you are aware of how marine mammals work, right?
September 8, 2014
1:58 am
I’ve been wanting to draw little manatee shark-face mermaid comics for YEARS now, I seriously told all my Australiabros about it when I was out there and that was like back in 2011.
Kratos is a noted smoocher-and-break-in-halfer of mermaids, do not trust Kratos with mermaids.
Discussion (106) ¬
Solitary ship confinement does weird things to people. x3
Wouldn’t he have been on ships mostly with other people? I did not play God of War as a series in its entirety, but I do seem to remember lots of flailing sailors and deckhands behaving like Greek extras in a kaiju movie every time I did fight something nautical.
(Also I am amused because it was mentioned long ago that when Kratos’ role in the Gay Chicken cycle ended, it was because he was needed for other things, even if Menelaus was nominally to blame. Apparently here we have the other things.)
Wel, any form of motion restriction messes with a persons mind. It takes time but it will happen. It is simply worse on a ship, because you can quickly learn every nook and cranny and have nothing new to explore.
I have also not played the games, but historically speaking, i’d guess all those other people on the ship were male…
Which is probably why ‘buggery’ was legal after ninety days at sea.
Buggery?
Man-on-cabin boy action.
As the old joke goes; “How did they separate the men from the boys on sailing ships? With a crow bar.”
Yeah, it can be a problem when sailors have been long & hard at sea…
You thaid “long”, Beavith. And you thaid “hard” too. Huhuhuhuhu.
With all the seamen.
These mermaids are responsible for how the Sperm Whale got its name.
Good to know that Kratos does not discriminate. It is kind of a survivalist mentality. “Need to get off, doesn’t matter where, how, or with what, just need to get off”
Sounds more like rapist mentality if you ask me. (Srsly, if you’re that bad off, can’t you just find a dark corner to wank in?)
Hey, if the mermaid says yes, then there’s no problem with that.
Maybe with Kratos’ sense of sight, but not that.
The mermaids seem to consentually smooch Kratos but I think they then try to eat him so he breaks them in half. Just don’t smooch the mermaids Kratos, then they won’t be tempted to eat you. All those mermaids are probably Poseidon’s progeny anyway, don’t smooch your fish cousins, Kratos.
Maybe he’s just too delicious.
Marinating in the blood of your enemies so much can do that, I think.
I’m just gonna sit here and ponder that a sec.
Lemon juice, steak sauce, or hydra O-positive…
If he’s a part of the Greek Gods’ family, I’m pretty sure smooching cousins is not only considered acceptable, it’s EXPECTED.
Hell, even Zeus smooched anything that moved
ESPECIALLY Zeus. roughly 85% of all drama in Greek myth could be boiled down to the fact that Zeus couldnt keep it in his damn loincloth
Well, you know how it is when the hoplite army needed to keep a tight phalanx…
Well Greek mythology can be pretty much summed up as:
Zeus: Hey guys, I think I want to bone that.
Everyone else: Dude, not cool. Don’t do that.
Zeus: I’m gunna do it.
Everyone else: Zeus! Keep it in your damn toga!
Zeus: Too late…
Hera: You cheating bastard! I should kill you! But since I can’t, I’ll make sure their life is a living hell!
The sources of drama in Western myth usually boil down to either “Aphrodite being a bitch,” “Hera being jealous and vindictive,” or “Some prophecy said this was going to happen–I’ll try to avoid it even though that never works!”
…And the Trojan Cycle, now that I think of it, actually had all three of those things. Huh.
In fact, those nyads he made out with in the first game were Poseidon’s daughters, so……yeah.
Am I the only one that finds it strange to see Kratos speaking calmly and providing a meaningful (if weird) contribution to the conversation?
Kratos was the only common walk-on in this comic with mermaid smooching experience that I could think of.
I like it, it’s funny, and it makes sense since this is a subject of which he has extensive knowledge.
Could have always gone with Duke Nukem going “Hell; I’d still hit it.” like he did in the Duke Nukem Forever Trailer.
no you’re not the only one who finds it weird and quite frankly a little scary.it makes me wonder how meremaids came into existence in the first place.
Don’t go there plz D:
We’re in a universe where Pokemons are running around, so lets go with a magical-evolutionary version :)
A wizard did it. How, and with what, we shall not ask.
curse those wizards always trying to play God. Curse them with pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows.
Dammit – I had JUST got that song out of my head after getting the ridiculous high score (185) on the flash game. Thanks for stickin’ it right back in there.
I blame my sibling for introducing me to a dubstep version of that song roughly 2 hours before I made that post
Sorry but because of playing WAY too much Diablo 3 lately that is all I can think of when hearing the words Pink Fluffy Unicorn lately
Kind ofoff topic, but Coela, what’s your opinion on Simon Blackquill?I overflow with second hand embarrassment every time he opens his mouth.
Who? o_O
The samurai prosecutor from Dual Destinies.
I kinda like him (more so towards the end), but that’s just me.
More to the point, I simply love Commander’s deadpan in the final panel.
What are you all talking about? These mermaids are pretty cute!
They remind me more a disappointed Guinea pigs than sharks, though…
Giant carnivorous naked mole rats with functional eyes.
Can I be on team centaur with Kratos? Then again, he has been known to disembowel all half creatures. Those poor, poor minotaurs.
OK, imagine you just got back to port, what sounds better a tale of how the crew got seduced by a bunch of supermodels or a tale of how the crew got seduced by Jabba the hutt’s sisters
Y’know, Jabba IS technically female himself, as well as male. According to the books, Hutts are, like real slugs, hermaphrodites, going by whichever pronoun they prefer.
So, the proper comparison here is just “seduced by Jabba the Hutt”.
Zap: Yes, this is true, but Jabba Desilijic Tiure was predominantly male. Hutts are serial hermaphrodites, but most of them tend to pick a preferred gender and refer to themselves as such, and Jabba preferred to be considered male.
Jabba’s preferences tended to be backed up by Boba Fett dropping in on you late at night if you insinuated he was female.
I stand corrected, I never knew that
I think in one of the stories in “Tales From Jabbas Palace” it goes into it a bit, they are male til they get some biological need to procreate then they become female to pop out a baby hutt.
Ah yes…true hermaphrodites. You literally CAN tell them to go f*** themselves…
*giggles like an idiot at the one booping it’s face against the glass*
we can’t all be cute like baby harp seals. they bite too though (as paul mcartney’s second wife discovered in a photo op) go baby seals!
I love these mermaids. Just perfect. And the manatee head boop!
So, what? Does Commander expect Jared to catch them in Pokéballs?
Jared should say, “Challenge accepted! Go, Pokéball!!”. ^_^
Except that he never actually learned how to use a pokéball.
When I saw the first panel for some reason the first thing that popped into my head was the “Princess Theradras” boss from WoW (in the Mauradon dungeon)
C’mon, those mermaids aren’t THAT ugly… they are more on a Therazane’s level…
The set of sets that Kratis is in, is smaller than the set of sets that Kratos is Not in.
One more thing to add to the list of things we can’t have around Kratos
Things we can have around Kratos:
MermaidsAnd then Mr. Fish eats them and becomes immortal.
Was…was that a Mermaid’s Scar reference?
If so hat’s off to you sir/ma’am
Or grow a pair of limbs?
I gotta wonder what would happen if someone gave a plushy to Kratos. That guy has become angry about everything including the death of his family, but one would think after all the raging he secretly could use a hug.
This is what God of War did to mermaids?
Is that the point of this comic?
He hasn’t, but let’s face it: if was allowed on team mermaid, he inevitably would.
Ohhhhh, Kratos Kratos Kratos *shaking head with facepalm*
BTW just recently read this entire web comic and I gotta say it is the single best comic I’ve ever read. Love Commander B and the gang. Finally, a comic that is tailored to my sense of humor. Thank you!!!
I wonder which one of them was Ariel.
I always wondered ’bout the Sailor – Manatee connection. If you were so pent-up to hit an aquatic mammal, wouldn’t it be sooo much easier to drape a little seaweed on the first mate’s head and – Hey presto – “How you doin’?”
yeah…but then you’ll be accused of “buggery on the high seas”
Happened all the time. Of course, now that we live in an era where pornography is easy to obtain and carry around as well as considered the norm to own for men everywhere, and damnation by monkeyspanking is significantly less feared (funny how that plays in, I always thought laying with a man as with a woman was considered worse than monkeyspanking), it probably happens waaaaay less now.
I would ask why would anyone want to spank a monkey, but if it’s just ate all the bananas what can it expect
besides wouldn’t one of those animal charities have something about the abuse of monkeys?
At least it’s still legal to choke your chicken. It’s a lot easier to cook up a nice supper after you’re done with a chicken than with a monkey.
Those things are the perfect mix of human and manatee on the top half (and fish on the bottom) that one can look at them and see where the comparisons to both creatures came from, even as one recoils in horror at the thought of humans finding them attractive.
Made me think of Cabin in the Woods.
Aye aye! Likewise.
Same Here..
Kratos has a real and serious point about situational sexuality.
And people say he’s just a stupid meathead roid ‘rager. That just is not so. You can’t kick as much ass as he kicks without being smart, it’s just that he probably devotes most of his smarts to the fine art of breaking people and hurting things.
But why is Leonidas even a regular? I mean, sure, he’s a screaming badass, but he’s also a ruler and as such a politician, and he’s proven that he can be well-spoken, diplomatic, and even gracious in defeat, such as when he broke up with Kratos.
(On that note, I imagine Leonidas would be a good recruit for Team Mermaid.)
Ooh, I dunno. Leonidas seems to have an issue with physical deformities, he’d be kicking all the baby ones off a cliff.
Although he was gracious in his defeat, do bear in mind that he was only able to do so because he had first gotten into and prolonged a match of Gay Chicken for literal weeks on end.
And? So he plays for keeps, that doesn’t mean he’s off-the-walls dangerous.
I wasn’t aware the the zoo had a new mermaid exhibit.
I just finished reading this. It was so great! I’d love to see Deadpool at some point, that’d be pretty amazing (but if he never appears, I’m still going to love this) can’t wait for the next one!
DP actually did appear in a Halloween comic where they were all speculating about what kind of amazing costume Kratos would show up in that year.
You know, when i first saw this mermaids I thought: definitely, Overlord is here.
Because Overlord II depicted really obese mermaids, and female elves, and roman women, and faeries… well, basically any female that wasn’t going to get knocked by the overlord was obese.
It would be funny if the fourth overlord was put in charge of the mermaids.
Not every women, only the rich roman ones. And to be completely accurate, men suffered the same treatment. the poor people were thin, and to my recollection, so were the elves of both gender. But yeah, the mermaids were rounder than their usual depiction.
Still, I love this game. I’d love to see another one, but I guess it would be difficult to make a new game following the same mechanics and that feels actually new….
There were the elf priestesses, but yeah, most of the elf women were standard skinny elves.
Reminds me of the Mermen in Cabin in the Woods…
This became my favorite gag comic in a matter of hours. Thanks for keeping it up. ~
I’m studying to be certified in massage, and I wonder – how many of the macho success in this comic have comprehensible muscular anatomy and how many are just oily skin stretched over a pile of rocks?
“…my favorite gag comic…”
I hear ‘ya, bro…After looking at THOSE mermaids, I gagged too…
I dunno, I find them quite fetching. ~
In bref: Real mermaids have curves.
Give Kratos a plushie of Kratos…
You know those mermaids look like Ursula in the Mermaid from Disney.
And now I shiver to think how Tritons look in comparison to the mermaids here.
Whadd’ya mean, “whadda ya mean”? Obviously he was asking why they had to be relocated.
i love this comic and must praise that i found it. and the depiction of mermaids, if considered, would be the most accurate.. you see…. temperatures in the great seas are colder and thus require better temperature control thus more layers of fat or some other genetic mutation but the layers of fat is the most easily fathomed by us. i wonder why different skin colored mermaids are never considered by artists though
If someone were to ask really nicely, would you take that mermaid from the upper left hand corner and put it on a shirt with a “Team Mermaid” moniker underneath so we could give you money for it?
Cause I would wear the hell out of that shirt.
Oh man, for the first two panels I thought they were from Mermaid Swamp.
I’m wondering seriously if i would tap them…
The answer seems to be YES.
I think I just died laughing looking at the panel with manateemaid squishing her face against the glass.
Holy shit… does the title “Man After Man” by Dougal Dixon mean anything to you…?
no…?
That is a take on mermaids that I won’t be able to dislodge from my brain until my end of days… and I don’t think I’ll be diving as deep any more haha. Thanks.