Sorry, the idea well has been dry lately.
March 5, 2018
3:51 am
I honestly didn’t have a single idea for a comic this week so here’s a super flimsy excuse for a hunky pinup instead
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Updated Mondays or whenever I feel like it
You must at least be able to turn this into a Sharknado tie-in somehow! o.O
Heh. Ocean things.
Well, now I feel silly.
For context, the dialogue when this page first went up had Jonsey asking CB what he was doing to attract a shark in the first place, and he gives an evasive answer “Oh, you know. Ocean things.”
Hahaha I changed it because I felt like it wasn’t clear enough the shark was unharmed.
Totally understandable. For some reason, the way he delivers the line ‘Ocean things’ just struck my comedy chord.
I feel like it should be on a half-assed travel brochure,
“Come to our island. We’ve got, like, clubs and resorts and shit. You can do all sorts of ocean things.”
“We’ve got, like, food or something? I think we might have massages too. hold on let me check real quick. yeah, we totally have massages”
I don’t think you need to feel bad about Commander fighting sharks.
Especially not if they have lasers.
The Shape Of Water (2017)
I know it’s filler, but I love it. Thanks!
Coelasquid: “I honestly didn’t have a single idea for a comic this week.”
Pffft! Yeah, right. You had *this* idea, so don’t lie to us.
:D
Besides, do you really need to have an idea that needs to justify showing off Rock’s manly figure? Even so, you had enough of an idea to not only show the ladies here some beefcake, but also re-enforces his machismo (tying in to the pucnhline for the whole comic) AND parenting devotion to his kids.
Yeah right…No ideas whatsoever…
:P
I would’ve thought the shark would just break its teeth on his skin without leaving a single mark.
Considering the world Rock lives in there should be supersharks around. http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/theyre-basically-just-moray-eels
I want to know what happened I mean he knitted a giant prehistoric shark a sweater, then rode it to victory in the “Awesome games” (or whatever they where called, the one where whoever does the coolest thing is the winner) against his siblings. Plus he’s spent a great deal of time around Mr. Fish, so he’s got a good affinity for aquatic creatures.
If a shark is desperate and confused enough, it’ll bite anyone, even someone with Disney Princess-levels of animal empathy. Most shark bites are accidental cases of mistaken identity anyway. For a shark, it’s kinda hard to tell the difference between one swimming mammal and another, at least until they’ve bitten into it. This is why a lot of shark bites are survived by the bitten; most sharks let go and leave when they realize they haven’t bitten into proper prey.
“PUEH! Oh, sorry for biting you, sir, thought you were other kind of mammal, a tastier one, good evening!”
“What? You thought I was going to eat you? You? Ohohohoho! Don’t you worry my dear little human, I have much higher standards than that. Me eating humans, the very thought… What would the gentlemen at the club think of me.”
Which is kind of amusing when you add into it the fact a shark never stops growing replacement teeth. They are basically living shredder machines that can eat nearly anything, yet are also picky eaters. Apparently humans taste bad…along with a whole host of other things.
I can believe it. Have you met humans? Hell, most of them SMELL bad.
They’re picky eaters with HUMANS, they have no problem eating a box of tools.
Makes you really wonder about cannibals when a 12mm wrench is tastier than we apparently are.
It’s easy to see the confusion, given how the silhouette of a person on a surfboard and a seal look similar. See https://s.hswstatic.com/gif/shark-attack-1.jpg for reference.
He has armor plating UNDER his skin. Not woven in. That’s why a sharkbite that big didn’t leave him with a gaping hole and half a missing lung, just some bleeding and embedded teeth.
It’s still Rock plus an abuse of testosterone with the “cares-for-his-family” spin on it.
Basically, a MGDMT comic. Which is *more* than you’re obligated to provide each week, so I’m quite happy.
^That.
We’re happy with whatever you draw on whatever schedule. Particularly pinups! Woo
I love (honestly) how almost every week is “sorry, I had no idea what to write so here’s my lame addition” and it’s always awesome!
Amen!
There is nothing about this comic I don’t love each week. And I don’t even get half the references
I would not be surprised if the Shark sent a nice fruit basket and a apology note.
Now I’m trying to imagine what would be in that basket. Sea cucumbers? Apple snails?
Definitely some sort of seafood
A collection of Ocean Things
Any excuse for a pinup is fine in my book. 😂
Still the best dad
There will never be one better. Ever!
I love how he feels obligated to tell his son if he does in fact hurt a shark, most parents would just lie or ignore the little bugger. I wish I could cry for my life :(
Well, he’s honest and keeps his promise. Pretty good parenting example, and in this case even shark proof. Thank god for the subdermal armourplating.
So, just to check, I’m not the only one imagining the next time we see Sammy, the little tyke might be wearing a sharktooth necklace, am I?
A kid that age with pointy bits around his neck? I sure hope not.
Black Panther cosplay.
How old IS Sammy by this point? About 6? Maybe even 7? At that age I was given a sharp knife at the dinner table and told to cut my own steak. The age is not so much the issue as is the maturity present AT that age. And I’m fairly certain that The Commander has managed to instill enough responsibility in his children that they can be trusted to wear a necklace of shark’s teeth. Plus most places that make/sell shark teeth memorabilia blunt the edges to prevent any accidents, and I can see The Commander doing the same. If his subdermal armor hasn’t already blunted them enough.
my Cub Scout Pack trusted 6 year olds with pocket knives. I managed to cut my finger within 15 minutes, but not ONE of us stabbed each other. young kids can be trusted if you explain that that’ll HURT if you’re not careful… especially if one of them turns themselves into an Object Lesson.
The whole comic is in sort of an ambiguous time freeze with loose continuity, I still consider his kids 2 and 5 and Jared 19-ish.
Weird time shenanigans? In THIS comic? No way
with those xeno-Mr fish Morphs out there i’m quite surprised there are still sharks around
The megalodon leads a resistance against them in an aquatic space future, along with chubby mosasaurs that look like seals. He is called mineral tarantula by his men. That is my head canon
Surely he’s Big Boss, formerly codename Mineral Tarantula. He got the name because he’s large and in charge, rather than, y’know, literally being a killjoy.
That’s the kind of circumstance where plate_armor under the skin come in handy.
Hey, at least you’re still giving us stuff to laugh at every week, unlike some webcomics *cough cough HELVETICA*
I know how you feel *cough Dapper Decorum cough*
*Cough*VGCats.*Cough*
Prequeladventure. Nearly two years without updates from October 2015 to September 2017. But lots of fansnark, I’m pretty sure most readers kept coming back to see how the whole situation was being made fun of.
Outsider, a VERY well researched, well written, and well drawn but incredibly slow to update Sci-Fi webcomic. Similar to the above mentioned Prequeladventure, it once went 2 years without a single update. Thankfully, the artist is updating again, and is managing to average at least one page a month. There’s also Scout Crossing. The storyline kinda reminds me of Scott Pilgrim, but with all the suck removed. The artist tends to go through long periods of hiatus, followed by a quick flurry of updates, followed by another hiatus.
White Noise… Nuff said.
Eli…
Well, this is pretty Dad as heck.
Omg this is one of my favorite life-snippet one-panel ones you’ve done. So great <3
I love it, it’s like the male version of zombie-girl pin-ups :-)
Mmmm, sexy-OHJESUS!
Not gonna lie, Commander is an inspiration to us non-thin guys.
Granted I’m not 6’8, 400lbs either.
Some things you just can’t change.
I don’t think you can claim that the shark is completely unharmed if it lost its teeth. Seriously, when is the last time you lost several teeth by biting some food? That has got to hurt.
That was the shark hurting itself – Rock didn’t attack it or do anything but extricate himself from the jaws, so the shark is still alive and mostly well in the ocean and he can tell Sammy that.
Not as much as you might think. Shark teeth fall out pretty easily and are constantly regrowing, hence the reason they come in rows. When the front tooth falls out, the one behind it moves forward to replace it. To a shark, it’s like the equivalent of skinning your knuckles or stubbing your toe in a fight. Or the equivalent of Reaper having to go buy more guns to stuff under his coat.
Sharks grow new teeth constantly, and lose old ones pretty often. Some species may lose hundreds of thousands of teeth in a lifetime. So losing a handful on Rock, will hardly bother a big shark at all.
If you find a good close up picture of the open mouth of a shark, most species will have several rows of teeth, because the move up and into place almost like a conveyor belt of teeth. Check out this link for an example https://s.hswstatic.com/gif/shark-teeth-1.jpg
You ever seen a shark mouth in a gift shop or whatnot? If you do, look at it from behind, or just look at pictures online. They literally have rows of teeth coming in at any time like a conveyor belt their gums ready to flip them out into the mouth as soon as they are lost to whatever. A shark could lose that many teeth on a good meal. It’s gonna be fine.
Maya’s picture showed it in action, but look at this picture of the teeth at rest: as you can see, they got spares.
http://www.jonathanbird.net/browse/000387.htm
I’m happy.
I know this is supposed to be a hunky Commander pinup, but Jones also looks really nice here
I wonder if first aid training was another hobby of hers for a while?
I was caught between “Jones is probably the kind of person who wears a t-shirt to the beach”, and “If I’m making a pinup-y Commander it would be rude not to make Jones kinda pinup-y too”
With content this good, it’s worth the wait.
C’mon Jones. You know he’s got a layer of body armor designed to stop nondescript space future bullets (and maybe lasers). What danger is he actually in from a shark?
Commander would make an excellent Hunter. I wonder if the apocalypse that led to the world of Monster Hunter had something to do with the military’s dinosaur program, but in an alternate timeline where Jet wasn’t there to real them in.
Commander is an excellent animal handler, remember the bit where he knitted a scarf and a hat for a megalodon to convince it to coöperate? That went pretty much without accident and only minor property damage (or at least as minor as you can get when a full grown megalodon goes trough a wall).
Monster Hunter is literally about chasing poor megafauna who’s mostly there doing their thing and not bothering anyone, and killing them to make a fancy hat.
I’m pretty sure Rock would object to the very concept.
That is a gross understatement of the purpose of Hunters within the lore.
Hunters serve a vital purpose in maintaining ecological balance. They hunt smaller herbivores to cull their numbers during population booms. They slay larger wyverns when they threaten to overhunt the smaller creatures and create ecological dead zones. They only fight off Elder Dragons when they threaten to destroy civilization or wreck everything in their paths.
The initial plot of Monster Hunter World is that Zorah Magdaros has crossed the ocean to the New World for an unknown purpose. In the process, however, he gets lost and wanders into a place that, if things are not properly handled, will lead to devastating consequences.
More importantly, most of the time the player is given the option of CAPTURING a monster alive instead of killing it. The purpose of that is to better understand their biology and how they fit into the ecosystem.
I can see Rock being an environmentalist. Easily.
They don’t hunt simply for the purposes of making a new suit. That’s a fringe benefit.
jared probably got involved in a time-travel adventure, mister fish went wild, and thus an alternate version of Jared rules a dark kingdom of loyal monsters that actually fight people instead of just dog-fights for trainers. Add in the puffy raptors to help out the cat-folk that help the hunters, and you have a story!
Even as filler it’s great, pinup is a bonus 😎
All I was hung-up on was why does Jonsey had extractors at the beach with her. Were they in his super bad-ass hero utility belt or does she have a magic beach bag with random this you never need until you do need them?
You’re describing at least one purse owned by every woman I know. Collectively, over the last six months, I’ve been handed: a tube of antiseptic ointment and a knuckle bandage, a replacement nock point, a tube of string wax (that one REALLY surprised me, as I’m the only archer she knows.), a D cell battery, A copy of Terry Pratchett’s Guards! Guards! , a battery-operated can opener, and 5.56mm ammunition. Not sure why she was carrying it, as her current handgun is chambered for 9mm, although, in fairness, she was just handing that to me while digging through for her hand mirror.
TIL that a shark bite can distract from even the most erotic of Commander Badass poses.
I’m surprised he didn’t knit it a sweater
Please feel free to have no ideas more often, this is lovely.
The “Horribly Maimed by Shark” pin-up motif is tragically underused.
I like how Commander’s like “Yeah I was gonna use a medkit, but then I realized I should get you to pull these teeth out before they disappeared.”
Rock, you poor, beautiful teddy bear.
what a supportive guy, his kids always win out in the long stretch. and your brother!
These are decisions you can make when you have sub-dermal armor; mind he’d do it either way, so there’s that.
I’m sure that no matter what year Commander ends up in, he gets a Dad of the Year award as a welcome gift.
Does theses goggles allow him to see underwater or does he wear it because really he like having goggles?
alternatively, they might not allow to see underwater, but have other usefull underwater functions?
he keeps them on hand to <a href="http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/comic/he-just-doesnt-like-talking-about-himself"enhance his night vision. though that doesn’t preclude either of the above.
If it weren’t for the gaping, bleeding wound and teeth in his torso, this would be a great pinup picture.
I know he’s injured, but this is the first time I’ve seen him in a swimsuit, and I can’t help but think how lucky Jones is to practice her first aid on such a specimen. <3
10/10 can relate
Are you saying the Commander’s all washed up?
Haha http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/396/683/94d.png
I know this has nothing to do with this page, but I wanted to thank you for helping to give me the courage to start lifting weights! I’d always been curious, but shied away from it because of the idea that women aren’t “supposed to.” But seeing how much you love it and how confident you are about it made that all seem stupid. I just started a few weeks ago and it’s already the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I feel awesome! I’m still pretty weak for now, but some day, I’m gonna lift everything. Thanks for giving me the courage to start doing something that I love.
Awesome! You’re gonna love it! There is no better feeling than doing something that was completely impossible before. First time I tried doing a pull-up and felt my feet actually leave the floor, I was so shocked I almost fell off the bar!
Love,
another woman who lifts <3
If Future-Super-Soldiers are basically Celebrity adverts for their country, do they have annual awards for doing the most awesome things? Sort of like the Oscars, but for “Most Nonchalant walking away from an explosion” or “Best one-liner in combat” and the winning country for each category gets an extra allocation of whatever it is they are competing for (Money? Space mining rights? CPU-power for bytecoin mining?)
Well, they engineer humans to sell toys… so essentially I guess they are competing to have more people live int heir countries and for money in merchendising sales.
This is the most Commander thing that Commander has ever done/said.
read through the entire comic today & it was an absolute treat. ^^ had to keep showing a friend a bunch of the raptor pages. was not expecting those, but they are such a delight! thank you for all the work you put into this–it’s a fun read with some really chill messages and good laughs. ^^
Some people fall into cactuses. He get bitten by Sharks.
Rock is capable of surviving a Shark Attack, with minor injuries, without hurting the Shark…What a badass. The Shark even lost teeth trying to kill him!
Remember kids, just because you can’t see your feet in the water it doesn’t mean there isn’t something that can… Something a swimming instructor should NEVER admit aloud.
omg he’s like the ultimate dad…. I need this comic on my everywhere!! doors, walls, phone….. I’ve loved this comic for a while now…. stuff like this makes me laugh out loud and now my toddler s getting her doctors kit to make sure I’m okay…
if I am ever at a Con and you are there I need you to sign my body somewhere….
Now, the only shark that would hurt the commander would have to be a non-relative to the megalodon he befriended in the survival dome. Best guess, a relatively new species brought about by Mister Fish’s children starting to spread their own descendants into the sea-side gene pool. Or, the shark could have just wanted to meet the commander, but couldn’t shake hands…
At last, fanservice I can get behind :D
You’re doing great things for your country
I’ve heard that true love is holding a woman’s hair as she vomits, for various reasons, but this tops that. Standing sideline as a buff idiot gets mutilated to impress his toddler and then casually picking the teeth out of his side. THAT’S love. Also probably frustration and several glasses of alcoholic beverage of choice.
I mean, No one’s saying he went out of his way to get bitten by the shark, he’s just making the best of it.
I meant his aversion to injuring the shark. I’m sure when the Commander steps into the water it’s like a bell has been rung for all the big bads of the sea to come prove themselves and get knocked down.
I feel like talking about how neat this is from an artistic standpoint.
– Commander Badass is what is seen as a male power fantasy according to most art studies
– Commander Badass is drawn in an intense, arguably effeminate, fashion pose
– Commander Badass is the focus of this pinup, while his GF is wearing incredibly sensible things without making her look unattractive
– Commander Badass showed off his super powers by thinking about his children.
Jared probably would also prefer Rock didn’t hurt a fish
This reminded me of Steve Irwin
Even your non-ideas are cute, funny, or both!
I suggest more ganondorf
I liked the comic. It doesn’t seem like you are running out of ideas.
Provide more Jared and Mr. Fish! They’re the real stars of this comic.
Marine biologists (or anyone else who might know) — based on the size of that bite, how big would that shark have been, and what was the most likely species?
Great White. 20-25ft
Thanks!
That’s some good parenting.
Now all we need is a smexy pin-up of Jared and Mr. Fish. Perhaps of Jared giving Mr. Fish a mudbath to protect against those pesky Electric types.
Now I know what those weird poses bikini models do are supposed to represent? It’s the pose you take while someone takes care of the shark bite on your torso! Everything makes so much more sense now!
Clearly the shark mistook him for a walrus selkie. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Skoora, Skoora, Skoora, the gentle shark….
we forgive you ;)
I feel like the moment where Commander got attacked by that shark would make a really good “Manly men getting attacked by animals” men’s adventure stories magazine cover. https://i.pinimg.com/736x/9b/26/8a/9b268ab98829ec9d796586a9057a0f9a–life-cover-life-magazine.jpg
Your well might be dry, but my pants sure aren’t!
*sploosh*
Hey will the future government that doesn’t respect the autonomy of its soldiers ever decide to mess with the Commander’s Kids? Or Jared?
Commander is a SNACK