum field of ‘top.’
You saw 300 then? That sex scene was pretty… unrealistic.
Are we talking “The Room sex scene” unrealistic, or “SciFi Original Movie Special Effects” unrealistic?
“The Room sex scene with SciFi Original Movie Special Effects” unrealistic.
I love the fact that this comic is the top result in a Google search for “manly guys”.
Of course it is.. why wouldn’t it be?
Top result? Please. This comic dominates the entire first page, whether directly or by association.
Man, I bet those two would have been best buddies in the Agoge
Seeing this made my day. I don’t know quite what I love more, the fact that Jared indeed continued to whine or that there is now a fully canon gay-chicken relationship (yar, I know, we did start it way back, but this is evidence that they really are going through with it.)
I hope there’s more of this. I’d love to see them actually adopt kids and argue about proper parenting practices.
Gay chicken. Spartan’s one weakness.
Words cannot describe how much I want this as a poster- (No, I don’t have a thing for huge burly gay men doing effeminate things, where would you get such a ridiculous idea?!)
I clearly do not want this thing you are talking about but would appreciate one of them all the same in order to examine it very very closely and make sure that I do not want this thing, really.
Absolutely. It would be for scientific study, of course.
Hurray for Galaxy quest quote title!
OMG, a follow up on the gay chicken game, lulz were had all morning, thanks for ruining my productivity :D
*scans comments*
Somebody did notice. I’ll just add my props here too.
Yet another underrated move. Dang that thing should have made enough to force a sequel.
Panels 4 and 5 need to be made a poster and/or wallpaper. :’D
I love the detail. I love how you put the scar over both Leonidas’ and Kratos’ eyes. I love how you truly caught the Gerard Butler version of Leonidas to a T.
I also love how they are arguing over pomegranite tea lights. I mean, wouldn’t the official scent of Sparta be pomegranite? Leonidas loses for having blueberry scented candles. What kind of King is he???
I’d suppose the blueberry tea lights were in a combo pack with other scented candles. You know how it is, like when you pull that container of neapolitan ice cream out of the back of the freezer, and all that’s left is the untouched strawberry portion.
Still. He could have gone to Ikea and gotten Pomegranite tea lights at any time.
Kingly fail.
Nope, two reasons why he couldn’t have gone on his own.
One, Leonidas doesn’t want the pomegranate tea lights, Kratos does. Why would he get something he doesn’t want?
Two, even if he had wanted the tea lights, to go _on_his_own_ would mean he would have to look away first, and thus “betray his weak woman-like nerves.”
As the Commander said, Spartans play for keeps.
LOL
Like I said, pomegranite would be the scent of ancient Greeks anywhere. So if he were truly the King of Sparta, he would have known to buy pomegranite tea lights, especially when his partner is another Spartan.
Also, he had to go buy the blue berry tea lights. I’m sure Kratos wasn’t around when he bought them, because Kratos hates blue berry tea lights.
But Kratos HAD to be around, else HE would have lost their game.
From this point forward, their eyes are exactly six inches away from each other, or less. A typical morning for them starts when they wake up at exactly the same time, and GLARE at each other. Kratos trims his beard by the reflection in Leonidas’ eyes. The kitchen is a bit of a mess after breakfast because they can’t see where the cereal bowl is, they’re too busy WATCHING THE RIVAL. They walk down the street side by side, seeking any weakness the enemy may have, so it may be exploited in battle! When they have to cross the street, you might think they’re already looking both ways for oncoming traffic, but you would be wrong. They’re only looking at each other, and if they get hit by a car, GOOD. Serves him right for daring to question your manliness! They’ll take that damned car and make it into a new belt buckle.
Yes, this is over the top. But that’s what makes it funny. They will do anything to NOT LOSE.
Never happens at my house.
(Mostly because all we ever have is sorry Splenda-laced excuses for ice cream.)
Om nom delishus strawburry.
Day has been made.
Day? DAY! Whole frigging week has been made!
Week? WEEK? WHOLE FRIGGIN’ MONTH HAS BEEN MADE!
Well… Until the next installment at least..
Month? MONTH?! WHOLE FRIGGIN’ YEAR HAS BEEN okay I’ll stop.
MY DECADE HAS BEEN MADE
I feel the same way Jared does every time I go to Ikea.
You and me both. I always try to find the shortcuts to the section I want and just go there. Having to walk through to Kid’s Bedrooms through each section is like crossing the Saharra Desert.
When does it stop being gay chicken and start being a full-on relationship, that’s the question.
Spartan society only persisted from generation to generation because Spartan women were willing to dress up like page boys. That said, they were not this kind of gay. They were more of the misogynist, “touching a woman is beneath me” sort of way. Additionally, you would not have seen two Spartan men of equal age and social status in a relationship like this (though, I guess Kratos is a god now?). It was pretty much all older men and their teenage proteges. Anything else would have upset their system of education.
So what’s really funny about this comic the the anachronism. And, of course, Jared’s whining.
No, what’s really funny about this comic is two big burly men bickering over whether to get pomegranate or blueberry like an old married couple. Hah, alliteration.
As a College student, I don’t go to Ikeas (I get all my furniture off the streets), so I have never encountered this situation before. Although, if I had, I think I would walk away very quickly.
As I type this, I feel something moving in the couch beneath my buttocks…must be another raccoon. :\
I nearly fell off the chair. Thanks for that :D
Oh gods, I read this just before class and I couldn’t stop giggling throughout it. I kept thinking back on this and snorting.
were we not both women, i would propose to you for bringing back the gay chicken storyline so beautifully.
I’m female and I happen to be into other gals, and considering how much I seem to love her comics and her sense of humour I wouldn’t have any trouble proposing to her :P Too bad though that I assume she’s straight :P
Board a plane to wherever she lives and initiate a game of Gay Chicken, Nita. It cannot fail.
I’m not entirely sure if Gay Chicken works as intended if one of the participants IS gay! :D
Oho, you didn’t read the second definition in Coela’s gay chicken link, did you?
First Rule of Gay Chicken: If you’re gay, you automatically lose
Second Rule of Gay Chicken: If you’re bi, you’re gay.
Third Rule of Gay Chicken: When women play, EVERYONE wins.
Except for gay men and straight women.
Haha, I really missed those two. ^^
Two of my most hard headed friends played gay chicken once. The called a draw at the point when they were both naked in a bathtub, with audience, drinking single malt poured down each others bellies over their junk. Maybe not so much gay chicken as just gay.
Sounds like my kind of party.
This is one of the best callbacks I’ve ever seen in a webcomic.
Fun little known fact.
Spartan society was very very gay. Like… Really gay.
So gay that when they forced a Spartan to marry, it was tradition to make his bride cut her hair and dress like a boy. Largely believed so that the husband could ‘ease’ the into a more heterosexual relationship.
http://www.cracked.com/article_18420_5-cultures-with-most-wtf-wedding-rituals.html
Anything involving ancient Greece and homosexuality is hardly a “little known fact”.
wasn’t bi supposed to be the ideal?
So all the Ancient Greeks were in the closet then?
I don’t know if “in the closet” is really a fitting way to describe a culture that celebrated same-sex relations in their myths, art, and customs…
The Romans were also fairly at ease with their same-sex relations. It was fairly well recorded that Legionaires were quite intimate with each other when far, far from home and any women. They even preferred each other over slaves or prisoners taken during wartime.
I know. It was supposed to be a bit of a joke. Guess it was a bad one. I should have added a “:B” at the end, maybe…
My reply should have been, “I don’t the Greeks had closets. I think they just hung their togas over the bed rails BOWCHIKABOWWOW.”
I often wonder how much we can rely on what we read about the Spartans.
Historical facts aside, don’t try citing “Cracked.Com” in a college Essay. Professors rarely find it funny, since, like wikipedia, it can’t be true since “Anyone can write those things man!”
Damn dirty hippies…>_>
You don’t necessarily have to cite Cracked or Wikipedia…you could always follow the links to the other sites that their information came from, and if it seems legit, then cite those places.
Agreed. That’s how I get half my source information for classes!
To wit, learning how to utilize Wikipedia properly helps any budding student:
Cite Wikipedia => Failure.
Follow Wikipedia’s Citations to acquire source information => Success.
The scarred for life look on the Commander’s and Jared’s faces are perfect. Part three will involve the two scary Greek men at an adoption agency, I suppose? They’re playing for keeps, after all :)
I don’t envy the child with two Spartan Fathers…hell, Kratos killed the shit out of his kids, and Leonidas periodically beat the ever living fuck out of his son. o.o;;;
From how things are going, I’ve got to assume that rather than beatings, there would just be a lot of emotional scarring going on with the kid. I mean, seriously – your parents would be locked in endless arguments over parenting techniques. From the beginning there would be arguments, from “whether or not to use formula” to “Whether that young man/lady is worthy of our child” to “Is our child raising our grandchildren correctly.”
Kratos murdering his daughter and wife was a tragedy set in motion by Ares, as a way of removing the only mortal emotional ties Kratos had keeping him form becoming the most powerful weapon Ares had at his disposal. It had failed, their deaths actually setting in motion Kratos’ killing of Ares, and after that, the destruction of the Olympian Pantheon.
Leonidas, as far as Frank Millers portrayal, was an even tempered king, wise and just, and a loving father and husband(even in the sex scene was a bizarre cross between Scy-Fy and soft core porn in quality*looked like leonidas was trying move a heavy table that Queen Gorga was kneeling on more than anything*) The “beating” i think you were referring to was Leonidas teaching his son how to wrestle/grapple/ roughhouse, and was wholly meant for play and education, and considering the smackdown leonidas and his men layed on the persians, the king here was being quite gentle. Hell, the kid walked away smiling
I love the fact that they are still staring each other dead in the eye. XD Game’s still on, and it’s only going to get tougher….
Well, according to the rules, the first to look away loses.
So they’ve been glaring into each others’ eyes for the entire duration of this committed relationship.
I can’t decide if that’s terribly romantic, terribly creepy, or both. XD
Terribly inconvenient, more like–did they crabwalk all the way to Ikea, or hitch a ride?
The linked rules just state that you’re supposed to do gay things at each other until one of you chickens out. The staring is just the beginning – all of us weaker-willed people pretty much end at the kissing bit, they just happened to keep going after that.
I get the feeling that gay chicken ends with one of them dying of old age and the other, still mad as hell, weeping at the open casket funeral, holding the cold, liefless hand…….
followed by a mass slaughter of anyone laughing.
But then it’s not Gay Chicken anymore. I would think it’d end with one of them dying of old age and the other announcing his victory because he lived longer.
That’s not exactly fair, now is it? I have to assume that Kratos’s godhood grants immortality or something of that ilk.
A glorious return.
On a side note, I so want to see two people cosplay this situation someday.
The sexual tension this comic emits is making my nostrils burn.
We all know how this is going to turn out. The next comic we see between Kratos and Leonidas just might feature the ugliest (albeit most testosterone fueled) makeout session ever.
I just threw up a little in my mouth thinking about it. Seriously.
Speak for yourself! I’m so looking forward to a Kratos/Leonidas makeout session.
Ahaha, you ain’t the only one there!!
Imagine: would they glare angrily at each other as they probe each other’s mouths with their tongues?
… okay, maybe too much detail. But then again… no. It’s just right. XD
This describes hatesex with any ex ever.
I’m picturing it now XD That would be my poster on the wall lmao
Indeed.
Thanks to you, I can never play God Of War again. Not without laughing my fat ass off…hell, even the fact that Kratos periodically FALLS into threesomes and Orgies doesn’t help at all!
Lol’d hard. I love how their expressions have just gotten more intense with the continuation of the game.
I seriously wish I could have more of this comic all the time.
As a gay dude I never understood gay chicken. It just makes the people in question look MORE gay. How does this reaffirm your straightness?
It doesn’t. That’s the whole joke.
The one who chickens is the one who’s least comfortable and secure in his sexuality, and therefore according to stereotypes probably a closeted homosexual. The joke is on homophobes who’re forced to confront the illogic of their fear.
Ah, it makes so much more sense now!
Wahh, the machoness of the staredown over scented tea lights!! I love how Kratos is the homemaker of the pair, lol!
Not sure if this gets more or less hilarious when keeping actual, historic Spartans in mind.
bahahahaha these are great. Ikea has SO MANY TEA LIGHTS THOUGH, OH MY GOD. XD
I totally get this. Leonidas is *clearly* a vanilla / amber man.
I love that they’re yelling about buying candles. I can hear it in my head, and not in a bickering couple sort of way, in a ‘I’m trying to assert manliness with my deep booming voice’ sort of way. I giggled so much.
Oh my cheese, I laughed so incredibly hard at this.
OMG, You’ve watched Galaxy Quest! I can’t believe those two are still playing that. >.<
Funny as always!
Galaxy Quest?
Galaxy Quest is a movie with Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Alan Rickman, and quite a few others. It is a about the life after a TV show of the same name, basically a parody of Star Trek, and how a group of alien see the show, think its real, and ask the actors to help them. It is a pretty good movie actually.
“Never Give up, Never Surrender” is a catch phrase of Tim Allen’s character on the TV show.
It is NOT a parody of “Star Trek”, it is in fact the only POSSIBLE “Star Trek X”; especially when one considers that odd-numbered Star Trek movies suck, and EVEN- numbered ST Movies are good, if not in fact awesome.
“Never give up, never surrender!” Is the tagline from the movie Galaxy Quest… you knew that and are just joking with us right… Right?
Galaxy Quest is one of my all time favorite movies. And Sarvasti did a good job fitting it in a nutshell! XD
I really wasn’t expecting to see that “Never give up, never surrender!” when I read this comic today!
Are you just trolling these GQ lovers, or did you (like me) first hear this line in Star Fox 64?
Actually, I heard it in the bank of sound bites we could choose from for a lip sync assignment at Sheridan.
Well, this is brilliant, and not just because I was among the people begging for it to happen. I think you’ve made a lot of people very pleased.
(You’ve probably also made few people angry, and a much larger group deeply confused.)
…now that I’ve gotten over the laughing (which was no easy task), the only thing eating my mind is: has either of them even blinked?
(Also as this is my first comment here, I must say I love this comic so much I wish I could marry it.)
Nope. I’d guess Spartan Gay Chicken includes the classic Staring Contest rules, as well. I’m betting they just wink alternate eyes if they need to . . . which increases they Gay Factor even more (something I hadn’t realized was possible ’till i thought of that).
It’s not JUST the raw hilarity of the comic – which is fantastically funny for reasons I’ll get into in a second – but also the continued rumble of laughter I get from reading the comments. :D
I personally LOVE Ikea. It’s like the Disneyland of furniture stores. Most of my furnishings came from Ikea. I can’t help it. I like assembling difficult items.
I also just cannot wait to see more of this routine. :) Manly, MANLY men. They can be as gay or not-gay as they like. :D
The commanders face is just what makes this one for me. I just love the fact that even he is just
…
and yet he still tries to educated the boy.
This comic is perfect.
Every Monday I come to this comic with newer and higher expectations, and every Monday, they are filled. Hail the glory of Coelasquid!
i wonder if the commander has even been told “no shirt no service”. i mean sure he has a jacket, but that’s not a shirt,
BRB loling 4ever. XD
Seriously, I almost choked to death on my spit, I was laughing so hard!
Squid, are you by any chance my sister? I’ve recently been to Ikea with her and I went insane (damn women and their love for everything that sparkles causing them to take 3x more time in any store) just by the time we got to the exact same section this comic shows. Deja vu.
This.
This made my day x100. I had a librarian shush me when I couldn’t stop laughing my ass off.
Just reading this gave me a flashback to Mr. Show with Bob and David.
Ooh, the honemyoon is definitely over. Or maybe this is Kratonidas’ usual volume of conversation? I’m pretty sure it is.
Oh man now I’m picturing their sex life. Given their history of brutality, and since they’re both slowly growing bitter about spending their life with a guy they hate just because he won’t give up, they’re probably pretty violent with each other. Even if they try to compete over who can be the most romantic, sensitive, tender lover.
Unless they have already adopted those two Chinese girls and are currently playing the popular board game “There Is No Time Or Space In Our Lives To Have Sex Ever” enjoyed by so many beginner parents? Inquiring minds want to know!
Oh my gaaaaahd at “Kratonidas.” A thousand times yes.
I dunno…Kratonidas sounds like a disease…
Heh, my boyfriend has a running joke with his guy friends that if he plays gay chicken, he goes until they adopt a little chinese kid. He was also a theater kid, so nothing phases him.
Oh Maker, their scars match.
I think the best part of this is, they’ve likely been at this for *months*.
Anyway, I thought everyone knew that IKEA was the size of a county district. They don’t even try to hide it with some TARDIS-like design. You can literally see the damn place goes on for miles from the outside. They give you a labyrinth map when you first get inside as a way of saying TURN BACK WHILE YOU STILL CAN. On that note, why would Jared *specifically* request to go there?
(Meanwhile, I love going to IKEA and always try to think of ways to burn everything in the house so I can replace it all with NIKKENAAKs)
Probably because they have every type of shelf ever made so he can pick one that fits in his secret base.
Or he had no idea what he was getting into until he went there, and then he complains like he always does over his bad decision.
Ikea is the go-to destination for young adults with just enough money to be a tier above milk crate furniture.
They also serve really cheap hot dogs there.
Ikea: just some oak and some pine and a handful of Norsemen
Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men
Everyone has a home
But if you don’t have a home you can buy one there~
Also the go-to for guys (like me) who got frustrated at interior design and don’t have a girlfriend to sub that nightmarish-hell-in-which-you-give-up-your-sanity on to.
No matter your age. When I’m 80, provided I don’t die of meteor strike, dinosaurs, or random beer-can thrown by a hobo, I will still be going to IKEA.
I can’t be the only one hearing Gerard Butler and Brian Blessed when Leonidas and Kratos are yelling at each other, right?
!!!!WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, PUNY PERSON?????
I can now.
<3 Sweet sweet continuity.
Omigosh, this comic is brilliant! Have you won the internet yet? If not, you need to, and if you have, you need a freakin medal.
The second panel spurred a never ending fit of laughter. XDDD
Woot! slash!!!
…
…
…
How do they sleep at night if they have to keep staring….?
Why do you think they’re so angry?
I don’t know what happen did Jared and the Commander enter the Man Zone™ to get away from the heavy Gay Chicken. Or did the spartans pure musk in playing this game created this Zone™ and Commander and Jared just caught in it this time.
either options are funny.
God, I missed you Kratos. XD Thank you so much for finally bringing him back to the storyline Coel. ♥ (And the fact that he’s still “playing” gay chicken is just awesome gravy. I♥U)
I’m having a crappy day at school, and then I remember that Manly Guys must have updated by now! I check and attempt to suppress my laughter in class.
This weeks strip is hilarious, thanks for making a crappy day a lot better! =D
This conversation kind of implies that they are both looking elsewhere from time to time.
Which is fine, since the object of gay chicken is not necessarily to maintain eye contact, but to get your adversary to recoil in woman-like fear.
Is blinking against the rules?
Nope.
It’s just that neither of them are capable of blinking.
i keep thinking this is reddit, and trying to upvote your comments
SO MUCH WIN. XDDD
Every time I read this I burst out laughing no matter how hard I try not to!
Oh god. The bathroom breaks.
ARE YOU PEEKING?
OF COURSE NOT!!! DON’T BE ABSURD!!!
THEN YOU WERE LOOKING!!!!
NO!!!!! I WASN’T!!!!!!
Since they are playing Gay Chicken, it would probably go more like:
I AM VERY COMFORTABLE WITH SHOWING YOU MY PENIS!!!
THAT’S GREAT, SINCE I REALLY LIKE WATCHING IT!!!
I AM SO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THIS BACK. I’m pretty sure their “relationship” is the funniest thing in the entire comic.
This is genius. I’m so happy about this unexpected follow-up
Pomegranate tea lights are the ONLY choice for intimidating Greek warriors. What’s better than the sweet, sweet scent of Hades?
EXACTLY!
That was my point of why Leonidas is failing here.
I rofl’d so hard when I read this that I had to make myself a 100×100 moving gif icon out of it (my name is the link if anyone feels they need this as an icon).
Gonna be a wet blanket party pooper dude and wonder out loud if it makes anyone else a tad uncomfortable.
I don’t know if it’s the “gay chicken” thing that treads a bit too close to making a joke out of homosexuality or the reaction from Jared and the Commander which read a tad homophobic OR the implication a few people seem to be making that manliness and machismo doesn’t go well together with being gay.
Like, I get it. The joke isn’t supposed to be, oh gay guys hahaha. It’s supposed to be “Two straight guys in a gay relationship” or something like that, but it still kinda irks me and I wanted to say as much.
Jared and Commander’s reaction is more “Look at these two adults yelling at each other in IKEA over tea lights” but okay.
I thought the Commander was just shocked realizing how far two straight spartans would take a silly game like gay chicken.
And now you have me thinking whether machismo and manliness can go with homosexuality or not. I mean, aren’t they the exaggeration of the stereotype of what a man should be? And that’s where most of the jokes would come from, right? A “manly looking” character breaking out of the stereotype and doing something very silly, right?
… Was The Punisher manly in that one comic? I don’t know anymore…
Gays can be manly too :P Gotta keep in kind that they are human beings too like us. They got a heart, lungs and everything. They also rock at shopping <3
But it’s two straight guys in a gay relationship (presumably with all the intimacy and sexytimes) because they were playing an innately homophobic game! Winning gay chicken means that you’re willing to be okay with being gay, basically, and neither of them are willing to lose, so…
I have some Calculus on me, but I’m no mathematician. And I am still pretty sure it would be quite a feat to calculate the amount of layers of wrong here.
Too bad wrong is just too funny.
I work retail. I so want that second panel as a t-shirt.
I feel like you could do an entire webcomic on Spartan Gay Chicken. Hey wait, the original comic said that they were having a staring contest, have Kratos and Leo been going around like that this whole time?
My headcanon is now that Kratos and Gerard Butler are gay for eachother..
i think they need to check out the body shop as well!
I absolutely love it when you draw Leonidas. I’m pretty sure you could post just a panel of him staring/frowning in disapproval and it would have me laughing for days X3
Also Leonidas vs. Kratos in gay chicken is absolute genius every time.
Heh. I agree with the Commander. The only way to win is to not play.
And was it a coincidence or not that you used Spartans, who come from a culture that often encouraged same-sex relationships among military men, for this gag and not, say, Guile and Ganondorf? Because if you did way to go on historical genius bonuses, Coelasquid.
I think maybe it was more about pop culture manly men (video games mostly), and since Kratos was the one chosen for that comic, Miller’s 300 King Leonidas qualified as the other. They both just happen to be Spartans, which is an added bonus and genius on Squid’s part.
Intentional or not, it’s a hilarious history joke.
Gay Chicken…I’m glad I’m not comfortable enough with my masculinity to even attempt that game.
I love that they’re literally bellowing at each other over scented tea lights.
As for how it ends, has the answer (NSFW)
I expected some fan-made homosexual erotic scene– Then I found it’s Oglaf. And Oglaf needs more awareness.
Oglaf DOES do a lot of the homosexual erotic scene though, so that was a close shot.
I love Oglaf so much.
Heh. This exact story from Oglaf is how a friend of mine, trying to remember where he read it, unwittingly admitted in front of a big assembly he regularly reads (funny) gay porn.
When I told him its provenance, you could have seen the mental “Oops. Oh fµck. Wait… She knows it too…” on his face. Hilarious.
Grah, I suck at HTML these days. Also realized it’s only semi-NSFW since it’s just one dong in panel 4.
Suddenly I’m thinking, sure not playing may be one way to win. But it could also be the easiest way ever to propose to a spartan you’re worried might say no.
I swear this is reminds me of a bara mini comic I saw not long ago.
I giggled. For a long time.
Love the “trainwreck” expressions in the last two panels. Gay chicken’s the best game ever.
Oh man, haven’t laughed this hard in a while.
Good show, good show.
This is the best comic.
Okay, if they’ve been staring at each other uninterrupted since December…how did Kratos pick out the tea lights, and how did Leonidas know what Kratos was purchasing?
*wags finger*
Cheaters.
Neither pulled away before the kiss happened, so the game was still on. After that, the only thing to do was up the ante.
So its implied there was tongue, probably sleeping together, and now they’ve moved in together (I don’t know if they’ve gone as far as engagement/commitment ceremony… YET).
Game still on.
The Spartans totally had the “man love” thing going on. They’re perfect for each other, too! Look, they even have matching scars!
Reading that link…what compels people to explore their boundaries so aggressively?
I love that Jerd could totally fit his entire body into one of Commander’s beefy pant legs. SUCH MAN MEAT.
Best interpretation of gay chicken ever.
Prove your manliness with tea lights! I fully support it!
BLUEBEEERIIIIIIES
Hey, great comic coela! I love the way you draw kratos and leonidas. I agree with the commander, the only way to win gay chicken is definitely not playing XD
Ah, it’s good to see this game again. I never lose at gay chicken, but I think I’d lose to a spartan.
And hey, I bet you’ve probably considered using Hellboy, Brock Samson and the Goon by now, yeah? Here’s hopin’ to see at least one of ’em. That would rock many socks.
For folks who dunno The Goon, he’s the comic book character this (tragically struggling) film is based on:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p99iiHbJVII&feature=related
http://www.superherohype.com/news/articles/168412-early-test-footage-for-the-goon
As for Hellboy and Brock Samson, God help you if you don’t know them.
Actually, Hellboy already appeared briefly in the hotboxing cigars comic, and in the comments for said comic, Coelasquid said “(truth be told, I’ve only read one volume of the comic. I’m more of a Goon fan)”.
Started reading this comic at around 11pm, 7hours later with a few breaks I finaly finished and you now got another fan following you.
I just Power read the whole series up to here in 2 hours (10PM ->10PM/AM)…. My head >_<
10PM ->12PM/AM, I mean
Coelasquid, any chance that “The Goon” will be featured in your comic? :D
As I said here just a bit before, that’d rock many socks.
I love this comic but I really have to stop reading the comments… they are beyond depressing.
How so ? Ok, we may not always be the smartest ever, but at least we stay civilized… and some commenters actually bring useful pieces of information.
… I keep coming back to look at this comic because it’s just so damn funny!
This is probably a less graphic version of a similar idea I’d joked about way back when. New conclusion; I should not wait to make my ideas into comics. Hiliarious nonetheless.
I have a confession to make.
Kratos and Leo are my OTP.
I normally don’t go for slash-pairings, but I gotta say, me too.
How can you be bored in Ikea Jared?! It’s near physically impossible! There is so much shit to play with!
The Commander probably slaps his hand whenever he tries. And now he’s invoked the “you can’t touch anything but the floor” rule that parents use to ruin shopping trips.
The next step will be stuffing Jared into one of their shopping bags.
Last time, Commander was smart enough to just walk out. If he’s luck, he can still leave and save Jared from a terrible scene.
On the other hand, the emotional scars helps to build character.
I need a giant poster of those two playing gay chicken so I can snort coffee in laughter every day when I wake up!
can anyone link me to when they started this game? I don’t remember it at all ( is ashamed).
also, I am so sad I can not play gay chicken since I am a female…..it seems like lots of fun LOL. Lesbian Chicken would result in many things but proving myself as a female would not be one of them haha.
oh never mind, I just saw the link in the OP. sorry about that!
gay chicken master here lol
everytime they do this, a black hole forms between their eyes. you just can’t see it.
i also love the expressions on the last panel. you know that measn that shit is about to happen and get ugly fast.
It’s not just the comic, but the comments that go along with it that make this comic win so hard.
I approve.
“Why are the burly Greek men fighting, Commander?”
Pyahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahakeseseseseseseseseseesesesesesesesese.
*sob* Oh Coela, you’ve made me the happiest person in the world~ It’s true though, they do play for keeps. Doesn’t help that a friend and I just picked up GoW…again. :\ Now it’s just Gay Chicken. Forever.
Ok, so Leonidas does not like tea light candles (he specifically states they belong to Kratos), and Kratos hates blueberry candles, which is all they have at home.
If Kratos hates blueberry candles, and Leonidas doesn’t want tea lights at all, who the HELL is buying all these blueberry tea lights for them???
Obviously Leonidas bought the blueberry ones as a gift for a romantic meal and bath night……. excuse me now while I go bleach my brain for thinking of that.
See, now that would have been clever of Leonidas…buy something Kratos hates as a “gift” as part of a clever ploy to irritate him into quitting. Not that there will be any quitting, but challenging your opponent is part of the point of playing, after all…
PRESS O TO SPICE UP YOUR LOVE LIFE WITH A LITTLE ROLE PLAYING.
HIT TRIANGLE REPEATEDLY TO MAKE A ROMANTIC DINNER USING THE ENTRAILS OF YOUR ENEMIES.
Gotta love dem brick jokes.
I have checked back on this several times over the week, because I love it so damn much. I would seriously consider buying a print of both strips (this and the previous gay chicken one) and then framing them, and then hanging them side by side in the hallway.
Also, I have definitely heard couples debating about candles in IKEA…it’s always either about scent, someone owning too many, or both, haha. Keep up the awesome, and thanks for the free internet entertainment!
Happy birthday!
I fucking love gay chicken. I had my first kiss playing it when I was twelve with a seventeen year old guy.
Got news for you, there IS no chicken.
I suggest using condoms and keeping the exit-hole clean while you explore your leanings.
I hope that´s as “OGLAF.COM” as it´s gona get.
Still supremely funny though.
I’m probably far too late for this, but I don’t think we’ve actually seen Kratos or Leonidas since they started playing gay chicken. I’m pretty sure that this isn’t a regular thing for them where they play a chicken on a regular basis, but that this is still the same game they were playing NINE MONTHS ago.
The real question is… Does Kratos really hate the scent of blueberry candles?
He’s probably more of a fan of the ‘cinnamon buns’ or ‘licorice’ candles.
Ikea resembles Bed Bath and Beyond
8o
I suspect they’re both just trying to be intolerable in order to force a surrender.
Since neither Kratos nor Leonidas will ever surrender no matter how hopeless the circumstances, however, all they’re doing is making their permanent gay relationship an unhappy one.
HAHAHAHA! Well Done!
Hahahaha I like it
Wow!!! Even the Pope likes it.
That scene from War Games?
Ah, good memories. This was the second MGDMT page I ever read, long ago (as part of the Spartan Gay Chicken arc). It’s even funnier now that I have been familiarized with the Commander and Jared.
Also, pomegranate-blueberry sounds like a nice mix of scented tea candles. I should remember that, in case I find a brand (or brands) that has a pleasant version (have peasant versions) of those two scents to which I am not allergic.
ikeas are designed to be a maze not allowing customers to leave without seeing everything
CONTINUITYYYYY!
:D
Did you know that historically Spartans actually were really gay. Well more like bi. They hardly ever saw their wives, so they were encouraged to engage in homosexuality, which actually made them fight better as they had closer ties and the like.
I think you’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t know that.
In Australia at least Gay Chicken already exists :D it’s where 2 straight dudes make out until one of them gives up and it’s completely awesome to watch. Especially when one of the dudes is secretly actually gay.
Galaxy Quest reference. :D
Also if I haven’t made it clear in my other comments, I really love your comic. It’s awesome. :D
I referenced this comic at work one day when someone bought a bunch of tealights.
Then to ease their confusion I explained the full thing.
You know what, I changed my mind, this is the best way to play gay chicken
they should have gotten to the part where they kissed already!
Why do I think of “Fast Five” when I read this? XD
This is the best comic I’ve ever seen, I’m pretty sure it just added 10 years to my life. Or at the very least, I laughed really hard.