This week Jared is my self-insert.
What would Jared have to do to get the Commander to smack him? It seems like he has deserved it more than once.
Insult Marlon Brando?
Talk about Chuck Norris?
You just took it off right out of my lips, MaDaZi! XDDDDDDD
Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Jared has done both, and he hasn’t gotten smacked for it.
Only because he wasn’t within arm’s reach at the time. The Commander doesn’t seem like the type who’d bother to get out of his seat just to smack someone.
When my little sister and I were in the car with my dad and he got fed up with our bickering he’d smack whoever was in the frontseat upside the head and when the inevitable wail of “why’d you only smack meeeee” came my dad would reply with “you were closer”. And yet we still fought tooth and nail over the front seat.
Say epic too many times?
Bring up commanders ex?
Somehow upset the commanders kids?
Jared and the Commander’s ex… A funny thought, but a think he would end up dead from that, admittedly he would likely die with a smile on his face.
So basically jared just predict his own end? ^^;;
Commander doesn’t seem like the sort of person that resorts to violence to solve most of his problems. When he does decide to use violence, he is serious about it, he uses enough to make sure the problem doesn’t return.
I recall an incident that happened over some coffee that lead to a on going loop of violence.
That was mostly for laughs, and also so he keeps on his toes about said time-travel. Training, you know.
That was set up so he didn’t hve to give a direct answer to Jonesy; a diversion if you will.
A head smack is not violence, it’s a way to make someone shut-up, and notice he said something asinine, without havin to waste your breath, all in one single movement. Doesn’t really need to be a hard blow.
The Commander’s #1 job qualification is being the most calm, reasonable, level-headed murder machine in history.
I do believe this is the first time you’ve ever drawn Jared at an angle directly facing the viewer.
he kinda looks like wally from wheres wally
I still think “Waldo” is catchier.
From now on I must walk around with no less than 27 orange TicTacs in my mouth at all times.
9 out of 10 dentists agree that this is a bad idea.
The 10th was found dead with 27 orange TicTacs in his mouth.
It has yet to be determined how the “Dr. Kowalski” was able to convince the clinic at which he was employed that he was a certified dental professional, since it was determined after his death that he had never received further education after high school and his entire prior work experience consisted of an internship at a local temp agency.
Whatever Jared is smoking, he needs to start sharing.
Are the cops from something? I haven’t watched or played much cop stuff for a long while.
I can totally relate, though. “If we died like this” is as popular with me and my friends as “that’s my new band name” is with normal weird people.
there’s such a thing as normal weird people? I thought we were all just weird in different ways…
Ah Jared… taking a perfectly rational worry of the Commanders and trainwrecking it with your special breed of madness.
Hey, it’s a perfectly legitimate worry.
You don’t want to be known in the station as either “just another dumbass” OR “a particularly special dumbass”.
It’s at least as legitimate as worrying about some nebulous “whatever brain shit that makes kids hate their parents”.
If your kids end up legitimately hating you, it’s because of something you did, or failed to do. There’s no magic switch that just goes off randomly that makes kids stop loving and respecting their parents. There’s a lifetime of poor choices, of failures to communicate, of lack of mutual trust and respect that goes into estranging children.
Of course, maybe Commander’s actually referring to mere teen angst. I’d personally not call that “hating your parents”, but I could see him phrasing it that way casually.
In either case, this seems like the most insecure we’ve ever seen Commander so far. It’s probably unfounded, since he seems to genuinely care about his kids, but at the same time he IS monumentally bad at communicating honestly and openly, so I’ll admit it’s at least possible. But so is Jared getting murdered randomly walking home at night – neither is really worth losing sleep over.
I could be wrong here, but I think perhaps our dear Commander is referring to that phase when your children no longer seek out your constant attention and companionship. The phase of growing up where your parents go from “cool” to “uncool”. I think I hit that bump last week with my daughter. Noooooes!
That, or in the time period Commander came from they discovered there really IS some weird brain shit that changes kids when they hit the teen years.
Or it’s all a government conspiracy.
Ah yes… I remember when my child was in junior high and realized that I was embarrassingly old to be enjoying the tv programs I watch.
Kids pretty much unilaterally get hormonal, moody, and insufferable from when they go through puberty to the point they get some adult responsibility and independence. And chances are the more a parent cares and tries to set down tough-but-fair rules in the interest of them growing up to be healthy, capable adults the more they’ll probably resent them for it until they get out into the world and realize they turned out pretty okay.
That and usually when they get to that doing okay state, they’ll probably find themselves grateful to their parents. I know I was.
Seconded with all my heart. When I look back at what a self-centered idiot I was as a teen, I often wish my parents had been even MORE strict, because I’d have less embarrassing memories to reflect on now.
Welcome to the club. I shudder to think where I might be right now if my parents had taken the hands-off approach that some of my ill-fated friends’ parents did.
Thirded. As somebody who recently hit the growing up phase and moved out on his own I’ve had way more incidents than I care to admit where I leaned back and went “oh shit my parents were right”.
I made a pact with myself that I would not hate my parents because I had seen how much damage that did to the families of older friends, friends of friends, etc. I didn’t want that to happen to me, so I didn’t allow it.
Nothing I or anyone could ever do that could stop me from being a collossal, adolescent, hormonal f***tard…
Now as a parent in my early 30′s, I can only pray that God installed the same patience protocols in me that He did in my dad, otherwise Imma have to get REAL innovative about where to dispose of the bodies.
“There’s no magic switch that just goes off randomly that makes kids stop loving and respecting their parents.”
… you’ve never met the teenagers I’ve met. Or the little kids I’ve met.
I’ve met perfect monsters. I just put the blame where I feel it belongs – society, culture, and the spirit of the times. A child raised in one culture behaves and thinks differently than a child raised in another culture. That alone proves that it’s not just some universal biological trigger.
Trust me, I hit puberty at 10 and wanted to just about kill everyone (never did obviously). My parents we’re on the top of the list. All teens are a bit angsty. I mean go volunteer at a middle school and watch how many of them will do just about anything to spite you.
more than anything else you don’t wanna be known at station as ‘yet another john/jane doe’
So make sure you don’t get your wallet stolen when you get stabbed. Check!
Just keep a spare ID hidden on your person at all times.
I just love the second to last panel. Commander’s face is priceless!
I used to endeavor to keep something in my wallet/pockets that would make it seem like any traffic accident I was in would need investigating due to connections to current international politics (I was a weird college kid).
Nowadays I just depend on the music on my mp3 player to generate the notoriety for me.
Personally when on the bus I keep wondering what would happen if some nut with a gun suddenly came on board and whether it’d be a good idea to disarm him or not.
His ex has a serious arse going on there
Perhaps the Commander enjoys a large posterior. Perhaps he cannot utter a falsehood about it.
Indeed, that fact may also be something the Commanfer’s fraternal associates are equally disinclined to dispute.
But let’s all be honest. Very few men can resist becoming aroused when an attractive female enters the room with tight bottoms on.
It would indeed appear that the Red Beans and Rice have not missed her.
Truly he was long, and strong, and down to get force feedback on.
The police would have NO idea what to make of my They Might be Giants mix…
“I like the statue for it. What do you think, Briscoe?”
“No idea, Logan, but I swear I saw his mouth move.”
I love you.
Jared needs a haircut. Has he always needed a haircut?
The Commander has the most adorable kids ever. And this coming from someone who generally can’t stand children. In drawn form or otherwise!
Great thanks a lot… now I’ll have Tarzan boy stuck’d in my head all day
Is it just me or does Jared somehow seem…different?
Yeah, it looks like Coelasquid’s drawing style evolved a bit for him.
… JARED IS EVOLVING! JARED HAS BECOME SELFABSORBD!
i keep trying to figure out what makes jared funny the most in this, and i think it has to be the absolute equal level of seriousness in response to the commanders statement.
Note to self: start doing weirder things, just in case I’m murdered in the middle of them. Maybe I should just start wearing a bowtie.
Bowties are cool
Fezzes are cool.
Not weird enough. Make it one of those motorized spinning bowties, though, and you’re on the right track.
And out it on a deadman trigger, so once they kill you it goes off constantly.
Okay, I tried posting a comment with a HTML link but it seems to have not appeared. This is the second time this has happened, am I geting caught in a spam trap?
Anyway, I just wanted remark that Jared in panel 3 looks very Evil Bert.
(For the unititiated, Google will lead you to Evil Bert.)
The kids seem to have aged somewhat. The boy can now speak non-lisped words, and the girl is definitely older than, say, the everything-muffin strip.
They’re always five and two, I just flipflop and what size to make them next to him a lot of the time.
So THAT’S how old they are. Was that ever specifically mentioned before?
Oh, Jared. You silly random mofo.
Everybody here seems to be missing the important thing: Jared specifies the “Disco remix” of Tarzan boy. That implies a non-disco version of Tarzan boy. Michael Bublé could be involved. This is big people, really big.
This comic best be referring to Baltimora
There’s a remix of it floating around out there that’s even more Disco-y than the original. It’s like when people make dance remixes of Lady Gaga songs.
Is that even possible!?
By the Solid Eye…
But I’m glad you are referring to the song by baltimora.
Panel six is the funniest thing evar.
Of course Jared is a self-insert this time around. His facial expressions aren’t nearly goofy enough for normal.
You mean to tell me Mr. Fish was never your self-insert?
My whole existence has now been a lie. D:
The art seems to have changed a bit can’t tell what though. O.o Looks good what ever you did though.
This page made me chuckle.
Also, I never noticed that the boy carries that plush shark everywhere. It’s cute.
Welp, that’s it, from now on I’m only walking back home carrying Machiavelli, with Bach on my player. Gotta make a good impression on those coroners, ya know.
“Whatever brain shit”
That’s almost putting it as well as my littlest brother (talking about my 16 year old bro): “Those chemicals in his head that make him angry”.
I know that feel bro.
You know guys, I don’t care about Jared here. I’m too busy bawwwing at the first three pictures.
Is it just me or does his ex’s butt get bigger every time we see her…
(not that I’m necessarily complaining)
I dunno, but that is some donk.
Major badadonkadonk. Definitely greater than last. And this is pretty great (were you one to value prodigious derrieres and be unable to disvouch such opinions).
I’ve done some comparing, and it seems that Jared’s eyes and ears were sized up a bit.
Nice two-punch punchline!
Man, that grizzled-jawed detective is one manly motherfucker, isn’t he? He could stand to return, or be the protagonist of a spinoff series.
I love how Jared has his utterly serious face on, while Commander’s looking at him with that majorly worried face, like he wants to say “Do you have a reason to fear being randomly murdered, kid?,” but he can’t tell if Jared was just being silly or not.
That said, randomly murdering Jared would be pretty hard, I’d imagine. Not many people have giant sea monsters as bodyguards.
Damn Jared, that’s… That’s some deep shit right there.
New site design: approve, though nothing about it makes me go “SQUEEE so much better!”. …Line drawing of smoking-hot Commander in bottom right-hand corner in the background? SQUEEE moar moar
–Dave, it appears I’ll be in my bunk
I’m tempted to avatarize (it is TOO a word) Jared’s face there. It’s amazing.
This is the most Jared has ever been Jared. You were right he is drawn more Jared than ever. Congratulations.
Dumb question time. Coelasquid, have you ever done any other comics? I was looking at your first comics and thought you looked rather experienced in comic making. Most first comics tend to have a sharp arch of improvement, but yours is all ready quite well rounded (and professional looking, which makes sense as a professional artist). Being a good artist is one thing, and an animator too, but have you done past comic projects? (○o○)
Here’s her page on the “Women in Comics” Wiki. http://womenincomics.wikia.com/wiki/Kelly_Turnbull
Dang doe that Maddie have hips.
does* I hate it when I typo.
Great, now I have a new neurosis.
I thought commander had a time machine…well I guess he doesn’t want spoilers
The faces in that bottom left panel…beautiful.
Are the cops supposed to be familiar?
what is the Commander Badass from?
That would make an excellent video game….
Jared has the opposite my hair.
I have a shaggy beard and trimmed hair.
i dont think thats trimed i think that as far as his beard gets before it wimps out
I never hated my foster parents. Of course they never once told me what to do or how to be. They asked and suggested and told me what they thought and let me figure things out for myself. I still don’t really know what I want to do or be, and I have terrible discipline for getting anything done, and I guess I could blame them for that, except I don’t think I would have liked being any different than I am.
I don’t think my kids hated me either, but it would be presumptuous of me to say any more than that. Anyway I might be in a lucky minority, but I’d say it’s not necessary for parents and children to have any kind of destructive relationship.
(Like I know anything about relationships.)
Nah, you’re absolutely correct. Besides, the Commander is a great dad, I’m sure he has nothing to worry about.
His ex has a sweet ass.
^That’s my one contribution for the year.
Okay so, just tossing this out there, but if you were to sell a shark plush toy like the one the youngest is always carrying around, I would basically have to buy all of them. Just saying.
Daaaaang, Mama’s got back! Shake it, sista!
Also: Jared should be more concerned about wearing clean under wear. At least, this was always the reason cited to me. Wear clean underwear in case you get killed, so you won’t be embarrassed when the paramedics undress you.
This is terrible logic and it doesn’t matter anymore anyway because the worry was just TOO MUCH so now I never wear any underwear at all. Problem solved!
Jared confirmed for Mary Jane
Looking up Tarzan Boy…
…Oh, that’s the name of that song! I really enjoyed that song as a kid. I always called it “that song in that Listerine commercial.” Or alternately, “that song from Turtles in Time.”
Commander Badass’s kids are too cute in this one.
there is absolutely no way jared would EVER be murdered – the perp would have to answer to mr. fish!
Makes sense to me, Jared. I worry what the headline will say the next day and hope to hell whatever it was that killed me will push me above the fold.
Figured I should tell you this. The last two pages before this one, they don’t have a ‘next’ link. Just the letters.
Sometimes I worry about what is going to happen to his daughter’s boyfriends.
did you just kill Jared off screen? Brilliant.
Why aren’t these being animated and put on youtube? I can’t be the only one who would watch the hell out of these as shorts.
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