That’s not fair, Commander
August 11, 2014
2:54 am
Anyone could be leaving animal poop in the gym why blame Jared
Manly Guys Doing Manly Things
Updated Mondays or whenever I feel like it
Anyone could be leaving animal poop in the gym why blame Jared
It’s touching that Commander is actually, legitimately proud of Jared
There was a scene in one of the Dark Tower books where the gunslinger Roland (who is, at the time, very, very sick) awakens from passing out to discover that Eddie Dean (one of his apprentices) has rigged an incredibly ramshackle stretcher together to drag Roland out of immediate danger.
The first thought Roland had was that his old mentor Cort would have smacked the stretcher apart and Eddie around for such a poor effort: his *second* thought, self-shamefully, would have been that Cort would have actually used some of his rationed praise. The lack of smacking would have been because Eddie actually *did* something to address the problem, instead of just sitting there and whining. The praise would have been because what Eddie did, you know, *worked*.
The Commander is a much better person than either Roland or Cort, but the principle remains sound. :)
I was actually just reading that part of the series not too long ago.
I agree: I’d much prefer to hang out with the Commander than either of those two.
Heh, just finished re-reading the series a couple of days ago myself. Crazy.
Those books are fantastic.
I dunno if he’s a better person, Cort was making tools out of kids to keep the all of creation going, I assume you have to be cruel and/or heartless to work that gig.
Leaving Cort aside due to him being a side character with no backstory to draw from, do you consider Roland, after all he suffered through to reach the Dark Tower, to be a bad person?
Why?
The boy get’s exercise, and he’s actually making money at the same time. Why wouldn’t Commander be proud? I have a friend who does this too. She makes a point of actually walking when hatching the eggs. I don’t get it, but she lost that weight she wanted to lose.
wait, you can actually make money doing this in an actual pokemon game?
People will pay for some strange things on the internet. Though, if I got paid for playing Pokemon, I’d be a very happy girl.
Hell, other people might poop in the gym instead of the animals. Unlikely but it wouldn’t surprise me, given the types one sees in gyms sometimes.
…wait, I just got the joke! Pokemon! In a gym! Bwa ha ha.
*rimshot*
Also, the face of the Squirtle (Chikorita?) in panel 2 makes me chuckle. Could easily pass for Awesome Face.
Not surprising, since Jared is involved.
Oh. I thought it was a Charmander.
I’m also thinking Charmander? Right now it’s Schroedinger’s Starter, at least till we get colour, haha.
I approve of this terminology.
Turns out yes, it was a Charmander!
So it is! to both of those things. It’s indeed hard to tell when there’s no color, so I had to guess.
Now I just want to name every Squirtle/Charmander I ever find “Schrödinger”.
I think it’s an Oddish
I was thinking about finding a new gym and now you’re scaring me…
Wow, I totally missed that!
Another time I wished comics were closer to real life. I could use an easy job that’d get me back in shape…
Because normally people won’t bring any animals to the gym ^^;;
Hook a bitcoin miner up to a pedometer. It’s a flawless idea, can’t possibly go wrong or be useless!
If we could actually find a way to link physical exertion to the mining of bitcoins in some fashion, we could have a lot of bitcoins! And drastically inflate the currency!
Here you go: http://uk.askmen.com/top_10/fitness/fit-jobs.html
Pokemon don’t poop! It’s a scientific fact. Just like how they don’t mate. Eggs just mysteriously appear when nobody is looking.
Actually pokemon DO poop. There’s a pokemon that craps hand warmers or something like that.
Darumaka’s Pokédex entry from Pokémon White and X:
“Darumaka’s droppings are hot, so people used to put them in their clothes to keep themselves warm.”
Wow, people in the Pokemon world are gross
THEY! ARE! TEN!
From the time they drop out of school and are kicked out by their parents, they wander the planet. When night falls, often trainers have to hole up for the night, more time than not sleep in the wilderness. What? Why aren’t they attacked at night? I ask you one question:
Would you eat something that has spent much time in sewers, cemeteries, and caves and hasn’t showered once in five years? So what is a little poop collecting on the side much worse?
I thought you were kidding, but nope: http://bulbapedia.bulbagarden.net/wiki/Darumaka_%28Pok%C3%A9mon%29#Game_data
…
I haven’t seen Jared following Mr. Fish around with a shovel in hand anywhere.
…
On second thought, maybe that’s something better left unseen. I wanna keep my Brain Bleach on the shelf for a while longer.
They eat, so they must. Also, anything japanese that gets ported over to America tends to have any poop/ pee/ genitals edited out, regardless of how innocuous it may be, or even if it’s just meant as toilet humor. I don’t know about pokemon, but I know that digimon had at least one instance of poop humor clipped out.
“Poop” is only one way of handling waste products of biology. If there is no waste, there is no need. There are also other ways of handling excess. For example many plants “eat” with their roots, but the closets thing you’ll find to plant poo is dropped foliage. What makes most animal waste dangerous is that it is waste (the biologically useful used and toxins left), plus all the other things that actually like that “waste”, parasites and bacteria. In the case of a Darumaka, what is the “waste” it is expelling, does it have anything toxic to humans? Does it carry any harmful parasites or diseases? It answers are no, then why not use the warm fire poo as hand warmers? If an animal pooped diamonds people would wear them. Ants eat aphid poo, it’s called honeydew.
The danger in waste excrement is first disease (very serious, not joke), second is toxic byproducts or toxins that were filtered and rejected. Diseases are actually the biggest, and very real, part of the danger.
Isn’t there a very expensive variety of coffee that includes being eaten and crapped out of something as part of its processing?
The Civet poop coffee?
Well, not coffee…But in Futurama, Slurm is excreted by a huge slug-like creature.
Kopi Luwak…yes…it’s civit crap…there are also turtle and elephant crap variants… … …people will pay money for the stupidest stuff…
here in Brazil there’s a bird called Jacu which does the same thing (making the so-called “café jacu” / “jacu bird coffee”.
Actually, as far as plats go, they create their own food using sunlight (from their leaves), carbon dioxide (also from their leaves), and water, from their roots, and they excrete oxygen as a byproduct. Their leaves dropping (especially in trees) is them preparing to hibernate in winter.
Correct, except for the CO2: plants take CO2 from the atmosphere and turn it into leaves. The waste products of photosynthesis are O2 and, sometimes, water.
That’s actually a watered-down (if you’ll pardon the pun) explanation of plant nutrient cycling. In truth, plants harvest compounds required for growth on the cellular level, such as phosphorus, nitrogen, and even certain carbon-based compounds using their root systems as well. They also prioritize system growth on availability of necessities, so plants in wet, nutrient-rich areas will generally have shorter root systems and taller stalks or broader leaves to help compete for ambient light while those in dryer, less nutritious soils will have roots that can stretch to great depths but may have fewer leaves and shorter stalks. *The more you know!*
Like Hubris pointed out, plants don’t eat from their roots, they eat from their leaves (and sometimes stems–but above-ground parts). Roots are involved in collecting nutrients that the plant requires, but the BULK of the plant comes from breaking down carbon dioxide pulled from the air. Oxygen gas is the byproduct of the process, and it needs to be eliminated because it’s actually harmful for the plant. Plants undergo photosynthesis using the protein RuBisCO–the most plentiful protein on Earth by weight. But RuBisCO isn’t very efficient, because it can grab oxygen instead of carbon dioxide–then, instead of producing a sugar for the plant to use, it creates a useless byproduct that needs to be recycled, costing the plant energy.
Plants excrete oxygen gas because it’s a byproduct of photosynthesis that makes photosynthesis harder, and photosynthesis is how plants “eat.”
The main thing (other than nutrients) plants get from their roots is water–which is excreted, but that’s an unwanted side effect. You could compare that to urination in people–our bodies filter out unwanted toxic byproducts (nitrogenous waste) and then push that out of the body by dissolving it in water. We waste a lot of water that way–other animals (eg birds & reptiles) can’t afford to lose that much water, and produce a slightly different product that’s not nearly as water soluble, so their pee’s essentially a solid.
Plants use water to drive photosynthesis (they use it as a source of hydrogen atoms, releasing oxygen) and to transport sugars & other nutrients through the plant–it’s the bulk of the sap, just like water’s the bulk of our blood. Plants need to lose some water through their leaves–it’s evaporation at the top of the tree that pulls water up from the ground, into the roots, and up the rest of the plant, in the process of transpiration. However, they can’t lose too much–then they’d die, without enough water to make their “blood” (phloem/sap) move. A lot of water is lost via photosynthesis–because the plant needs to release the toxic oxygen from the leaves into the air to make respiration work, which means opening up the leaves for the loss of water, too. Plants have evolved several ways around that, but it’s all a complicated balancing act.
So THAT’S where Pokérus came from.
I’ve been reading “Reamde” by Neal Stephenson. One of the characters goes from morbidly obese to buffed by doing all his work on a computer while jogging on a treadmill. Works in fiction, doen’t know if it works in real life.
They wouldn’t be buffed, but they’d be fit. You’d drop excess body weight and all cardio related stats would be pretty solid. You’d have good endurance and all that. Picture the kind of person who runs marathons and their kind of physical fitness.
True, the character must have had other equipment attached to the treadmill. I haven’t finished the book yet, it’s 900 pages, that might be too long. I finished “cryptonomicon”, but that wasn’t as long. I recently read “Ready Player One” by Ernest Cline, another virtual reality fantasy novel. That one is being developed for a film.
Yes, IIRC Skeletor was shown to have graduated from his treadmill to a whole bunch more fitness equipment and to be fantastically buff.
I bought a treadmill to use while I watch videos, but it’s awkward to set up and put away again in my room, so I’m not using it. For shame, self! It was working while I was using it every couple of days, though.
Amazon sells treadmill desks, but they’re expensive and, I’ve read, just noisy enough to distract other people in your work environment (unless you’ve got your own office). I’ve asked my manager for a standing desk–apparently, you can reduce your risk of heart disease simply by not sitting all day–and have considered getting a recumbent bike or exercycle for when I’m watching TV or playing video games.
Just standing around is terrible for your bloodflow, or so I’ve heard. It’s like how those soldiers tend to faint after a while.
Actually you tend to walk with a standing desk, moving from one end of the desk to another, getting stuff from either end. Although my experience with a standing desk was as a bank teller which is a little different.
Walking is better than standing because constant pressure on the soles of your feet reduces blood flow. Walking actually *helps* your circulatory system pump blood through your legs & feet.
That’s because they lock their knees while standing. Otherwise it’s not an issue.
Why pay someone for this? Why not just put your DS is a paint shaker set to low for a minute or two?
Because the counter doesn’t usually work out that way, I’m told.
Because pokemon don’t live in DSs in MGDMT land.
Why not put your pokemon egg in a paint shaker set to low!
Or is that how one gets a Missingno.?
Sir, I have an internet right here with your name on it.
I think that’s how you make custard.
So … win-win?
if you can get a missingo by doing that i would so do that.
i mean its MISSINGO. Its like god in pokemon…..it can rekt your shit.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
and when i mean shit i mean game cartidge….but hey if my friend screws with me ateast i can set missingo on him.
( fyi this a joke for all those people who lack the humor gland)
So what would a Missingno be in MGMDTLand? ‘Corrupting save files’ doesn’t sound like an ability that would transfer very nicely into reality.
And…Jared is actually in the game world. He has no DS.
Actually, he does! He uses it to play Animal Crossing. Or rather, to grind Animal Crossing for coelacanths. XD
Roger Rabbit Toon Town rule caught me off-guard, I forgot for a moment that in MGMT world pokemon are so common they’re pretty much just “animals”… Cute technicolor deadly animals.
Or could be the other way around. Rare enough the locals think they’re “just animals”.
I’m wondering if Jared getting in shape is somehow related to the upcoming release of Alpha Sapphire and Omega Ruby, I don’t have a 3DS myself but damn, if they confirm Mega Sharpedo my childhood might just force me to buy it
Because Sharpeedo and Camerupt are the main villain’s favored pokemon, 99% odds of megas.
Of course, Metagross and Lopunny are getting mega stones, and that’s all I need to hear.
I know, however I’m still waiting for Mega Milotic, Flygon, Walrein, Cacturne, Froslass or Glalie and the one I don’t think is ever happening but would be hilarious is Mega Ludicolo LMAO
A whole fiesta in one individual, AYAYAYAAHHHH.
once again I am at all of Jared’s ability to make money. And stand in wonder how he manages to go through it so quickly.
He mostly spends it on gummy worms and end tables
Stuff for Mr. Fish isn’t cheap since they aren’t allowed in the Poke Park anymore.
Well, Mr Fish’s food is cheap there…
I hesitate to bring it up, since I love everything you do, but the baby form of Pikachu is Pichu.
Unless of course Jared is Generation 1, which makes sense given their Twitch experience.
Unless the mother is a Pikachu holding a Light Ball, the offspring will be Pikachu, not Pichu.
It’s a pity you stopped tagging the posts :(
(with the stuff harder than Pokemon it helps those of us who are not in-the-know to uderstand the refrences…)
Wow. Jared is a better pokemon trainer than people realize. Look. Commander B’s holding a pikachu. He made a hatched pichu evolve that fast.
I was thinking, “Hey, that should be a Pichu.” But your headcanon is more amusing, so I’ll stick with “Evidence that Jared deserves his Pokemon degrees.”
‘The pichu was just so happy playing with the other pokemon that s/he evolved into pikachu,
In conclusion trainers should let their baby pokemon play in Gyms.’
– Prof. Jared
‘For repeatedly advising young trainers to send their baby pokemon to their doom,
I petition that Jared’s Profesor status be revoked until he has taken my sanctioned Pokemon Ethics class’
‘King’ N
You know Jared could wind up accidentally getting a full team from trainers disappointed at their Pokémon having the wrong nature or not being shiny. Though knowing Mr. Fish’s diet that might not last long.
Jared: Now imprinted on a zillion pokemon. :D
Am I the only one to notice that it looks like Pikachu’s nomming on the Commander’s hand?
I can’t help but feel that a golden opportunity was missed by the Commander not saying “makin’ yer workout work out fer you”.
I think it wouldn’t work on a treadmill. One has to cover at least some distance for pokemon eggs to hatch.
Techincally he DOES cover ground. The walkers(at least the ones I used) usually push you back as you take a step. It would be just like if he took a step forward than one step backwards. Not much of a distance but if he goes at it for long enough…
It’s steps taken, not distance travelled, or someone could just hop in a plane and travel the world
Or play catch with your buddy, throwing the pokemon device across about 20 feet of space to get more distance than walking
He is a pokemon professor now, so I guess it’s natural for the Commander to immediately assume Jared is behind the animals everywhere.
Is that a Mew?
Who the hell left a Mew egg with him? HOW?
I think that’s a bulbasaur, not a Mew.
I think that’s an Abra
Or is it a Cyndaquil?
Now that the strip is colored, I see you’re right. Abra.
“Not just any toothbrush, your toothbrush! And don’t be thinking you will be buying a replacement, you won’t, and you will continue to brush your teeth with it morning and night!”
Ew. No – no no no the Commander by definition is too badass awesome to make that sort of requirement. You have to understand – he’s a COOL dude. He isn’t a cruel dude – because y’know – cruel ain’t cool.
And then you have chrool. I have no idea what it is, but according to Twisted Sister, it’s what I should be to my scuel (in the name of Rock & Roll).
The fact that Jared doesn’t technically -own- any pokemon means that he can carry six eggs on him at once!
What are you talking about? Mr Fish is Jared’s pokemon. The fact that he doesn’t use a pokeball doesn’t change that. Or are you telling me that you could have 6 pokemon in Yellow while keeping the starting pikachu around?
You still have the Pikachu’s pokeball in Yellow even if it’s not in it most of the time. Mr. Fish was never captured, Jared just picked him up and started beating things over the head with him. Mr. Fish is technically a wild pokemon.
I don’t think that has any bearing on this universe, as Jared was able to strap like 20 Magnemites to Mr. Fish last year. Two years ago? I can’t remember.
I think the 6-to-a-trainer thing is only applicable to trainers who want to do League Things, seeing as (I think) Ash had seven at one point with one being pokeball-less.
He didn’t use Pokeballs on those Magnemite. or Mr. Fish. They’re all technically wild Pokémon.
Work out and get paid for it?
Jared scored
Kinda interesting that Jarred’s earning some coins just doing that, tottally legitimate and all, despise the shady smile of the guy on the previous comic, but it was just not his idea.
just throwing it out there but shouldn’t all those pokemon be in pokeballs? granted, jared never really used them with mr. fish, but these pokemon aren’t his.
Jared is Poke-sitting. Now as long as he doesn’t hatch a Ditto everything should be ok.
I know Ditto cannot reproduce to make more Ditto, but this still got a chuckle out of me. :-3
It can, but only with another ditto. Don’t ask me how it works.
You actually can’t breed Dittos by putting two into the daycare, since they’re genderless. Their Egg Group (what determines what Pokemon a ‘mon can breed with) is its own unique one, and I’m assuming by breeding with other genderless Pokemon it takes on their egg group, which is why that’ll work and not a Ditto/Ditto relationship.
actually, you could breed dittos. Only in gen2, though.
In the show we see that freshly hatched pokemon have to be caught in pokeballs (Though they offer no resistance) when a breeder catches a Vulpix just after it hatches.
They just hatched, and I doubt Jared actually owns any pokeballs. You’re talking about a dude who beat other Pokes to death by swinging a fish at them, he’s not a very good trainer.
That is a really happy Squirtle.
Why is there a Pikachu? Even if all the walking makes a Pichu happy, it still would have needed to gain a level somehow…
Does the gym have Rare Candies?!
I’ll be honest I forgot pichu exists.
Lets be honest about it though. Nearly everyone forgets about Pichu because well Pichu.
Headcanon says Jared’s just that awesome.
+1
I like how most of the hatched ‘mons are Eevees and starters. Because really, what’s the first thing you think of when you snag a Ditto?
Man, I wonder what the inside of a Pokeball must smell like.
I don’t think Jared is going to take it very well when he finds out what breeders do with their less-than-perfect offspring…
I wonder trade mine. :) I think that’s what most breeders do nowadays. Just because I don’t want it doesn’t mean somebody else out there doesn’t.
It’s like the Pokemon equivalent of animal shelters, I guess. LOL Except without the overcrowding (at least as far as I know).
… leave them to Pokemon Professors to give to unwary children?
Huh.
Maybe, just maybe, our boy Jared will be able to get up a flight of stairs without being out of breath.
You know, the honorary professorship thing may have been a one-off gag, but Jared’s actually damn good with Pokemon (and animals in general). He managed to capture about twenty Magnemite and Magneton without using a single pokeball, had a Magikarp as a starter and actually got somewhere with it, managed to organize pigeons (whatever that means), and apparently managed to encounter Mew via dumb luck. The guy may not be a Pokemon master, but he’s pretty adept at caring for his critters.
+1
Beautiful, just beautiful. I love the way the Eevees look (obviously).
so the guy with the eggs seemed kinda sly, i have a feeling that a much greater pain than doo-doo is going to descend on poor jared….
Lets be real here. Jared looks like Tai from Digimon. Coincidence? I think not
Jared dressed as Tai once.
Being Commander around Jared means developing a sense of suspicion before opening doors.
As long as it’s not moose droppings I think the Commander’s warning is valid. I’m pretty sure he’d know them well enough to use them as an excuse to eliminate Canadian Guy.
That Charmander’s grin is just too cute!
Those eggs on Jared’s harness look like Yoshi Eggs
Making him clean the place up is one thing, but a toothbrush is going a little far, don’t you think CB?
And two years later, with Pokemon Go, PEOPLE ACTUALLY PAY OTHER PEOPLE TO HATCH EGGS. XD