Speaking of idolizing huge men, a cool thing happened this week.
And I say Heyayayaya Heyayayaya! I say “Hey, what’s goin on?”
Thanks. This is now stuck in my head
… … … … …
…dammit. It’s stuck in my head too. Gary, come here, I need a different song in my head.
Well this comic is making me rethink my fitness plan. Maybe I should do a bit more carido…
Well, duh. You can’t be prepared for the zombie apocalypse if you don’t do cardio.
Truth be told, I would rather be dead than living during a zombie apocalypse. Then again, if I could find a small place to fortify…
A locked door in Hyrule! Ain’t nothing getting through that
Commander’s last statement needs to be on some kind of t-shirt or something. Coelasquid, ever other comic you make has some really deep, meaningful advice on how to live one’s life, and I cannot thank you enough for doing this.
I concur 100%. T-SHIRT! T-SHIRT! T-SHIRT!
I concur too, but as a horribly ironic muscle shirt!
We have a winner!
1) I wish to reiterate that your comic is awesome and hilarious. Thank you for your great work.
2) This page may just be the essense of the whole thing. Awesome. (And the DBZ thing is super funny.)
I can picture them
Scream in five part harmony.
The walls shaking down.
We require additional JoJo.
To be fair, the JoJos (while all going on bizarre adventures) are surprisingly functional in society. Even Jotaro, the most maladjusted of the JoJos by far, lives a happy & quiet life afterwards as a marine biologist.
I mean, I’m a huge JoJo fan, but I’m not sure if Commander’s agency really has a demand for anyone from that series minus Dio :X
Jotaro could use fathering lessons as his whole ‘stoic badass’ thing really backfired there big time.
And alternate timeline Josuke (the 4-balled one) has issues unrelated to excessive badassery.
Given the events of part 4 and 6,i don’t think Jotaro’s life is ‘quiet’!
Dio’s pose seems way too bland, any human could stand like that.
It is one of his poses, though.
No no, he has a point, manga Dio would be leaning much further back, this one is clearly bound by the laws of physics.
I think it’s just weird perspective.
There’s perspective, and then there’s Jojo.
They have a Jojo’s Posing School so you too can learn how to defy the laws of physics for the purely aesthetic purposes of posing.
Dammit! I cannot refute such evidence. You win this round, That Other Guy!!
“What the fuck is gravity?” – Hirohiko Araki
Meh, at least he’s in Mega Ultra David Bowie form.
No, Mega Ultra David Bowie is Yoshikage Kira. http://cdn.myanimelist.net/images/characters/7/241135.jpg
[That is Jonathan’s body. Dio was jealous of all those gains he had, so he ripped off Jonathan’s head and put his own on top. Jonathan was never maladjusted, Joseph probably was, as is Jotaro.]
Speaking as a 300+ pound jugernaught, you don’t need to get obsessive to get into a shapish shape. A bit of hard work like I have done like lifting 200 pound blocks of cheese for 8 hours straight will do the trick. I’ve got a build like Earthquake from Samurai Showdown, but hey jugernaughts is jugernaughts right? Besides, it’s a lot healthier than trying to be an angsty mopey giant or scream AAAAAHHHHH! for 20 minutes every morning.
I think either one, whether screaming or eating wheels of cheese, will end up with someone in a cardiac arrest.
I’ll have you know, my daily screaming routine keeps my diaphragm in peak condition!
I will concede that the daily screaming routine, properly done from the diaphragm has its advantages. It’s a great stress reliever and the annoying neighbors stop visiting to borrow cups of sugar.
I’M APOLLO JUSTICE AND I’M FINE!!!
I started a daily screaming routine, but it freaked the cats out too much.
I recognize everyone except for the guy with the heart on his belt.
Dio Brando from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure. That is his part 3 clothing.
thanks I’ve never read that comic. is a comic right?
It’s a manga. Very good. highly recommend.
Japanese comic/graphic novel. You should sometime; it is campy and fabulous.
And MANLY too! XD
It’s a Manga, and technically one if the longest running ever.
Basically, it’s split into parts, each part concentrating on a new Jojo.
Dio first turns up in part 1, then again in part 3, which is called Stardust Crusaders. He tends to be responsible, directly or indirectly, for 85% of the bad stuff that happens.
There’s also an old OVA (a direct to video anime) of Stardust Crusaders that didn’t follow the Manga too faithfully; and a recent TV Anime that did parts 1&2 a year or so ago, and is Currently doing Part 3 now, and can be watched on streaming services such as Crunchy Roll.
Basically it’s a shounen series (ran in Shounen Jump just like DBZ, Bleach, etc) but is mostly self parodying itself and other series. If you think of DBZ seeming to take itself seriously for like 70% if the time, and having a laugh the rest of the time, Jojo is 70% for laughs, 30% serious. Like it is completely over the top and bonkers. And Awesome.
got a couple awesome games too…well…they’re at least better than the DBZ ones.
Yup! Well, manga, but I don’t really count them as too different. There’s also an ongoing animated adaption for the series now that’s really good.
I love the series to bits, as long and weird as it is, just for how unflinchingly over the top it manages to be while still staying completely serious in tone and making the madness make sense.
Thank you, I was not sure. and to e_voyager, it is a manga, a rather prolific one. It has inspired many other ones and was inspired by a plethora of sources, granted the biggest one has to be Fist of the Northstar (Houkto no Ken).
But Goku isn’t socially maladjusted at all.
Shit, the worse guy Goku ever fought slaughtered every human on Earth before he got taken down, and Goku’s main wish was Buu would be reincarnated as a good guy so Goku could have a rematch whenever he wanted.
On the other hand, if I was as powerful as Goku and I lost a fight to Superman, I’d be pretty ashamed of myself too.
Are you forgetting that at first, Goku had to feel people’s crotches to determine their gender? He’s still socially maladjusted, just in his case he’s incredibly clueless and naive instead of being bloodthirsty
Being a naive, clueless, and raised in absence of human society aside, he’s guilty of doing a whole lot of skipping out on his family to train and accidental domestic abuse (pat on the back sends his wife smashing through every wall in the house, that’s not a cool thing to do), which is maladjustment in it’s own way. Plus he probably spends more time than anyone in the series screaming for entire episodes at a time.
She was killing t-rexes when she was 10, she’s probably a lot sturdier than she looks. But yeah, not cool.
She probably could have been a Z warrior if she didn’t stop training and become a house wife. She did get into the finals of the world tournament, after all.
It’s likely genetic. Don’t forget her father was a big badass warrior king, too. The potential was there, she just decided to concentrate on being a parent instead of a warrior.
One of them had to, or Gohan wouldn’t have survived long enough to get the crap kicked out of him by Piccolo for a year. I’m starting to think they aren’t the greatest parents…
At this point, Piccolo is probably more a parent to Gohan than Goku is. The TFS Abridged Parody got that part right.
…I just started reading this comic a few hours ago. Somehow I just couldn’t stop until I got to this point.
I swear every time I watch DB or DBZ I cant help but think they’re trying to breed for the ultimate warrior here or something. I mean Goku marries Chi-chi who is not only a good fighter herself but her father was a warrior king. Their eldest son, Gohan then marries Videl who after receiving training from Gohan and co turned out to be a not so shabby fighter either. Gohan’s younger brother, Goten, also becomes a warrior.
Then Vegeta marries Bulma who while she isn’t a warrior she’s extremely smart. Then their son Trunks also trains and becomes a warrior. While as far as we know he didn’t marry and have any offspring, he DID have a sister, Bulla.
SO my theory is that if Goten and Bulla were to hook up and have a kid, or if Bulla married someone else but her son also became a warrior and married Pan, who then also had a son who became a warrior. That kid would be a really powerful fighter and probably brilliant too, especially given all the bloodlines mixed in there.
Anyone else ever think of something like that?
To be fair, the screaming only seems that long due to the padding they used to draw out the anime episodes, they’re really only supposed to be quick kiai’s, but yeah, the other stuff is pretty true. But the guy does have brain damage, so thats probably why
Yeah, he got legit brain damage when his spaceship landed, seems like a reasonable excuse.
And thank you for pointing out that everyone’s #1 problem with dbz is ANIME-ONLY. My god, I hate people bashing Toriyama’s work over Toei-or-whoever’s bullshit. Watch Kai if you can’t handle manga, it has most of that shit removed.
Mind you, there are totally legitimate complaints about the series, powercreep, weirdshit creep, plotline staleness, but the most common citation is NOT AVCCEPTABLE.
With that said, this comic was hilarious.
sentient poop monsters…or was that in Dr. Slump?
Actually, I’m pretty sure the brain damage was when his grandfather dropped him on his head.
It’s just surprising that you’d use Goku instead of Vegetta.
Vegeta settled down and became a family man, Goku’s the one running out on his family and reincarnating unstoppable killing machines so he can “have a rematch” if he wants to someday.
And making his son fight the dangerous chimera made specifically to kill Goku and all his friends. Goku you had access to a room that warps time, you could have very easily taken another year and gotten strong enough on your own, instead of laying everything onto the shoulders of your 10 year old son who hates fighting.
There’s limits to the hyperbolic time chamber. One can only enter the chamber twice in a lifetime, and not for more than two days (2 years inside-time).
I don’t recall the only allowed to enter twice limit, but even if Goku was limited from entering he could have given Trunks advice on how best to train. Or if he really wanted Gohan to be the one to fight sent him in again with Piccolo to get more training in and pass the SS2 barrier in a less hostile environment.
In Goku’s defense though, he didn’t totally sell out everyone he ever loved to be the strongest ever (ie: Majin Vegeta).
That said, SERIOUSLY GOKU GO RAISE YOUR GODDAMN KIDS.
Piccolo spent more time raising Goku’s kids than Goku did.
In fairness, and I’ll be the first to say Goku is a terrible father, there is some indication that he largely settled down and focused on raising his son during the period where he wasn’t either dead or training to stop some catastrophe. Plus soooome of Goku’s terrible fatherness might be Chichi’s fault; it sorta seems like she basically cut him out of parenting completely because she wanted their son to be normal (and anything that Gohan and Goku could actually share a bond over would be a million miles left of normal).
I mean, Dragonball isn’t exactly a dissertation on parenting techniques, so there’s really only so much examination to be had there, but I’m just saiyan!
I guess in MORE fairness, it’s not like being dead should have actually stopped Goku from being a father to his sons. I mean come on dude, you’re capable of interdimensional telepathy, and there is literally no one in the universe capable of stopping you from just like, teleporting out of the afterlife whenever you feel like hugging your children.
Or teaching them the technique so they can visit him, cause while it seems the dead aren’t supposed to go back to the land of the living the living have a bit more leniency to go to the land of the dead.
Whoa whoa, now far be it for me to tell anyone not to criticise Goku’s character, but defending Vegeta? The guy who allowed himself to be mind controlled into committing an enormous atrocity just so that he could get his edge back and power up for a pissing contest that Goku didn’t even want to have? “Settling down” does not change the fact that he’s a total egomaniac with a huge unhealthy obsession and an inferiority complex that he lets drive him to commit mass murder.
Oh he hugged his son to get some absolution right before he died! Well that changes everything!
Sorry sorry, I’m actually not trying to be a dick; it’s just that of all the things I’ve heard said about Vegeta, “he settled down and became a family man” is the most perplexing defense of his character I’ve heard. He’s a psychotic killer with probably trillions of victims in his past, and who knows how many in his future the next time he’s feeling a little angsty. There’s not even any indication that he’s a particularly good husband or father; he still spends all his time training, and mocks his son for not being able to stand up in 100Gs.
Vegeta started from a worse place than Goku and ended in a better one. From the end of the Cell saga onward he was a far better father and husband than Goku was. Even in the Buu saga, because at least he didn’t just throw his kids at Buu and bail. He killed himself to stop Buu and when that failed, returned as soon as he could and once again took matters into his own hands.
Goku THREW GOHAN AT CELL and it took Piccolo to tell him that Gohan was more likely to let Cell kill him than to let his rage out because of how much he hated fighting. I mean I get that Goku thought Gohan would be better able to hit SS2 first, I get that he wanted to set his son up to take over his legacy, but he completely ignored that important part of his son’s very personality.
If Cell hadn’t been even more determined than Goku to make Gohan fight at full strength, Goku would have gotten his son killed for a delusion.
And he never gets any better before the end of the series. Vegeta does. He might be an emotionally distant, selfish father, but even then he still actually protects his young kid instead of recklessly throwing him into battle and then KEEPS getting better at it.
Goku? Ditches his family and runs off with Uub.
I’m not saying he’s model parent of the year but at the tail end of the series he’s pretty domesticated with his mustache and flat top and all that while Goku’s doin’ pretty much the same Goku thing he always did.
Well, to be fair, Goku has faced his death a lot more than Vegeta did. He’s even died in the series AT LEAST twice.
…maybe he feels he doesn’t deserve to be a real part of his childrens’ lives, and the only reason he’s even alive at all is to stop the NEXT massive global/galactic menace from destroying everything ever. Which is why he NEEDS to train, because every single time it’s such an incredibly close call at winning that, if he hadn’t spent years on end training in seclusion, he probably would have lost.
…DBZ is deep, man.
I think it’s more that he’s a manchild with a one-track mind.
I always figured that the skipping on his family to train thing was mostly just running from Chichi out of fear. Of all the beings in the universe, she’s truly the only one he ever feared.
Goku IS pretty maladjusted, but the weird thing is he never really got hung up on being the strongest; he just really, creepily, obsessively liked the training and fighting itself. After reading the full manga, that kind of seemed like the ‘moral’ Toriyama attempted to send: that you’ll never be the best at something until you can do it for love of the thing itself.
Superman actually has a lot more power and durability than Goku does he’s just not very flashy with his particular powers. The only power she seems that I’m just home going through regular your motion would be his eye beans and his breath abilities and let’s face it those aren’t really going to wow too many audiences into saying ” oh wow look at that!”
Well if they ever did fight it would take a long ass time. Battle of the pacifists.
If they fought to the death, Superman would win.
If they fought to the death with no info on each other, Goku would. (Instant Transmission him the hell away from the sun.)
So draw for personality, Superman for brute strength, Goku for… ‘techniques.’
With Info* (on each other…)
Look up Death Battle. I’ll wait here.
Those were done by fanbois, the reality of it is Superman has strength on a galactic level that is strong enough to move planets or bend time-space (enough force to move the earth, since he effectively can lift the earths weight and pays off the gravitational pull of the sun);however, even earthquakes can do that… whereas Goku going Sayan releases enough energy to destroy a planet (much greater force than just moving it) at Sayan 1. SS2 or 3 and superman is gonna get beat BADLY even if he powers up with the sun, which Goku would let him so it would be a good fight. Neither of them would die in the end because they would never fight to the death.
TLDR: WIth his massive strength to move the earth = 2.485 × 10^32 Joules. To tear apart the earth = 2.21 10^17 joules (53 quadrillion megatons). All star superman lifting the earth (about 200 quintillion tons) is STILL 8.89 times less powerful than Goku going Super Saiyan.
actually takes less power to destroy something then to move it also Superman has been shown moving things bigger than the earth solar system
If that were true earthquakes would have already destroyed the earth.
earthquakes dorm move the whole earth. there are the result of two tectonic plates on the surface of the earth rubbing and bumping against each other. saying that should destroy the earth is like saying flexing a muscle should destroy you body and makes about as much sense.
Earthquakes can and have moved the earth. It’s very slight but it’s there, but if it truly does take less energy to destroy something than to move it that shouldn’t matter all that much. But to destroy something like the earth you need to blow it up, and that would take far more energy than moving it would.
That’s mostly chi attacks though. In terms of pure physical strength and durability I believe Superman has the edge, especially when considering that Goku’s non energy based attacks pale in comparison to his kamehameha and such. And in regards to the chi attacks themselves, it seems it is much easier to deflect them as ballistics than it is to actually endure such attacks on the body, both of which should be well within Superman’s capabilities. I’m not attempting to low ball Goku like the death battle did, intentionally or unintentionally, nor do I intend to partake in anything resembling the negative shitstorm that video has stirred up, I’m just saying it would probably be a lot closer than what either fanbase is saying, with Superman having an edge in strength and durability as well as some inventive alternatives to a brawl, with Goku having a straight edge in regards to agility and a better combat mentality.
The problem with Superman is that his powers have varied wildly over the years depending on who wrote him. He is the very definition of power creep. I mean, you’re talking about a superhero who, at various points in time, has blown out a star like a birthday candle, been injured by a normal artillery shell, survived a nuclear blast, sneezed and destroyed an entire solar system, struggled to lift a car over his head, shift the orbit of a planet, run only slightly faster than a train, fly so fast that he turned back time, and punch reality so hard that it broke. Technically that last one was Superboy-Prime, but he’s just an alternate Earth’s Kal-El so he’s still a version of Superman.
Meanwhile, Goku is consistent. Yes, he grows in power, but his power level doesn’t fluctuate seemingly at random. He trains, he gets stronger. As opposed to Superman who follows a cycle that looks more like “stronger, stronger, stronger, weaker, stronger, stronger, massive reduction in power, stronger, stronger, stronger, repeat.”
It’s pretty much impossible to say who would win in a fight, because Goku’s limits are defined, while Superman’s are always in flux. One version of Superman may lose to Goku, and one version might just look at Goku and cause him to keel over dead. It would all depend on who Superman’s writer was at the time.
You, I like you. Continue thinking in the manner that you have shown to be thinking with this comment.
While we’re on the subject, though…
“Super-hypnosis!” … “Super-transmogrification!”
You know, the first versions of superman couldn’t even fly, that was added to make it easier on the cartoonists making the cartoon version. (Hence “Can leap tall buildings in a single bound!”)
For that matter, if kryptonians are so goddamn invulnerable, why did krypton blowing up even interrupt afternoon tea for them? Oh a red sun? Then my question becomes, why are these superbeings superevolved for living in conditions which are not their own? Why wouldn’t any of them have flipping MIGRATED if only for the sake of INFRASTRUCTURE?
Uh, last I checked, Goku can’t breathe in space nor possesses any sort of knowledge of astronomy and star systems.
Superman, on the other hand, can survive in space for extended amounts of time and is actually well versed in knowledge of alien galaxies.
Superman still wins.
Eye beans make me happy. Pew pew!
Wouldn’t Goku’s ki powers be considered magic in DC?
1. No, it wouldn’t.
2. Superman is technically vulnerable to magic, not weak against it. Just being near kryptonite weakens him, whereas magic may not have the same effect. A sword enchanted to be extra shiny would not be any more effective against him than a normal sword. But a spell meant to make the target’s flesh burst into flames would affect him the same as anyone else. Even if Goku’s ki WAS magic (and people in DC frequently use ki/chi attacks without it being considered mystical), he’d be able to weather the assault because it’s still a physical attack.
a sword enchanted to be extra sharp? or even just stay sharp? it seems that magic bypasses his normal durability. going by smallville lightning bolt spell if i recall correctly.
so if ki = magic ki blast should affect him more like how it would affect a normal person, probably more like halfway so he wouldn’t be one shotted (got to keep the story dramatic)
No, however Goku’s ki was infused by Korin as a child in Dragon Ball.
Infused with magic, I meant.
“Goku isn’t socially maladjusted at all.”
“Shit, the worse guy Goku ever fought slaughtered every human on Earth before he got taken down, and Goku’s main wish was Buu would be reincarnated as a good guy so Goku could have a rematch whenever he wanted.”
I’m sorry, how is this not maladjusted? In fact, with that second line, I’d say that maladjusted is an understatement. That’s down-right sociopathic.
Goku is: a neglectful father/potentially abusive, completely uneducated, unable to function in cities or towns, has no sense of self preservation, has no sense of social convention, most of his friends are aliens, loves fighting and other violent things, and addicted to working out (which is now considred mental disorder). Don’t get me wrong, Goku is awesome, but I think he has brain damage.
There is NO SHAME in loosing to Superman, he is a great guy and i bet they went for burguers and milkshakes afterwards
Unless that’s Vegeta instead of Goku, in which case yes, Vegeta has some issues he needs to work on.
Last I saw… Vegeta was going on shopping trips with his daughter, and even shaved off his mustache when she said it wasn’t a good look for him (she was right.) Once he got over the whole “My-family,-entire-species,-and-planet-were-blown-up-and-I-was-enslaved-since-childhood” bit and put his resentment of Goku getting to Super Saiyajin before him, he became a very well-adjusted family man.
I’m sorry, but the only thing I could think of when you said “family man” was Guile’s Theme.
He did it… FOR AMERICA.
It took Perfect Cell v2 and Buu threatening his family to break down his self-imposed psychological barriers, but when it actually happened, Vegeta actually moved forward with it.
Meanwhile Goku’s son nearly getting himself killed against Cell out of psychological trauma related to fighting? Ah well that’s okay, I’ll just use SS3 as a delaying tactic instead of killing Babidi and porting Buu out to another planet with Instant Transmission, buying time for the Dragonballs to wish fighters back to life. Our 7 year olds can handle it.
Goku is seriously messed up. The guy abandons his family at the drop of a hat just because there’s some training he hasn’t done yet. His rival and former enemy raised his son and he twice told the dragon to piss off when requested to teleport him to Earth or resurrect all because “ooh, training”. He’s a man child whose sole existence is to find someone to beat up.
This is a guy who had a wife break down crying at his perpetual absenteeism and could do little more than laugh at it because he’s so mal adjusted it didn’t even register he was causing pain in others. I constantly find it hard to like Goku.
That’s why I like the Dragon Ball Z Abridged version of him. Still the same character but dumber and hungrier, meanwhile he’s getting called out on his crap all the time. It’s nice to see that no one is treating him as a saint anymore.
i actually love the abridged serie better than the original show.
Yes! Massive props for using my favorite anima/manga character Zaraki Kenpachi!!
Okay, there’s Goku, Kratos, Wolverine, that guy from Bleach I recognize but don’t know the name of because I got bored before he was introduced, but I don’t know who the last guy is.
Dio Brando from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure, that guy can give Lord Voldemort a run for his money when it comes to be an enormous asshole
but he drops steamrollers on people…and that’s cool.
Also uses his incredible, world-altering powers to prank people into thinking that they can’t climb a flight of stairs, or make them believe that they’re unable to get out of a car door.
Which is amazing.
Stancing and making intimidating grunts or screams actually has a marked effect on physical performance and mindset as a pre-workout routine; insane as it may sound, it actually works.. though 20 minutes is a tad excessive.
Thank you for the Dio Brando inclusion.
I will now cry tears of joy.
Obligatory link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tasr6KXooRM
Panel 6 would make the greatest wallpaper.
It really would. I would put that shit on my bedroom wall! XD
The commander doesn’t feel threatened by people that do not share his lifestyle, so he doesn’t need to harshly parent Jared.
Why would Commander even need to be tougher on Jared? Its not like all Jared does is lay around all day in his underwear, or screw around at work. He works hard, helps Commander out even with stuff being a PA really doesnt cover, and he’s doing alright living on his own. He’s got a quirky personality, but thats about it, and its not like thats a bad thing.
I think that was good Ole Rock Lobster’s point really. He doesn’t need to be like the others. Goals to get fit are really good to have, but he in the end is his own man and is shaping up to be a great man as it is on his own. He just doesn’t want Jared becoming like the others.
That is a good lesson to learn from. Being a person of your own caliber just as long as you have legit goals (going to school, exercising, etc.) to follow is the way to go. Let’s fight the good fight!
i feel like, if there were ever a time to actually wear his goggles, now would be the time. commander is a sweaty dude.
Zaraki finishes screaming, then immediately tries to kill everyone with the hope that someone will beat his ass.
On a side note: I have a suspicion that if he ever reaches Bankai, he’ll end up destroying the universe just by releasing it.
*Possible spoilers for Bleach readers.*
Well, in the manga he finally did actually achieve it. And it destroyed an meteorite, that was large enough to destroy soul society, with a single swing.
Though the powerlevels of about every noteable character in the manga has gone to similar levels in the latest chapters.
Actually, that was just his shikai. He hasn’t shown a bankai yet.
Actually, as Diablo-Intercept said, that was just his shikai.
And technically, seeing as how EVERY sword has a bankai and shikai (the potential to unlock it is determined by the wielder), he does have a bankai.
If I had to guess, Kubo could just make Zaraki the final ‘villain’ with the explanation of I’M F***ING BORED, SOMEONE HELP ME UNLOCK MY BANKAI DAMMIT!.
Excuse me while I fanboy for 20 solid minutes over you drawing Dio Brando. Wrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyy~!
Love the Commander as always. Plus Wolverine, yay!
…color me stupid, though, who’s the manly cutie in the photo with you?
Dolph Lundgren aka Ivan Drago/He-Man/Chris Kenner/Gunner Jensen/Andrew Scott/Street Preacher/Frank Castle.
So…definitely not Super Macho Man then?
Oh i see what you mean… ^_^
… I had completely forgotten he was in the old Punisher movie. (Also that he was in the Masters of the Universe movie, but that may have been my brain’s attempt at self-defense.)
Is that… Dolph Lundgren?
You need to go chase him back down and get him into a Commander costume.
Me three! XD
Fourthed! And have a happy one, by the way. :)
Dolph is one of my heroes in that action film genre. Nice piccy.
I recognize everyone except the blond in yellow… Help?
Dio Brando from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.
He’s Dio Brando from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure.
DIO!!!! And here I thought we’d see Jotaro before that lovable asshole. Awesome page.
Oh my goodness, Kratos and Kenpachi in that last panel! XD
The fact that they’re all posed together like a weird glee club just make it even better.
If they ever joined a Glee club, they will make a UBER AWESOME METAL VOCAL BOYBAND ever created in history.
Surprised no one commented on Dolph. DOLPH! Holy sh*t Kelly, you keep good company.
This. I just searched the guy up and am amazed, now I’m wondering how she even met the dude. He just emanates 70’s awesome.
Seriously, I was going through to check if anybody had already. Kelly, that’s the coolest piece of information about a person that I have EVER acquired.
I now want to see them all go Christmas caroling.
They’d probably get stuck on the lyrics.
“Deck the haAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–”
“Siiilent niiight, hoooly niiight. AaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–”
“We wish you aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–”
“Good king WenceslaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA–”
And so on and so forth.
*quietly scratches “Christmas Carols” off the list of Things We Can Have Around Kratos*
Am I the only one that flashes back to the old Budweiser commercials?
I could just see a cut-flash piece for this with the audio track from that commercial :D
horray for the Lundgren!!! :D
Speaking of workouts and Lundgren, I wonder if the Commander has a workout tape in his past, just like Dolphie: http://youtu.be/QxqkGjWYAKI
The commander on a treadmill? No! Why? Cardio kills gains!
A man ought to run outside, in the wild. And a man who wants to builds muscle mass like the Commander really ought not to be running at all. He’d have to eat like a beast to get enough nutrition.
Gotta work up an appetite to finish all that mammoth.
Well at least he gets his daily protein and fats, but where do his other macros come from?
Eating blue fairy things seems like it’d be an excess of carbs and sugar…
And no fiber! Commander’s Bathroom must be sturdy.
My thoughts are that he uses the treadmill when he wants to run, but remain at the office so he’s not far if he’s needed. Also… I’ve never been a fan of the pure body building idea. Pure muscles isn’t very valuable without maneuverability, and dense muscle is worth more than sheer bulk. This is why despite his size, Bruce Lee was a force to be reckoned with – he wasn’t as bulky as some others, but every muscle he had -counted-.
So consider this: What if, being a ripped super soldier from the future and all, Commander is that bulky… but more of that bulk is of the dense sort like Bruce had? That’d mean a great balance of speed for his size… and that he’d actually be stronger then an ordinary body builder his size. Which is a fun thought.
In conclusion though, a man who can’t run effectively doesn’t make a good soldier, no matter how much bulk they’ve got. All the lifting power in the world doesn’t mean a thing if you need to clear out of an explosive’s blast radius.
He’s basically a spacefuture Navy SEAL, the bare minimum standard for a modern day SEAL who isn’t a custom built super soldier is a mile and a half in ten minutes and thirty seconds.
Body building is not what anyone going for functional strength is doing. If the Commander does anything, I’d say he does power lifting. But it seems to me he just lifts to stay in strong form, like a soldier normally would.
Also muscle mass doesn’t immediately equate a lack of maneuverability or flexibility: look at male gymnasts at the Olympics.
You mean Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee was surprisingly weak for all the definition he had, and for his stature. He could only squat 140lbs for instance. Lee trained for speed and endurance, not for strength or muscle. He was quite lanky after all.
The thing is , running on a treadmill? Suuuper inefficient. It’s nothing like running outdours because the ground is always equal and smooth. Any runner will tell you to run outside to properly practice endurance. In the Army, you don’t run on a treadmill either.
But my original point was cardio kills gains. This is weightlifter lingo, it means that because you’re doing Cardio and lifting, you’re expending much more energy, and therefore need to eat much more to get the nutrition to both grow muscles, and recover your energy. Men built like the commander, which takes years of lifting IRL, generally don’t do much Cardio due to this. Another reason is the increased stress on joints, which can already be rather extreme with heavy lifting.
To be completely honest I just put him on the incline treadmill Drago runs on in Rocky 4 because I watched it right before I drew this. And a treadmill is pretty efficient for the guy who needs to be on call in fire-putting-out range from his office during the work day.
Haha! Okay, that is a legitimately good reason.
(although, full disclosure, either exercise routine in Rocky 4 should not be followed. Bad idea. They’re horribly unfocused, although Drago’s is better, but he uses machines, which is only worthwile for newbies).
The other thing is he’s literally engineered to be a hulking super-soldier. He’d be predispositioned to thick muscle mass, extreme bone strength and a metabolism designed to support fighting nonstop for extended periods.
He may have to go buck-wild on a treadmill occasionally just to keep up the level of expenditure he’s designed to do; without it he’d probably end up obese and hypertrophied to the point of dysfunction.
Might also add to why he’s touchy about the whole ‘nonconsensual body mods’ because he’s already been tweaked and pidgeonholed from conception, and even when he’s living a comparatively ‘normal’ life in the past he’s still forced to maintain a super soldier physique.
I think the point was that bruce packed a nice punch for his size, that and between him and a strong man, I’d see Bruce knocking the crap outta someone much faster. The man beat chuck norris for god’s sake.
“The man beat chuck norris for god’s sake.”
That’s… not much of a criterium. And it was in a movie.
There’s a reason for weight categories in martial arts. A heavier man will usually beat a lighter one through sheer punch strength. Usually.
Bruce Lee wasn’t even that great a fighter, you know he only competed in 2 tournaments and lost one, where he got his back broken, right? All his fame is derived from his movies. He was a very good show man, a philosopher and an entertainer, but not a top range fighter.
Dr. Lundgren! Sweeeeet.
Wait, he’s a doctor?! O_O;
Huh… Turns out he’s a badass bookworm after all.
Commander already said why he wasn’t tougher on Jared, though. Something about Jared’s mind must be a very interesting place to live, and he doesn’t want to take that away from him.
I’ve actually seen someone who runs treadmills with an incline like that. He was a climber, and he said it improved toe strength, besides being physically grueling.
Oh come on~! XD You’re killing the joke!
If Wolverine goes Super Saiyajin, my life will be complete.
Actually… considering how much he has changed.. Vegeta /might/ be an okay role model for Jared.. He’s improved significantly in his time on Earth.
Those treadmill settings, Commander, Running up a mountain.
I actually mistook Dio for a couple seconds for Thouser/Souther from Fist of the North Star, then remembered his whole Nanto school was about not following fictional martial arts cliches, save for the manly ones (like “you must kill me, your master, in single combat to attain mastery of this school”).
Considering JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure was inspired by/a parody of Fist of the North Star, that’s not at all surprising!
I think I want a wallpaper version of that penultimate panel…
Shout off. Skyrimmers not allowed.
Those guys are screaming because YOU got to meet Lundgren.
Again, I love the use of heights in this panel (like in the one w/ Commander’s car), but just 1 thing…
Arc 3 Dio is in Jonathan’s body. Meaning he’s 6’3. Even if he IS “WRYYYYYYYY”-ing, shouldn’t he be a bit taller that Wolverine?
Aside that, great comic & great message. I love seeing the fatherlyness of Commander every now & again. He’s buff & whatnot, but still really relatable & humble.
If you straightened out Dio’s bent leg his hip would probably be at like Wolverine’s rib cage.
There’s an easy solution to all this.
The road roller.
Who is that?
Somehow, whenever the Commander speaks, he sounds like Brock Samson from Venture Brothers (in my head).
I am still waiting for a reference to Bobobo-Bo Bo-bobo, but otherwise, have loved your comic since the day I found it!
OMG is that Dolph Lundgren?! He is my most favorite actor ever! O_o
It is so cool to see you together on the same picture!
I can’t stop having random fits of laughter now because I just keep picturing random groups of hulking video game, anime/manga and movie characters/actors getting together to scream. I’m dying over heeeeeeuhuehuehuehuehuehuehue Marcus and Blanka.
Dolph Lundgren is like… unreasonably awesome. Ex-Swedish equivalent of a US Seal, 3rd Degree Blackbelt, 6’5″, more pounds of muscle than most people have pounds of anything, but… he’s also insanely smart. Like. speaks five languages, Masters of Chemical Engineering, full MIT Scholarship smart. His supposed IQ even breaks the ranges on almost every scale, being in the 160 range. If he’d taken control of Rocky’s fists with telekinesis and ended the movie with a rousing game of “stop hitting yourself” I’d believe it.
I like to think that during the filming of the Expendables 2, that napkin he was writing the equations on, the print that was there before the scene was written by a stagehand and Dolph got annoyed at the formula being all wrong; then took several minutes fixing it while grumbling about rookies.
Jesus christ…. THAT INCLINE!…..I mean I know he’s a spacemaring and from the future and whatnot…but still Jesus christ.
*is now having flashbacks to wildland fire training*
He’s probably practicing for a mountain climbing competition with the Dovah’kiin.
Man, I love this and all, but I can’t help but feel cheated with Kenpachi’s height. I suppose I could just pretend he’s bending back really far… I suppose I should also just be happy he made it in a comic.
Kratos is up around seven feet tall, Kenpachi is 6’7″ according to the wiki. He does have his legs spread out and bent while Kratos is just standing there, five inches height difference would be loosely half a head so it’s not so far off. Knees bent he’s like a foot taller than straight-legged Wolverine, who’s like 5’2″.
Well…my apologies then. I’ve never honestly played a GoW game, so I google’d Kratos’s height and was given 6’2″, while Kenpachi’s 6’7″. Looking at the GoW wiki now it even says 6-7 feet, which is a pretty non-specific range that could be a good bit taller or shorter. But, it is your comic, and I’m sure you’re as into GoW as I am into Bleach, so I’ll just apologize here. Keep up the great series. :)
A designer spoke of Kratos’ exaggerated proportions and mentioned him being nine heads tall “with a waist smaller than my wife’s”. An average human is about seven and a half heads tall, and an easy shorthand for drawing adult characters standing near each other is “head and neck equals approximately a foot”. I go with the “Kratos is about seven feet tall” line of reasoning so he looks proportionately the way nine-head-tall Statuesque Greek hero sculptures are supposed to next to less exaggerated people.
Ah, that makes sense. Admittedly a good deal of my complaint is just because of Kenpachi being one of my favorite dudes in anything while I’m fairly biased against GoW, so of course I’d like to see him not smaller in comparison. So again, sorry for this little annoyance. :)
I like it, but I just got to ask, why in kenpachi in there, hes strong enough as it is, he dosnt have to do that yelling thing.
I put an APB out on tumblr for characters who do DBZ style yelling to get pumped and someone asked for Kenpachi, blame that guy.
Likely due to Shounen stereotyping stemming from DBZ.
Wonderful. I’ve had nothing but joy from reading your stuff, but this, *THIS* ramps it UP TO ELEVEN.
“I. Must. Hug you.”
Heard that tinkling? My change going in the Epic Motherf***ing Jar. This whole page is awesome. *clink clink* Epic. *clink clink* Epicawesome. *clingalinklink*
120+ comments, and not ONE SINGLE PERSON, asks you HOW you got to meet Dolph Lundgren?!
How did you meet Dolph Lundgren?
He did a Q&A at a screening of Rocky 4 and Universal Soldier in Hollywood.
None of us asked because we have this idea that she has an aura of awesome that makes manly people just appear just to take pictures with her and be all around cool.
I just watched Johnny Mnemonic for the first time in 15 years for a slice of nostalgia. And I hadn’t noticed before (and I wasn’t sure, so I had to check at the end), but Dolph was the creepy cyber-priest assassin in that movie! Makeup did a good job, because he really doesn’t stand out the way he usually does.
…man, now I need to see Universal Soldier. It’s been at LEAST as long since I’ve seen that. Probably more. Though I watched some of the newer ones a bit back, including one with both Jean and Dolph returning, if I recall. One was terrible, some AI gone wrong schlock, but if I recall the other with Dolph in it was actually quite good, if a relatively quiet release. But I remember getting a big kick out of the original as a kid, so it’s really about time to see it again.
Now my mind is stuck in a nostalgic super-soldier flick loop, and I’m thinking of others I’d like to watch again for kicks…. hmm…. what was the Kurt Russel one? Wasn’t it just called Soldier? Gets dumped on a trash world with refugees and fends off more advanced super soldiers? Oh man, I’m going to lose so much time on the couch in the near future.
Johnny Mnemonic was disappointing overall, but a fight between Dolph and Henry Rollins was more than I would have ever dared hope for.
You know, two other thing:
1. Why do they even have those small dumbells that are in the background? Do they play catch with them, or something? Freestyle Juggling? Muscleman interpretative dance? I can’t see a single one of those guys doing less than 25 lbs, and those look spectacularly like my 10 lbs weights.
2. This is literally one of the best life-advice comics you’ve done, hands down. It needs to be printed poster-sized in every gym across the lands. It should be right next to that screencap of Jake, saying, “Dude, suckin’ at something is the first step to being kinda good at something.” Words to live by.
Now i kinda want to juggle them… gotta find a place where they won’t break the floor.
OMG! Dolph! Lundgren!! The badass dude who outscared the man who tried to rob his house! XDDDDD & Dolph is not even in his own house!!
And he’s still so hot for his age.
(Another reason why i watched The Expendables)
This comic needs more Guts
No not actual guts but
From berserk? Dunno he seems to be becoming a bit more well adjusted as of late compared to his earlier days.
Thank you for putting Goku in this comic. If there’s one maladjusted buff guy who needs help getting introduced into normal society, it’s the worst anime dad ever. “No, I don’t want you to resurrect me again! I deliberately let myself get killed in a ‘noble’ sacrifice attempt so I could train with dead people instead of have to deal with ANOTHER screaming baby!”
Also, not gonna lie, Wolverine kinda looks like a chihuahua up next to a bunch of dobermans.
Hey, chihuahuas are VICIOUS.
Please tell me you asked him to shout “I HAVE THE POWEEEEEER!”
You know, someone once broke into Dolph Lundgren’s house, tied up his wife, and proceeded to steal his stuff. When they saw this picture hanging on the wall, they put everything back where they found it, untied his wife, and ran.
Clearly everyone is screaming for different reasons because of scheduling issues.
Dolph Lungden, proof you can stay in good shape well into your 50’s. I wonder if he still trains completely natural.
I know Stallone was busted with HGH and he looked big for anyone in the Expendables, and Rocky. Very big for a guy well into his 60’s.
I know he also talked about testosterone at one point too. But, that could be testosterone replacement therapy.
TRT wouldn’t surprise me a bit. If he spent a long time juicing (and let’s face it, the guy was shredded all through the 80s and 90s), eventually your body just stops making the stuff since you’ve more or less flooded your system with it. Same phenomenon that afflicts opiod drug abusers with endorphin drop and massive withdraw when they finally get off the horse.
I don’t know about Kenpachi, he maybe psychotic and a violence junkie but he seems pretty well adjusted considering, he just likes to fight, a lot.
In my head, Commander is voiced by Patrick Warburton and it is epic.
I don’t usually think of him like that and I know it’s in the about that you don’t but just this particular comic for some reason lol.
I still think there should be a “WRRRRRY” mixed in with all those As. Doesn’t feel right seeing Dio in that pose without it.
Also the DIO pants aren’t as magnificent as the originals
You know, I really spent the past few weeks pondering the idea of asking you if you were a fan of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. On one hand, I thought you would like the sheer badassitude and manly muscle mass of the main cast; on the other hand, I feared you deemed them too much “BITCH I’M FABULOUS”, too much “bishounen”, to actually respect them. And this answered my question.
Dude for the longest time my Tumblr mobile layout was my Kars action figure dancing with my Link action figure.
What about Guts from Berserk? He’s basically the antithesis of the bioshounen hero.
That… strangely makes complete sense. What do you think of the manlyness level of the guys from “The Man With the Iron Fists”? In case you didn’t see the movie, they are a black-smith with prosthetic iron fists, Russell Crowe cosplaying True Grit and smoking opium-corrected cigars, Rick Yune with a redundant number of knives, and David Bautista who can turn into a man of living brass and knows kung-fu.
I also don’t quite get why do you consider Cloud Strife “un-manly”; sure, his face is kind of girlish, but his muscular mass is trained, and he might be one of the guys helped by the Commander. In the game he is ludicrously broody and keeps guilting himself for everything… in the sequel movie, he became less socially mal-adjusted and found a useful job as a delivery boy. With an impossibly cool bike and a buttload of giant sushi knives.
As soon as someone says “I don’t know why you consider _____ unmanly” I stop reading because I know that they haven’t absorbed anything I’ve said and basically missed the entire point of the comic.
I didn’t mean to be offensive, sorry.
Dolph Lundgren, woo! :D
It figures that Kenpachi would show up in a group of hyper-muscular man-mountains. XD The only thing out of place is the prolonged yelling, and for that I blame the unnamed tumblr person. :P
My first time ever commenting on this comic/website simply because I wanted to say that the moment I saw “powerlevel” mentioned I just KNEW Goku would be in there. I’m so happy he was, <3 DBZ. The Z fighters should get a bit more mention tbh (Goku/Vegeta/Gohan mainly).
I know this comic was made in response to comments like these, but…crazy buff Jared, plz. Just for one comic?
I’m gonna be a joke wrecker and cut in that Dio didn’t really have to work much to build his body, considering it’s technically stolen property.
(Super psyched though. I always assumed the office would try not to associate with Jojos, since every time they’re around weird shit starts happening. Like everybody inexplicably turning in to dinosaurs or snails.)
Yeah buddy, you sure wrecked the joke. Better close up shop, everybody go home, comic over, this guy caught me.
I suddenly have a burning desire to find clips of these guys screaming, just to see if they harmonize.
I can’t look at DBZ without seeing it through the Abridged lens these days. Also: holy crap Dolph out of nowhere!
Pretty sure Colossus should be in there.
I’ve been to MAGfest. The Colossus Yell should get honorable mention, at least.
it sounds like you’re comparing someday one Superman to some later Superman when he’s had a chance to grow mature and increases power. that’s like comparing I goku when he was fighting pliof to Goku when he was fighting the Vegita. by the way been faster than something doesn’t limit you to just over the speed of what you’re faster then. bein faster than light makes you faster than a speeding bullet but it doesn’t limit you to being just over four times the speed of sound either
I just wanted to say I love this. It’s the best. Coleasquid, your comic dispenses hilarious wisdom on the reg, and I am down to clown with that (until I’m dead in the ground)
I’m saddened that people can recognize that guy from Bleach (I think that’s where he’s from) but can’t even realize DIO Motherfuckin’ Brando.
I recognized them all! Also, Kenpachi is a great character.
I own some of the old hand drawn cells and the pencil drawings/paint guides used in the old OVA. My favorite is probably the “He damaged my head” one. The backgrounds are just filler images btw.
Is it just me or is the Commander sexier than normal in this comic.
Did he say any of his Rocky IV lines for you? That woulda been freakin’ awesome.
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